I shift into reverse and hit the gas. Dust flies up around the truck as I peel out of there. I can’t believe that they’d keep something like this from me. If they kept this from me, surely, they haven’t told Wyatt and Hudson. A part of me wants to call them up now and tell them, but I also don’t want to jump to conclusions. I guess I need to cool off about everything that’s been building inside of me lately and get to the bottom of this before I tell anyone.
I don’t know why this guy wants to be in this family so badly. In my eyes, he’s lucky. He grew up with his mom. Mine was taken from me. I was left with my almost constantly drunk father and a bunch of brothers and more nannies than I can count. With my thoughts racing, I don’t even think about where I’m going. I was wanting to go home, shower, get a change of clothes, and pack my lunch for the day. However, when I snap out of it, I find myself back at the farmhouse.
Autumn’s van is already in the drive, and I can see my guys going in and out of the place, clearly already working. I know that with all this stuff weighing on my mind, I really don’t need to be around a lot of people, but I decide to go inside and try finding a job that will keep me shut off from the rest of the crew. I don’t want to take my shitty mood out on any of them, especially not Autumn.
17
Autumn
By the end of the week, Bryce and I are packing up our motel room and moving our things to the farmhouse. The upstairs still isn’t completed, but it’s coming along quickly, and we don’t really need all that room up there yet anyway. I bought us both new beds, and they’re set up in the living room, along with the new TV. The kitchen is complete and up and running. It’s just in time so I’m able to cook all our meals at home. I think I’ve had everything on the menu at the diner. The downstairs bathroom is also now fully functional.
“It’s too loud, Mama,” Bryce says, shielding his ears from the sound of the saw making its way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
“Why don’t you go ahead and play outside?” I tell him, trying to clean up from breakfast. He rushes out the door, letting the new screen door slam closed.
“Whoa, he’s quick,” Clay says, walking back in and setting the drill down. “The security system is all hooked up. Now to get it all up and running.”
“The remote is probably on Bryce’s bed somewhere,”I tell him, following him to the living room to see if the cameras are working.
It’s been several days since I thought I saw Glenn, but so far, I haven’t seen him again. It really makes me wonder if he was ever really here or if my imagination was playing tricks on me.
Judith called me yesterday and informed me that Glenn was back at home. She saw him walking in with his bag in hand. I chalk it up to just another business trip. I’ve also been in touch with my lawyer, and she’s informed me that Glenn has yet to turn over any divorce papers. This annoys me. It’s just another way for him to control my life. I know he’s thinking if he can’t have me, then no one can. Little does he know, I already belong to someone else and it isn’t him.
Clay and I have spent every night together since the day I thought I saw Glenn. Things between us are going well, but we’ve yet to discuss what exactly this all means. Bryce still doesn’t know either. To me, keeping things casual like this makes things easier.
The days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to a month. The house is completely finished and we’re all in our right places. Bryce loves his new room and his new house. There’s only a few weeks of summer left and he can’t wait to start kindergarten. Even though I no longer need Bryce to be in daycare with the house completed, I still take him every day. It gives me the time I need to get things done, and it gets him out of the house and gives him some kids to play with. Since moving to the house, I haven’t gotten another note or postcard from Glenn. A part of me wonders if he’s finally given up, but deep down, I think it’s just because he’s lost us once again. I’m sure whoever he had delivering the mail has told him that we’re no longer in that room. Maybe he thinks those letters scared us and we packed up to run again. Either way, I don’t care as long as I don’t have to see him. Clay has been around more and more, but that all makes sense to Bryce since the crew is currently working on the barn.
The house is quiet and the windows are open, letting in the cool breeze from the summer storm that just passed. I can hear the sounds of hammering coming from the barn, but it’s so far off in the distance that it doesn’t even register. I peek out the window and make sure I see Clay. When I see him step out and yell pit some directions, I race upstairs to my bedroom. I open the dresser drawer and pull out the pregnancy test that I’ve kept hidden away.
All week, I’ve been waiting for my period. All week, it’s let me down. I can’t wait any longer. I have to know. I take the box to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I tear open the foil package in the box and pull down my pants. I’m so nervous I can barely go, but I squeeze out enough and replace the cap before setting it on the edge of the sink.
As I wash my hands, I refuse to look at the little stick that’s taunting me. My green eyes are full of nervousness and fear, I can see it as I stare at myself in the mirror. I should’ve been more careful with Clay. I should’ve asked him to use a condom. I should’ve been more careful about my birth control. I had a shot last April and was due again earlier this month. It completely slipped my mind with everything going on. I wash my hands longer than is necessary in order to avoid the truth sitting right in front of me. I shut off the water and dry my hands. Even though I’m trying to avoid looking, my eyes fall down to the white stick that has two pink lines across it.
I think I leave my body. I’m pregnant. By Clay. I’m going to have a baby. And Clay, a man who claims to not want this life, is going to be a father. Fear consumes me. Panic eats at my stomach. Tears sting my eyes, and my throat tightens up as I attempt to hold them off. Deep down, I knew I was pregnant. I’ve been exceptionally tired lately. I’ve been nauseous from time to time, but it always passes during the day. I’ve been more emotional, more cranky. I had just hoped that all the stress was getting to me. I refused to believe it. But now, I can’t refuse it anymore. It’s right there in front of me in white and pink.
I start pacing back and forth across the white tiled floor. I shake my hands, trying to regain feeling in them. The numbness started when I saw the results.
I can do this. First step: see a doctor. I’ve heard of false positives before. Maybe that’s what this is. There’s no sense in worrying for nothing. I’ll make an appointment for tomorrow morning. I can swing by as soon as I drop Bryce off. I won’t even think of it again until then. I know if I hold back a secret from him, Clay will pick up on it instantly. I won’t tell him. Not until I have to.
I toss the stick back into the box and then bury it under toilet paper in the bathroom trash. None of the guys use the bathroom up here anyway. I’m sure it’ll be safe. When I make my way back down the stairs, I find Clay in the kitchen, pouring a glass of sweet tea. He takes a long drink, studying me as I move around the kitchen. I pick up a few cars that Bryce left on the table and toss them into the basket in the hallway. I move to the sink and grab the container of cleaning wipes.
“You’ve cleaned these counters at least four times already. What’s wrong? Is Glenn bothering you again?” Clay asks, reaching out and taking the wipes from my hands.
“No, I haven’t heard anything since moving here,” I tell him, shaking my head. I lean against the counter and cross my arms, hoping to keep my hands from shaking.
He places a hand on either side of me and leans down. “What’s wrong, Autumn?” he whispers the words as he leans in for a kiss.
“Nothing is wrong,” I assure him, pushing up on my tiptoes for that kiss he’s dangling over my head.
He kisses me quickly, pulling back to study my face. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?”
“O—of course,” I stutter.
He doesn’t look like he’s buying it, but he doesn
’t push further either. Instead, he grabs his glass of tea and heads back outside to get to work on the barn. When he’s gone, I breathe a sigh of relief.
I manage to get myself an appointment to be checked out the next morning. I drop Bryce off at daycare and then go straight to the doctor’s office. The parking lot only has a few cars, automatically settling my worries. At least there’s less of a chance that my personal business will be spread around town this way. I grab my purse and walk into the small brick building.
The receptionist behind the desk greets me with a smile. “Hi, how are you today?”
“Fantastic,” I reply, writing my name on the line.
She glances at the computer screen and then back to me. “It looks like we need some insurance information.”
It suddenly hits me. My insurance is through Glenn. If I give it to her, he will get the bill for what insurance doesn’t pay. I shake my head. “I’m private pay.”
She nods. “Okay. We’ll need thirty-five dollars, and then you will be billed the rest. We’ll also need you to fill out these forms.” She hands over a clip board.
I give her the thirty-five dollars and then take a seat to fill out the forms. It takes me about fifteen minutes to fill everything out. As I’m handing over the clipboard, a nurse steps into the waiting room and calls my name.
I nervously walk back into a private room with her.
“Okay, so what do we have here?” she asks, taking a seat at the computer.
“I think I may be pregnant,” I answer.
“The first thing we’ll need then is a urine sample.” She stands and opens the cabinet above her head, taking down a clear plastic cup. She hands it over and then points me toward the bathroom.
I’m walking out of the doctor’s office twenty minutes later with a stack of pamphlets in one hand and a prescription for prenatal vitamins in the other. I feel like I’m doing the walk of shame. Stress and worry are weighing heavy on my shoulders. What am I going to do? I can’t tell Clay. He’s said repeatedly that he doesn’t want to settle down. But he’s also told me that he’s here, no matter what I need. Will that include helping raise our child? Will he think that I’m trying to trap him? No, Clay is too good to think that about me. I’m sure he would act happy about the baby and say he’ll help out. He may even want to marry me. But then, over time, he’ll start resenting me. During every midnight feeding, early morning diaper change, and every time I ask him to give the baby a bath, he’ll think, But I never wanted this life. How did I end up here?
I don’t want to force Clay into anything, especially something he’s already told me he didn’t want. But maybe something has changed for him? I know things have changed for me. I once didn’t want things between us to get serious. If you ask me, what we’re doing now is serious even though it hasn’t been discussed. Maybe that’s where I should start, by finding out what it is we’re doing, what it means to him.
I drive slowly back to the farmhouse, not in any hurry whatsoever. Being in a hurry would only get me there and to that conversation even sooner. If at all possible, I’d like to put it off as long as I can—maybe even for the next eighteen years or so. Ha, that is impossible.
When I pull into the drive, I’m surprised to find it empty. The workers aren’t here, fixing up the barn like they have been. Clay’s truck isn’t here either. I wonder if they went on a supply run or if maybe they started a new job. I park the van and climb out, walking toward the front door. Instead of going inside, I take a seat on the top step, looking over the beautiful property and enjoying the warmth of the sunshine on my skin. I need to find a way to tell Clay. If he wants to be a part of this baby’s life, great. If not, well, then I’ll do it on my own. It’s not like I haven’t done it before. Sure, when Bryce was a baby, I was still with Glenn, but he never lifted a finger to help with him or anything around the house. I can do this. I can do anything, I tell myself.
18
Clay
“Clay,” a woman yells my name as I’m sliding the last board into the bed of my truck.
I close the tailgate and spin in the direction of the voice, finding Tessa walking toward me. She must not be working today since she’s in normal clothes and her hair and makeup are done perfectly.
“Hey,” I reply when she gets close enough.
Her arms wrap around my neck and she pulls herself to my chest, hugging me. I quickly hug her back and then step away, leaning against the truck. “What’s been going on?”
Her head tilts to the side as she studies me. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in…” She looks to be counting up the days mentally. “A month? Month and a half? We never go this long between dates.”
I offer her my shy smile, the one I know she likes. Not as a way to flirt, but as a way to let her down gently. “I’ve been at the B&B. We finished up the house and have moved onto the barn. I just had to come pick up some more lumber for it and Bryce’s treehouse. How’s the diner and baseball and all of that?”
She ignores my question. “Can we have dinner tonight? There’s something I really need to talk to you about.”
“I’m sorry, Tess, but I can’t. Whatever it is, we can talk about now if you’d like.” I check my watch. I’m under a little bit of a time crunch. My plan was to stock up on lumber, then go back to the house and start on Bryce’s treehouse. I wanted to surprise him with it this evening. Tessa is really cutting into my build time.
“Well, it’s just that I was really hoping to have this conversation in a different setting. You could swing by my house when you have some free time?”
I feel my brows pull together. “Your house?”
She smiles and nods.
“What about your son? You never wanted him to know about us before.”
“I know.” She nods again, jerking her eyes from mine as she looks down at our feet.
“Look, Tess. I really do have to go.” I attempt turning around, but her hand lands on my bicep. I freeze, looking over my shoulder at her.
Her mouth is set into a straight line and her eyes hold a touch of sadness. “Can we just go for a cup of coffee?” she asks, and her voice is off. It’s not her usual sure voice. She sounds as if she’s asking for a huge favor and she’s unsure of the outcome.
I let out a long breath. At this rate, it would probably be quicker to hear her out. “Alright. I’ll meet you at the diner.”
Her smile breaks free now and she nods.
I climb behind the wheel and head over to the diner. Moments after I pull in, she’s turning in behind me. She parks her car next to my truck, and we meet in front of them.
Nothing is said as we walk into the restaurant and take a seat in a booth. Immediately, a waitress comes over with two mugs and a pot of coffee.
“Thanks, Bonnie,” Tess says, pouring sugar into her cup.
Bonnie smiles and walks away.
“So, what’s this about?” I ask, lifting my cup and taking a sip of the bitter coffee.
She takes a deep breath and cups her hands around her coffee like she’s trying to warm them. “I’ve been thinking a lot…about us.”
Oh, shit.
“It’s just that with your absence, I’ve really grown to miss you. I miss our dinners, our talks, our friendship, and well, you know.” Her cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink.
“I…I don’t understand. I thought we had an agreement. I thought we were keeping things casual?”
She nods. “I know, but things have changed. For me, I mean. My son is about to leave for college. I’ll be all alone. And I miss you so much already, it just made sense to take the plunge, you know?”
My face pinches together out of confusion. I never wanted this. I never wanted a relationship with her. I never wanted to hurt her.
“I just thought that missing you the way I have been is a sign that you mean more to me than I thought. I don’t want casual anymore. I want you. I want you and me together, in a relationship.”
My head falls forward, a
nd I rest it in my hand, massaging my forehead as I do so. “Tess…” I breathe out. Finally, I lift my head and lock my eyes on hers. “I can’t. I can’t do casual with you right now, let alone, a relationship.”
She sits back and crosses her arms over her chest. “I knew it. It’s her, isn’t it?”
I press my lips together, thinking things over. I don’t want to give Tess a reason to hate Autumn, but what am I supposed to say to keep that from happening?
“I’ve been seeing her, yes,” I start.
“I knew it. I knew this would happen.” Her eyes are wide with alarm, and her voice is quiet but has a high pitch to it.
I extend my hands, palms up. “Look, Tess. I didn’t mean for this to happen with her and I didn’t mean for us,” I motion between the two of us, “to end up this way. Things between us were supposed to stay casual. You agreed to this.”
“I know,” she breathes out. “And I meant it, but the longer we kept it going, the more feelings developed. I guess I just hoped it was the same for you—so are things between the two of you casual?” The way she says that word makes me wonder if she’s trying to compare what she and I had to what Autumn and I have.
“Things between us are…complicated.”
Her face pinches. “What’s that mean?”
I take a long, deep breath. “It means that we’ve agreed to move slow. She has a child to think about. She’s just getting settled. There seems to be a million things stacked against us right now.”
Her dark eyes study me. “You love her, don’t you?”
I pick up my coffee and take a sip, thinking over her question. Finally, I nod. “I do. I don’t know how this started, or why, or if any of it will even work out between us, but I’m not ready to walk away from her yet. I can’t.”
Baby Secret (Slade Brothers Book 3) Page 12