by Jean Ure
“Someone said they’d moved.”
I said, “All of them?”
“It’s what they said.”
“I thought it was just Mariam! So she could go to another school.”
“I’m just telling you what I was told,” said Millie.
I twizzled my toes under the duvet. (We were lying in bed at the time.) “Wish I could go to another school! Don’t you? Wouldn’t you like to go somewhere else? If you could choose.”
“Dunno.” Millie shrugged. “Krapfilled’s OK.”
“I think it’s horrible,” I said.
“That’s cos you don’t join in.”
“Nobody ever asks me!” I said.
“So whose fault’s that?” Millie rolled over to look at me. She propped herself on an elbow. “You go round making like you’re so supeeeeeerior —”
I was indignant. “I do not!”
“You do. You just don’t realise you’re doing it.”
I couldn’t think what to say to that. I muttered that I didn’t feel superior.
“It’s the way you come across,” said Millie. “Specially now you’re hanging out with that Shayanne Sugar. She’s really freaky!”
“She’s my friend,” I said.
“Yeah? Sooner you than me!”
Growing desperate, I said, “I only started going round with Shay cos there wasn’t anyone else. Cos you and Mariam were both in gangs. I’d heaps rather you and me could still be friends!”
“We can be,” said Millie. “Out of school.”
“Why not in school?”
“You know why not in school!”
“Because of gangs,” I said. “I hate gangs! I just hate them!”
“Well, there you go,” said Millie.
I knew, then, that me and Millie could never get back together again. We could never be proper best friends.
“Gangs make people stupid,” I said. “They make people do things they don’t want to do. They make them all follow my leader. I couldn’t ever belong to a gang!”
“You know your trouble?” said Millie. “You just don’t try. You go to a new place, you gotta learn to fit in. Otherwise you’ll just be, like, an outsider all the time.”
It’s what I was: an outsider. But at least I had Shay!
“How about we meet up again tomorrow?” said Millie, as she walked back with me through the estate the next day. “I’ll call round…eleven o’clock. We’ll do something. OK?”
I said OK, thinking that even just seeing her out of school was better than not seeing her at all, but then, quite suddenly, the following morning when I was least expecting it, I got this phone call from Shay.
“Hi, Spice! What you up to?”
I said, “Nothing very much.”
“Me neither. Wanna meet? Shopping centre, same place as before? See you in half an hour. Don’t be late!”
I forgot all about Millie. I said to Dad that I was going to meet someone in the shopping centre, and was about to go whizzing off when the Terrible Two started up, wanting to come with me. I told them that they couldn’t.
“I’m meeting a friend.”
“You’re meeting her! You’re meeting that girl!”
I said, “What girl?”
“That Shay person!”
I said, “So what if I am?”
“Mum doesn’t like you seeing her,” said Lisa, all virtuous.
“No, an’ you’re s’pposed to be looking after us,” whined Kez.
“You never take us anywhere!”
“Who’d want to?” I said.
I slammed the front door behind me and scooted off to the lift before Dad could find enough breath to tell me I couldn’t go. It wasn’t till I got off the bus at the shopping centre and saw the hands of the big clock pointing to eleven that I remembered…Millie was supposed to be calling round! For just a moment I felt a pang of guilt, but then I reminded myself that Millie wasn’t really, properly, my friend any more. When we were in school she hardly ever spoke to me. What kind of friend was that? Shay was the one who was my friend. She was the one who looked out for me and made it OK for me to do my homework and not get bullied or picked on if it was read out in class. I didn’t care any more about Millie. She didn’t stick up for me. Let her go round with her stupid gang, if that was what she wanted.
On my way in to the centre I passed a girl from school. Varya. She was with her mum – well, I suppose it was her mum. She smiled at me and said hallo, and I said hallo back, and as I did so I suddenly realised that it was the very first time I’d ever spoken to her. She mostly kept to herself and for some reason nobody ever bothered her. I’d always thought she seemed quite an interesting sort of person, but she didn’t speak very much English and I was too shy to go and talk to her because how would we manage to communicate? But that day in the shopping centre she was, like, really friendly, like really pleased to see me, and her mum was, too, smiling and nodding as we passed, so that I went on my way feeling quite bubbly.
Shay was already there and waiting for me. I broke into a trot when I saw her.
“Sorry I’m late!”
“You’re not late. I was early. She brought me.”
“The Va —” Hastily, I corrected myself. “Your mum?”
“The Vampire. Yeah! She dropped me off. What shall we do? Wanna go and mooch round Sander’s?”
Sander’s is this big department store, which is brilliant for mooching as parts of it are like street markets with racks and racks of clothes, and one entire floor which is called The Bazaar, where you can find just about anything you could ever dream of. Shay said, “Let’s go to Jewellery.” She led the way and I followed. Sander’s is so enormous that left to myself I would most probably panic and get lost, but Shay obviously knew her way around.
“Jewellery’s my favourite,” she said. “This is where I always come.”
It’s really beautiful in the jewellery department. There’s counter after counter, piled high, everything all winking and flashing in a thousand different colours, like an Aladdin’s cave. We wandered round, touching things and picking things up and trying on bracelets and chains. Shay found some earrings that she fancied. They were in the shape of parrots, swinging on a perch: bright red and blue and emerald green. They would’ve looked stupid on me as I have this rather ridiculous face, very small and squashed, but on Shay I could see they would be totally brilliant. I urged her to get them, and she was obviously tempted. She held them up by her ears and said, “What d’you reckon?”
“I think you should buy them,” I said.
“Mm…dunno! I’ll think about it.” She put the parrots back and reached out for something else. “Hey, look! These would suit you!”
She’d found some tiny little earrings in the shape of flowers. I agreed that they were sweet, but I couldn’t imagine ever wearing them.
“So what would you get,” said Shay, “if you were going to get something?”
What I’d always, always wanted was a silver chain. I said this to Shay and she cried, “Let’s look!”
There were so many silver chains that it was really difficult to decide which one I should go for, but in the end I settled on one which had a tiny little pixie figure hanging from it.
“That’s Cornish, that is,” said Shay. “Cornish pixie. That’s a good luck charm! Is that what you’d get?”
I said yes, but of course I couldn’t get it as I didn’t have any money. But it was fun just looking. I mean, it didn’t make me discontented or anything.
After we’d done a bit more mooching, Shay said we should go up to the self-service and get something to eat and drink. I quickly said that I wasn’t hungry, but Shay said, “That’s all right, I’ll pay for it.” Like she knew I didn’t have any money and wanted to spare me the embarrassment of being forced to admit it. I didn’t argue, cos it would’ve been rude when she’d made the offer. She bought us a Coke each, and a packet of crisps, and gave the lady at the till a five pound note. The lady asked if sh
e had “the odd 2p” but Shay said she hadn’t.
“See?” She opened her purse and shook it upside down. “This is all I’ve got.”
I said, “I can give you 2p,” feeling glad that I could make a contribution, even just a small one.
“I’ve got loads more money at home,” said Shay. “I’ve got money in the building society. I can take it out whenever I want. It’s just that I don’t bring much with me cos of muggers.”
I giggled at that. I couldn’t imagine anyone being bold enough to mug Shay!
“Just let anyone try it,” she said. “I’d bash ’em to a pulp! But I don’t need the hassle, you know?”
After our crisps and Coke we went back out into the shopping centre and mooched round a few more shops, until Shay suddenly stopped and said there was something she’d got to do.
“Just wait there.” She pointed at a seat, and I obediently sat down. “I’ll only be a few minutes. Don’t move! OK?”
I said OK. I didn’t mind sitting there, watching people walk past, though I did wonder where Shay had rushed off to in such a hurry, and what she was going to do. She’d only been gone about two seconds when a girl came up to me and said, “Was that Shay Sugar I saw you with?”
I said yes, and she scrunched up her face into an expression of…well! Like if you saw a scorpion scuttling across the pavement. Look out there’s a scorpion kind of thing.
“D’you know her?” I said.
“She used to go to my school.”
“Oh. She goes to my school now,” I said.
“Is she a friend of yours?”
I nodded. The girl went, “Hm!” I began to feel a bit uneasy; this girl didn’t seem to care for Shay very much. “I’d watch out, if I were you,” she said.
“Why?” I crinkled my nose, which I happen to know (cos I’ve done it in front of a mirror) looks really silly, but I can’t seem to help it. It’s a mannerism. “Why have I got to watch out?”
“I just would, that’s all.”
My nose went crinkle, crinkle again. I can actually, sometimes, be quite stubborn. According to Mum I can.
I said, “But why?”
“Cos she’ll make you do things.”
“What things?”
“Things you don’t want to do.”
“I don’t do anything I don’t want to do!”
“That’s what you think,” said the girl.
I wondered why she was saying this to me. She didn’t look like the sort of person who would spread malicious gossip. What I mean is, she was blonde and prettyish and had blue eyes. People with blue eyes always look like they’re soft and gentle. But of course you never can tell. Looks can be deceiving.
Shay came back at that moment. She and the girl looked at each other, and both together they said, “Hi!”
“How’s your new school?” said the girl.
“OK. How’s St Margaret’s?”
“A lot quieter without you there.”
“Everywhere’s a lot quieter without me,” said Shay. “Must be sooo boring.”
“Some people like it that way.”
“Yeah? Some people are just mindless blobs.”
“That’s your opinion,” said the girl.
“Course it is! Wouldn’t quote anyone else’s, would I?”
The girl said, “Who knows?”
“I do,” said Shay.
So then the girl, like, gave up. She just went “Huh!” and stalked off in what I think is called a dudgeon, though I’m not actually sure what a dudgeon is.
It’s indignation! I just looked it up. I think it’s a good word and I’m going to start using it. Dudgeon.
“She’s so stupid, that girl,” said Shay. She put her arm round my waist, in a companionable fashion. “I’ll walk you to the bus stop.”
When I got home, Mum was there as it was her afternoon off. She was looking like a big black thundercloud. What had I done now???
“Where have you been?” she said.
“In the shopping centre.”
“For four solid hours?”
“Dad knew where I was! I told him.”
“And what about Millie? Did you tell Millie? You didn’t, did you?” I shook my head. “Ruth, it’s not good enough! You can’t let people down like this.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I forgot.”
“That’s no excuse! How do you think she felt, turning up on the doorstep and Lisa telling her you’d gone out? I suppose you were with that Shay?”
“She’s my friend,” I said.
“So’s Millie – and she’s been your friend for far longer!”
I protested that Millie wasn’t properly my friend. Not any more.
“Why not?” said Mum.
“I told you,” I said. “She’s in this gang. She doesn’t even talk to me when we’re at school. If it wasn’t for Shay, nobody would talk to me!”
“Why aren’t you in a gang?” said Lisa.
“Cos I don’t want to be!”
“I would. I’d be in the best gang. I —”
“Oh, shut up!” I said. I took off my coat and slung it over the back of a chair. As I did so, something fell out of the pocket. Something shiny. Lisa immediately pounced.
“What’s this?”
“Yes, what it is it?” said Mum.
Lisa squealed, and held it up. “Ooh, pretty!”
It was the silver chain I’d picked out. How had it got in my pocket?
“Where did you get that from?” said Mum.
Quickly, I said, “Shay gave it to me.”
She must have done; it was the only explanation. She must have rushed off to the building society to take some money out, cos I knew she didn’t have any more on her, then rushed back into Sander’s and bought the chain. Then she must have slipped it in my pocket when I wasn’t looking. It must have been when she put her arm round me. I’d thought at the time that it was an unusual thing for Shay to do. We didn’t have a touchy-feely sort of relationship at all; not like I’d had with Millie. Me and Millie were always going round with our arms linked. Mum used to laugh at us and say it was like we were joined at the hip. But with Shay it had felt a bit uncomfortable, to tell the truth. Why couldn’t she just have said, straight out, “I’ve bought you something?” Maybe she’d though I wouldn’t take it off her.
Mum was holding out her hand. “Lisa, let me have a look at that. Are you telling me, that Shay actually bought this for you?”
I said yes. I mean, how else could it have got there? I hadn’t taken it!
“It’s a Cornish pixie,” I said. “It’s a good luck charm.”
“Hm…” Mum was examining it, closely. “Well, it’s not top quality. It can’t have cost that much. All the same—” She handed it back to me. “She really shouldn’t be buying you things.”
“It’s all right,” I said. “She’s got loads of money! She’s got a building society account.”
“Oh, I’m sure she has,” said Mum. “But in future, just say no. OK? You don’t have to be rude about it, just say your mum doesn’t want you accepting things. And, Ruth—” She crooked a finger at me. “Just pick up that telephone and call Millie. I want to hear you apologise.”
When we went back to school after half term, I told Shay thank you for my chain. Shay said, “You’ve got to wear it all the time, it’ll bring you good luck.”
“I can’t wear it to school,” I said, shocked. The very thought! Wearing my precious chain to Krapfilled High!
“I’d wear my earrings,” said Shay, “except they’d probably make me take them off.”
“You got them?” I said. “You got your earrings?”
“Thought I might as well. Seemed silly not to. But I don’t reckon they’d let me go round with parrots in my ears…don’t s’ppose they’d mind a chain, though.”
“But someone might steal it!”
“Not with me around.”
“No, it’s too beautiful,” I said. “It’s the most beautiful thing
I’ve ever had and I shall cherish it always. But Mum—” I added this bit reluctantly. “Mum says you mustn’t go spending your money on me.”
Shay gave one of her cackles of laughter. “Tell your mum she doesn’t have to worry!”
“She really means it. I don’t think she’d let me take anything else. She nearly made me give my chain back.”
“That’d be daft. What’d she wanna do that for?”
I shook my head. I sort of understood how Mum felt, but I didn’t want to say anything that might sound ungracious.
“It’s what being friends is all about,” said Shay. “I don’t see why I can’t give you stuff if I want.”
“Cos I can’t give you stuff,” I said. “I haven’t got anything!”
Shay said what did that matter? “It’s not important!”
“It is to me,” I said. “I’d like to give you something.”
“Yeah?” She considered me a moment, through narrowed eyes, like she was trying to decide whether I was serious. “Maybe, in that case …”
“What?”
“We’ll see what we can do.”
She wouldn’t say any more, so I was left not knowing what she meant. I kept trying to think of anything at all I might have that Shay would like, but I couldn’t. All my stuff was old, and chipped, and tatty. Most of it had come from jumble sales. The only really valuable object I possessed was my silver chain. Silvery chain. I knew it wasn’t real silver, but it was still my most treasured possession.
I now went round with Shay all the time at school. It was just something that seemed to have happened. Karina had drifted away, and hardly ever spoke to me. Millie never had spoken much, and since half term she wasn’t speaking to me at all. She’d been quite huffy when I rang her. I knew that I was the one who was in the wrong, which was why I was willing to say sorry, but I wasn’t the one who’d broken our friendship by going and joining a gang, so I really didn’t think she had any right to take offence. Not when I’d apologised. And to tell me I was disloyal, going out with Shay instead of with her, that was just, like, totally unfair. I wouldn’t ever have hung out with Shay if Millie and me had still been friends.