“Have you seen him since the accident?”
“I used to. The last time I went over there Bronson told me not to come back. It was the day you messaged me, and I was pretty fucked up about it. Supporting Bronson was the least I could do, and now he doesn’t even want me to do that.” Keller pours another drink and takes a sip. “And now I don’t have that anymore.”
I clamp down the urge to reach out to him. “Do you think maybe Bronson was giving you an out? Maybe he just wants you to be at peace?”
“I don’t deserve that.” He sets the glass down.
“Everyone deserves to be at peace, Keller.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because the only time I’m even close to being at peace is when I’m with you. Don’t you see? I’m in love with you, and I can’t let you be with me. I’m no good for you.”
Keller sniffs and I feel tears track down my face.
I get up and round the counter, my heart bursting from his matter-of-fact declaration but terrified at the same time. I place my hands on his cheeks. “Don’t you think it’s my choice though? Whether I want to be with you or not?”
Keller pulls back and shakes his head. “I’m poison. I won’t taint you, Maddie.”
I reach out and put my hands on his shoulders. “Keller, what happened to Bronson isn’t your fault, and you didn’t cause Shannon’s issues. Everyone makes bad choices, and you were how old when you made yours? You hit a guy and concussed him. You didn’t start the fire that caused the warehouse to burn. You can’t take responsibility for that. And Shannon, I can’t speak for her, but it seems to me her issues lie a lot deeper than you.”
Keller stands and walks to the french doors. I feel the distance creep in and the walls go up, and I need to fight for us right now.
For our future.
I stand and go to him. I wrap my arms around him. “Don’t you get it? You aren’t poison, you’re the antidote. You made me see what I was missing in my life.” Reaching up, I tilt his chin down till his eyes meet mine. “Keller, today I got my dream job, and all I could think about was sharing that with you. Can’t you see I need you just as much as you need me? You aren’t poison. It’s time to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself and let me love you while you love me.”
Keller turns; he wraps his arms around me and crushes me to him before he smashes his lips to mine. His whole body trembles as he holds me, and eventually he lowers us to the floor. I crawl onto his lap and tighten my arms around his neck as his body gives in to the racking sobs.
We stay there for long moments, and eventually when his hiccupping sobs subsides, he blows out a breath. “I don’t want to ruin you, Maddie, but I can’t let you go.”
“Then don’t,” I whisper as I find his lips again.
Twenty-Seven – Letting Go
Keller
“Are you ready?” Maddie asks me from the doorway.
Not even fucking close. “Yep.”
She walks over to me and straightens my tie. “When it comes to tying a girl to a bed you’ve got it down, but for its original use, not so much,” she teases, retying the knot.
I pull her in flush against me. “It’s not just any girl I tie to this bed. You’re the only one for me.”
Maddie taps my cheek. “I better be.” Her eyes sober up. “We better go or we’ll be late. Have you got the address?”
“I do. Are you sure about this?”
“Of course. She has to be nervous; I imagine she could use the support.”
Fuck, I love this girl. How many girls would be okay with their guy spending time with his ex? Alright, we’re not exactly going on a date, but the point remains.
“I love you.”
“I love the sound of that. Tell me again.”
“I love you.” My lips crash against hers, and I pour everything into the kiss I can to show her, instead of telling her.
She pulls back, a little flushed and breathless. “I love you right back, Keller Cannon.”
We drive in silence to the address Shannon gave me. She’s staying in a sweet bed-and-breakfast at the edge of town. I get out of the car and round the hood. Opening Maddie’s door, I hold my hand out to her. Her eyes are covered by her sunglasses, but I know they are shimmering with love beneath.
“Go ahead, I’ll wait here,” she says.
“Nope, I want you with me.”
“Will you ever stop being bossy?”
“Will you ever do as you’re told?”
Before we start walking, the door to cottage number five opens, and Shannon starts walking down the path arched by trees. She was released from the hospital the day after she got admitted, and thankfully we were able to wrap up the video without reshooting. She slips her sunglasses on, but not before I see her red-rimmed eyes. I have to admire Shannon in this moment. It’s taking a huge amount of guts to do what she’s doing today. I’m nervous myself, but with Maddie at my side, I know I can get through this.
I don’t know where I’d be without Maddie. She’s been with me every step of the way during this gauntlet of a week. She hosted a dinner for my family so I could come clean with them about what really happened the night of the fire. She shed tears with me as my family collectively hugged me tight and let me know that nothing had changed. She was there when I told my band, who pretty much did the same but in their own way.
It was a week of catharsis, but I’m not naïve to believe that I’m over the hump. The road to forgiving myself is still long and rocky, but having Maddie in my life means I can conquer whatever lies ahead.
Before I get a chance to say anything to Shannon, Maddie steps forward and pulls her into a hug. At first Shannon remains stiff, but eventually she folds over Maddie and hugs her back. Maddie holds on to my ex much the same as she did to me the night I told her about Bronson. And much like that night, without saying a word, she gives Shannon what she needs.
Will this girl ever cease to amaze me? I don’t fucking think so.
We arrive at Bronson’s place, and Damien ushers us to the back garden where white chairs flank a red carpet on the now manicured lawn. An archway covered in red and white roses stands at the end of the carpet. Sunlight filters through the petals onto Bronson, propped up in his standing chair and beaming widely at the minister as they go over the last-minute details. If you’d told me a couple of weeks ago that I’d be at Bronson’s wedding, I’d have called you a liar to your face, but here I am, with Maddie and my ex, waiting to celebrate a new chapter of Bronson’s life.
Nothing could’ve surprised me more than getting an invitation to Bronson and Laura’s wedding last week. As I gaze around at all the guests attending today, I realize Bronson has a community of support. Jeana waves at me from the front row, and Damien takes a seat next to her. Maddie squeezes my hand and points to the flat-screen mounted on the wall of the shed. A montage of images appears on the screen while we wait for Laura. Every last one of them is of Bronson and Laura beaming at the camera as Laura takes selfie after selfie. Each image gets more ridiculous than the next as we get a glimpse into their lives. Crazy hats, funny masks, weird face paint. There’s even one with Bronson dressed up as a French maid with one of those weird hats and a feather duster propped in his hand. Laura is bent over as though she’s waiting for a tickling, and Bronson looks to be in a fit of laughter.
Why didn’t I see this before? Despite his injuries and limitations, Bronson was still happy. He was living.
I look over at Shannon, and she’s smiling wide. I know she’s seeing the same thing I am. We both look to Bronson at the same time, and his face echoes the happiness we see on-screen. It only widens as the wedding march sounds and Laura makes her entrance. We turn to watch her being led down the aisle by her father. She’s beautiful in a white gown that rustles as she walks. I hear Maddie sniffle next to me and turn to smile at the woman more beautiful than any bride could ever be. I lean in and place a gentle kiss
on her lips. “I love you.”
She rubs my leg, her eyes glistening. “Shhh, you’ll ruin it.”
I stifle the chuckle about to erupt from my mouth and kiss her one more time before turning back to where Laura has just joined Bronson. Her father seats himself next to who I assume is Laura’s mom on the right. There’s no wedding party. Just the two of them waiting to tie the knot in front of the minister.
The ceremony is short and to the point, and Maddie cries the whole way through. I love that about her—she says she doesn’t like tears, but she isn’t afraid to shed them for other people. Bronson and Laura make their way to the refreshment table, and we all line up to offer our congratulations. I was so wrapped up in the ceremony that I forgot how nervous I was, but now that I’m about to come face-to-face with Bronson again, my heart is pounding like a drop beat.
Laura’s parents congratulate the newly married couple and move on, and now I’m standing in front of Bronson.
“Thought I told you not to come around here,” Bronson quips, a wide smile stretched across his face.
“Shouldn’t’ve invited me, then.”
“That wasn’t me.” He turns his head to Laura. “I’m guessing this was your doing. Is it too early to get a divorce?”
Laura swats Bronson’s arm.
“Stop beating on me, woman, and give your husband a kiss.”
We hang around for a rather uncomfortable moment while Bronson porno kisses his bride. Maddie makes a hushed “aww” sound and snuggles into my side.
“Anyway,” Bronson says as though he didn’t just interrupt the conversation. “Sorry for the short notice. I had to wrap this one up before she ran off with a dude that still has use of his arms.”
My stomach dips, but I push it aside knowing this isn’t a day to be stuck in the past. “Yeah, I could see how that would be a handicap.”
“Fuck you, dude. Tongue still works.”
We all laugh and Laura blushes. “Excuse my husband, he doesn’t have a filter. He’s not wrong though.”
“Oh my God, I love you guys!” Maddie exclaims from next to me.
Bronson looks at Maddie as though it’s the first time he’s seeing her. I think it is since we’ve been so wrapped up in our banter that I was rude and didn’t introduce her. “I see you brought a hottie.” He mock-flinches. “You’re not gonna hit me for that, are you?”
Laura swats him again. “No, but I will.”
Maddie smiles. “I’m Maddie. Congratulations, I hope you both have a wonderful life together. By the looks of things, you’re well on your way.”
Bronson winks. “I wish I could say the same to you, but you’re stuck with this oaf.”
“Oh my goodness, he’s out of control. I’m gonna save you all from him and head over to the drinks table. Lovely to meet you.”
“Live it up, Keller. Don’t waste what you have.”
I look at Maddie. I’m definitely not taking a second for granted.
Laura walks beside Bronson as he directs his chair over to the drinks table. I see Shannon tentatively head toward them. I know I should give them a moment, but I feel like I can’t look away. Bronson says something to Shannon, and she smiles widely. He seems to repeat himself, and she starts laughing before she moves in and gives him a hug. I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, and clear my throat as relief tsunamis over me. I hadn’t realized till now how much I needed her to have closure too. I can’t say for sure if that’s what’s happening, but at least she looks happy.
“I’m proud of you, Mr. Cannon.”
I turn to look at Maddie. “Why’s that?”
“Because I am, and I love you.”
I pull her into me. “I love you too.”
“Show me by feeding me. I’m starved.”
I chuckle and reach for a plate to hand to Maddie. I shoot one last look over my shoulder, and Shannon is still laughing with Bronson and Laura, and the knot in my stomach untwists.
I turn back to Maddie, and she’s looking at Shannon too, her smile serene and tears glinting in her eyes.
How the fuck did I get so lucky?
♫
Despite the day turning out much better than I expected, the hours seem to drag before I finally drive Maddie and me home. While I take a call from Sydney to update her about the day’s events, Maddie walks to the bedroom. A few minutes later, I loosen my tie and follow her. I find Maddie on my bed with nothing but an orange bow tied around her neck.
“Syd, I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I hang up before I hear my sister’s response and toss it on the couch.
“I thought we could take Bronson’s advice.” Maddie bites her lip. “You know, waste not want not, right?”
I panther crawl up the bed, tracing the satin bow with my finger before loosening it. I unthread the bow and gently gather Maddie’s wrist, placing a kiss on her pulse point.
“I’m never going to waste a second of our time, and I’m always gonna want you.”
Mischief and so much more shines in her eyes.
“Show me, then.”
Epilogue
Maddie
One Year Later…
I confirm I’m at the address Keller gave me with strict instructions to be here by 8:00 p.m. before pulling my Cortina—newly overhauled by yours truly—to a stop against the curb. It took me a while to get the “driving on the wrong side of the road” thing down, but finally I did. I head toward the empty but lit-up building Keller told me to come to, and the bell chimes above the door as I push it open. I’m bone-tired, but it’s the good tired that comes from working your butt off doing something you love.
This past year has been a whirlwind. After I signed the contract with Breakout, they arranged my work visa as promised. I moved into my own place, much to Keller’s disappointment, but I wanted us to get to know each other like normal couples: go on dates, miss each other, look forward to sleepovers, that kind of thing. Keller also had a lot he needed to work through, and I felt like if I was living with him, we’d get so wrapped up in the new relationship that he wouldn’t be able to work through his stuff without the distraction, and that would be unhealthy.
Keller’s road to self-forgiveness has been a long one. He tortured himself for twelve years over one night of losing control, so it makes sense that the journey would be long. I was there for him whenever he needed it, and gave him the space when he needed that too. Slowly he started opening up to me; we’d have late night chats over the phone or face-to-face when we stayed at each other’s places, and with each memory, I could see his burden lift off him. He still has some work to do, but I’ll be there every step of the way.
I’ve also worked out my issues. Blair and I don’t get to spend as much time with each other as I would’ve liked because of all her touring, but I realize now that it doesn’t matter how far apart we are, we can still be as close as ever. I need to just open my heart to it. The same goes for Mom and the McKenzies. With Mom traveling and me moving over here, the distance gets hard at times, but we have frequent video calls. Papaw sends me a ton of videos of the 1960s Volvo he’s restoring, and on Sunday afternoons, we have a huge video call: Blair, Dean, the McKenzies, Mom, Keller and me. No one can understand what anyone else is saying ’cause we’re all talking over each other, but it’s so great to see everyone, I don’t care.
“Hello?” I call when I realize the bell didn’t alert anyone.
Keller pops up from behind the counter, and I can see why he didn’t hear me. He has his ear pods in. He’s covered from head to toe in flour, and his hands are sticky with batter.
His eyes flash to mine, and disappointment flits over his face. “You’re early.”
I look at my Fitbit. “Yeah, fifteen minutes. Keller Cannon, the least you can do after dragging me down here after a long shift is come and kiss me.” I pout, my hands on my hips.
“Yeah, sorry, I just wanted to clean up before you got here.”
Keller wipes his hands on the apron a
nd pockets his ear pods as he rounds the counter. Lifting me, he plants a smacking kiss on my lips.
“Yuck, you got me all full of…” I wave my hands. “Whatever it is you’re covered in.” I look around the shop. Aside from it being covered in flour dust, it looks like it used to be a really cute bakery slash coffee shop. All the ovens and equipment are still here. “What is this place?”
“It’s a bakery.”
“I can see that, but why are we here?”
“I bought this for you.”
I frown. “What do you mean, you bought it for me?” Why am I being so dense? I really need to get a handle on myself when gifts are sprung on me. I didn’t respond in the best way when Dean bought me the car either.
Keller shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks on his heels. “I bought you a bakery. Before you flip your donkey, I know you wanted to make a go of everything on your own, but you’ve been working your ass off in that tiny kitchen of yours, and I figured if you had a place to work in that had the space and equipment and was yours, you could get the same amount of work done in half the time and I could spend more time balls-deep in you.”
I lean back and look up at Keller. “So purely selfish reasons, then?” I tease.
“One hundred percent selfish.” He dips his head and kisses my neck.
“Mmmm,” I moan. “And how would I go about paying you back for all this? I’m a struggling baker, you know?”
Keller works his way up my jaw. “I think we can figure out an arrangement that would benefit both our needs.” He emphasizes the word needs.
“And when exactly would I have to start paying you back?”
Keller slips the strap of my orange sundress off my shoulder. “You could make a down payment now if you like?”
I sink to my knees but then pop up again. “First, we need to get rid of this nasty apron. What’s on it?”
Drop Beat (The Heartbeat Series Book 2) Page 17