“It’s true, you told your mum that you had seen my dad kissing another woman and because of THAT, my mother kicked him out when he had nowhere else to go! She wouldn’t even let him come to see me. YOU ruined my life, you broke up my family while you still got to keep yours! Why was that fair? WHY?” She was losing it now and I had tears in my eyes at all the years lost because of such a misunderstanding.
“Oh my God! Hilary is that the only reason you have hated me all these years?”
“The only reason? What would be another reason greater! You ruined my life Keira, isn’t that enough?”She stormed back over to me to shout in my face but I got off the other side of the bed so that I wasn’t beneath her. I held up my hands in an ‘I come in peace’ kind of way.
“Hilary, that wasn’t me!” At this her eyes spilled over with tears that landed on the carpet.
“Yeah right, of course you would say that!”
“Hilary, has your mum not talked to you about this, I mean, told you what really happened?” She looked both angry and confused which made her forehead wrinkle and I can imagine it was painful given her bruised face and cut nose.
“Look Hilary, I think you need to talk to your mum, ‘cause it wasn’t me that told anyone anything. I didn’t even know anything about your dad leaving until you guys moved away. My mum just kept telling me he was away on business because she didn’t want to upset me. She knew I was fond of my Uncle.” I was trying to reason with her and my voice found a very gentle, low volume.
“NO! You’re lying! You must be lying...I ...I can’t be wrong. Are you telling the truth because, so help me God if you’re not Kaz then I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back!” She looked so past furious I was getting ready for an attack which I didn’t have the heart for. Now I knew why it didn’t matter about the past she had put me through, like letting open a window for it all to blow away with the wind. I didn’t want to fight any more, she wasn’t the only one exhausted.
“Ring your mum Hilary, demand the truth and if she refuses then ring my mum and I will make her tell you what you deserve to know. You have a right!”
“Yes...Yes I will, I will ring her now, I don’t care what time it is.” And with that she left my room in a desperate state.
I got into the shower without really knowing what I was doing. It was like I was operating on autopilot. I just couldn’t believe all these years she had thought that I had been the reason for the greatest loss in her life. She idolised her father, always had but when he left it was like he had taken a bit of her with him. She came back not quite whole but the part of her had filled with bitterness and rebellion. I know for a fact that her father had been caught having an affair, but only years later and well after the fact. It had never really been explained to me why he had left and I remember feeling very vulnerable, wondering if a lot of dads did this and praying my dad never would. I think I did all the washing up for a whole year just in case.
Of course, I didn’t know exactly what Hilary was going to hear from her mum, but if it was the truth then she would have a new person to hate and I was pretty sure that someone was going to be my mother. I didn’t want to be the one to say, because it wasn’t my place and I was extremely angry at my Auntie for not telling her daughter sooner. I found out a few years ago when looking through some old family photos with my mum. The conversation came up and my poor, teary mother confessed to being the one to have to tell her own sister that she had seen her husband kissing a lady that worked at the local newsagents not far from our house. Of course, as it turned out, it wasn’t just a few pecks on the cheek for a cheaper ‘News of the world’. It had been a full blown affair resulting in love. He soon left my Auntie for this other woman and went to live with her and her three kids.
So instead of letting Hilary be a part of her father’s life with this other family on the side she moved them both away. She only came back when she was certain her ex-husband didn’t live in the area anymore. The last my mum had heard they were living in Carmarthenshire in Wales. I had no clue that Hilary didn’t know any of this and now understood why my mother always told us “Be nice to her, she’s had it hard.” That had been my mother’s excuse for everything and now I knew why...her guilt had been speaking every time.
I got out of the shower not recalling if I had even washed my hair, my mind was in a back log of childhood memories. Every nasty word, every cruel gesture and every painful thing she ever did to me now made sense. Why wouldn’t she hate me? I mean if it had been the other way round then how would I have reacted? If she had succeeded in getting Draven from me, then what would I have done? I had gone pretty far last night and that was only at the hint of it.
After getting dry and dressed I walked back into my room to find Hilary sat on my bed. Her head was buried in her hands and she was shaking. At that moment all hate we had felt for each other melted away just like a heat wave had swept through the room. She heard my footsteps and she looked up. The sight made my heart break. It looked as though she had been sobbing none stop since she left my room. Her face was red and blotchy, making her blue eyes stand out like they were dotted with broken blood vessels underneath the skin around them. Her lips were quivering and the noise of air being sucked in so that she could cry louder was enough to set me off.
I ran to her on the bed and she fell into my arms which forced us both onto the floor. I was kneeling with her head cradled on my shoulder and she was slumped to the side soaking my top with an unending stream of tears. I smoothed back her hair and rubbed her back until she was spent.
“Ssshhh, Its ok, you’re not alone” I whispered making her release one more outburst of spluttered sobs. When she found some control she pulled back to look at me in awe.
“Why are you being so nice to me, you should hate me!” Again another hitched breath and a cry came thick after her question.
“I don’t hate you, I just never understood why you hated me, but now I understand.”
“I spoke to my mum and she told me everything, I yelled at her and said some pretty horrible things. Man, I want to hate her for lying to me!”
“I think you have lived with hate for too long Hilary. That type of thing will destroy you if you let it...trust me on this. After what happened I really knew what it was to hate...I hated everything! I hated it for being sunny, I hated watching people smile and laugh at things I couldn’t see the glory in. I even hated people being nice to me, their fake talk and happy eyes. But one day I realised, it wasn’t all these things I hated...It was myself. I hated who I had become and who he had made me!” Ok so now we were both crying and we really hugged each other for the first in sixteen years. It felt like a friend I had lost and just stumbled across in passing, totally unexpected but utterly welcome.
We sat together for the longest time and when Libby came back from work and found us both giggling and gossiping like kids, with Hilary all bruised up, she nearly dropped dead from shock. It must have been the last thing she expected to get home from work to find. Well it was odd, to say the least, but it felt so right at the same time. We both explained the past and after what happened last night, how we had come to this point. Of course Libby asked the one obvious question I hadn’t even thought of.
“But why the Hell did your mum tell you it was Keira that told her?” Man that was a good question!
“Ah, well, this is the irony. She told me it was Keira because she knew what good friends we were, she thought that if I knew it had come from her that I wouldn’t even question it. She knew I trusted you and she didn’t want me thinking badly of your mum, I guess she was protecting her sister the way your mum protected her by telling on my dad.” She said this last part to me and I just shook my head at how one little lie had caused so many years of damage. It made no sense in my world but then again...what did? Why should I be surprised, wasn’t my life riddled with crazy, unrelenting events that changed every course I walked down.
Time that day quickly turned into a time for everyone else. Onc
e I had spent some time with Hilary, Jack turned up all worried and armed with an endless amount of apologies. He told me what she had told him and no surprises, how she had played the victim. He admitted it didn’t take him long to realize the holes in her stories but by then he felt so ashamed of himself for believing it, he didn’t know what to say to me. He told me how every time he tried to be alone to talk to me I would avoid him. It was true, I had been avoiding him but for all the wrong reasons.
After convincing him finally that I had forgiven him, he left after pulling me in for a bear hug. By this time it was dark outside and close to eight. I had wanted to go back to Afterlife ages ago but after what had happened with my cousin and me, I knew I would have to wait. But now my time had come. I was going to see Draven and there was no stopping me.
That was until I got a phone call from the man himself. I hadn’t answered it but a message was waiting for me by the phone written in Libby’s hand. She hadn’t wanted to tell me herself and only when reading the message did I understand why.
Keira,
Please don’t come to me tonight,
I need time alone to think.
And I fear seeing you will only cloud my judgement.
I will come to you when I am ready.
Wait for me.
Dominic.
This was why he hadn’t wanted to see me this morning....
He didn’t want to see me at all.
Chapter 57
Someone’s Soul is on Fire.
It felt as though I had a dagger protruding from my chest and Draven had been the one who put it there. I picked up the phone three times before admitting defeat and slamming it back down on the receiver before it even had chance to ring. I wanted to speak to him, to hear the words for myself but I was also afraid. What if this was the end? What if this time there was no going back. Could I really let this go, just go on without looking behind me? NO! I couldn’t do that and I wouldn’t!
I was in the kitchen with a large glass of some spirit I found in the cupboard. It tasted like paint thinner as it burned down my throat but that was a good thing. I wanted that burn, I wanted to feel anything just so as long as it wasn’t nothing. I could deal with anything but numbness. I heard a voice being cleared and turned my head to see Libby with a worried frown top her features.
“I don’t understand, why doesn’t he want to see me?” I asked her facing back to the sink and swirling the liquid around in my glass.
“I think when he said to give him time, I think he really meant you.” She answered sympathetically.
“I don’t want bloody time! What I want, is to go over there and demand him to speak to me!”
“Then why don’t you?” It sounded simple enough but Libby didn’t know the consequences of that action.
“Because last night I asked him to do something very hard...I asked him to let me go and he did. And now he asks the same of me, how can I say no, how can I do anything but wait?” Libby had been nodding in agreement, which hadn’t been the response I had wanted. I wanted her to tell me something, anything that would have made the excuse to go over there acceptable.
“He really scared you last night didn’t he?” Of course Frank had told her, there was nothing he wouldn’t have, so I wasn’t surprised or angry.
“Yes he did, but after talking to Frank last night, I kind of understood it better. I don’t condone what he did, not at all, but if the situation was reversed then I can’t imagine I would have taken it well either.”
“Men, eh?” This was her answer for everything and we both laughed at how barbaric and caveman they could act. Of course for Draven this was multiplied by about a thousand because not only was he half Angel, half Demon, he was also King of the hidden world of the supernatural. So granted, he had a lot of pressure to deal with, so I gathered having to deal with a hysterical human girlfriend was something of a pain in the arse. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to see me tonight, maybe he just wanted me to take time to cool down before having to deal with it again. Some Demon /Angel quiet time...surely I could give him that, right? Ok, so it didn’t have to mean that he wanted to split up with me, I could just be feeling a little paranoid.
Ok, so after a few more glasses of some alcohol, which I still don’t know the name of I felt better. I mean for all I knew it could have been cooking sherry but it did the job so that was all I cared for. I was feeling quite merry and looking on the brighter side of life. I had made up with my cousin after a sixteen year feud. I was friends with Jack again and me and Frank had one of the best heart to hearts that I would never forget. So life was looking good, all I needed now was to be allowed to see Draven and have wild, mad passionate makeup sex and all would be good in the world. Not too much to ask for...right?
It wasn’t surprising when I looked at the clock and saw it was close to midnight. I had been moping about ever since Jack left and when Libby had started bringing me up cups of tea around ten, I knew she was worried about me being in my room, drunk, crying and listening to Celine Dion’s “All by myself”. She found, thankfully I hadn’t been doing any of those things, apart from the drinking but thanks to four mugs of tea in a row I was pretty well past the drunk stage. I had been painting, something I hadn’t done in a while.
It was of a pulsating heart, like the ones you find in hallmark cards, not the blood pumping muscle. The background was of the dark forest and the heart was amongst the shadowed trees looming around it. It glowed out in the night and I added light reflecting off the surfaces around it. The most significant part was the huge, jagged lightning bolt that came from above and struck the heart’s core, splitting it in two. One side gaped more than the other and I thought that this was the side that symbolised me more than Draven’s side, as he was clearly the stronger of us both. I knew I was being overly dramatic by painting this but mixed with alcohol and feeling sorry for myself this is what my mind had wanted to paint.
After Libby had come to say goodnight along with Hilary, which was still hard to get used to but nice, I decided to call it a night and hope for better things to come tomorrow. I even smiled at the thought of waking up to Draven by my bedside. It was a long shot, I grant you, but not an impossible dream. I plaited my hair so it hung like a rope down my back and got dressed into some light, grey pyjama bottoms and a vest top to match. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I put my painting against the wall to dry after laying down an old towel so as not to get paint on the carpeted floor.
Once in bed, my mind started to drift quickly into a world of Draven Dreams. I found myself in the past looking in on the Draven of a different time. He wasn’t wearing clothes as such, more like layers of cloth draped over his impressive shoulders, with a solid brass coloured, breast plate covering his chest. This then tied at the waist with leather wound round and round, all of which held symbols in some kind of metal. There, by his thigh, hung a huge sword almost the length of his leg and his wrists were cuffed with thick, studded leather, one arm bound in strapping right up and over his bicep. His hair was longer but tied back with black cord giving him a harsher appearance. He looked like a brutal warrior stood upon the base of a throne made of carved stone. He had his arms crossed over his chest making his muscles bulge and the leather stretch further to accommodate them. Damn, he looked so powerful I almost cowered away.
I looked about the room and saw I was in some sort of throne room. It reminded me of the Temple but it was longer, like a great hall. Stone pillars the width of thousand year old trees, spread evenly down the room. The ornate ceiling loomed miles above me making me feel like an insect fallen into a pit of snakes. My eyes scanned my situation and thankfully I realised no one could see me. I was cloaked head to toe and hidden in a dark alcove away from all the people in the room, which were centred around Draven. He had never looked more like a King than at this moment.
“Let him come forth!” Draven’s deep voice boomed out the command making everyone in the room twitch with fear.
“
Yes my Lord,” said a servant that bowed deeply before him. I arched my neck to see around the people that hid my view of the great doors at the end. They were the size of a two storey building and were made from dark mahogany. Great golden bars crossed over each other that looked to be a locking mechanism. The servant walked back towards them and slowly they began to open flooding the room with a blinding light. I was the only one now squinting my eyes which made me wonder if I was the only human here. At some point I was losing the knowledge of this being an actual dream. It felt too real. I could even smell the sandstone floor, feel the sweat beading down my forehead and taste the salt in the air. It felt like I was near the sea and I had the greatest urge to run for the doors and find out. But then a dark, tall figure emerged in the opening, casting the longest shadow along the floor and that urge quickly turned into finding out who this man was. The light was too bright behind him to make out any features yet, so like everyone else I had to wait.
He walked head held high as though he was on the same level as Draven and when the King spoke I knew he was likely so.
“My friend, I welcome you. I was told of your coming and hope our alliance will fortify through the centuries.” Draven said looking pleased at the sight coming closer to his throne.
“That is a likely prospect indeed, my King. You have my loyalty as I am sure I will gain yours,” said a voice that I was surely mistaking. It couldn’t be...could it? He got closer now and his long, hooded cloak floated around him like black liquid. I had started to move through the crowd and gave up all chances at being unseen. I, and the figure before Draven, were the only ones who had their hoods concealing their identities and I wondered who would be the first to reveal themselves. I just didn’t care now, as I pushed past bodies in my way getting to the front of the crowd. Murmurs and frowns left behind me in my wake as finally I came to the front and saw just how close I was to both the men that stood facing each other. I made it there just in time to see the hooded figure raise the cloth from over his head. The man’s face was now in full view and I couldn’t help the scream that erupted from deep inside of me. It was a noise of sheer terror that echoed off the great walls and amplified it tenfold.
The Two Kings (Afterlife Saga) Page 74