by RS McCoy
“He’s right, it does hurt. But only for a little while. And after your transformation, it’s hard to concentrate. You might not remember it at all.” Kaide had heard such tales but hadn’t been fortunate enough himself. Still, it was a new kind of pain, one that he found he rather liked. It had been the first of many tattoos for him.
Kaide released the last strap of Blossom’s shirt and tugged it over her head, never missing an opportunity to kiss that soft flesh along the side of her neck. Then with a single motion, he undid the waist of her pants and sent them cascading to the floor.
“What’s it like? The first time?” Blossom stood perfectly still and wouldn’t look at him, though he didn’t know if it was because of her question or her nude state.
Kaide fetched a shirt from the drawer and slid it over her head as he answered. “It’s scary at first. You don’t know what you are or where you are. Maybe that was just for me, though. Your mind has to make sense of your new form, and sometimes it takes a few minutes. After that, the instincts start to kick in. Not as strong or as clear, but they do. You’ll get a taste of what it’s like to be in your totem form, but you only stay that way for a few minutes, though it seems longer. Once you’re in your human form again, they tattoo your neck,” he said as he kissed the spot where her totem tattoo would go. “And then you come home.”
“But I’ll be different.”
“Yes, Beauty. You will never be the same again.” Kaide sighed and tried not to think of how bad it might be. Everyone was greatly altered after transformation, hence its name. But he knew for her, it would be worse. Far worse.
“It’s just a part of growing up,” he said as he pulled the shirt down over her hips.
Blossom spun and looked up at him with wide eyes. He could sense a turn in her, a shift in her thoughts, but it was so complex, he couldn’t begin to figure out what she was thinking.
“You’re really not going to try to stop me?”
Kaide smiled and kissed her cheek. “No, Beauty. In fact, I have something for you.” From his pocket, he pulled out the copper coin. “It’ll take us to the capital and back, round trip. I had Olin make the arrangements this afternoon. It’s already paid for and ready whenever you are.”
“You’re coming with me?”
“I will gladly accompany—” Kaide stopped when Blossom shook her head.
She cringed as she said, “I know you want to keep me safe, but I have to do this on my own.” Her emerald eyes blazed with certainty. She’d made up her mind. There was no changing it now.
Kaide couldn’t give up that easily. “Are you sure? I could go with you as far as the portals. I could wait—”
“No. It’s my totem. I have to go on my own.” Blossom leaned forward and pressed her lips to his Alder Mother tattoo, lingering there for a full breath.
Kaide sighed and resigned himself to the root of panic in his chest. Aside from holding her hostage, there was nothing else he could do. “At least take Druma, so I know you’ll arrive safely.”
When she nodded, Kaide gripped both her hands in his. “Now, are you ready for dinner?”
Blossom nodded, and he knew she was grateful for a quiet evening alone with him. He would do whatever he could to help keep her calm, to keep her from being nervous or scared. She’d made her decision, and Kaide could do nothing more than support her, no matter how wrong he knew it to be.
Serum
KAIDE WOKE HER not long after dawn. The early amber rays of sunrise had just started to peek over the tree line.
“Happy birthday, Beauty,” he said with a smile, though not a real one. He ran his palm across the shirt on her back.
Blossom pushed to sitting and rubbed her eyes. She hadn’t slept well, distracted by thoughts of all the different ways today could go. But as tired as she was, she was alert, energized by the fear and anticipation of what she was about to do.
Kaide rolled to his side and watched her as she dressed, tying each strap in place with ease. Today, she would do this on her own. No more being the baby bird. No more delicate flower or stupid little sister. Today, she would finally know her totem.
Blossom was torn between the urge to skip and sing and flail with her bursting excitement and the crippling fear that made her want to curl into a chair and cry. The resulting conflict left her feeling like she could be knocked over by a good gust of wind.
As soon as she was dressed, Kaide pushed out of bed and took her hand as they descended the stairs. In nothing but his black Pyro pants, she could see his every tattoo. She was reminded that she, too, would have a permanent mark of ink by the time she returned at the end of the day. The only question was what it would be.
On the second floor, he tugged her toward his desk where he retrieved a single slip of paper, folded and stamped with the official seal. “Documentation of our marriage arrangement,” he explained. “I’m not sure if it’ll be an asset or not, but you’ll have it if you decide you need it.”
Blossom slipped it into her pocket, her mind reeling. “Thank you,” she said, though it came out as more of a whisper.
Kaide squeezed her hand and pulled her back toward the stairs.
“Do you want something to eat before you go?” Kaide asked as their feet touched down in the entryway.
Blossom shook her head. “I’ll just throw it up anyway.”
“I can go with you that far, if you want. I’ll do whatever you need me to.” He cupped her cheeks in his hands and pulled her close enough to plant a sweet kiss on her forehead.
She wrapped her hands around each of his wrists and held him in place for a moment longer. Then, she backed away. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be back as soon as—”
“Just be safe. If something’s not right, you can leave. You’re not locked into anything. Druma will let me know if you need me. I can be there in twenty minutes.”
“I know. I’ll be careful.” She meant it. She would be.
“Do you need anything else before you go?”
Blossom shook her head before she remembered. Without a word, she darted down the guest wing to her room. It was the same as it had been since the day she arrived—green and brown linens, alder wood furniture, and onyx tile—but it didn’t feel like hers anymore. Her place was on the third floor with Kaide.
Blossom pulled Hale’s coin from under the pillow, clutching it in her hand as she trotted back to Kaide at the door.
She opened her hand and showed him. “Hale says sometimes the Alder Mother has a plan for us, but other times, she wants us to be strong and make our own choices. His has a bear on this side, but since he didn’t know my totem, he left it blank.”
Kaide turned it over between his fingers. “This is what he gave you in the Alderwood?”
Blossom nodded.
“And you believe in the Alder Mother enough to use it?” Kaide wrinkled his brow for a moment before he realized. “You believe in Hale enough to use it.”
Blossom nodded again, accepting the coin in her palm as Kaide kissed her forehead. “Have a good day, Beauty. We’ll have a proper celebration when you get home. I’ll think of nothing else until you return.”
This time, when Kaide’s words threatened to unravel her, she accepted his embrace before pulling back. She had to leave. She had to do this. And not even Kaide’s burning blue eyes or sweet words could make her stay, no matter how much she wanted to.
Thankfully, he put his hands in his pockets and stood still as she backed away and let herself out the front door. Down the drive, Druma waited with the transport, its door already open.
Blossom only looked back once, long enough to see the small smile he wore, before she crossed the clearing and took her seat in the transport. She squeezed her eyes shut and wrung her hands in her lap as she waited for Druma to shoot them into the sky and bring her one step closer to transformation.
As soon as Blossom was settled in the transport, Kaide bolted up the stairs and jogged to the wide window. Druma already had them off the ground, ascendi
ng to hovering altitude before starting toward the Pyro Building just a few minutes to the west.
He could do nothing but watch the transport shrink into the distance until it disappeared altogether. Kaide stared for several seconds before his fist flew out, striking the window with such force, it cracked easily. A spider’s web of fractures radiated out in every direction.
Kaide sucked air into his lungs, one heated breath at a time. Footsteps sounded on the stairs behind him, but he couldn’t be bothered. All he could see was the empty sky where Blossom had once been. All he could think was how much pain she would endure today, how scared she would be, and how she would never really be the same.
All he could think was how much he would always regret this day. That he hadn’t done more to convince her of how much danger she was in. That he hadn’t been able to get her to stay.
“She’s gone?” Norsa asked between ragged huffs.
Kaide only managed a brief nod.
“You let her go?”
When he didn’t answer, Norsa pressed him further. “But why?”
And then Kaide said the only answer he could. “Because I love her.”
The transport landed safely on the ground only steps away from the Pyro Building. An uncomfortable knot had already formed in her stomach, but she knew the worst was yet to come.
With determination, she climbed the onyx stairs and forced her feet across the lobby. She bypassed the row of Pyro attendants with their dark hair and coppery skin, straight to the wing of portal rooms.
As Kaide had done, she found room #413 and closed the door behind her. It seemed so much larger without him there to press her against the wall. When nothing happened, she remembered the coin in her pocket and placed it into the slot.
Then, the room spun.
Like falling from an alder branch or spinning in a lake, Blossom’s body rotated in space without a thing to grasp hold of. No matter how she pressed her back to the wall or how her eyes failed to detect a single change in the space, her stomach knew.
It was then she knew she should have brought Kaide with her at least this far. The portal slowed and finally stopped, but it was too late.
Blossom shot into the corridor but didn’t even make it to the door before she retched. Dry heaves racked her until her ribs ached, but she was thankful she’d decided to forgo breakfast. At least she didn’t have a mess to explain.
Druma appeared only seconds later. “I’ll be here in the portal wing if you need me, Ms. Frane.” He put a hand on her shoulder, comforting in a way he hadn’t been before.
“Thank you, Druma. I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She oozed a false confidence and pushed out the door.
In the lobby, she approached the Aero attendants. Each had half-shaved heads and unnaturally light eyes to complement their fair skin and hair. To the first, she said, “I’m here for transformation.”
The woman with long hair draped across her left ear looked up with a bored smile. “Third floor. Take the elevators just over there.”
Of course, Blossom already knew where to find them. She remembered the mirrored finish inside and the panel of buttons Kaide had used to bring them to the Spring Ceremony only days before. Now, she pressed the button to the third floor and stared at her reflection. Chestnut hair and light skin like her brothers. Pyro clothes like her future husband.
Blossom couldn’t decide what her totem would be.
Would she be a bear, like her family? Would the Alderwood in her blood make her Terra?
Or was she like Kaide? Was she all fire like Pyro?
She was torn. Blossom was both Terra like her brothers and Pyro like Kaide. How could she choose between her blood and her heart?
Without questioning it, she pulled the coin from her pocket and flipped it in the air. A second later, she caught it and pressed it to the back of her hand. Blossom held her breath as she revealed the coin, the bare wooden side facing upward. No totem. Nothing. Just blank. As if it mocked her.
The elevator doors slid open and revealed a long, clean corridor with a single door on the far end. In the middle, a lone Aero woman sat at a desk, working on some sort of device Blossom couldn’t begin to understand. Still, she marched forward with a newfound determination.
“Good morning,” the woman offered when Blossom was only halfway down. “You’re here for transformation?”
Blossom nodded and took her place across from the sleek aluminum desk.
“Congratulations,” the woman said as she swiveled some sort of screen until it faced Blossom. “Are you literate?”
“I can read and write if that’s what you mean.” Blossom tried not to scowl at the question.
“Excellent. Please fill in your information here.”
On the screen, a short questionnaire appeared. Blossom filled in her name, birthdate, birth branch, and mother’s totem.
“Excellent. Right this way, Ms. Frane.” The woman stood and revealed a white suit that fit snug against her entire frame, hugging her every curve. Blossom was thankful for the loose comfort of her Pyro clothes.
The nameless woman led her to the door and the end of the hall, then through a labyrinth of corridors, turning seemingly at random and passing countless doors until finally she stopped. Blossom didn’t care for such confinement. It wasn’t the wide open space of the Alderwood nor the windowed freedom of the manor. These closed in-hallways and identical doors made her feel trapped, as if there weren’t enough air for her to breathe.
Without a signal of any kind, the door opened. Another Aero man stood in the doorway, his eyes so light blue they were almost white. A strip of long, light-yellow hair grew down the middle of his head, but both sides were shaved clean. “Good morning, Ms. Frane. I’m Eton Samina. I’ll be administering your test.” He motioned for her to enter, and she did.
Inside the room there was a simple metal table with a pair of metal chairs, bare walls and alabaster floor. Eton’s slim suit and pale complexion only added to the washed-out effect of the space. Blossom was a lone splash of color in the white room.
Eton took the seat across from her and gave his attention to a slender screen propped up and facing him. Blossom could see nothing as he slid his finger along the screen in silence.
“I remember you,” she said when the silence grew too loud. She recalled him standing with Syndicate Waller as Kaide had tugged her toward the elevators, mere minutes before she saw his totem for the first time.
“You were born Terra?” Eton asked without looking up.
“Yes, I was. An Alderwood clan—”
He cut off her off. “Yes is fine. Your mother was a brown bear?”
“Yes.” Blossom was sure to keep her answer short this time.
“And yet you dress as a Pyro.”
“Obviously.” Already she tired of these questions. They’d discussed nothing that she hadn’t already told them.
Then, he looked up. His frost-blue eyes unnerved her, but she stared back with a confidence she didn’t feel.
“If you could pick one animal you thought would be your totem, what would it be?” He leaned his elbow on the table and waited, his mouth and jaw strained with tension, though she didn’t know why.
And she didn’t know the answer. Blossom’s hand snaked into her pocket and grasped her alder wood coin. Was she a bear? Was she something else? “I don’t know,” she said at last. And it was the truth. She didn’t know.
Her hand skimmed the document tucked into her pocket. Should she show him? Or would it only bring his attention to her alliance with Kaide? Would it keep her safe or put her more in danger? But she knew this was about her, and her alone.
Eton ran a hand over his bare chin before he pushed out of his chair, the motion so sudden it startled her. “Follow me.” Without looking back, he strode into the hallway and brought her down another series of confusing turns, before he opened one last door.
This time, the room was circular and massive. The ceiling was high, at least three stories up. The wal
ls were marred with all sorts of slices and scores, and when she looked hard enough, it was possible to think they were claw marks.
Eton moved to the wall and opened a panel to reveal some sort of metallic device. He approached and showed her the glass vial of yellow liquid in the chamber and the needle on the end. “I’m going to administer the serum now. I’ll inject it into your neck, and it’ll unlock your totem. You’ll feel yourself start to transition within a few seconds. This room is for your first experience. You can’t leave and you can’t hurt yourself. Once you’re ready, you’ll transition back to your human form. Ready?”
Her heart jumped into her throat and pounded so hard she couldn’t speak. This was it. She was here in the room, a stranger standing behind her ready to give her the totem she’d waited so long for.
She couldn’t help but think it should have been Kaide. He would have been kinder, softer, known when she was ready.
But he wasn’t here. There was only this Aero man instead.
Blossom nodded slowly.
Eton closed in behind her. She reached up and pulled the curls away from her neck, revealing the skin that Kaide so loved to kiss.
Instead, he stabbed her with a needle. The initial puncture didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the fire that raced through her veins. Like liquid lava, it spread from her neck, up to the base of her head and simultaneously down the length of her left arm. The further it advanced the more frantic she became. It was like nothing she’d ever known.
Maybe something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. The pain was too strong, it moved too fast. Blossom fell to her knees and clutched at her arm, though the fire now claimed every bit of her. She was going to die here. She was never going to see her brothers or Kaide or anyone she loved ever again. She was going to die here with this stranger.
And then something snapped. The pain was gone, but so was the floor. She was in the air, climbing, clawing her arms in the air and rising higher, but they weren’t arms at all. They were wings.