Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1)

by Aimie Grey

  “I know the feeling. Peyton’s mom is my only close girlfriend,” I said.

  “Speaking of Peyton, do you think she’s had enough time to calm down?” Marina asked. “I’m really looking forward to getting to know her—and spoiling the shit out of her.”

  “I’ll go check.” I headed over to the foot of the stairs and called up to her. “Peyton, we have company!” Her usually rapid footfalls on the steps were replaced by a much slower rhythm. I waited at the bottom of the stairs until she was at eye level. I pulled her into my arms when she reached the third step from the bottom.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I failed to keep the emotion from echoing in my voice.

  Relief and joy flowed through me when her little arms squeezed tightly around my neck. “I’m sorry, Mama. Please, don’t hate me.”

  “I could never hate you, Peyton. I love you more than anything in the entire world. Don’t ever forget that.”

  Her curls bounced when she nodded. “Who’s here?”

  I spun around and set her down on the floor. “Go to the living room and see for yourself.”

  *

  Peyton and Marina got along as if they’d known each other forever. After dinner, they fell into a trance while watching a basketball game on TV. I left my spot on the loveseat and made my way over to the recliner, where Sawyer was camped out. I leaned close to Sawyer’s ear, making sure my breasts brushed against him on my way down. “Ready for some help?” I whispered.

  Sawyer caught on pretty quick. “Didn’t you say you needed help moving some furniture upstairs?” His voice was unnaturally loud.

  “I’d completely forgotten. Marina, would you mind watching Pey while we move my bedroom furniture around?”

  “No problem. Take as much time as you need.” She gave me a knowing wink as Sawyer and I made a mad dash for the stairs.

  I was on my knees and had his pants down in record time. I looked at the door once more to make sure the lock was securely in place before returning my attention to the massive display of masculinity in front of me. It’s even better than I remembered. Come to think of it, I’d never had an up close and personal view before. I licked my lips and lunged forward, only to have my progress stopped by a hand on my forehead.

  “Don’t. I want to come inside of you.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll just give you a head start, since I’m already down here.” I licked my lips. He didn’t budge when I tried to pull his hand away from my head. I reached out to grab his erection, only to find it had softened ever so slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” Surely he hadn’t changed his mind about wanting me that quickly.

  “I don’t want you to do that to me.”

  I sat back on my heels. “Why not? I thought all men loved oral.”

  He tugged his pants up. “You’re the mother of my child. I don’t want you on your knees.” He sighed and shoved his hands through his hair. He paused for an uncomfortable beat. “When was the last time you were with Charlie?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I saw you kiss him at the grocery store a few weeks ago.”

  “Oh, the day we got the girls a watermelon?” He nodded. “He said there was an ex he needed to make jealous. I assumed it was one of his exes, so I played along. We’re just friends.”

  “So, you never slept with him?”

  “No. I’ve been intimate with only two men in my life, including you.” I didn’t have to tell him who the other guy was. I suddenly regretted every single night I’d spent with Ethan. “I haven’t been with anyone else since a couple of months before the closet.” The change in his posture reminded me of ice melting into a puddle. As soon as his defenses were down, it was time to go in for the kill.

  “I want full access to your body to be able to do anything I want whenever I want. I can’t wait to show you what I can do with my tongue.” His back stiffened ever so slightly. “There are other ways to do it than with me on my knees, you know.”

  He nodded his agreement. “Only if I get full access to you.”

  “You’ve had it since day one.” I leaned over and kissed his rough cheek.

  He was still for a moment and then turned to me. “I want a piece of you no one else has ever had; something that is just mine.” He pulled me over to straddle his lap. His large finger ran down my spine and rested near my rear entrance. “How about this?”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Is there anything left?”

  “You’re the first man to put a baby in me.” I was a little embarrassed to tell him the rest, but I knew he needed to hear it. “You were also the first guy to make me come.”

  “How is that possible?”

  “Ethan and I weren’t together that many times. I was only sixteen when he left for college, and after that we didn’t see each other in person very often.”

  “How many times did he fuck you?”

  “I didn’t keep track.”

  “Take a guess.”

  “I don’t know, maybe thirty or forty times.”

  “So, the first night at the hotel … that was, what, five times?” He held up one hand with his fingers splayed. “Six, seven, eight…” He methodically raised fingers on his other hand as he quietly counted. “Should I count the time you don’t remember?”

  “I’ll leave that up to you,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or amused by his behavior.

  “I’m going to have to fuck you at least four or five times a day for the next week to get in the lead.”

  “I think we need to go back downstairs.”

  “You’re probably right. We have been up here a while,” he conceded. I hoped the baby didn’t inherit his pouty lip; I wouldn’t stand a chance.

  “All right, all right. You can come once, and then we’ll go downstairs.” I tried to push him back onto the bed only to end up on my feet. He bent me over the side of the bed and pulled his pants down once more.

  “I thought I was going to get full access?”

  “I told you I want to come inside you. I need it. It’s been too long.” Plus, apparently he needed to up his tally. He yanked down my yoga pants and panties in one smooth motion. He growled in appreciation. “This is going to be fast.” He pushed inside of me slowly and then picked up the pace. “Damn, I think you’ve gotten even tighter,” he rasped.

  “Less talking, more fucking,” I ordered.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  CHAPTER FORTY

  Madison

  “Sweetie, I think you should let your little sister take a turn at quarterback.” Sawyer’s muscular body was false advertising; the boy couldn’t complete a pass to save his life.

  “Give me a few minutes. I’m still getting warmed up.”

  “Peyton has picked you off three times already. I hate to tell you this, but you kind of suck,” I laughed. “Maybe you’d have better luck playing receiver.”

  Sawyer came over and wrapped me up in his strong, useless arms. “At least there are some things I’m good at,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Thank goodness for that,” I replied and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I raised my voice so the others could hear, “Now get your sorry ass over there and throw the ball like a man.”

  “Yeah, Sawyer, I’m bored,” Marina piped in as he approached her. “I run my routes perfectly, yet the ball never comes anywhere near me. I would say you throw like a little girl, but I don’t want to offend Peyton—or any other little girl, for that matter.”

  “I’ll be pissed if this baby inherits your lack of athletic ability,” I hollered across the field.

  “Hey, I’m good at other sports. Besides, this matchup isn’t fair. I don’t think anyone could win against Team Miller. You guys are freaks of nature.”

  “Fine, we’ll change up the teams. You can even pick, so you can’t say it isn’t fair when you lose.” I couldn’t help but taunt him.

  “Just for that, you’re on my t
eam.” He crossed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

  I leaned back into his shoulder and whispered, “Okay, but I have one condition.”

  “And what might that be?” I nearly forgot what I was going to say when he discreetly rubbed his growing erection against my ass. I looked around for Peyton and found her strategizing with Marina on the other side of the field. Turning in his arms, so I could look into his gorgeous blue eyes, I gave him my playful ultimatum.

  “If we don’t win, you’ll be playing by yourself tonight.”

  “When we win, I want one orgasm per touchdown. We can share the winnings, of course.”

  “In that case, we’d better kick their little asses.”

  The plays were designed to get the ball out of his hands as quickly as possible. The ball was snapped, and then I turned around to catch a short shovel pass from him. Even he couldn’t mess that up.

  The wind was knocked out of me when I unexpectedly hit the ground. “That was freaking awesome, Pey!” I was so proud of her. She grinned at me with her tiny arms still tightly wrapped around my legs.

  “Madison! Are you okay?” Sawyer was at my side before Peyton had a chance to let go. He frantically looked me over as if I’d been hit by a semi.

  “Calm down. I’m fine.” I jumped up to my feet.

  “Peyton, we are playing touch football, remember?” Sawyer said in his teacher voice.

  “Sorry, I forgot.” I didn’t miss her sheepish grin when she turned away from him.

  “You can’t blame her. She’s never heard of touch football before,” I defended. Touch football wasn’t even a sport as far as we were concerned. “Peyton’s been tackling me since she was old enough to walk.”

  “I’m not upset with her. I’m just worried about you and the baby.” He laid his hand on my stomach. “You should go to the hospital and get checked out.”

  “You’re overreacting. I feel fine. Spending all week in that place is enough. No need to go back on my day off.”

  “Please, for me?” Damned pouty lip again. How had I not noticed it before?

  I knew he would bug the shit out of me until I gave in. “Fine. Ethan’s working, so I’ll just have him take a quick look.” I hoped the mention of Ethan’s name would get him to reconsider. Of course, luck wasn’t with me.

  “I’ll take whatever I can get.” He lifted me in his arms and carried me to the car.

  *

  Sawyer dropped Peyton and Marina off at the house and then drove me straight to the hospital. “I need to talk to Dr. Madden,” I told the receptionist whom I’d never met before.

  “He’s not on duty tonight,” she replied casually as she twisted a lock of honey-blonde hair around her finger.

  “That can’t be right. He said he was working evenings all week.”

  “I think he’s off this week.”

  I pulled out my cell.

  “Hello?” he answered. He sounded a little out of breath.

  “Hey, where are you?”

  “Working, why?” It wasn’t like him to be so vague with me. Usually he would answer with something like, “In trauma bay three,” or “In the middle stall of the second floor men’s room.”

  “I’m at the hospital, and they say you’re off tonight. Are you at the clinic?”

  “Why are you at the hospital? Are you okay?” He was still as overprotective as ever.

  “I’m fine.” I explained the minor football incident.

  “Sawyer’s right; you can never be too careful. I’m in the city tonight.” That was news to me. It was a bit disorienting to not know about everything that went on in Ethan’s life. “I think Parsons is on duty at the clinic. Go over there and have her take a look. I trust her.”

  I trusted her, too. She had done an excellent job with my nerve block. I looked over at Sawyer and could tell by the stupid smirk on his face he’d heard Ethan’s side of the conversation. “Fine. I’ll talk to you later.” I made a face at my phone and shoved it in my pocket.

  “Ethan might not be so bad after all,” Sawyer mumbled.

  *

  “How far along are you?” Dr. Parsons asked as I climbed onto the exam table.

  “A little over eleven weeks,” I answered.

  “We should be able to get a good look with a transabdominal ultrasound.” She adjusted some of the settings on the machine and then turned towards me. “How are your ribs feeling?”

  “The block lasted almost three weeks,” I said as she squirted cold gel onto my non-existent baby bump. “I’m a little sore. It’s more of an annoyance than anything.”

  “That’s great news.” She studied the screen intently as she slid the smooth probe around on my stomach. “The baby looks just fine,” Dr. Parsons said to Sawyer as the ultrasound machine printed a fuzzy picture of our little one.

  “See, I told you she was okay.” I rolled my eyes like a juvenile. I loved how much he cared, even though it was extremely annoying at times.

  “It’s a girl?” he asked with wonder on his face.

  “I don’t know. It’s too early to tell,” I admitted.

  “Then why do you keep referring to the baby as a girl?”

  I smiled at my silly reasoning. “Ryan always wanted a son, so when Olivia was pregnant with Peyton, he always referred to the baby as a boy. I figured I’d try the opposite. Maybe if I call the baby a girl, I’ll have a boy. Besides, I don’t like referring to our child as ‘it’.”

  “So, you want a boy?” he asked while he pondered the question for himself.

  “I don’t care; I just hope she’s safe.” It was the truth, although I secretly hoped I didn’t have a girly girl. Playing with makeup and princess dolls would be torture for me, although I was sure her Aunt Olivia would be more than happy to indulge her. Either way, I was madly in love with my baby, and no amount of pink lacy crap could change that.

  The doctor wiped the gel off of my stomach and sent us on our way.

  As we were leaving the clinic, Sawyer said, “You know, it really turns me on when you say ‘our child’ or ‘our baby’.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I love knowing that I put our baby in your belly.” He rubbed the proof of his arousal against my ass. “I want to put another one in there as soon as possible.”

  The reality of his statement sunk in. “I don’t know how we’d afford another one. You’ll probably change your tune when we’re woken up every two hours. We can certainly practice, though.”

  He pulled away suddenly. “Are you saying you want to live together?” He didn’t seem happy at the prospect. “You know our relationship isn’t like that.”

  “Are you crazy? You want to have more kids, but you don’t want to live together? You spend almost every night at my house when things are going well between us. I just thought…” It wasn’t worth it. I’d had a great day, and I wasn’t going to let his fear ruin it. “Never mind, let’s just go home.”

  “I’ll drop you off and then pick you and Peyton up in the morning to go see Olivia.” He carefully avoided eye contact as we climbed into his car.

  “You don’t want to have sex tonight?” I asked.

  “I guess I could stay for a quick fuck.”

  “Forget it; I’m not in the mood anymore.”

  “You’re always in the mood.”

  “Just drop me off at home. In the morning, we can pretend like the last five minutes never happened.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  Madison

  “I hope Olivia doesn’t go all fan-girl on you.” I was a shoe-in for the Best Sister Ever award for bringing Marina along for our weekly visit. I probably should have warned my sister-in-law, so she wouldn’t have a heart attack, but seeing her reaction was going to be worth it. “Maybe meeting you will lift her spirits and help her recovery.”

  “I’m looking forward to meeting her. She must be amazing if she made this little munchkin.” Marina ruffled Peyton’s unruly curls. “Besides, I want to
spend as much time with you two as possible, since I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “What do you mean ‘you two’? What about me?” Sawyer pouted the best he could while staying focused on the road.

  “I’ve spent the past couple of weeks looking at your ugly face.” She reached over the driver’s seat and patted Sawyer’s cheek as he pulled into a parking space. “I’ve had enough of you to last a long time.”

  Peyton was the first one out of the tall black vehicle. She ran around to the other side to wait by Marina’s door. I was the last one out, because it took me a minute to dig through my messy bag in search of my brush. I ran it through my hair, shoved my purse under the seat, and reached for the door handle.

  Like a true gentleman, Sawyer opened my door and took my hand to help me out. I would reward his excellent manners later.

  Last night, I decided to forget about the unpleasant conversation I’d had with Sawyer. It wasn’t worth investing energy into stressing over his fear. Only time could tell what would happen with our relationship, and I was prepared to raise the baby alone if I had to.

  I spotted Olivia across the garden a second after we stepped through the door. She looked much better and had lost nearly all the weight she’d put on after Ryan’s death. Since she’d found out about the baby, we’d talked on the phone more in the past few weeks than we had in months. She was so excited when I told her that Sawyer knew about the baby and didn’t run screaming.

  Peyton scampered down the path and vaulted into her mother’s open arms. Sawyer and I had to jog to keep up while Marina lagged behind.

  “I missed you so much, little girl.” Olivia covered Peyton’s laughing face with kisses while she arranged her on her lap. Olivia started in on her new favorite topic of conversation once Peyton was snuggled tightly in to her body. “Have you thought about names for the baby yet?”

  “We haven’t talked about it, but I have a couple in mind.” I’d had names picked out for years.

  “What are they?” Sawyer asked with a gentle smile.