She nodded.
“And Auntie Rose took me in and treated me like one of her own. Living in Rose’s house was never boring and always warm. A couple of months after my parents’ accident, I started having these awful nightmares. They were all about them but instead of the plane crash, I dreamed they’d been killed in other horrendous ways. The acts varied from alien abduction to terminal diseases and even pirates.” He almost cracked a smile. “Stupid, but I was petrified by them.”
“No, not stupid. You were only a boy. Did you tell Rose?”
He scoffed and shook his head. “No. She had three young kids of her own and a fourth on the way, but I didn’t hide it well enough at first. I’d wake up screaming. She made me see a therapist.”
Silence reigned for a few long moments before Peppa spoke. “It didn’t help?”
He shrugged. “Who knows? They stopped for a while, and then came back worse than before.”
“What did Rose do?”
“Nothing. I’d learned to make sure she didn’t find out by then. She had enough on her plate without dealing with the traumas of a boy who wasn’t even her own.”
The few hours Peppa had shared with Rose and her family, and the rare tidbits Cameron had shared about his auntie, made her think that Rose would have been more hurt to know her nephew was dealing with all that grief and anguish alone. She knew Rose considered Cameron one of her own but she suddenly understood that he’d never felt that way.
“You still have them?” Peppa asked.
“Yes.” He went quiet, completely still for a moment. “But when I met Kristen they weren’t so bad. I thought I could live a normal life again. We married soon after meeting each other. We both wanted the same things from life, a successful career and a big, happy family.”
“Really? When you say family, do you mean children?” Peppa hadn’t meant to speak. She’d meant simply to listen as long as he needed but the idea of Cameron being a family man who wanted kids didn’t sit at all with the man standing so stiffly beside her.
“Yes. But it didn’t happen how I’d planned.”
Cameron hadn’t ever told Peppa how his wife had died and now she held her breath, preparing herself for something truly awful.
“She’d been having stress headaches. I tried to get her to see someone about it but she wouldn’t listen. Then one day I came home to find her collapsed on the floor. By the time the ambulance came it was too late.” His last words caught in his throat and he took a moment. “She died of a brain aneurism.”
Peppa gasped. “So young?”
“Yes. Death doesn’t care about such petty things. Sometimes I’d wish it had taken me with her.”
An awful silence hung between them. Despite his tragedy, Peppa was happy he’d finally felt comfortable enough to share it with her. She knew how huge a step this was and she didn’t want to ruin the emotional intimacy with a stupid statement. What could anyone ever say in response to such a tragic story?
Reading between the lines Cameron had thrown himself into work and meaningless affairs to anesthetize the pain and deal with the grief. A method which obviously hadn’t worked because now that she knew his past, a million things about his present made more sense. Of course he’d feel awkward at happy family occasions. Of course he didn’t want to think about committing to a woman or children. He was scared.
He spoke again. “After she died, the nightmares came back worse than before. They’re unrelenting.” He strode across the kitchen and dumped his mug in the sink, turning on the tap full throttle to clean it. “I’ve tried therapists, naturopaths, even hypnotherapy. Sometimes it’s like I’m hallucinating. Trust me, it’s not pretty. No woman in my life should have to deal with that.”
But I want to. She only just managed to swallow the words. As much as she longed to confess her love, she knew this moment wasn’t the right one.
Instead she tried for something softer. Taking a step toward him, Peppa placed a hand on his firm shoulder. “You know, you don’t have to deal with that alone.”
He turned to face her and she drew him close, wrapping her arms around his giant, strong body, realizing that deep inside he was crying out for unconditional love. And she had endless, overflowing bucket loads of the stuff…only for him.
He hugged her back, tightening the embrace and nuzzling his face in the top of her hair as if he too couldn’t get enough. She knew she couldn’t blame the hormones for the way her vision was beginning to blur. How she’d ever managed to convince herself an affair was a good idea, she had no clue.
“You know,” he murmured into her hair, “you’re the only person I’ve ever actually slept with except her.”
She bit down on her lower lip at his words, trying to hide any noise of joy at his confession. It had taken a few weeks and a lot of off-the-radar hot sex but she’d finally buried beneath his hard-edged surface and gotten him to open up. Inside, she knew it was a step toward much greater things.
Should I tell him about the baby? Still wrapped in his arms, she turned the idea over and over in her mind. He wanted children. Whatever he said now, such a strong desire could never completely disappear. Beneath his pain and hurt, that dream of a family of his own would still be there. She knew it. Still the last half hour had been an emotional upheaval… Was it really the right time to drop her bombshell?
“Thank you.” Cameron whispered the words into her hair as he pulled back. “I appreciate you listening.”
He was already collecting his car keys from the bowl near the door. But suddenly she knew she had to tell him. Some things in life were too important to wait. He’d opened his heart to her and he deserved to know about the precious life they’d made together. Perhaps this would be the thing to heal him.
As he tossed her one of his irresistible smiles, she blurted, “I need to tell you something. We need to talk.”
Already at the door, Cameron blinked. “O-kay,” he said warily.
“I—” She took a quick breath. How hard was it to tell the man of your dreams you were pregnant with his child?
Impossible apparently, because before she got any more words out, his phone rang. Cameron never let a caller go to voice mail. Leaning forward and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, he already had his phone in hand, poised to answer, when he said, “Meet me for lunch at one.”
Cameron strode away from Penelope’s apartment, his heart pounding in his chest. He could barely remember the last time he’d had such a deep and meaningful conversation with someone. Probably around the last time he’d had a decent night’s sleep. He shook his head, completely bewildered and unsure what to make of it all. He picked up his pace, practically sprinting toward his car. Toward his escape.
Nothing, came a quick voice in his head. It means nothing.
During the last twenty-four hours it had been as if a demon had taken up residence in his body and rid him of any control he had over his thoughts, actions and feelings.
When he’d propositioned Peppa for an affair, he’d expected fun, frivolity and a whole load of hot sex. He’d gotten this and much, much more. They actually talked and had more than a handful of things in common. Whenever they were together his face ached from smiling and whenever they were apart, his thoughts were constantly distracted by her.
He’d been so close to telling her this. To opening up more than he’d ever imagined opening up to anyone. But he’d frozen in her arms as the memory of the last time he’d felt like this slammed into his head and Peppa’s gentle expression of concern was plastered over by the memory of another face. A pale, white, cold face that had once been radiant and full of life. It felt as if his insides had been yanked out and then thrown onto a busy road.
He’d never thought he’d feel so connected to another person, another woman, ever again. He never wanted to.
He just couldn’t.
He’d taken legal vows in front of a priest five years ago and he’d meant every word of commitment to his marriage. Growing up in Rose’s house,
seeing her loving marriage and big family but not feeling a proper part of it, had made him yearn for something like that of his own. He’d known Kristen was The One after ten minutes of mind-blowing conversation—she’d been his equal on every level and he’d never been able to get enough.
But death had claimed Kristen earlier than it should have and he’d made another silent vow that day. He’d never put himself through the pain of losing anyone again. Everyone he loved—his parents, Kristen—died. He’d transferred all his energies into his work, desperately hoping that it would provide the diversion from grief he so desired. Until Peppa there’d been no significant distractions. But the sexual attraction had been so impossible to ignore that they’d seized on every opportunity to explore it.
There’d been no reason to think that it was anything more until he’d fallen asleep wrapped around her soft, warm body and woken with sunlight not nightmares. Oh boy had that thrown him. There’d only ever been one person he’d been able to sleep so soundly alongside.
He stopped running and laid his head against his car roof, waiting for his breathing to decelerate. Finally when he thought about it logically, he began to calm down.
It really didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t.
He and Peppa had been at it like a pair of small marsupials for nearly two weeks now and he’d also been burning the candle with work, rock climbing and running. It had to be a simple case of utter exhaustion.
No doubt if he stayed the night again, it’d be a different story and Peppa would be shocked to the core by the harshness of his sleep disturbances.
But he wasn’t sure if he should.
Chapter Thirteen
Peppa was scheduled to finish recording a book today. Usually she didn’t bother too much about her appearance when she knew she was spending all day inside a padded recording studio but today was different.
Today Cameron was meeting her at their favorite cafe and she was going to give him the most important news of his life. So obviously, today called for a little bit more effort.
After drying her hair, she straightened every strand to perfection and then began on her face. Fred sat on the bed while she twirled mascara over her eyelashes. He purred contentedly, completely oblivious to the nerves churning up her breakfast. She noted her hand shaking slightly as she wielded makeup brushes. The last thing she needed was black smudges all over her face.
She laid the tools on the dresser and made a concerted effort to relax. Yet inside she was all too aware that Cameron might need a little time to get used to her bombshell.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
She’d never needed to focus so much on her breathing until she’d met Cameron. And in only a few hours she planned to open her heart and tell him about their baby. Was it any wonder her stomach was a cocktail of nerves, fear and excitement?
Cameron threw himself into work the moment he walked through the revolving doors of the Lyrique building. He didn’t want time to think because he didn’t want to reflect on all he’d told Penelope and what such a confession might mean. His effort to distract himself seemed to work because at 1:30 p.m. when his personal mobile beeped through a message, he knocked over his bottle of water in surprise.
Recovering the water and mopping up the spillage with tissues, he glanced at the message.
Where are you? x P
He’d totally forgotten he’d arranged to meet her for lunch.
Standing and running a hand through his hair as he located his wallet, he recalled her words when he’d left this morning. Something about needing to talk.
His heart thudded in dread as he contemplated what she might want to tell him. Had he freaked her out this morning? Did she think they should cool things?
Would that actually be a bad thing?
Dammit, he didn’t know what to think anymore. Being with Penelope was seriously messing with his head.
Peppa stared at her phone, wondering if he’d got her message. Wondering where the hell he was? She knew he was important and busy but it didn’t take a minute to send a quick message of apology if you were going to be late.
She twirled errant strands of hair around her index finger and tried not to gnaw through her lower lip. She was nervous enough as it was about telling him she was pregnant. If this agony was prolonged any longer she might chicken out on telling him altogether. Which was ridiculous—he was an intelligent man. It wouldn’t take long before he noticed her breasts had increased in size and she looked like she’d indulged a little bit on dinner.
Amidst her rambling thoughts, the bell above the door of their quaint, off-beat cafe tingled. Her head snapped up, almost putting her neck out, but it was worth it when she saw Cameron striding through the door.
Wasn’t lust supposed to weaken over time?
One look at Cameron in his Armani suit and she knew that was never gonna happen. Not where her hormones and Cameron were concerned anyway.
He reached their table and instead of leaning forward to kiss her lips, he frowned. “Why are you all dressed up?”
“And it’s nice to see you too,” she quipped, trying not to tremble at his uncharacteristically unkind words.
“Sorry.” He sat opposite her. Still tense, still no kiss. “It’s been a long day.”
She reached across to squeeze his hand. “It’s alright. I just wanted to look nice for you.”
He took back his hand. “Shall we order?”
Peppa barely heard his question since she was trying to work out when and how to tell him their news. She’d spent so much time prettying herself up this morning, she hadn’t thought enough about the important stuff. About their baby.
Their baby. Her heart lifted at the word. No word could describe the joyous emotions that blasted her body every time she thought about the little life growing inside. It was surprising her face muscles didn’t ache from all the smiling she’d been doing this morning. But still, she only had one chance to do this, one chance to get it right.
“Penelope? Have you decided what we’re having so I can call over the waitress?”
She looked into his eyes, muddled at his words. Food? How could he be talking about food when it was as though her whole being had been waiting for this moment? His near-black eyes watched her, waiting for her answer. She couldn’t be sidetracked from her purpose with mere food. She took a steadying breath. “I’m pregnant!”
“What?” Cameron’s shock echoed all around the tiny restaurant.
“And I hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that.” She tried a small attempt at humor but it didn’t work. His face remained like stone. Oh hell, this wasn’t at all going how she’d planned.
“You’re joking, right?” He raised his brows as if he wasn’t amused.
“Yeah, haha, very funny,” she snapped. She swallowed, her throat choking up. “I wouldn’t joke about something like this. I care about you, Cameron, and I think you care about me. But either way, whether you like it or not, somehow we’ve made a baby together.”
He nodded slowly, then said nothing, staring into space for what felt like an eternity. Finally, his lips tense and his brow furrowed, he said, “Do you think you might lose this one?”
Her breathing eased a little at the concern evident in his voice.
“It’s a possibility.” The steadiness of her voice amazed her as her heart quaked at the thought of going through all that heartache again. “I haven’t seen a doctor yet, but I don’t want you to worry. I’m sure the chances of having two ectopic pregnancies are slim. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. You can come with me if you want?”
“No.”
Her head recoiled as if she’d been punched.
“That’s not what I meant. I can’t have a baby with you.”
She tried to tell herself his reaction was one of shock. He’d barely had five minutes to come to grips with their situation. Still, responding was difficult. “I know this isn’t what we planned, Cameron. But it’s what we want—you said yourself you wan
t to have a family.”
Cameron couldn’t breathe. And the usually pleasant aromas wafting through from the kitchen made him nauseous. He glanced at the door, wondering if he went back out there and tried walking in again, things would be different. That Penelope wouldn’t look at him with all that hope and joy in her eyes and tell him she was having his baby.
“You told me this morning,” she continued.
He tried to swallow the lump in his throat but it wouldn’t go. His fight-or-flight response kicked into action. “That’s not true.”
“But you said…” He saw the fight leave her eyes and she hung her head.
Causing her pain killed him. Yet, however awful he felt, this was the right thing to do. He couldn’t give her the love she wanted, so it was better to be upfront now, before things got totally out of hand.
“I never made any promises, Peppa.” It was the first time he’d called her that. “We had great sex, that’s all, but I can’t give you what you need and I can’t be a father.”
“You just need time to think.” Her voice cracked on the last word. Any moment now she’d be sobbing her eyes out.
He pulled out a hanky and shoved it at her. “No, I don’t. This is not what I want.”
Making do without his hanky, she wiped her eyes on her sleeve and held her chin high. “So what? You want me to get rid of our baby.”
He shrugged. “Whatever you decide, I’ll stand by you financially but…” He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words. That her pregnancy changed things—they couldn’t be light and fluffy anymore. They couldn’t be at all.
“I won’t do that.” Her voice was firm. She pressed her hands against her still-flat abdomen. “I’ve wanted a baby—hell, a whole family of them—since I was a little girl. I want it so much that after Tim, I contemplated doing artificial insemination through donor sperm. So this little boy or girl is a freaking miracle and you don’t need to feel duty bound to it or me, because I’ve got enough love for both of us.”
One Perfect Night Page 16