by Tawny Weber
“Oh, let’s see. There were three tree rescues, a flat tire, an invitation to the Spring Fling, the two times you got me out of lousy dates and then there is the infamous naked Kenny rescue,” Eden said, ticking the items off. “Shall I keep going?”
Cade stood there, moonlight glinting off his navy whites, looking like she’d just bitched him out for rescuing her kittens from a burning building.
“I think you’re overreacting just a little bit here. I’ve never seen you as a victim.”
What had he seen her as, then? The girl next door, always there waiting whenever he came home? Did he see her as a temporary fling, the same as she’d tried to convince herself she saw him? Of course, she’d thought that temporary was at least a month. Not two weeks.
“You didn’t even tell me you were leaving,” she blurted out. Then, slapping both hands over her mouth, Eden groaned, turned on her heel and spun away. Oh, hell. Why had she said that? She had a good reason to be mad. Why was she throwing sad in there, too?
“How’d you find out?”
The anger and defensiveness were gone from Cade’s tone now. Instead, he sounded sorry. Tired, even.
“Does it matter?” she asked, turning back to face him. Outing his father for the second time wasn’t going to do anybody any good. “Why couldn’t you tell me yourself?”
He shrugged, grimacing. “I didn’t want to upset you.”
“Another rescue?” she whispered, wanting to cry. Again, he was trying to save her. Even from herself. Did he see her as that needy? That pathetic? How could she think they had a chance of being more than just a fantasy if he didn’t see her as an equal?
Maybe that was the real fantasy, Eden realized, trying not to cry. Believing that she and Cade actually had a chance.
“Come to San Diego,” he said all of a sudden.
Still wallowing in the heartache, Eden frowned, then shook her head. “What? To visit? Shouldn’t you wait until you’re back, see where you’re assigned?”
In the time they’d been together, he’d never talked about his missions, hadn’t mentioned any locales or places he’d been. Other than describing the physical training he did on a regular basis, he hadn’t referenced his job at all. But she knew from his grandmother that Cade was often outside of the U.S. for months at a time.
“Sure. I’m thinking about a transfer. Out of SEALs, into the training program. I’d be one of those hard-ass drill sergeant types, molding the next wave of SEALs. It’d mean no more travel.” He hesitated, his face a study of doubt. Then he gave a shrug. “Maybe I could get an apartment instead of living on base. You could come, stay with me.”
Joy and shock tangled with a dozen other emotions, all rushing through Eden like a hurricane.
“Why would you do that? Why would you leave the SEALs?”
“I’m not happy,” he said simply. “Something’s missing. Something vital.”
“But to leave the SEALs? Are you sure you want to take that big of a step? Maybe you’re just suffering from burnout. We all hit it once in a while. I’ll bet you just need a little more time off,” she suggested. Maybe a month or so, right here in Ocean Point.
“Lives depend on me, Eden. On me being one-hundred percent. If I can’t give that, I shouldn’t be leading. Shouldn’t be on the team.” He walked over to the paddock, staring across the land toward his father’s house. “I figure I’ll give training a try, see how that goes. See if I still have a career with the navy.”
He sounded so sad.
But when he turned to face her, he wore his usual charming smile. “And, hey, now we have a chance. The odds of things working out if I’m a SEAL are slim to none. But this way, we can see where things go. You can visit me in San Diego. I can come up here. What do you think?”
What did she think?
Eden pressed her hand against her churning stomach.
She thought it was an incredible idea.
To see if this heat between them could last, could grow. She thought it’d be so much easier knowing that Cade was safe.
This was so much bigger than her birthday wish fantasy. So much more than she’d ever let herself hope she’d have with Cade.
He valued her enough to base the biggest decision of his life on her opinion. All it would take was one word from her and he’d take a safer job. One that’d keep him in one place for long periods of time. One that would give them a chance.
Eden had spent so much of her life wanting to be special to someone. Special enough that she’d matter so much that her opinion, her feelings mattered.
It felt as if she was teetering on the edge of that now. This thing, the heat and laughter and comfortable joy between her and Cade, it was special. It could be more. It could be everything she’d ever dreamed of.
All she had to do was tell him to leave the SEALs. But he was using her, using this career choice, as a way to hide. To avoid dealing with the pain of losing his friend. Eden knew Cade well enough to read between the lines. In his mind, the only way they could stay together was if he left the SEALs.
But if he left, he’d never heal.
All her life, she’d wanted to be special. To be wanted, just for her. To belong.
Now, when she’d finally found the one person who made her feel that way, she was thinking about sending him away.
“You need to ask yourself what it is you really want,” she said quietly. “Don’t think about your father. Don’t think about Phil. Don’t even think about me. Just focus on you.”
Cade shook his head, as if that was an impossible request. Eden took a deep breath, blinking fast to clear the hot tears from her eyes.
She turned away, staring at the small barn that housed her clinic. Her dream.
Years of watching Cade, of being rescued by him, of obsessing and fantasizing about him gave her a strong insight. She knew this man inside out. She knew what made him smile, and now she knew what made him groan with pleasure. She knew his likes and dislikes, his fetishes and, her heart sighed, she knew his fears.
She knew exactly why he was talking about giving up his career. And it had nothing to do with her.
And everything to do with him.
So, for the first time in their lives, she was going to turn the table.
This time, she was going to rescue Cade.
And then she was going to crawl into bed and cry for a month.
* * *
“LOOK, YOU’D REALLY LIKE San Diego,” Cade said, talking to Eden’s back. His words were edgy, a little desperate, but dammit, she wasn’t reacting the way he’d hoped. Hell, he’d just tossed relationship promises out there and she hadn’t jumped in to grab a single one of them. “I’ll introduce you to Alexia, Blake’s fiancée. You’ll like her. She’s an animal kind of gal.”
Actually he couldn’t remember if Alexia liked animals or not. He could barely remember his name after that chat with Seth. His uncle was worried. Afraid Cade was pushing himself too hard. He’d been the one to put the idea in Cade’s head that Eden come to San Diego. But as soon as the thought was there, Cade couldn’t get it out. He wanted it, wanted her.
And she was acting like she wasn’t even interested.
Damn, tonight sucked.
Finally Eden turned around. Her face was set, chin high and shoulders pulled back. What the hell? He’d seen enough people prepare for battle to recognize that look.
“You are so wonderful.” Her eyes were clear as she stared up at him, but Cade had the feeling there were tears behind them somewhere. Why, though? This was good, right? They were talking about their future, making big plans. Didn’t women love that kind of thing?
“So why don’t you sound like you want to be into wonderful?” he asked. His tone was teasing, but he didn’t stop searching her face for clues.
“This thing—” she gestured with her fingers between them “—between us... Cade, it was just for fun. You know, a good time.”
“Yeah, we did have a good time. But we had more than that, too.” Poor thing, she was
so used to dating idiots like that Kenny that she probably didn’t realize she was making her declaration sound like a prelude to dumping him.
“No.” Eden shook her head, her eyes sad now. Shuttered. Like she was pushing him away. “That’s all we had. Fun. A fantasy. A birthday wish, remember?”
“What’s between us is bigger than just a fantasy,” he protested.
They had laughter. They had passion and joy and a connection that went deep. They understood each other. And dammit, they comforted each other. He found peace when he was with Eden. The nightmares didn’t ache when he woke to find her face on the pillow next to him. He could shove aside the memories just by focusing on her, on how she made him feel.
Cade stared down at Eden’s closed expression. Her lush lashes cast a shadow on pale cheeks, silky hair fell in soft curls around a face he knew as well as his own.
He didn’t know when it had happened. Maybe this week. Maybe years ago. But he loved her.
Simply loved her.
That was what they had between them.
“Look...” Suddenly nervous, he tried to gather the words. He’d never told a woman he loved her before, so they weren’t coming easily.
As if she knew he was about to make a major declaration, she backed away shaking her head. Cade grabbed her hands to pull her back.
“No,” she said again. She gave him a look that made him feel like he’d crushed her heart. “No, Cade. We were really good together. But that’s not enough to make it long term. It’s not something you leave your job for. You don’t quit a career you love for a good time.”
Spine stiff against the accusation that he was quitting, Cade ground his teeth together to keep from arguing. After all, maybe, for her a good time was all they were?
“Is it my job? The risks?” He saw something flash in her eyes, enough that he figured he’d nailed the issue. Taking a deep breath, a part of him feeling like the quitter his father always declared he was while the rest was thrilled not to have to think about it anymore, Cade declared, “Don’t let that be a problem, okay? Like I said, I’ll be changing positions. There’s not much danger in yelling at recruits.”
“You won’t be happy walking away from the SEALs, Cade,” she told him, her words certain.
Since a part of him was currently doing backflips over the idea, Cade had no problem disagreeing. “I think I know what I want, Eden.”
“And I know what will make you happy. I know you inside out, Cade. You, the man.”
Cade didn’t know why he suddenly wanted to leave. To be done with this conversation. But the idea of getting the hell out of there before she revealed any of the truths in her eyes was so freaking tempting.
“Look, I’ve got a pretty solid handle on my happiness,” he lied. “Nobody knows me better than I know myself.”
“The man loves his grandmother,” she said, lifting one finger.
Before Cade could point out that description could be applied to most non-psychopaths, she took a step closer and continued.
“Despite being brought up to be a Class-A snob, the man prefers beer in a bottle and burgers in wrappers to wine and filet mignon.” Two fingers and another step closer. Cade was too proud to back up.
“The man is the kind of friend who goes to the edge for people he cares about. One who cares so much, he holds their loss in his heart in order to honor them.” Three fingers jabbed the air this time, but Cade could barely see them through his blurred gaze.
His jaw clenched against the barrage of feeling her words brought on. As if she’d opened that memorial he’d created in his heart for Phil and forced him to truly see it.
He was so engrossed in those feelings, he barely noticed that Eden was standing, high-heel-to-boot in front of him now.
“The man is so heartbroken, he’s willing to hide from the pain he feels instead of honoring where it came from. To take on a relationship he doesn’t want so he can ignore the one he’s lost.”
It was like getting sucker punched in the gut.
Who the hell was she to rip open the safeguards he’d built around his heart and force him to see what was inside?
“You’re a wonderful man, Cade. But you’re trying to use what you think we have to hide from what’s missing in your life. You’re trying to turn our little fantasy into something more. To convince yourself it’ll be enough to fill the huge, gaping hole that’d be left if you leave the SEALs.”
What a bunch of crap. But he was too used to standing up for Eden, to hurrying to her rescue, to say that to her face. But just because he didn’t tell her that she was so far off base she was writing fiction, didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking it.
Even as a part of him wondered if maybe she wasn’t just a tiny, little bit right.
“What we have is special,” he claimed, focusing on the only part of her argument he was willing to discuss. This was stupid. He wasn’t letting her cold feet, or whatever she was dealing with, ruin things between them.
“No,” she said, her words so quiet they almost flew away on the gentle evening breeze. “Like I said, we were just a fantasy. A wish.”
He could hear her swallow, like the words were a painful lump in her throat, before she continued.
“You came to my rescue, as always. But this time you didn’t even realize it. Our relationship got me more attention than anything I could have done on my own. The gossips, the busybodies were so excited about us, they made my business a success. And you, us, this affair—” Her voice broke. Then she lifted her chin and gave him a chilly smile. “This affair guaranteed my social standing in town. So, again, thanks for the rescue.”
“What?” No. He couldn’t have heard her right. Cade shook his head to try and throw off the buzzing in his ears. She was bullshitting him. There was no way Eden would use him like that.
“I’m a Cade-ette now. I’ve finally got a secure spot in Ocean Point’s social register. I won’t have to ever worry again about getting invited to all the right parties. You not only gave me a couple of weeks of incredible sex, Cade. You guaranteed my business would be a success.”
All he could do was stand there in the moonlight and stare at her. If she’d pulled a machine gun out from under her dress and opened fire, he couldn’t have been more shocked.
But she didn’t pull anything out. She just gave him a long, sad look, then turned on her fancy high heels and walked toward her house.
Cade just stood there, watching.
She never looked back.
He wanted to yell.
To punch something. To attack. To fight.
Cade wasn’t sure he’d ever felt as betrayed as he did in that second. He knew he’d never been as hurt.
Fists clenched at his side, he wanted to grab onto the fury, to revel in the anger. But the pain was so much stronger. He couldn’t use anger to hide from it, because Eden had never promised him any more than sex. She’d never indicated that she was fishing for a ring.
Nope, right from the get go, that night on the cliffs, she’d said she wanted the fantasy.
Could he blame her that she was willing to let the fantasy do double duty? To give her both pleasure, and a little security?
Still, not even losing Phil had made him feel this miserable.
He’d listened to Seth tonight as his uncle outlined all of the reasons why Cade should give the SEALs a break. The only point his uncle hadn’t made was that Cade had lost his edge when Phil had died in combat.
Because that was the only point that really mattered.
The one Eden had beat him in the gut with.
He wanted to go after her. To tell her she was right. That he needed to heal, but didn’t know how.
Except Eden didn’t care about that.
She’d gotten what she wanted.
She’d gotten her fantasy wish. A whole lot of good sex, and a Cade-ette T-shirt.
Instead of following her, though, he slowly made his way to his car.
As he started the ignition, he congratul
ated himself.
He should be happy. He’d escaped a potential nightmare. Changing his career, just for Eden? To give them a chance at a future?
What a mistake that would have been, given that there wasn’t any.
At last, not to Eden.
14
SHE SHOULD BE DOING BACKFLIPS.
Yesterday, she’d met with Mia Warren about trying out a partnership. Mia had an extensive client list, but no physical clinic to operate out of since the old vet she’d worked with had retired last year. Eden would get access to those clients, in exchange for Mia using the clinic one day a week. There were still a lot of details to discuss, but, so far, it was sounding like a dream come true.
She’d fielded four phone calls, happily turning down two requests that she serve on committees, had blown off Kenny Phillips’s offer of drinks and dinner sometime, and had accepted Crystal’s invitation to go shopping, on the condition that Bev join them.
And she’d only thought of Cade, oh, a million miserable times.
Not bad for a day spent wishing she was curled up in her bed, the covers drawn comfortingly over her head. That, or cozied up in McCall’s Bakery stuffing herself with chocolate fudge muffins, apple fritters and cheesecake brownies.
This pain would go away. The heartbreak, the misery, they’d fade. Eden figured if she kept promising herself that, sooner or later she’d buy into the hype and start believing it.
In the meantime, she’d just keep on moving forward. Enjoy the blessings that were rolling into her life. All she’d had to do to bring in all of those blessings was get that first wish out of the way, and then it’d snowballed. It had broken her heart, too, of course. She really shouldn’t forget that part of the equation.
But she was determined not to let it turn her into a whiny baby who hid her chocolate-smeared face under her pillow.
Her determination to keep that from happening was the reason she was here at the Oceanfront Country Club. She trudged across the parquet floor on her favorite pair of perky and cheerful ballet flats, wondering why Catherine had called this morning, insisting she come to breakfast.
“Eden, darling.”