by Anne Bennett
‘I don’t blame you,’ Henry said and added bitterly. ‘The way they treated my sister, they don’t really deserve to be called parents. I mean, Celia and I had to become godparents to Grace because there was no one else we could ask.’
Andy didn’t like the sound of that. ‘Celia couldn’t be the child’s godmother,’ he said. ‘She shouldn’t even have been at the service, though probably the funeral was all right, but not a christening. She’s a Catholic.’
‘At least I worship the same God, Andy,’ Celia retorted angrily. ‘Who would you want to look after the child’s immortal soul – some random woman from the street outside, or maybe the one who cleans the church or the one who arranges the flowers?’
‘No but …’
‘There isn’t a but,’ Celia snapped. ‘This is how it was and how we had to deal with it and we may as well get it all out of the way at once. Because I was pretending to be Henry’s sister and they are not Catholics, I couldn’t go to Mass. I haven’t been for months. In fact I have never been near the church.’
Andy was shocked and so was Norah and Henry said, ‘That’s why I couldn’t risk employing you that time you waylaid me in the street. I thought you might have objected to what Celia had agreed to do. And I was cross with you for taking off like that without a word and upsetting Celia so.’
‘I didn’t go off without a word,’ Andy growled. ‘I wrote a letter.’
‘Yes, I know you did now,’ Celia said. ‘But I didn’t see that letter until this morning.’
Andy’s mouth dropped open. ‘You are joking?’
‘Am I likely to joke about something like this?’
‘I suppose not. But how …’
‘Don’t look at me,’ Henry said. ‘I didn’t see it till this morning either.’
‘It was Annabel,’ Celia said and she told Andy how she had found the letter.
Andy was silent for a minute and then said softly, ‘You must have felt totally abandoned when I just vanished like that.’
Celia just nodded briefly. But Henry cried, ‘Celia was so upset she collapsed and I had the doctor called. At the time I thought you were her brother and as such couldn’t understand how you could have run out on her without a word after bringing her to a strange country and everything.’
‘That would be another reason not to give me another chance on employment.’
‘Yes,’ Henry agreed. ‘Your actions pointed to you being unreliable, not a good trait in an employee. Then, as well as the subterfuge that Celia had agreed to which you might object to, I wondered how she would feel even seeing you when she thought you’d abandoned her once and how she would react if you were just to take off again.’
Andy nodded. ‘I can see that from your point of view I was not an attractive prospect.’
‘No,’ Henry said. ‘But if I had taken the chance on you, I know the existence of the letter would have come to light and everything would have been different.’
‘Annabel was afraid of me leaving her,’ Celia said. ‘And God knows what would have happened to her if I had for she had no one else. I’m not taking anything away from you, Henry, when I say that.’
‘I didn’t think you were,’ Henry said. ‘And I agree with you, Annabel needed someone who cared around her, a friend.’
Andy nodded. ‘Though I knew in my head it was best for Celia to stay where she was, my heart felt differently for I was aware that I’d left her with virtual strangers.’ His eyes fastened on Celia then as he said, ‘After a few days fretting about you, I sneaked back to Grange Road. I was too afraid to come up to the house so I hid behind the big oak tree beside Freer’s farm hoping to catch sight of you. But when you left the house it was with Annabel.’
Celia remembered when she had first come to the house, she and Annabel would go up to Erdington Village every day and she felt a sudden tug in her heart for the young girl’s life snuffed out before she had even begun to live. Sadness flitted across her eyes at the memory but she spoke to Andy, ‘Why didn’t you make yourself known to me?’
‘I wanted to,’ Andy said. ‘You’ll never guess how much, but I didn’t want you to see the state I had been reduced to. You looked so clean, wholesome and you were wearing clothes … well, I’d never seen you wearing clothes like that before.’
‘They were Annabel’s,’ Celia said. ‘Remember we had swapped our names and, as Annabel’s sister, Henry said I had to dress to a certain standard.’
‘I understand that now,’ Andy said. ‘But I had no idea then what was happening. You seemed alien to the girl I had travelled from Ireland with. You were laughing at something Annabel had said and you went up the road arm in arm, not a bit like a lady out with her maid. Your evident happiness eased my mind and I knew you could bide there safely and I could put all my energies into securing a job, which I found soul-destroying.’
‘I could have helped there,’ Henry said.
‘Yes, and I could have allowed you to help me in the first place if I hadn’t been so stubborn,’ Andy said. ‘There were faults on both sides.’
‘Maybe, but I’ll look out for you now,’ Henry promised. ‘See if I hear of anyone setting on and get you a better job than working on a canal boat.’
Andy felt the hairs on the back of his neck stiffen with indignation at the slight scorn in Henry’s voice, but he swallowed his anger and spoke respectfully enough. ‘If you please, Lord Lewisham, there is no way that I could give up life on the canal boat just now. I’d be leaving Billy right in the lurch if I did.’ He told Henry a little of Billy’s life history and when he had finished, Henry nodded and conceded, ‘Well, all right, I see that you might have a measure of responsibility towards this man but really—’
‘No, Lord Lewisham,’ Andy said more firmly. ‘Not to put too fine a point on it, Billy saved my life.’
‘And you his by the sound of it,’ Henry said. ‘Didn’t you say he was struggling on his own?’
‘Billy didn’t want to give up the boat he had been born and grew up on, probably because it was the last link with his mom, dad and brothers. It meant he could only handle small spasmodic deliveries and was unable to pull tenders, but if he had failed altogether, someone would have taken him on and someone would have bought his boat to give him some ready cash. My joining him meant he could go for the big jobs with all the rest and start to make a decent living, but I think I might have starved to death. So I can’t just run out on him now.’
‘Your loyalty to your friend is commendable,’ Henry said. ‘But surely to God you don’t expect Celia to live on a boat?’
‘Why not?’ Celia demanded. ‘I am not some precious hothouse flower, you know.’
Andy made no remark to that but addressed himself to Henry. ‘Lord Lewisham, what sort of man do you think I am?’ he snapped. ‘I have no notion of taking Celia anywhere and certainly not to a cramped boat that she would share with two men she is not related to. I can’t marry Celia until she is twenty-one and no longer needs her parents’ consent to the wedding and that will be over two years away and one hell of a lot can happen in that time. I don’t believe in crossing bridges till I come to them. I sort of took it for granted that Celia would stay here until we married. I think you owe her at least that much with all she has done for you.’
Henry coloured slightly at the implied criticism, but he had to admit privately that Andy had made a legitimate point and he was in Celia’s debt and the least he could do was offer her security of employment. He had also got used to seeing her around the place and she was the only one who had really got to know his sister and he knew he would miss her greatly when she did eventually marry Andy.
And yet, he said to Andy, ‘I wasn’t fully aware of the barrier to your marriage until Celia turns twenty-one. But that being the case, mightn’t the gossips be just as active in their disapproval if she was to stay on her own with me, even though we have Sadie and Janey here as well a lot of the time?’
‘They might indeed,’ Andy said. ‘Se
ems to me some people appear to have too much time on their hands and they use it making mischief for others and finding fault where there is none. I take it you are keeping the child here or are you planning on putting her in an orphanage somewhere?’
‘She was my sister’s child and so of course I’m keeping her.’
‘So you’ll need nursemaids?’
‘Yes and as you see Celia is fulfilling that role now, and now I know your marriage isn’t imminent I hope she will continue.’
‘Of course I will,’ Celia said and at her words the baby, who had fallen asleep against Celia’s shoulder, began to whimper and draw her legs up and Sadie remarked as she got to her feet, ‘I’d say that little one wants a feed. Want me to see to it?’
‘If you would, please.’
Andy waited until the cook had left the room before he said to Norah, ‘Did you have plans for what to do after you located Celia? I mean, are you going straight back to Ireland now?’
Norah shook her head. ‘Whether I ever go back to Ireland again is more or less determined by my parents and primarily my father, but I have no immediate plans to return soon. Why?’
‘Because if Henry is agreeable you could be another nursemaid,’ Andy said and Celia clapped her hands in delight.
‘Oh say yes, Henry?’ she begged. ‘It would be lovely to have Norah here with me.’
‘Yes and Celia can’t do it all,’ Andy said. ‘She’ll need proper days off and Norah’s presence in the house will protect all of you from malicious blathering.’
Henry smiled. ‘I have no trouble with Norah coming here and helping Celia, but we really have to ask Norah how she feels about it.’
Norah was thrilled with the proposal because she’d known that to stay in Birmingham she would have to get a job of some sort and somewhere to live as well, but she answered with a smile. ‘It was hard to get a word in edgeways,’ she said. ‘But yes, I am happy to accept your offer and would I live in as well?’
‘Of course,’ Henry said. ‘We have rooms to spare and you may have to share the nightshift. I’m sure we will be able to sort out the arrangements between you.’
Just at that moment, Sadie popped her head around the door to say the bottle was ready. Celia began getting to her feet with the fractious baby but Norah forestalled her. ‘Let me?’ she pleaded and Celia gave the child into Norah’s arms.
As the door swung shut behind her, Henry said to Celia, ‘Lovely girl your sister.’
Andy saw the spark of interest in Henry’s eyes with relief, for he hadn’t been totally sure that Henry hadn’t had his sights on Celia, but it was Norah who had taken his fancy.
Celia had not noticed Henry’s speculative glance and agreed happily that Norah was lovely.
‘I’m sorry that she seems to have fallen out with Mammy and Daddy as well. I was thinking maybe the two of us should write them a letter for after all Christmas is not far away.’
‘Huh,’ Andy said. ‘I don’t think I’m going to write another letter in the whole of my life.’
‘Why on earth not?’
‘Well they have caused me nothing but trouble,’ Andy said. ‘It was writing the one to my parents that caused Norah’s headlong dash here and I wrote you two and you only read the first this morning and the second you haven’t clapped eyes on.’
‘Yes,’ Celia said. ‘Funny if it was Annabel who took that too that she didn’t put it with the first one.’
‘Yes. It must have been Annabel for I told the boy to only give it to Miss McCadden and that meant he gave it to Annabel.’
‘You gave it to a boy to deliver?’ Janey asked, coming in at that moment to tend the fires.
‘Yes.’
‘Then I know what happened to it,’ Janey said. ‘I’ve just remembered. Cissie, as we called her then, was in the sitting room and I thought she was trying to rest, but she agreed to see the boy who specifically asked for her. After he left she told me she was going for a proper lie-down in her room and I went into the sitting room to check the fire that I had lit earlier. It had burnt down to a few glowing embers and that’s where she had thrown the letter that she had ripped into pieces. Any bits touching the coals had burnt to ash, but some bits were just lying on top of the edging stones at the sides of the grate and, though the edges were brown and crinkled, you could still see what it was.’
‘So that’s what happened to it,’ Andy said. ‘Meanwhile I felt upset that you had sent no answer back when I had laid my heart bare in that letter and then the boy said you were pregnant and I didn’t know what to think.’
‘What d’you mean, you didn’t know what to think? And why did a letter that you wrote to your parents have anything to do with Norah appearing in Birming-ham?’ Celia asked, puzzled.
Andy said, ‘You and I need to talk and though it’s not the kind of day for lingering in the park, at least it isn’t raining.’
But Celia didn’t want to go anywhere on her own with Andy because she still felt awkward with him and she wanted others around her to cover the self-consciousness she felt.
Andy knew how she felt but he knew if the situation was to be remedied then he had to see Celia alone. So when she said, ‘Don’t see why we have got to go out anywhere on this bitterly cold day. Why can’t we say what we have to say right here?’ he glanced across at Henry, who sensed his need to be alone with Celia and so he urged her too: ‘I think it would be better if you go,’ he said. ‘You needn’t be out that long.’
‘What about the baby?’
‘Surely to God there’s enough people in the house to look after one small baby?’ Andy said, slightly exasperated. ‘Anyway, if Norah is sharing her care then it’s about time she got her hand in so let’s go while we have the light at least.’
TWENTY-ONE
There wasn’t any light, all told, Celia thought for the clouds were heavy and grey and ringed with purple and though she was warm enough in her good thick clothes she worried Andy would be chilled, for his clothes were not really suitable for the intense iciness of that winter’s day.
They had walked up Grange Road side by side, but once they had crossed Chester Road and were inside the park, Andy reached for Celia’s hand. She hesitated for a fraction of a second and Andy said, ‘Please?’
Celia took up Andy’s hand and again felt the tingle run up her arm but this time it seemed to fill her whole body with heat. She looked at Andy in wonderment as he remarked, ‘D’you know, I think this is the first time we have ever been alone together, apart from when we travelled to Letterkenny by horseback and we could hardly say anything of importance then.’
Celia knew that Andy was right. There had always been someone with them or they had been in a public place. ‘Did you still want to ask me something important?’
Andy nodded. ‘Just about the most important thing in the world and that is how you really feel about me now?’
Celia had guessed that was what Andy would say and she had dreaded it. She couldn’t tell the truth and say she didn’t know how she felt, for that would hurt him so much, and yet she couldn’t let him think they could just slot back into the same places where they were before.
So she chose her words with care. ‘Andy, I think we need to get to know each other all over again, not in some hole in the corner affair either. There has been so much deception and so many misunderstandings and now we are two different people.’
‘Have you feelings for anyone else?’
‘No,’ Celia said emphatically. ‘And even if I was that way inclined,’ she added, ‘when would I have had the time or opportunity to meet anyone?’
‘I meant Henry,’ Andy said.
‘Henry?’
‘Yes, Henry,’ Andy said. ‘Don’t look so surprised. Have you feelings for Henry Lewisham?’
Celia was just about to ardently deny she did, but then decided Andy deserved the whole truth; there had been far too many lies already. So she said, ‘I admit I was dazzled by Henry at first for I had never met anyone lik
e him, so well-dressed and self-assured. And then when you disappeared, I thought you didn’t care for me any more and Henry was there to lean on.’
‘What do you mean by that?’ Andy said through gritted teeth.
‘I mean, to depend on and that was all,’ Celia retorted. ‘Remember, I was completely alone.’
‘You’re right, quite right,’ Andy said. ‘I must take some responsibility for this anyway. I see now that I should never have just disappeared but told you face to face what I intended doing. I should have given you that much respect.’
‘Yes,’ Celia said. ‘I would have tried to talk you out of leaving, even though I didn’t know how hard it was going to be for you to get a job.’
‘Nor did I,’ Andy admitted.
‘I was so cross when I found out you had come to see Henry about a job and he had turned you away,’ Celia said. ‘Because he knew how bad the unemployment was. He didn’t tell me that until today, after I found the letter, and probably for the first time I realised how selfish he was and so devoted to his sister that he would have done anything for her.’
‘He did apologise and explained why he didn’t want to employ me.’
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Celia said. ‘I thought a great deal of Annabel but Henry, in trying to protect her reputation, had me change my name and even give up my religion without a thought as to how that might affect me. All this misunderstanding with you wouldn’t have happened if I had received the letter you left and retained the name we decided on the boat.’
‘If you didn’t want to do it, why didn’t you refuse?’
‘Because at the time they asked me I thought that you were out of my life forever,’ Celia said to Andy. ‘And they were my employers, so I couldn’t be that picky about what I did and didn’t do. But I swear on my mother’s life that there was never any hint of a relationship between Henry Lewisham and me.’
‘You have no idea how much lighter my heart is because of those words.’
‘You really did think there was some sort of carry-on between us?’
Andy gave a brief nod and Celia said, ‘I’m not the sort of girl to go running into another man’s arms. In fact, what you did put me off men for ever. I thought, if a man I thought I knew could go off without a word, how could I ever trust another? I’m surprised you didn’t assume Grace was mine as well.’