Bad For Me

by J. B. Leigh

  I heard the outer door—probably Julie. I'd been horrible to her earlier. She'd said she didn't know anything about JJ's drinking. From the look on her face, I'm sure she'd been telling the truth. That hadn't stopped me laying into her for no particular reason. I made my way out of the bedroom with the intention of apologising, but it wasn't Julie I'd heard.

  “Why are you here?”

  “We have to talk,” JJ said.

  “No, we don't. There's nothing more to say. How did you get in?”

  “Julie gave me her keys.”

  “You might be able to sweet-talk your sister, but it isn't going to work with me.”

  Won't you at least let me try to explain?”

  “There's nothing to explain. You're a drunk. I don't need any more drunks in my life.”

  I had to force myself to ignore the hurt in his eyes. I had to get him out of the flat.

  “Don't I get a second chance?”

  “To do what? Lie to me again? Let me down? Leave me?”

  “I would never let you down.”

  “You already have.”

  “What about Billy?”

  “What's he got to do with anything?”

  “You're prepared to give him a second chance.”

  “Billy is my brother. He's family. You are... ”

  I hesitated.

  “What?” What am I?”

  “You are nothing to me. Nothing at all.”

  He lowered his gaze. He was staring at the floor. For the longest moment, he didn't speak. When he finally looked up again, I could see the hurt etched in his face.

  “What about Billy's treatment?” he said.

  “What about it?”

  “Can you afford to pay for it?”

  “You know I can't.”

  “I'll continue to pay for it on two conditions”

  “I don't want anything from you.”

  “What about Billy? What do you think will happen to him if they discharge him now?”

  “I don't know.”

  “He'll be drunk within a week, and probably dead within a year. Do you want that on your conscience?”

  “That isn't fair.”

  “Life's not fair, Megan. I'm offering you a chance to save your brother.”

  “What are the conditions?”

  “I accompany you every time you go to Mossbry.”

  “I don't want to be around you.”

  “How else are you going to get there?”

  “I'll take a bus.”

  “There are no buses which would get you there.”

  “Taxi.”

  “If you don't allow me to take you—Billy won't be at Mossbry.”

  “So you're blackmailing me?”

  “If that's what you want to call it.”

  “What's the second condition?”

  “You continue to work at DraxSoft.”

  “How can I?”

  “Why can't you? There's still a job for you to do. You're a good worker.”

  I wanted to tell him where he could stick his two conditions, but I'd already let Billy down once when I ran away. I owed it to him to make sure he received the treatment he needed. As soon as Billy was discharged, I could leave DraxSoft.

  “Okay. But I have a condition too.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I don't want to see you for one moment longer than I absolutely have to. No coming around to the flat.”

  “What about Julie?”

  “She will have to go to your place or you can come around when I'm not in.”

  “Okay. I'll pick you up later then.”

  “Right.”

  I watched JJ leave.

  ********************

  “Are you okay?” Julie asked.

  “I guess so.” I wasn't.

  “Don't be too hard on JJ.”

  “Don't try to defend him, Julie. I don't want to fall out with you, but I will if you try to justify what he did.”

  “He really does love you.”

  “How can he? It doesn't matter anyway—I can't be around him.”

  “What did he say when he came around?”

  “He is blackmailing me into staying at DraxSoft.”

  “Blackmailing?”

  “He said he'd continue to pay for Billy's treatment if I carry on working there, and allow him to take me to the clinic. He's picking me up later.”

  “I can't believe JJ would do that just out of spite. He isn't that vindictive. Maybe he's hoping you might get back together.”

  “He's out of luck then. It's never going to happen.”

  “What about when Billy comes out of treatment? You won't run away again will you?”

  I shrugged. I desperately wanted to get away, but I didn't want to desert Billy again. I was trapped.

  Chapter 29

  JJ waited in the car for me. I'd told him not to come to the flat. I climbed into the passenger seat, and stared out of the side window.

  “I don't want you to fall out with Julie,” he said.

  “I haven't.”

  “She didn't know about the drink. Janet wanted to tell her I'd been admitted to Mossbry, but I wanted to protect her.”

  “JJ.”

  “What?”

  “I said you could take me to see Billy. I didn't agree to talk to you.”

  “It's a long drive. Kind of difficult not to talk.”

  “Try.”

  “I guess I'll just talk to myself then. You can't stop me doing that.”

  It was raining. I traced the raindrops as they streaked the window.

  “We're good for one another,” he said. “You must have felt that—I know you did.”

  I tried to block out his words by focusing on the countryside rushing by.

  The journey to the clinic seemed to take forever. Once we'd arrived, I left JJ in reception and made my way up to Billy's room. He was sitting on the balcony that overlooked the gardens.

  “You're looking much better,” I said.

  “Thanks. I still feel a little shaky.”

  “But you're going to see it through?”

  “Course I am. I don't want to end up like Mum.”

  He was saying all the right things, but words were cheap.

  “How did you get here?”

  “JJ drove me.”

  “Where is he?”

  “He's waiting in reception.”

  “He should have come up.”

  “I don't want him here.”

  “I thought you two were an item?”

  “We're not.” I decided to steer the discussion away from JJ. “We have to decide what you're going to do when you get out.”

  “I don't like to think about it.”

  “You have to. The council have washed their hands of you. I'm going to try to find a small bedsit for you.”

  “Couldn't I move in with you?”

  “No. I'm not your mum, Billy. You have to stand on your own two feet.”

  “I'm sorry. I do appreciate what you've done.”

  “I know.”

  We hugged. It's a long time since we'd done that. I wiped away a tear.

  “How is he?” JJ asked when visiting time was over.

  “Much better.”

  “It's a roller coaster. Some days he'll be okay. Others...”

  “You'd know all about that.”

  “I just don't want you to rush him. You'll know when he's ready.”

  “I guess it suits you to drag it out.”

  I regretted the words as soon as I'd said them. JJ didn't respond.

  It was late when I arrived back at the flat.

  “Popcorn?” Julie had the biggest bag of popcorn I'd ever seen.

  “Not for me.”

  “How was Billy?”

  “Okay. He seemed quite bright.”

  “How long will he be in there?”

  “I don't know. No one can give me a straight answer.”

  “What did JJ say about Billy?”

  “He didn't see him.
I made him wait in reception.”

  “You're a hard woman, Megan. JJ's only trying to help.”

  “I don't need his help. I'm going to bed.”

  I did need help, but how could I accept it from JJ? He was a drunk and a liar. I'd have to get through this by myself just like I'd always done.

  Chapter 30

  JJ had sent out a memo asking everyone to meet in the main conference room at three o' clock.

  “Any idea what this is about?” Caroline asked.

  “How would I know?” I snapped.

  “Sorry. I just thought... ”

  “I don’t have any idea.”

  “I was sorry to hear about you and JJ.”

  I’d been back at DraxSoft for three days. I'd been pretty sure Caroline knew about the split-up, but this was the first time she'd mentioned it.

  “It happens.”

  “JJ's one of the good guys.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I know. I’m just saying... Don’t give up on him too quickly. I’d hate to see him go back to how he was before you... ”

  “Hold on. Don’t lay that on me. I’m not responsible for what JJ does or doesn’t do.”

  “I know. I just meant—I don’t want to see him hurt. Sorry, it's none of my business.”

  “Is everyone here?” JJ looked around the conference room, and then his gaze seemed to fix on me for the longest moment. I looked down at my feet.

  “Okay. As you know the sale has almost been completed. All the conditions I spelled out in our last get-together have been agreed. There is one minor change, however.”

  This caught everyone’s attention.

  “It’s nothing for any of you to worry about. All of the safeguards I mentioned last time are still in place. The only change is that I’ve decided to leave the company with immediate effect.”

  “Why?” Caroline said.

  “The new owners don’t need me around, and it might even prove counter-productive for me to stay on. It will be better for them, and for you, if I bow out and let the new regime take over.”

  “When will you be leaving?” Caroline asked.

  “As soon as we’re done here.”

  “Today?”

  “Yes.”

  I hadn’t seen this coming. Julie either didn’t know or hadn’t told me. Why would JJ have decided to leave so quickly? Surely it couldn’t have anything to do with our break up.

  After JJ had called an end to the meeting, he was surrounded by the staff who wanted to say their goodbyes. I noticed a few of the women, including Caroline, had tears in their eyes. I left the meeting, and returned to my office.

  That evening, JJ collected me from outside the flat as usual.

  “That announcement came out of the blue,” I said.

  “It’s time I moved on.”

  “When did you decide?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it for some time. I have the money to do whatever I want now. Maybe it’s time I travelled—saw something of the world.”

  “Oh?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere until Billy is out of the clinic.”

  “Right—thanks.”

  “You could come with me. We could see the world together.”

  “Leave it, JJ—please.”

  Once we arrived at Mossbry, I left JJ at reception as usual.

  “Billy?”

  His room was empty. I thought he might be in the en-suite.

  “Billy?” I pushed the door, which was already ajar. The bathroom was empty.

  I walked down the corridor until I came across one of the nurses.

  “Excuse me. I’m looking for Billy Taylor—room 71. He isn’t in his room.”

  “I saw him in the lounge earlier. Follow me, I'll take you there.”

  I took this as a positive sign. As far as I knew, it was the first time he'd ventured outside his room, except for consultations.

  “He's over there—in the corner.” The nurse pointed.

  “Billy?”

  “Megan. Is it that time already? I hadn’t realised.”

  I glanced at the young woman seated next to him. The two of them had been deep in conversation as I’d approached.

  “This is Wendy. Wendy, this is my sister Megan.”

  “Billy’s told me a lot about you.”

  “Nice to meet you.” I shook her hand—her grip was weak.

  “Wendy was admitted on the same day as me.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure of the protocol—should I ask why she was there? I knew the clinic treated a number of addictions.

  “We’re supporting one another,” Wendy said to me, but looked at Billy as she spoke.

  It occurred to me that I’d never known Billy to have a girlfriend. I thought Wendy might make her excuses and leave us alone, but the two of them spent the next hour talking to one another, and only occasionally remembered that I was there. I felt like I was playing gooseberry.

  “Megan?” JJ said when I returned to reception. “Is Billy okay?”

  “What? Yes.”

  “Are you sure? You look...”

  “He was in the lounge.”

  “That’s a good sign.”

  “With a woman.”

  “He must be feeling better. Who is she?”

  “Her name's Wendy. She’s a patient.”

  “Why is she here?”

  “I don’t know. That’s what worries me.”

  “Come on. I’ve got a little present for you in the car.” JJ started for the door.

  “Wait.” I caught up with him in the car park. “I don’t want anything from you.”

  “Get in the car.” He held open the passenger door. If he thought that splashing his riches on me was going to change the way I felt—he had another think coming.

  “I don’t want it.”

  “You don’t know what it is.” JJ opened the glove compartment.

  “Whatever it is, I don’t... ”

  JJ put the packet of chocolate digestives on my lap, and then started the car.

  I turned my face towards the side window, so he couldn’t see my smile. Julie never had replaced the biscuits, which she and Janet had eaten.

  I was so very hungry.

  “See you tomorrow,” JJ said when we arrived back at the flat.

  “Here.” I held out the biscuits—or what was left of them. I’d eaten almost half the pack.

  “You keep them. Just don’t let Julie see them. Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  “Chocolate digestives.” Julie licked her lips.

  “Hands off.”

  “Meany.”

  “You never replaced the last packet you nicked.”

  “I forgot. You greedy madam. You’ve already eaten half of them. Go on—give us one.”

  “Just one.”

  “How was Billy?” Julie took two digestives.

  “He seems to have found himself a girlfriend. Wendy—one of the patients.”

  “That sounds like a good sign. You must be pleased.”

  “So people keep telling me.”

  Chapter 31

  The next five weeks followed a similar pattern. At first, it seemed strange not to see JJ’s car in the car park at DraxSoft. The new owners moved their people in. The new Managing Director was a man named Stephen Carr who was several years older than JJ. He soon won the employees over—I got the firm impression that Caroline had a crush on him.

  JJ would collect me every evening, and take me to Mossbry. Most days, Billy would be with Wendy when I arrived. The doctor had told me Billy had made excellent progress, and that there was no reason why he shouldn’t be discharged within the next two weeks. I had started looking at bedsits. I wanted to find somewhere within walking distance of my flat, so I could look in on him regularly. Finding the right place wasn’t going to be easy because my funds were limited. I hadn’t told JJ about my hunt for a bedsit because I knew he would want to pay for it, but I didn’t want to be depend
ent upon him. I’d had no choice, but to accept JJ's help while Billy was at Mossbry, but once Billy was discharged, I wanted to cut my ties with JJ completely.

  Billy's room was empty. I couldn’t see him in the lounge, so I checked with reception.

  “Hi. Do you know where Billy Taylor is please?”

  “He discharged himself earlier today.”

  “I'm his sister. Why didn't anyone check with me first?”

  “The patients are free to leave whenever they wish.

  “Where's he gone?”

  “Let me check.” She leafed through a pile of folders until she found the one she was looking for. “Are you Megan Taylor?”

  “Yes.”

  “He left this for you.”

  I tore open the white envelope, and pulled out the sheet of lined paper.

  “Everything okay?” JJ had seen me approach the receptionist.

  “He’s discharged himself, and no one thought to let me know.”

  “Where’s he gone?”

  “Here.” I handed him the sheet of paper which had an address scribbled on it.

  “I know where this is,” JJ said. “It’s not far—about forty minutes.”

  As we drove, I looked at the note again. It was brief and to the point:

  I am moving in with Wendy.

  Billy

  “What are you going to do?” JJ said.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Surely, if they’re happy... ”

  “It’s none of your business, JJ.”

  Wendy answered the door.

  “Megan. Come in. Billy’s in the kitchen.” She looked at the car. “Does your friend want to come in?”

  “No. He’s fine.”

  I followed her inside. Billy was washing the pots. I almost fainted—Billy was washing the pots! I’d never seen him do any housework in all the time I’d lived with him and Mum.

  “Hi Megan.” He smiled. “Do you want a tea or coffee?”

  “No, thanks. Can we talk?”