by Unknown
“I’m good. Holy crap, I haven’t finished the thank-you cards from this morning yet! How many are in there?”
My mom smiled, “I stopped counting after one hundred. It is really amazing that so many people are sending you cards.”
“Mom, most of the cards have money in them, a lot of money.”
“Really? Well, that’s nice, Dear. Make sure you send a note to everyone.” She said this almost dismissively, and I wondered to myself if I should really tell her how much. She would find out eventually. “So far I’ve gotten nearly twenty-five thousand dollars.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I can’t believe this! So if you get to the store, I’m definitely going to need more thank-you cards.”
She picked up the pile of opened cards and read a few of the messages, then flipped through all the cash and checks. “Wow, wait until your dad hears about this. By the way, Gwen stopped by a few minutes ago. She told me you and Seth had some sort of fight?”
Oh brother, here we go – I should have expected Seth to send his mom. “No, not really a fight, I just told him I didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore and thought it was time we dated other people.”
“Oh, Lauren, you two are so close. Did something happen?” I so very much wanted to blurt out, “Well, yes, I happened to meet a man who made me feel like I was holding a live electric wire.” Obviously, I thought better than to use that approach. There was no way she would understand.
“No, nothing happened. I just had a lot of time to think at the hospital and thought it would be good if we saw other people.” Knowing this was not going to go over well, I looked away pretending to be preoccupied with the new stack of cards.
“When you say other people, do you have anyone in mind?” Her tone was accusatory, and I knew I would either have to lie or confess. I am such a horrible liar, I decided it would be better to come clean.
“Well, kind of. There’s this guy, Max Meyers, that I would like to go out with.”
“How do you know him?”
“He’s the paramedic who came to the restaurant. He stopped by to check on me, and we hit it off.”
“You and Seth have been close for so long, I think you should really think this through before you make any rash decisions. Gwen told me he’s really upset.”
“Mom, I don’t want to date Seth anymore. I never really wanted to date him in the first place. The longer I drag this on, the harder it’s going to be on him. He’s a good friend, and I don’t want to keep pretending that he’s my boyfriend.”
“Lauren, you need to talk this through with Seth. I’ll invite him over, and you two can talk for a little while.”
“Mom, no. If you call him now, he’ll think I changed my mind, which will just make it harder on him later.”
Mom nodded and walked out my door. Wow, two for two. I was worried that either Seth or Mom would be hysterical when I told them. Maybe they’re scared of getting me angry because of my leg? Or maybe because I kicked them both out of my hospital room? Whatever the reason, I’m glad.
Rachael came by mid-afternoon. She looked like she was digging for information, so I was sure Seth had asked her to come investigate.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I’m going to have to go back to school tomorrow and am dreading trying to hobble through the hallways.” The doctor had offered me a note but this was my last semester and I didn’t want to risk graduation.
“Look on the bright side. You’ve got a built-in reason for being late to all your classes.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I talked to Seth today.” I was right; she was digging. “He said you broke up with him this morning. Why? And don’t tell me it’s complicated!”
“No, not complicated. I just think we should date other people, that’s all.”
“Other people? Are you crazy? You two are perfect for each other. If you let him go, another girl’s going to snatch him up.”
It would be in bad taste to say that I was pretty sure I had already found a replacement. “If you’re volunteering, I say go for it.”
“Be serious, Lauren.”
“I am serious. You have a great personality, you’re beautiful, Seth and you are already close. I think you two would be a great couple.”
“Lauren, I’m serious. You need to work this out before somebody realizes he’s available. I’m not one of them, but there are hundreds of girls who would kill to be dating Seth.”
“Well then, that’s good news. No one will have to kill anyone. He’s available now. Maybe you could help convince him to put himself out there? I know he won’t listen to me, but he may listen to you.”
Rachael stayed a little longer but was taken by surprise that I had no interest in keeping things going with Seth. I guessed that she felt the need to go brief him on everything I’d told her.
After dinner I caught myself watching the clock. I knew Max told me he would call me, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I went up to my room and dialed his number, half expecting him not to answer.
Chapter Nine
Max picked up on the first ring, “Lauren, is that you?”
I was surprised at his greeting, half jokingly, “Yes, Max is that you?”
“I’m glad you called. I’ve been staring at the clock watching the minutes tick by. How’re you feeling?”
“I’m fine now that I hear your voice. I was a little worried that you might think me a bit of a stalker but decided I’d roll the dice. You could always not answer if you didn’t want to talk to me.”
Max howled at me, “Well, that’s dumb! When can I see you?”
“You can come over right now if you want.”
I was elated with the idea but was brought quickly back down to earth when he replied, “Geeze, I wish…I’m on my way to work. I can stop by in the morning.”
“Actually, I have to go to school tomorrow.”
“School tomorrow? How’re you going to get around?”
“I have these handy-dandy crutches. It should be a hoot. I could meet you in the afternoon if you want?”
“Great, when and where?”
“I guess I’m a little limited in mobility, so maybe just here at the house?”
“How about five o’clock?”
I gave him my address and we hung up. I felt like I was floating on air the rest of the night and didn’t even care that I had a miserable day at school tomorrow to plan for. Luckily, it was a very small campus; all my classes this semester were in the same building. I had considered withdrawing from the semester, we had just started a few weeks ago, but there was no way I was going to sit through summer school and not graduate with all my friends in May.
*****
My alarm blared at six a.m., a full hour earlier than normal, but I knew I needed the extra time to get ready. At seven-thirty I made my way down the stairs, surprised by how quickly I had learned to navigate the stairs. Mom was nowhere to be seen, and Dad had already left for work. I grabbed a bowl of cereal, then it hit me. How was I going to get to school?
I couldn’t drive myself with this stupid leg. I couldn’t expect Seth to take me. The city bus stop was six blocks away. I looked in the driveway and saw Seth’s car was still out front. I was sure he was expecting me to call like I did every morning. Not today. I looked at my watch and realized that Max was probably off work by now, but I didn’t want to ask him for a ride.
I dug through the cabinet under the telephone and found the phone book. After rattling off my address to the cab company, the lady told me they would pick me up by eight o’clock. It would be tight, but I should still make it to my first class on time. I gathered my books and book bag, and sat on the couch waiting in silence. I heard a rap on the door and looked out to the curb thinking the cab company must have gotten here early.
I struggled to balance the book bag on my shoulder while pushing my weight up from the couch. Before I could take a step, the door opened and there was Seth smilin
g at me. “C’mon, Lauren, we’re going to be late.”
I was apprehensive of his offer, as I replayed our exchange in his car Saturday morning. Had he really accepted that I was no longer his girlfriend? Was he being considerate, or was this his way of inserting himself back into my daily routine? Not wanting to believe that he had an ulterior motive, but not wanting him to believe that there was a chance for reconciliation either, “Seth, you don’t have to take me to school. I called a cab.”
“You what? Are you nuts? Come on, let’s get going or we’ll be late.”
I needed to be as diplomatic as possible. I couldn’t afford to keep knifing him in the heart. I did care about him, but I knew in my heart that his feelings for me were not at all the same kind of love I had for him. When there was more distance between us, I hoped we could revert back to the easy friendship that we’d shared for so many years. “Seth, I don’t feel right asking you for a ride, I mean, given the circumstances.”
“The circumstances? You mean like you dumping me? Don’t be an idiot, let’s go.”
What was that? I think it was humor. Had he really accepted the fact that we weren’t a couple anymore, and he was really just offering a friend a ride to school? Two days was nowhere near enough time for it to be out of his system. He couldn’t possibly have a sense of humor about my breaking up with him, could he? Uncertain if he thought I was not serious about the break up or if he knew I was serious and had accepted it, I found my legs weren’t cooperating while my brain was trying to process.
A strange smirk appeared on his face, not humor like before but more like frustration. “Lauren, we’re still friends, right? Friends can give friends rides, right?”
Maybe I wasn’t confident, but willfully believing that this ride seemed to be offered with no strings attached, my legs finally cooperated, and I started hobbling in his direction. Seth took me by the elbow, guiding me ever so slightly toward the door. He threw my book bag over his shoulder and walked my snail’s pace out the door, down the steps and to his driveway. Seth helped me into the car, then closed my door and walked around to the driver’s side. He put the key in the ignition and started to back out of the driveway, then stopped and looked at me. “As long as you brought it up, have you had a chance to reconsider your breaking up with me?”
My heart plummeted. I should have known. I’m sure this was some scheme that our mothers thought up. Why else would Mom mysteriously disappear the morning her daughter had to get to school after major surgery? I should have seen this one coming. Knowing I hadn’t cancelled the cab that was due any minute, I opened my door and started to get out.
“Wait! I was just asking. Our conversation Saturday took me by surprise. You have to admit I’ve left you alone. I haven’t called or stopped by or even stared at your bedroom window. I’m just asking.” He paused for a few seconds then looked away from me, “It sounds like I know the answer. Don’t go. I’m happy as long as I am in your life, no matter how small a role I play.”
With my hand still firmly on the door handle, my voice sounded strong, “Seth, I want you to date someone else. There are plenty of girls out there. Ask one of them out.”
He looked back at me, this time all the humor drained, “Okay, I will, but can I have a little time to get used to you not being my girlfriend first? Seriously Lauren, it’s only been two days. You made this decision out of no-where. Last week we were talking about picking a grad school that we could both get into. I figured it was either the pain you were feeling or the medications you were on.”
I nodded. My actions with Seth had been hasty, but prolonging the inevitable just seemed heartless. I remained in the car and closed the door, then phoned the cab company to cancel my ride. The whole way into school, Seth never once got out of line or asked anything that was remotely offensive. It wasn’t like he was giving me the silent treatment. I think he, too, just didn’t have a clue what to say.
The school day was the longest on record. Trying to balance my bookbag while hobbling along on crutches in over-crowded hallways is not an experience I would recommend. I was frustrated with myself for not bringing my stupid wheelchair to school. I was used to having my leg elevated all the time, and now sitting in class made it throb. By noon I was ready to go home. I told my professor, and she was very sympathetic. When I called Mom and asked her to come get me, she was tied up in a meeting. I sat in the student union for the remainder of the class and used one of the couches as a pseudo bed long enough for the pain to subside a little, and then I went to my afternoon class.
I had seen Seth several times throughout the day. He seemed to have accepted my decision and our few conversations weren’t strained. That afternoon Seth drove me home. As we pulled into the driveway, I was paying little attention to anything he had said in the car; my thoughts were consumed with Max, knowing that he would be here in an hour. My heart began to speed up as I thought of our few private minutes my last night in the hospital. Today, there would be no interruptions, no emergencies to respond to, no heart monitor, just the two of us; the more I replayed our few moments together, I felt that same lightheadedness coming on.
I was snapped back to reality when Seth opened my door and offered me a hand out of the car. His hand caught me off guard; consciously I wasn’t even aware that we were back in his driveway. I took his hand, allowing him to pull me while I pushed myself out of the car with my other. As soon as I was upright, Seth slid one arm behind my back and his other behind my knees. I was airborne. “Congratulations, Lauren! You made it a whole day with no major spills. That’s an accomplishment without all the bandages.” I laughed out loud, not a giggle, but a heavy belly laugh, and leaned my head back staring up into the sky.
After a few gentle twirls, Seth put both of my legs gingerly on the ground, and I leaned into him to make sure I wasn’t dizzy and gravity wouldn’t face-plant me in the yard. We stood there in the middle of the yard, both laughing while Seth tried to catch his breath. All the awkwardness that I had felt with Seth was suddenly gone in a shared silliness between two old friends.
As we stood in a dizzy embrace with one another, I heard tires squealing. I looked into the street and saw a huge black jacked-up truck that had been parked across the street from my house leaving most of its rubber on the pavement. The smoke emanating from the tires left a dark black plume, and the burnt rubber smell was thick in the air.
I had never seen the truck before on our street and commented, “What a jerk.” I had no idea who the driver was who had just raced down our street and was now flying around a corner a block away.
I saw Seth smiling, not the silly smile and laughter we had shared a half a minute ago, but an deceitful smile, and he added quietly, “Yeah, what a jerk.”
Seth helped me to my front door, handed me my book bag, and went to his house. I realized this was the first time in years he’d left me without saying his signature, “I miss you already.” The nostalgia wasn’t lost on me, but I was thrilled that we might have a shot at a regular friendship after all. I went inside, rushed to the bathroom to touch up my hair and make-up and stole a glance at the clock.
At a few minutes before 5:00, I was as presentable as I could possibly be. I waited anxiously on the couch with one hand nervously on the curtain, checking every ten seconds or so to see if Max had pulled up. At 5:30, I decided to call Max to see if he was still coming. I got his voice mail, “Hi, Max, I thought you were coming to my house this afternoon?...If I screwed up the time, I’m sorry; I’ll try back in a little bit. I think the house phone number is still blocked for incoming calls, so call my cell when you get this. I’ll talk to you soon.” After hanging up, my mood took a nose dive, and I sat in the quiet living room for about five minutes and tried his number again. I left another pathetic voice mail.
This cycle continued for the next hour. After I realized I had now left Max six voice mails, all saying roughly the same thing, I decided I felt more like a stalker than a date and opted to try him tomorrow morning and s
ee what had happened. I was sure he wouldn’t stop by this late because he had to work soon. Maybe he had gotten called into work early or something?
Dejected, I took myself up to my room and lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Those wonderful moments in the hospital didn’t flood over me the way they usually did. When Mom checked on me a little before 8:00 p.m., I told her I was exhausted from school and just planned to go to bed early. When sleep did finally come, I found myself in a dreamless sleep the whole night. My alarm sounded the next morning, and after I shut if off, my immediate inclination was to call Max. I resisted the urge to call him right away. I was sure he was still working, but I should be able to catch him about 7:30 a.m.
I got ready for school, had a bite to eat, all the while keeping track of the time. As I stared at the clock on the wall, the minute hand hit the six making it exactly 7:30. I dialed Max’s number and was thrilled when he picked it up right away. “Hi, Max, it’s Lauren. What happened yesterday?”
“Are you okay? Shouldn’t you be at school by now?” Max’s question surprised me, because it wasn’t an answer to mine. Did he not realize that he had stood me up yesterday? Worse yet, did he realize and not care?
Not wanting to sound wounded, “Well, no, and you didn’t answer my question.”
I heard a loud sigh, “Lauren, I’m going to go out of town for work for a couple months.”
“Out of town for work, but you’re a paramedic. What do you mean?”
His response was nearly monotone, not soothing and in no way trying to curb my anxiety. “There is this emergency responder course in New Orleans for three months, which starts tomorrow. My boss asked me if I wanted to go, and I thought it would be a good opportunity. I’ll be back the first of May.”
“May? You’re leaving for three months? Today? But why?” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to stream down my cheeks. Not wanting to sound pathetic, I did my best to add a frustrated tone to my last two words.