Bad For Me

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Bad For Me Page 9

by J. B. Leigh


  “Let me finish. This is hard for me.”

  “Sorry. Carry on.”

  “She said I was sending you mixed messages. She said I should let you know, once and for all, where you stood.”

  “It's fine,” JJ said. “You don't need to... ”

  “I want to. I can't carry on like this.”

  “Megan, you don't have to say... ”

  “I have feelings for you.” Somehow, I'd got the words out.

  “What?” He looked confused—surprised even. “You do?” He was smiling now. “Wow! I thought you were going to say... Never mind. You know how I feel about you.”

  “Not really.”

  “You must do.”

  “I’m never sure if you’re being serious or just fooling around.”

  “Megan. Look at me. I’m being deadly serious. I've never felt this way about anyone. I love you.”

  “How can you?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t even know it was possible. I just know that it’s true.”

  “It’s difficult for me to trust… ”

  “You can trust me. I promise I'll never let you down.”

  “I want to believe you,” I said.

  “Then do it. Trust me. What do you have to lose?”

  “Everything.”

  He reached across the desk, and put his hand on mine.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  I nodded.

  As he walked around the desk, I could hardly breathe. When his lips touched mine, I thought my whole body would explode. I'd never felt so happy or so scared in all of my life.

  “We have to take this slowly,” I said—still trembling inside. “I know I can come over as a confident, mouthy bitch, but that’s not the real me. This is all new to me. I'm not experienced like you. Julie told me you’ve had lots of girlfriends.”

  “Thanks, Julie.”

  “I’ve never had a real relationship before.”

  “Never?”

  I shook my head. I hadn’t even admitted that to Julie.

  “Slow is fine by me.” He kissed me again. A gentle kiss on the lips, which I wished would last forever. “What about Julie?”

  I didn’t know what he meant.

  “Do we tell her?” he said.

  “She’ll know—trust me.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.”

  ********************

  “Megan? Are you okay?” Caroline asked.

  “Yeah—fine. Why?”

  “I’ve never seen anyone so happy at their work.”

  “Sorry. I was miles away.” I hadn’t realised I was smiling.

  “Did you read the memo?”

  “Which memo?”

  “The one that’s been on your desk for the last hour.”

  “Whoops. Sorry.”

  The memo from JJ was addressed to all members of staff. It was brief and rather vague, but essentially requested everyone attend a meeting in the large conference room at four pm.

  “What’s the meeting about?” I asked.

  “I thought you might have known,” Caroline said.

  “I’ve no idea.”

  “It must be about the sale. That’s what everyone seems to think. This doesn’t look good.”

  “JJ wouldn’t do anything to hurt the staff.”

  “If someone is waving millions of pounds in front of his nose, who knows what he'll do. If someone offered me a million, I’d take it in a heartbeat. I couldn’t blame him if he did the same.”

  JJ hadn’t said a thing to me about selling the company. The only time I’d mentioned the subject, he'd laughed it off. I couldn’t believe that he would dump all over the people who had helped him build up the business.

  “Is everyone here?”

  We were all in the main conference room. JJ was standing at the front of the room next to the whiteboard.

  “Okay. I’m going to keep this brief. There’s been a lot of speculation that the company might be sold. I haven’t spoken to you before because there was nothing concrete to announce. Now there is.”

  A mutter went around the room.

  “An offer has been made for the company. A very generous offer, and one which I can't turn down.”

  More muttering.

  “There are a number of points I want to make. I’d be grateful if you would allow me to go through each of these, and then I’ll answer any questions you may have. Firstly, and most importantly—all of your jobs are safe. As part of the negotiations, I have an agreement written into the contract that anyone currently on the payroll cannot be made redundant for three years. If they are—they will receive the remainder of their three years' worth of salary in a lump sum. Secondly, the company is to retain its own identity—it will continue to trade as DraxSoft although it will become a division of the holding company. Finally, although I will no longer be involved with the day-to-day running of the business, I will be retained as a consultant for a period of three years.”

  “What happens after three years?” Someone called from the back of the room.

  “I don’t know. The company may continue as it is beyond three years, but that was the longest period that I could get written into the contract. And, let’s be realistic, there are very few jobs which offer job security indefinitely. Any other questions?”

  After the last of the questions, I walked back to the office with Caroline.

  “What do you think?” I said.

  “I’d have preferred the company hadn’t been sold, but I think JJ did the best for us he could.”

  That seemed to be the consensus from the room as far as I could make out.

  “It’s going to make JJ a very wealthy man,” Caroline said, as she fed coins into the vending machine. “I hope it doesn’t change him.”

  I hadn’t given a thought to the money. No figures had been discussed, but from what I’d heard in and around the office before today, the speculation was the company would sell for several million. I wondered why JJ hadn’t mentioned this when I'd been in his office that morning.

  ********************

  JJ insisted on giving me a lift back to the flat after work.

  “How did they take the news in the office?” he asked.

  “Okay, I think. I didn’t hear any negative comments.”

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t mention it to you this morning.”

  “That’s okay. It’s business—I understand. I’m glad you didn’t tell me. I would've felt awful if I’d have known about it before the others. I’m a bit worried about what kind of reaction I'll get when people know that we're an item.”

  “Say that again.” JJ smiled.

  “What?”

  “Say 'we are an item'. I like the sound of it.” He put his hand on my knee.

  “Caroline said you’re going to be rich.”

  “Is that why you agreed to go out with me?”

  “No! I didn’t even know... ”

  “I’m joking.”

  “I knew that.”

  “I’ll come in with you.” JJ took my hand.

  I tried to remember the last time I'd walked hand-in-hand with someone. It must have been with my mum or maybe my dad—when I was a little kid. It felt strange; it felt awkward. It felt good.

  “Megan, did you remember the milk?” Julie shouted from the kitchen.

  “Shit! Sorry, I forgot all...”

  “Whoa!” Julie appeared—her jaw dropped as she saw us hand-in-hand. “About bloody time too. You two have been driving me crazy. Come here.”

  Julie hugged and kissed first me, and then JJ.

  “You better look after her or I’ll chop your balls off and feed them to you.”

  “When did you get such a potty mouth, sis?”

  “I mean it.”

  “I know, and I will.” JJ kissed me.

  “Gross!” Julie said. “I’m thrilled for you both, but you’ve got to keep this away from me. It creeps me out watching my big brother and my best friend sucking each oth
er’s lips off.”

  She pretended to shudder.

  “Anyway, big bro. I hear you’re rich now, so how about you buy me a sports car?”

  “Where did you hear about the sale?”

  “I have my sources. So, when are you two going out on your first official date?”

  “Tonight,” I said.

  “Anywhere nice?”

  “Along the embankment. We’re looking for Billy,” JJ said.

  “You really know how to spoil a girl,” Julie laughed.

  Chapter 22

  The good news was we knew Billy was still in the area. The bad news was we knew he was drinking. We'd already visited all of the shelters, and had left a photo of Billy and our contact details at each of them. The only thing left for us to do was search the streets. I’m not sure I could have faced it without JJ. I'd had no idea that some of those places we visited even existed. They were home to an underclass that the rest of society either couldn’t or wouldn’t see. We'd drawn up a list of the main ‘hot-spots’, and marked them on a map. The plan was to work our way through them in the evenings and at the weekend—whenever we had time. It would take us weeks, and even then there was no guarantee of success.

  “I think we should call it a day,” JJ said. We had been pounding the streets for almost two hours, and it was starting to go dark. “I’m starving, let’s get fish and chips.”

  “Shouldn’t you be eating caviar now you’re a millionaire?”

  “I’d take fish and chips over caviar any day.”

  “And there I was thinking that I would be living the jet set life.”

  “These are delicious,” I said. We were on our way back to the car—eating fish and chips out of paper trays.

  “Megan—what happened to your dad?”

  The question came out of nowhere, and blindsided me for a few moments.

  “Where did that come from? What made you think about my dad?”

  “All I know about you is what Julie has told me. I want to know everything.”

  “You really don’t.”

  “I do. Julie said your dad walked out. Is that why you don’t trust men?”

  “Jeez, JJ. I thought we were having a fish and chip supper. I didn’t expect a therapy session. “

  I'd never talked to anyone about my life—not in any detail. But then, there hadn’t been anyone to tell—only Julie. I’d only told her bits and bobs.

  “Dad left when I was twelve. I didn’t even know he'd gone for good. I thought he was working away. It was only when I asked Mum where he was that she told me he'd run off with another woman.”

  “Way to break it gently. Is that really what she said?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t know what she meant. I soon found out when the kids at school started to tease me. Some of them were supposedly my friends.”

  “Kids can be cruel.”

  “Tell me about it. I'd just about come to terms with Dad leaving when Mum started to drink.”

  “Why did she start?”

  “I think it was all connected to Dad's leaving—that and money problems.”

  “Money?”

  “We were broke. She bought booze, so she could get drunk and forget we had no money. Solid plan! We often didn’t have enough for food.”

  “Why didn’t the authorities step in?”

  “They probably would have if I hadn’t covered things up.” I shrugged.

  “You were only a kid yourself.”

  “What else could I do? Mum was pissed all of the time, and Billy was useless. I was scared of being taken into care, so I took over the running of the house.”

  “What about money?”

  “I had to make sure I got to the benefit payment before Mum pissed it away.”

  “After all that shit, I’m surprised you even cared when your Mum was taken into hospital.”

  “She was still my mum.”

  “She didn’t deserve you.”

  “I sometimes wonder if things would have been different if Dad hadn’t left. Would Mum still have become an alcoholic?”

  “And you’ve never heard from your Dad?”

  “Not a word. He could be dead for all I know. I hope he is.”

  “They were delicious.” I'd eaten every last chip.

  “Told you. Can’t beat fish and chips in a tray. Come on; let’s get back to the car. I’ll run you home.”

  “No.”

  “We can’t do any more tonight. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

  “I don’t want to go back to the flat. I want to come home with you.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

  “You aren’t. It’s what I want.”

  I was nervous, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted JJ to be my first. I trusted him. I wanted him. I felt an ache I'd never known before. He pulled me into his arms; my body was pressed hard against his. The ache intensified.

  As we made our way through the streets, JJ held my hand. I'd dreamed of tonight a million times, but in those dreams I'd never been able to see the face of the man by my side. Now, the dream was a reality.

  “There are so many of them.” JJ pointed to a man slumped in the doorway of a pharmacist. The homeless were invisible to most passersby, but we saw every one of them. The figure had a coat pulled up to his chin. Next to him was a tin—empty.

  JJ dipped into his pocket, and brought out a handful of change which he dropped into the tin,

  “Thanks.” The man's voice was slurred, but I recognised it immediately.

  “Billy?”

  ********************

  “Billy. It’s me—Megan.”

  “Megggaan,” he slurred.

  “Billy, look at me.”

  He struggled to keep his eyes open long enough to focus.

  “Billy!”

  “Meggaan?”

  Billy and I had never been close, but it broke my heart to see him in that state. He had an unkempt beard, was dirty and he smelled—mainly of drink.

  “We have to get him back.” I turned to JJ who seemed transfixed. “JJ!”

  “Sorry. What?”

  “We have to get him back.”

  “I’ll go for the car. We can lift him between us.”

  While JJ went to fetch the BMW, I tried talking to Billy. It was a waste of time. He managed the odd word. Even the odd sentence, but none of it made much sense until...

  “Megan. Mum’s dead.”

  “I know Billy.”

  “She’s dead Megan.” He was crying now. Crying and rocking back and forth. I sat beside him—my arm around his shoulder.

  “It’s okay, Billy. You’re okay now.”

  It was a struggle, but between the two of us we managed to lift Billy into the back seat of the BMW. I dreaded to think what the hire company would say when JJ handed back the car. It would reek of alcohol.

  “I’m not sure what Julie is going to say when we take him to the flat,” I said.

  “We can’t take him back to your place. It wouldn’t be fair on Julie.”

  “Where then?”

  “To my place.”

  “Are you sure?”

  JJ nodded.

  “We’ll have to take him in the back way.” JJ parked in the basement car park.

  It was the first time I'd visited JJ’s apartment. The front reception was manned by a concierge. There was no way we could have taken Billy in that way.

  “What if someone sees us?” I asked.

  “They won’t. Come on—let’s get him into the lift.”

  As we waited for the lift to arrive, I said a silent prayer that it would be empty. For once my prayer was answered.

  “Second floor.” JJ said. I was nearest to the controls.

  As I watched the numbers on the panel light up, I hoped the lift wouldn’t stop en-route. It didn’t. The doors opened on the second floor; the corridor was empty.

  “Second on the left,” JJ said.

  “Where shall we put him?”


  “Straight into the bath. The bathroom is over there.”

  It took both of us to get Billy undressed. His clothes were disgusting, and without them he smelled even worse. We didn’t dare leave Billy alone in the bath because he was drifting in and out of consciousness.

  “Are you all right with him for a minute?” JJ asked.

  “Yeah.” I was holding Billy’s head so he didn’t flop face first into the water.

  JJ returned two minutes later with two champagne glasses and a bottle.

  “I don’t drink.”

  “It’s okay,” JJ said. “It’s alcohol-free. It was meant to celebrate our first night together.”

  “How did you know I would suggest we come back here?”

  “I didn’t, but I lived in hope.” He poured two glasses and passed one to me.

  “To us.”

  This isn't how I'd pictured tonight playing out.

  I bathed Billy, and then we dressed him in t-shirt and shorts. By the time we'd tucked him into the bed in the spare room, both JJ and I were exhausted.

  “A night to remember,” JJ said.

  “For all the wrong reasons. I’m sorry you had to do this.”

  “It isn’t a problem.”

  “It’s kind of spoiled the atmosphere. I don’t think I can... ”

  “Don’t worry. We'll have plenty of nights together.”

  “Promise?”

  JJ took my hand. “I promise. I’d better run you back home.”

  “What about Billy?”

  “He'll be okay.”

  “What if he takes off again?”

  “He won’t. I’m going to get him some help.”

  “What kind of help?”

  “There’s a clinic.”

  “A private clinic?”

  “Yes. It’s about thirty miles away.”

  “There’s no money for a private clinic.”

  “You’re forgetting something. I’m a millionaire now.”

  “I can’t take your money.”

  “I’m not giving you my money. I’m paying the fees for a friend.”

  “You barely know Billy.”

  “Megan. Let me do this—please.”

  JJ dropped me at the flat. He didn’t come up because he didn’t want to leave Billy alone for any longer than necessary. When I walked in, Julie was in the living room, sharing my chocolate digestives with her sister.

 

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