“Thanks, Niklas,” she said.
“You already thanked me just a few minutes ago.”
“This one is for everything.”
She hugged him and listened to the steady thump of his heart.
“We have more than just Brad and your parents in front of us this week,” he said after a while.
She nodded. “I’m meeting with my photography friend from college tomorrow. She was always trying to talk me into tagging along on her assignments, so I figure she’ll have some ideas.”
“Sounds great,” he said. “Hockey for me.”
“So you’re really going for the Red Wings spot again?”
Niklas shrugged. “The coaches want me to come in for a couple days. They haven’t offered me anything. They just want to see how things go, so I’ll check it out tomorrow.”
Caroline pulled away a little. “You sure you want this?”
He looked at her carefully, as if he was weighing his answer. She had to wonder how much he held back from her.
Finally, he rubbed his forehead with his hand and said, “We’ll see. If tomorrow goes well, I want you to come down to the rink with me to see how it feels to be there.”
Caroline wasn’t sure she wanted to know how it felt to live in the hockey side of his life. If watching him play left her as uneasy as she felt right now, what then? Would the gulf between them be too great?
“I don’t know,” she said. “Will we be watched? Like photos, fans?”
Niklas frowned. “It’s possible. But I think we should give it a try. And if the media is interested, it’s better if we keep it near the hockey rink anyway.”
Niklas’s hands tensed around her waist. She reached down and slid her fingers over them.
“It’s not just that. Back in Stockholm, you didn’t want me to know you played hockey,” she said. “And you were mad when you found out I’d be at your game. You didn’t want me to be part of your hockey life. Why now?”
His jaw tightened as he considered her question.
“Everything is different now,” he said quietly.
His deep blue eyes were fixed on her, and she couldn’t look away. “Even if I get out of hockey, it won’t be for another year at least. And I don’t want to hide for a year. I want to find a way to make this work.”
As he spoke these words, his forehead drew into deep creases. He wanted to find a place for her in his hockey world, but he didn’t look happy about it. And she wasn’t too thrilled, either.
Their relationship didn’t feel as fragile as it had back in Stockholm, but just a day in Detroit had already exposed fault lines between them. The problems they’d face hadn’t changed. He still had a reputation for physical violence, both on and off the ice. Even if the recent scandal made the rumors about Niklas more palatable for public relations, they wouldn’t go away. And she would be in the spotlight.
“Is this the way to do it? I just show up at your practice, alone in the stadium for everyone to stare at?”
This comment earned her a smile.
“It’s an arena, not a stadium,” he said.
Caroline chuckled. “Okay, I knew that. Kind-of.”
“You won’t be the only one there, and there’s no media inside.”
His smile faded a little. “I think we’ll get a chance to see what we’re up against. This is for us, to see how it feels to be a little more public. But if it doesn’t work, you could still back out.”
“And do what? Hide in your house?”
Niklas shook his head. “We’ll figure it out if we have to. But let’s just try.”
He squeezed her hand. Her whole body screamed No at the prospect of taking a step into his public life. But if she wanted a relationship with Niklas, she had to find a place for herself in his hockey world.
“Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll come.”
CAROLINE SMOOTHED THE wrinkles from her skirt and frowned into the mirror on the café wall. The outfit that had said professional in Niklas’s bedroom mirror now looked overdressed and uncomfortable. But maybe the uncomfortable part wasn’t visible to anyone but her. She had picked up some boxes of clothes from her parents’ house after dinner, but opening them was a disappointment. Could her tastes change over the span of a summer? Apparently so. Her formerly comfortable attire now looked frumpy and outdated.
And meeting up with Jess wouldn’t help.
Caroline glanced up at the door and saw her friend’s bright pink hair and wide grin.
“Caroline,” she called across the room, and Caroline remembered all the reasons why she loved Jess. Instead of agonizing over every decision, Jess simply tried everything. And from the smile that still came so freely, Caroline figured it worked for her.
After they had hugged and kissed and ordered pastries much too decadent for 9:00 am, Caroline sat back down in her chair and re-smoothed her skirt.
“Where have you been? Slaving away at the mall studio?” asked Jess.
Caroline smiled. “I quit a few months ago.”
Jess’s carefully painted eyebrows flew up. “A new job? One that doesn’t involve screaming babies?”
“Sort of,” said Caroline, turning her laptop so Jess could peek at the screen. “I worked on this.”
“Fantastic,” Jess whispered, slowly scrolling through the expat life articles Caroline had queued up. “Hey, that’s Veronica!”
Caroline nodded. “She was my first interview.”
Jess clicked on another story and took a bite of her chocolate cake.
“Great project,” she finally said. “Must have paid a lot to get you to all those spots.”
“Not really,” Caroline snorted.
“So how’d you fund a trip to a place like this?” Jess pointed to the story Caroline had done in Tokyo.
“Mmm… it’s complicated.”
Caroline tried to ignore the blush creeping up her neck, but Jess didn’t miss it. She let out a loud laugh.
“That sounds like the sexy kind of complicated,” Jess mock-whispered. “Did Brad finally take off that suit and show you a good time?”
Caroline shook her head. “I’m not with him anymore.”
Jess shot her fists into the air. “Yes! Yes!”
Then her friend’s mouth dropped open. “Someone else?”
Caroline’s flush burned her cheeks. “I told you it’s complicated.”
“What kind of complicated?”
Caroline chuckled. “The hot Swedish hockey player kind of complicated.”
Jess buckled over with laughter.
“Caroline, I didn’t know you had it in you,” she said, shaking her head. “Though there was that time sophomore year when—”
Caroline put up her hand. “No. Don’t remind me.”
Jess set her hands on the little café table and straightened up, all business now.
“So your travel job is over, and you’re looking for more sexy jobs to fit your new, sexy boyfriend?”
“Not quite,” Caroline sighed. “More like I’m dying for another sexy job, but it’ll probably make things more complicated with my new, sexy boyfriend.”
Jess tilted her head to the side. “Why?”
“He wants to go back to Sweden, but he’s thinking about staying here to try things with me. If he stays, he’d probably like me to be here in Detroit with him.”
“Nice drama, Caroline,” Jess laughed. “This is what you get for leading such a tame life with Brad. That other side of you is clawing its way out.”
Caroline was beginning to suspect the same thing.
Jess glanced back down at the Tokyo photos on Caroline’s laptop.
“I’m going to pass something on to you,” said Jess, more serious now. “Unless… you’re set on staying in Detroit with your new, sexy boyfriend. Because I’m warning you: It involves travel.”
Caroline’s heart thumped, and a brew of excitement and guilt swirled in her gut.
“Thanks, Jess. I’d love to check it out.”
Chapter 7
“I’M STILL NOT sure this is a good idea,” said Caroline as they pulled up into the Joe Louis Arena parking lot the next morning. Niklas stopped in an empty row, a distance from the small clump of other cars.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, the corners of his mouth turning up. “You don’t like hockey?”
She smirked. “Do I have to answer that?”
He looked considerably more at ease than he had the night before, but his mood wasn’t rubbing off on her. Back in Stockholm, when she had watched him play, she was anonymous. Part of the appeal of photography was that she did the watching; no one watched her. But Caroline had left her camera at home today, and the seats around the rink would be mostly empty.
As much as she wanted to back out of this morning’s adventure, she knew she shouldn’t. She had to give this a try. Besides, Niklas had walked into her parents’ home, unannounced, trusting that she would make the right decision for them. Her heart beat faster. Is this how Niklas had felt walking up her parents’ suburban front lawn? She closed her eyes, blocking out the arena in front of them.
Niklas’s warm hand found hers, and his thumb stroked her palm slowly. She turned and looked at him, his blue eyes waiting just for her.
“Are you nervous?” he asked softly.
Caroline nodded.
“Me, too.”
She saw it now, the soft creases in his forehead and around his eyes. Though he did a much better job at covering it up, Niklas was probably just as worried as she was.
She rested her hand on his neck and pulled his mouth gently towards hers. As she closed the last distance between them, the lines on his forehead disappeared.
She had meant for the kiss to be soft, simply a reminder that they were there together. But the gentle brush of his lips against hers sent a spark of hunger through her. And guilt. The job Jess had passed on fit her exactly… and it meant traveling around New Hampshire for a month. Which she still hadn’t told Niklas.
She pulled back slightly, their lips still almost touching, bringing herself back to Niklas. She took a couple quick breaths and pushed New Hampshire away. It worked. The current between them grew stronger. The sound of her breath seemed to break through his reserve. He lifted his hand and tangled it in her hair, pulling her closer. He kissed her in long, sensual strokes, coaxing her mouth open. She didn’t stop him. She didn’t want to.
Caroline shifted to move closer, but the seatbelt held her in place. Oh. They were still sitting in a car, outside of Joe Louis Arena. For a moment, just the taste of his mouth, the reminder of how easily she responded to him, pushed her fear of the hours in front of them away.
Niklas eased their kiss, sliding his hand down her neck and over her shoulder. He broke off and rested his forehead on hers. He took a long, deep breath.
“If I kiss you any longer, I’m going to embarrass both of us when I get out of the car.”
Caroline smiled.
“Or we could take care of that before we get out,” she offered.
“Fuck,” he groaned, chuckling. “Don’t say that kind of thing right now. It’s not helping.”
He let go of her and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. His broad chest rose and fell as he deliberately slowed his breath. She touched her cheeks, still hot with arousal. She forced her gaze up toward the arena, looking for something else to think about.
A car pulled up in the rows ahead of them. A guy Niklas’s size climbed out and headed for the nearest door to the arena. Another car entered the parking lot, but instead of heading for the clump of cars in front of them, the driver parked right next to theirs. A guy got out and stretched his long body. He pushed his dark hair off his face and headed for Niklas’s side of the car.
The guy rapped on the glass. Niklas opened his eyes and muttered something in Swedish. He rolled down his window.
“I didn’t know you were coming, man,” said the guy. “I thought you weren’t with us anymore.”
“It’s a last-minute thing,” said Niklas without much warmth.
The guy rubbed the stubble over his jaw and bent down, looking over at Caroline. His smile grew, and he stared at her, his eyes slowly moving down her body, as if this kind of encounter usually worked in his favor. She swallowed.
“You gonna introduce me to your friend here? Or did I interrupt something?”
Caroline’s face flushed, and she looked down at Niklas’s clenched fists.
“Fuck off, Bauer,” Niklas growled.
Bauer. The guy who had actually hit the woman Niklas had been seen with. The guy who had thanked Niklas for taking the blame. He smiled, looking unfazed by Niklas’s clear anger.
She struggled to steady her voice. “I hear what you’re implying about me, and you’re way off-base,” she said, her voice much more controlled than she felt.
Bauer held his hands up in mock surrender and backed away.
“See you inside,” he said. He looked back at her and waved.
Caroline wasn’t sure exactly what she had been expecting, but this was worse. She took a long breath.
“I’m not sure I can do this, Niklas,” she whispered. “The way that guy was looking at me made me feel… low.”
“Shit,” he said, slamming his palms on the steering wheel. His large body rose and fell in uneven breaths. He looked over at her and shook his head.
“You’re not low. He’s a low piece of shit,” he said, his voice breaking.
“I just offered to get you off in the parking lot. He thinks I’m one of those girls who—”
Her face flushed as she spoke these words.
“Stop. Please,” he growled.
Niklas rolled up his window, and the only sounds left were their breaths. He found her hand and entwined his fingers with hers. She didn’t respond, but she didn’t pull away.
“Caroline, I know we do all sorts of things together, really hot things. But nothing we do together is cheap. Not when I’m so crazy for you. Don’t let an ass like that ruin what we have.”
Caroline closed her eyes. She knew Niklas was right, so why did Bauer’s words still leave her with the feeling she was some kind of hockey whore? She didn’t even particularly like hockey.
Niklas’s voice broke into her thoughts.
“Caroline, you’re really important to me. You know that, don’t you?”
He didn’t try to hide the hurt and vulnerability behind his question. This was just as hard for him as it was for her. She gently squeezed his hand, still laced with hers.
“It’s not that, Niklas. But part of me is still embarrassed about the amazing way you make me feel. Maybe it’s my Catholic upbringing, but I feel like I shouldn’t want you this much. That I shouldn’t be so lucky. That these amazing feelings will come at a cost, and I don’t know when I’ll have to pay it. So when I hear a comment like that, it triggers something in me.”
Niklas leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.
“I didn’t know you felt that way,” he finally said.
“I guess I didn’t, either,” she said. “At least, I didn’t understand it until now.”
“How long has this been bothering you?”
Caroline tried to think back to when the idea first occurred to her.
“I thought about it a little at the beginning, right when we met, but everything felt so good that I guess I didn’t care too much about it.” She sighed. “But now that we’re back in Detroit, seeing my parents, dealing with assholes…”
Her voice faded away. She didn’t have to finish her sentence. When they were traveling, not thinking about the future, everything felt right. But trying to fit Niklas into the life she had back in Detroit was another story.
She looked over at Niklas. Lines creased his forehead, and his mouth was set in a tight line.
“Since we got back to Detroit,” he repeated.
Caroline
now understood why Niklas had insisted on her staying at his place. She had assumed he just wanted her as badly as she wanted him, and maybe that was part of it. But as much as Bauer—and her own reaction to him—took her by surprise, Niklas had probably guessed something like this would happen. He knew they’d need a buffer between the outside world and their relationship.
Bauer was long gone. Now just the two of them sat in the car together, and anything else she said would take more than the few minutes they had.
“You’re going to be late. Let’s go in,” she said. “We can talk about this more tonight.”
He squinted out the front window of the car.
“There’s a little crowd at the doors. Maybe fans, maybe press.”
Her heart thumped harder and she leaned forward to see what he was looking at. A small crowd had gathered at the top of the arena’s stairs. Her stomach churned. If she went in with him now, their relationship would be up for public scrutiny. Before either of them knew where they were headed.
She glanced over at the deep worry lines in Niklas’s brow.
“Are you sure you still want to come?” he asked quietly. “You can take the car back home and pick me up later.”
Caroline squeezed his hand, still laced with hers. She leaned over and ran her fingers over the lines of his forehead, wishing them away.
“No, I need to come. You were right,” she said. “We have to face this sometime. We should do it together.”
“But I’m leaving you as soon as we get inside. It’ll be a while before I’m even on the ice.”
Caroline shrugged.
“I’ll be fine. I brought a book.”
For the first time in the conversation, Niklas’s face relaxed.
“You brought a book to the rink?” he asked with a snort of laughter. “This is pro hockey, Caroline, even if it’s not official practice today. I’m trying hard not to be insulted.”
NIKLAS’S HAND WARMED the small of her back as they walked up the long flights of stairs to the arena’s entrance. Caroline concentrated on the steps in front of her, trying not to trip. That would certainly set the tone for her entrance into public life.
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