“You have been laughing at me ever since I got these skates on my feet,” she hissed. “Is that why you brought me here? To make me look ridiculous? To show me just how bad I am at this? Or so you could catch me when I fall, save me and… I don’t know what else.”
Niklas blinked a couple times, clearly surprised at her outburst. He opened his mouth but seemed to reconsider whatever he was going to say. He crossed his arms.
“No,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking any of those things.”
She crossed her arms, too, wobbling a little in the process. Thankfully, Niklas had the sense not to reach out and help her right now.
Caroline let out a sigh, hoping to take her voice down a notch. “Why are we here, then?” she asked.
Niklas’s brow furrowed as he considered the question.
“You spent the summer teaching me to use my camera. You showed me the best times of day to shoot, different ways to frame a shot—things I didn’t even know I should pay attention to. I guess…” His voice trailed off for a moment. “I guess I thought it might be fun the other way around, showing you something I know a little more about. That’s all.”
Oh. Well, that sounded a little better than her interpretations. Still, she couldn’t let go of the teasing.
“Okay, Niklas,” she said slowly. “But do you think laughing at me will make me a better skater?”
Niklas frowned. “Maybe you’re right. But you looked so sexy out there, all—”
She cut him off. “All helpless woman?”
He scowled. “I was going to say, ‘all bundled up in your jacket and gloves.’”
They stood silently apart. Other skaters had entered the ice rink now, and a few slowed as they passed, undoubtedly catching a whiff of drama.
Niklas’s eyes softened. “I hear what you’re saying. And I’m sorry.”
“I’m sensitive about standing on my own two feet,” she said. “Literally, as well as figuratively, in this case.”
The corners of his mouth turned up a little. Caroline took a long breath and let her shoulders fall.
“If it makes you feel better, I thought you were equally sexy when you leaned over me to switch my aperture setting this summer.”
Niklas moved toward her faster than Caroline thought wise, but he managed to curve around so they spun instead of colliding. She looked down to find herself gripping the front of his jacket a little too hard. She regained her balance and brushed off some imaginary lint.
Niklas laughed but didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled her up close and brushed his lips against hers. She could feel the heat from his body against the cold air of the rink, even through all their clothes. Caroline gave in and kissed him back, trusting him to keep her steady.
He let her go and smiled. “Can we try this again?”
“Yes, we can.”
THE MOON SHONE brightly through the French doors and onto the bed. Caroline rested her head on Niklas’s chest, watching the light ripple over the planes of his muscles as he breathed in and out.
“Are you still awake?” she whispered.
A low grunt came from his chest.
“Things are so good when it’s just us,” she said.
She felt his silent chuckle. “Even when we’re skating?”
She propped herself up and glared down at him. “Hey, by the end, I was getting pretty good.”
He lifted his hand and let the backs of his fingers run down her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps.
“You were better than good,” he said, his voice warm and without even a hint of teasing.
“Niklas?”
“Mmm?”
“Maybe we could go to Sweden for a month or so, just to try it out.”
Niklas’s hand froze along its trail, and then he dropped it. He didn’t say anything at first. Then he propped himself up on one of his elbows so they faced each other. He lifted his other hand and cupped her cheek.
“If we go back to Sweden together, you can’t just test the waters.” His voice trailed off for a moment, and he took a deep breath. “I-I couldn’t take it if you left as soon as things got hard. If you come with me, you need to be all in.”
Caroline wanted to look away, but his hand still caressed her cheek, his thumbs stroking her jaw. The light glowed on the rounded muscles of his shoulders, but his face was hidden in the shadows.
“No half-ways, Caroline,” he whispered.
Chapter 11
MORNING LIGHT STREAMED into the corner office and onto the desk where Caroline was working. Or, rather, where she was staring over her laptop and out the window, through the trees to the sparkling lake. She had traveled all over the world these last months, but there was nothing like the quiet beauty of Michigan’s small, hidden lakes.
Unfortunately, staring at a beautiful view wasn’t going to solve any of her problems. Time to sort out the job.
The phone buzzed on her desk. Caroline looked down at the screen. She took a deep breath and picked it up.
“Mama?”
“Hi honey. Am I catching you at a bad time?”
Caroline wanted to say yes. She felt the familiar urge to avoid a conversation she wasn’t ready to have. She swallowed and closed her eyes.
“No, Mama. Just working.”
“Hmm.”
The line was silent for an extra beat. Her mother was rarely at a loss for words, but Caroline could hear the hesitancy as she began to speak.
“We saw a picture of you in the paper this morning.”
Caroline snapped her eyes open.
“What do you mean?”
“You and Niklas. Something with hockey. I could see it was you.”
Caroline’s hands shook as she typed in a search on her laptop. The article popped up, and she clicked on it. Relief trickled in, thawing her limbs. The article was about Niklas, not the two of them. In the photo, she wasn’t recognizable. She wasn’t exposed. Yet. She closed the article.
“Since when do you read the Sports section?” Caroline finally asked, trying to keep her voice light.
“Since you surprised us with Niklas. I figured we might learn something even if you’re not going to tell us.”
Caroline felt the sting of her mother’s rebuke.
“I’m sorry, Mama.”
“When you said you were staying with someone you met traveling, I assumed this person was a girlfriend. Not an enormous Swedish hockey player known for his rougher side.”
Caroline winced. “I didn’t think I needed to say it, but not everything you read about him is true.”
Her mother took a long breath.
“So are you…” Caroline could almost picture her mother’s face as she worked up to her next question. “Are you living with him?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, knowing the next question this answer would bring.
“Are you planning to get married soon? Because you know what happens when you wait too long.”
Caroline gritted her teeth. Was this a reference to her relationship with Brad? The implication being that if she and Brad had only gotten married, everything would have turned out better? There were so many problems with that statement she didn’t even know where to begin. Then again, she knew the answer to her mother’s question.
“We’re not getting married,” she muttered.
“Oh.”
Her mother didn’t comment further, but she didn’t have to. Caroline had already come up with plenty of reasons why Niklas wouldn’t want to be married—and most of them weren’t good. She squirmed under the silence.
Finally, her mother sighed. “Well, honey, now I understand why you haven’t called me.”
At least she and her mother were on the same page there.
“Oh, Mama,” she said, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going on. And that’s the truth.”
“If it makes you feel better, your father doesn’t seem as worried. He really
liked Niklas.”
Caroline frowned. “He’ll probably be a lot less impressed when he hears about the marriage thing.”
Her mother didn’t respond.
“I’ll call you soon, Mama,” Caroline whispered and hung up.
She put down her phone and opened up her email. Jess’s contact had come through, and he sounded interested. She clicked on one of the links he had sent to find an image of the pine-covered mountains of New Hampshire rising up behind a quaint strip of shops. The assignment was a travelogue, much like the kind she had done over the summer. But instead of international locations, this project would be used to promote the State of New Hampshire. And it paid better. Much better. Her heart beat faster. This was exactly the kind of prospect she was looking for.
Caroline leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She visualized herself wandering down the main street in the photo, peeking in stores, biting into a scone at the coffee shop, heading onto the mountain trail for a view of the town from above. They would stay at a little inn. And then… Her fantasy came to a full stop. She wasn’t alone in these scenarios. Niklas ate across from her and hiked up the trail with her, and she fell asleep against his warm, hard body.
Except reality wouldn’t work this way. She would go on these trips by herself, and Niklas would stay back in Detroit to play. If he wasn’t on the road himself. She would return to the inn alone at night, and he would come back to his house alone. When she returned to Detroit, what would come next? She’d travel to one place for a project and Niklas would fly somewhere else to play hockey? Was that the kind of life she wanted?
At the same time, she couldn’t rule out this opportunity simply because it would take her away from Niklas for a month. Making a career decision based on a man she had known for a couple months went against everything she had set out to do when she left Brad. But after this job, would she continue to leave, again and again, like Jess did?
Her phone dinged, breaking into her thoughts. She picked it up and looked at the screen. Brad.
My place at 12
Only four words, and the message still managed to irritate her. She had asked him if he could meet her for lunch, and he still was taking control. He hadn’t asked where she wanted to go or when she was available. Yes, she didn’t have any plans these days, but that was beside the point. And he wanted her to come to his place.
Ugh.
Niklas’s words from earlier that morning rushed back to her: He’ll go straight for your most vulnerable points. Once again, Niklas had assessed the situation correctly. Caroline could already see how this lunch would unfold, how Brad would try to exploit her doubts.
The difference was that now she and Brad were no longer together. She no longer had to maneuver to get what she wanted from him. All she wanted was to make it clear that she and Brad had no future. And get her jewelry back.
She typed her response.
Café Muse at 12
The Royal Oak café where they had often eaten when they had first moved in together. He would see it as neutral territory, but she knew better. For her, it would be a reminder of how much she had changed.
Caroline glanced down at the clock on her computer screen. Almost 11. He had waited to respond, doubtless another calculated move to throw her off, but she was glad. Less time to get worked up about it. She sighed, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach.
CAROLINE OPENED THE garage door, lighting up the little sports car she was supposed to drive. She smiled. She had never felt the least bit of interest in cars, but this one looked promising. Low, sleek and jet-black, the car oozed dangerous style that Caroline had never once identified with—until now. Even if she wasn’t at peace with this new side of her life, she could still have fun with a convertible, couldn’t she?
She ran her hand along the shiny door before opening it and slipping inside. Niklas had given her a run-down on the car and taken down the top for her before he left. But this model was so far from the old Buick she had finally parted from before her trip that it took a few flips through the owner’s manual just to find the ignition. A lot had happened in twenty years of automotive innovation. There wasn’t even a place to stick her key in the ignition anymore.
Caroline pulled the driver’s seat a foot forward and pressed the button, and the car roared to life. She eased off the clutch. The car lurched back out of the garage and screeched to a stop. Right. Ease the clutch, Caroline. The stick shift was going to take some getting used to, especially with this much horsepower behind it. So much for keeping a low profile in the neighborhood.
On a whim, she had grabbed her camera on the way out the door. She refused to make a trip to Royal Oak only for Brad. If she was taking this step back into her past, at least she could make it work for her, too. Maybe her camera could give some insight into her own life this time, not just other people’s.
But the roads she took to Royal Oak were lined with suburbs and strip malls, and not once did she feel the urge to stop. In fact, glancing down at the black bag in the middle of the passenger’s seat, she realized she hadn’t even taken out her camera since she set foot in Detroit. After dragging that bag with her everywhere this summer, Caroline couldn’t ignore her sudden loss in interest. The decisions they faced this week didn’t give her room to think about photography. She had found a calm inside during their summer travels, but it had disappeared when their trip ended.
She wanted it back.
Between her hair blowing in her face and the car’s smooth willingness to double in speed, it took some concentration just to get herself to the café. At least driving took her mind off the sinking feeling in her stomach. But as much as she dreaded seeing Brad, she needed a clean break from him. And she needed to be the one to make it.
The driving was just starting to get fun when she arrived in Royal Oak. She even managed to parallel park outside the restaurant without stalling once. Climbing out of the car, she realized she was smiling. So this was why people spent so much money on cars.
But as Caroline walked into the little restaurant, her smile faded. Brad sat at a table by the window, and his eyes flickered from her to the car outside. She sat down across from him, and Brad’s gaze bore into her.
“If you wanted a flashy car, I would have bought one for you,” said Brad. “And if you like to be roughed up a little, you should have said so. I didn’t realize that’s what you were looking for.”
All the anxiety that had built since she got Brad’s message burst into a jolt of anger. Why the hell had she thought lunch was a good idea? Did he expect her to sit through this kind of attack for an hour? Actually, she didn’t have to.
She stood up. Brad’s eyes widened, as if this were the last thing he had expected her to do, and she tried not to linger on why that was.
“I think I’m already done here, Brad,” she said, keeping her voice low. “I’d like my jewelry, please.”
Brad stood up, too, and he grabbed her arm.
“No, Caroline. Don’t leave. I’m sorry.”
Caroline froze. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the other customers’ faces as they turned to stare at the little drama playing out between Brad and her. Her face burned, and she had the urge to flee, if only to get herself away from this scene. But she didn’t.
Slowly, she turned back around and glared at him.
“Don’t grab my arm,” she hissed. “And don’t talk to me like that.”
Brad frowned, and his hand fell away.
Caroline let out a long breath, but she didn’t let her gaze waver. Finally, Brad nodded.
When he had showed up at her parents’, a part of her had sympathized with him. It was clear he had thought they were only taking a break that summer, while she had moved far beyond the stale remnants of their former relationship.
But any lingering guilt had left the moment he grabbed her. Despite his mild-mannered façade, another side of him lurked just beneath the surface, steering the conversa
tion, calculating his own position. Though she had lived with this man for years, she had only recently begun to understand how he worked.
Did he really want her back, or was he going after her because she was with someone else? She had a hard time believing Brad had truly been happy with the relationship they had before she left.
She sat back down in her seat, all nervousness gone. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the waitress turn back from her path to their table. Brad slid onto the bench across from her and smoothed his hair.
“I guess I didn’t realize you would move on so quickly,” said Brad. “It’s caught me off guard.”
“I didn’t see this coming, either,” she said quietly.
“What could you possibly have in common with a guy like that?”
This was a question Caroline had asked herself more than once, and she still didn’t have a clear answer other than this: Being with Niklas felt right. Caroline frowned, which seemed to encourage Brad’s commentary.
“He doesn’t come off as much of a thinker. What can you talk about with a guy who has sports on his mind all day long? You don’t even like hockey.”
Caroline opened her mouth to defend Niklas but stopped herself. If Niklas were sitting there, he wouldn’t defend himself. She was pretty sure he’d ignore the insults and even admit his own faults. She took a deep breath and focused on why she came to meet Brad in the first place.
“I didn’t come here to discuss Niklas,” she said, her voice sounding more controlled than she felt. “But I am sorry about the way things went at my parents’ place. I didn’t know you were coming.”
Brad looked out the window. “I just can’t believe you’re going for someone like him. You’re driving his car, and you probably don’t have a job. Dependent is the nicest way to describe that arrangement. What will you do when he dumps you for the next woman lining up outside his bedroom?”
Caroline froze. His comment hit her like a physical blow to her stomach, and she hunched over, trying to contain the worries his words unleashed. Because now that she had entered Niklas’s hockey world, these worries had gained traction in her mind.
Stockholm Diaries, Caroline 2 Page 13