by Sara Rider
Fergus looked to Julia. Her opinion was the only one that really mattered at this moment. “You want me to go?”
“No, of course not.” Her smile looked like it had been plastered on like wallpaper. “Come on.”
She took his arm and urged him to sit down. With more people than reasonable squished onto the couch, Julia ended up pressed against him. Another time or place, he might have enjoyed the close contact of a beautiful woman, but he could feel the uncomfortable stiffness in her limbs. He angled himself as far away as possible, until his ribs pressed uncomfortably against the armrest. One of the hardest things about being a big guy was how impossible it was to make himself invisible.
Clem pressed play on the DVR. Fergus, like everyone else in the world with a functioning television, was excited for this episode after the major cliffhanger the last one had ended on. But he couldn’t focus on the story no matter how hard he tried. Every time Julia shifted or reached for the snacks, her body pressed closer to his. But as the episode went on, he could feel her slowly relaxing. Her reactions were so animated. She gasped audibly at the scary parts and covered her eyes when the tension escalated. She was so present in the moment, it was hard not to admire her.
Then again, even he knew that staring at her all night was creepy. He distracted himself by reaching for another Jolly Rancher. She reached for the bowl at the same time. Their fingers brushed. It felt like he’d been zapped with electricity. The closeness of their bodies was suddenly impossible to ignore. The sweet, floral scent of her skin. The red strands of her hair framing her face like a picture. The way his pulse picked up with unrestrained eagerness to somehow get even closer.
He expected her to retract her hand, but she didn’t. Her fingers curled around his and a devious sparkle brightened her eyes. He didn’t know what game they were playing, but he knew it was dangerous. Then he felt the crinkling of plastic against his palm.
So that’s what this was about. The last Jolly Rancher. He tightened his hold on the little candy.
She arched an eyebrow, looking at him with unmistakable challenge. He tugged. Her lips quirked upward with the hint of smile. She tugged back, but he was stronger.
“It’s cherry,” she said in a low, hushed tone. “My favorite flavor.”
“Mine, too,” he whispered back.
She licked her lips. Fergus didn’t know if it was an absent gesture or a Machiavellian scheme to distract him. Whatever the intention, a million erotic images flooded his brain and he didn’t notice her other hand slip to his side. She tickled him. It shocked him so much, he yelped and let go.
With a smug grin, Julia unwrapped the candy and popped it past her full, soft lips. “Mmm,” she moaned. “Cherry.”
“You’re playing with fire, Julia. I have giant hands that are well practiced at tickling a person until they scream for mercy.”
Her eyes widened and the intake of breath that followed was thin and sharp. He’d crossed a line and made it weird. Again. It had been so long since he’d been attracted to a woman, his brain short-circuited, and all the stupid, ridiculous thoughts he normally had the sense to keep to himself came spilling out.
“Sorry,” he muttered. He turned back to the TV, only to realize the show had ended and everyone else was watching them.
“Well, that was a kickass episode,” Eli said with forced enthusiasm. “I bet the spaceship could have made it through the black hole, though. That would have been way more cool.”
“Not possible,” Fergus found himself muttering.
Julia turned to him, all trace of mischief gone. “Why?”
“The spaceship is made from Arkonite, which is analogous to tin. The pressure of the black hole would crumple the ship like a beer can.”
Julia and Eli looked at each other with matching expressions of disbelief. They didn’t look much alike, but the curves of their mouths and scrunch of their noses made them look almost identical in this moment.
“No, he’s right,” Nora said. “The pressure would destroy it before it even got close.”
“How did you know that?” Julia asked him.
“I’m a librarian. Information is my currency.”
Julia frowned. “It’s a show about space pirates. The laws of physics can be bent a little.”
“Not this one,” Clem said. “It’s well established that the laws of Earth physics apply in the Kormanth galaxy, ever since the second book where the East Wind jet fighters were taken out by inertia. And that’s all I’m going to say, so stop asking me for spoilers.”
Fergus nodded at Clem, the ultimate authority on Red Zephyr. She made her living as an audiobook narrator, and he’d ordered more than a few of the books she’d narrated, including the popular series that inspired the TV show.
Julia shook her head in exasperation. She picked up an empty serving bowl and carried it into the kitchen. Everyone else in the room broke into conversations about the show, leaving Fergus standing there awkwardly. He didn’t want to be rude, so he collected the remaining trays and dishes and followed Julia. She was at the sink, rinsing out the beer bottles.
“Thanks, can you stick those in here?” She opened the dishwasher and pulled out the top rack.
He did as told, but only after taking the time to rearrange the dishes and plates already in there so it was done right.
“Control freak, huh?”
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Takes one to know one.”
She put her hands up defensively. “Hey, I’m not judging. Well, I am judging the way you loaded that serving spoon into the lower rack. But otherwise, I get it. Some things just need to be done right.”
He found himself smiling again. And then he remembered why that was a bad idea. “Uh, I’m going to go. Thanks for the non-invite tonight. This was… fun.”
“You’re welcome to come again. We do it every week.”
He would have sworn he saw a flush of pink sweep across her cheeks. It was a pity invite. “I should get going.”
“But we haven’t practiced your speech yet.”
He glanced over his shoulder at the living room full of people laughing and chatting. “I don’t think it’s the right time or place for that.”
“Yeah, I guess not. I should get going, too. I’ve got a bunch of work to do. I’ll walk out with you.” She wiped her hands on a towel and followed him.
Fergus thanked Clem politely while Julia said effusive goodbyes to everyone else, hugging and chatting like she was about to board a rocket ship to Mars. Finally, they made their way outside. The snow had slowed, but not stopped, falling in small flakes that were only visible in the yellow glow of the streetlights. It coated his car windows enough that he had to pull out the rarely used snow scraper to clean them off. When he finished, he saw Julia attempting to do her windows with the sleeve of her coat.
“Here, I’ll do it.” He used the brush to wipe the snow from her windshield.
She crossed her arms and tucked her bare hands into her armpits. “You don’t have to. I can do it myself.”
He cleaned off her driver’s side mirror. “You can, but I’m doing it for you.”
He expected a thank you. Instead he saw her lips twisting like they were warring over whether gratitude or annoyance was the correct response. He’d never met anyone so stubbornly independent. “Thanks,” she finally muttered.
“No problem.” He went back to his car and cranked the heat, watching in the rearview mirror to make sure she got off okay.
She didn’t.
He watched her turn the ignition once, twice, three times, to no avail. She banged her hands against the steering wheel in frustration. He got out and walked to her door. She opened it a crack, phone pressed against her ear. “Need a hand?”
She shook her head. “I’m calling a tow truck.”
“Not going to be easy to get through on a night like this.”
She ignored him a little longer, then hung up with a frustrated growl.
“I’ll drive you home.”
“What if I live on the other side of town?”
“Then I’ll drive you to the other side of town.” She was about to protest, but he held up his hand. “We can go over my speech on the way and call it a work meeting.”
Her teeth worried her bottom lip.
He pulled the collar of his jacket up to ward off the chill. Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? “I can test out my jokes.”
She looked at him with a single quirked brow and he shrugged. Finally, she sighed. “Okay.”
When they were inside his car with seatbelts buckled and heat blasting, he asked for her address. She didn’t live quite across town, but it was a long enough drive that he would be able to get through the speech.
He put the car in drive. “Anyone know where librarians sleep at night?”
Julia gave him a sidelong look.
“Under the covers.”
She shook head, pressing her chill-reddened fingers to the dashboard heater. “That was somehow both risqué and corny all at the same time.”
“So you like it?”
“Yeah, I guess I do. Keep going.”
He recited the rest of his speech from memory. He talked about the good work the library planned to do with the money. More programming and resources for those who needed them most. He detailed the accomplishments from the previous year and statistics of borrowing rates and program evaluations. He finished just as they pulled up to her condo complex.
“That was pretty good. Who knew that libraries were about so much more than books?”
“Librarians.”
She laughed. “Fair point.”
“We still love books, it’s just not the only thing we do.”
“If you love books so much, why do you hate Torrents of the Heart?”
He dropped his head back and stared out into the dark night. He didn’t want to tell her about his connection to the book. He wasn’t a desperate grad student with a baby on the way who needed easy, fast money anymore. That chapter of his life was over. But if he told anyone, especially Julia, it would all come back. “Why do you care about that book so much?”
“I found an old photo of my mom reading it a while ago. She was always nose-deep in a book whenever she got the chance, but I never paid attention to what she read. I had to blow up the photo to make out the title before I found out it was Torrents of the Heart. I didn’t even know she liked romance novels. I wasn’t much of a reader as a teenager. I found my love of romance novels a few years after she died, but I’d already donated all her old books by then. I thought…” She paused to take a slow, shaky breath. “I thought that if I could find and read some of the old titles she loved, it would be a way I could feel close to her again.”
When she turned to face him, he could see the sparkle of tears at the rims of her eyes. “I’m sorry about your mom. How old were you when she passed away?”
“Nineteen.”
“Jesus. That’s tough. You were so young.”
She shrugged. “Technically I was an adult.”
“Barely.”
“It was a reason to grow up fast.” Her voice was frayed and tender, like the edges of a page torn from a book.
His hand twitched with the instinct to reach for her. He nearly worked up the courage to do it when she opened the door. “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime.” She started to close the door, but stopped halfway and popped her head back inside. “You’re welcome to come back next week.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Maybe afterward you can tell me your reasons for hating that book.” She smiled and closed the door before he could answer.
He waited for her to get safely inside, an uneasy feeling settling into his stomach. He wasn’t going to tell her his reasons for hating Torrents of the Heart.
He was going to track down the book for her and let her find out for herself.
6
“Okay, I’ve got flowers ordered, her favorite red wine, a year’s subscription to an audiobook service, and I framed images I stole from some of her scientific publications to hang as art work. Is that enough?”
Julia was busily mopping the floor in the women’s washroom when her brother rushed in with his barrage of questions. The Holy Grale wasn’t open yet, so Eli’s sudden appearance wasn’t as egregious as it might have otherwise been, but she still raised her eyebrow pointedly at him.
“What else am I missing?”
She continued to stare at her brother, holding the broom with one hand and sweeping the other arm out to demonstrate where they were presently standing.
His eyes widened, as though just seeing his surroundings for the first time. “Oh, yeah. Why are you mopping the women’s bathroom?”
“Because it needed to be done. And that’s not the point. You shouldn’t be in here.”
“It’s my brew pub. I can go where I want. And mopping isn’t in your job description. Let me take care of it.” He reached for the mop, but she pulled it back.
“I’ve got it. Tell me what you’re planning for dinner with Nora.”
After thirty years of being the man’s sister, Julia recognized Eli’s nervous face almost better than her own. His brown eyes—so similar to hers—grew with boyish earnestness and his hand instinctively moved to the back of his neck. “I’m not sure. It’s just…”
She shook her head, suppressing a smile. “It’s just that you’ve bought into the convention that women want expensive, fancy Valentine’s Day dinners. But that’s not what Nora wants. Trust me, a takeout meal from Red Top Burgers will be perfect.”
Nora had once confessed that her first date with Eli had been a disastrous affair at one of the poshest restaurants in the city that culminated in the pair of them walking out and eating fast-food hamburgers out of the back of his truck. It was such a romantic story, Julia was convinced Nora would appreciate the memory more than another attempt at a high-end restaurant.
“You’re right.”
“I know.” She resumed her mopping.
To her surprise, Eli didn’t leave. He grabbed the rag and spray bottle she’d brought in with her and got to work on the counters. “It’s too bad you need to work that night.”
“No, it’s not. It’s not like I’d have anything else to do, and working means extra income.”
“We don’t pay you enough, do we?” If it were anyone other than Eli, she might have taken offense at the question.
“I wouldn’t be mopping the bathrooms if you didn’t pay me well enough, but I’d like to have a retirement savings and maybe buy my own condo one day instead of renting. Every bit helps.”
Eli stared at her, as if weighing the truth of her words with some internal gauge. “I’ll talk to Jake about a raise. You’ve earned it.”
“No.”
“Uh, sis, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not supposed to say no to a raise.”
Her hands tightened on the handle of the mop until her knuckles whitened. “You’re not supposed to offer me a raise when income is tight.”
“The brew pub is doing fine. We’re probably going to give the entire staff a raise soon.”
Julia raised her eyebrows. She didn’t want to admit she’d overheard his conversation with Jake, but she didn’t want to let him get away with a lie, either. Not about this. “Really? Don’t bullshit me, Eli. You know I’ll just see right through it.”
“Fine. We had a bit of trouble with a technical error on one of our bank loans, and Jake had to get creative with our finances for a while, but it’s getting sorted out. We didn’t tell you because it’s nothing you needed to know about.”
The ache that had been lingering in her chest pushed harder against her ribs. It’s nothing you needed to know about. The words shouldn’t have hurt as much as they did. No matter where she went in life or what she did, she was always so close to the inner circle but couldn’t quite penetrate it. All she wanted was to feel like she belonged somewhere. Like she had a place that couldn’t
be taken away or given to someone else.
It was such a dumb feeling, she knew that. Her friends were the best people in the world and she was damn lucky to have a job that let her have near total creative freedom. But she couldn’t help feeling like it could all slip away at any moment. The way her life had all those years ago when she’d been woken up by the police knocking at her door telling her that her mom had been in an accident.
Julia turned her gaze back to the still-dirty floor and swept her wet mop across the tile, leaving a trail of soapy residue in its wake. Next to her, Eli wiped down the sinks and mirrors. They worked in silence with the rhythmic efficiency that only siblings forced to clean the family bathroom together every Saturday morning could achieve, until finally there was nothing left to clean.
Eli rested against the counter and ran his arm across his forehead. “Want to do the men’s next?”
Julia laughed. “No. Thankfully that’s already been done.” Even she had limits, and the disgusting state of the men’s bathroom was far beyond it.
“All right, then I should get back to work.” With a nod, he headed to the door.
“Eli?”
“Yeah?”
Julia bit her lip. She knew she would regret asking the question before it was even out of her mouth. “Is there anything else you’re not telling me?”
His eyes went wide before he quickly turned his expression into a smile. “No. Why do you ask?”
“No reason.”
“Thanks for your help with Valentine’s Day.”
The door swung shut behind him and Julia let out a shaky breath. He was lying to her.
Julia’s phone had not stopped ringing all day. Ninety-nine percent of the time, she loved when things got busy like this. It meant she was important. Needed. But lately, it left her feeling like she was being taken advantage of.
At least, that’s how she felt with the Kiesselburger event. It was still over a month away, but she’d already had to change the caterer twice, reorder the flowers after one of the siblings cancelled them in a fit, and talk another three siblings down from cancelling the entire event altogether. When she’d agreed to do the work for free, she’d assumed it would be a quick two hours of work in exchange for the warm feeling that comes from doing a little good. But right now, she had anything but warm feelings for the Kiesselburger event.