State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  “Duck,” he said again while pointing.

  “I see the duck, but you can’t touch him. They don’t like that kind of thing. Plus you’ll get all wet. You need to stay back from the water okay? It’s not safe,” Sam explained.

  “Ouchie?”

  “Yes, you could get an ouchie,” Riley said as she came up next to them. “Good catch.” She was standing so close he could smell her hair. Memories of their night together swarmed his thoughts for a second.

  He was in big trouble. He knew it as sure as he knew his own name, but he could only smile at her as he held Luca a safe distance from the water fowl.

  * * *

  Riley felt bad that Sam wasn’t getting much fishing done. Instead he was lying on the blanket tickling Luca and drinking out of a juice box. She would never say how that scene warmed her heart.

  She loved hearing Luca giggle and say “stop” until Sam stopped. And then a second later he would say, “Do it again.”

  Sam had let Luca try his turn at fishing. He held Luca’s hands in place as he cast out the line. The line bobbed in place for only a moment before her son lost interest and came running back to the blanket.

  They stayed out at the lake all day. She shivered as she packed up their things. The nights in the mountains brought cooler temperatures.

  “I’ll walk you back to the cabin. I need to get the rest of my supplies.”

  “Where are you staying?” she asked.

  “When Ian told me the cabin was occupied for the weekend I asked if I could camp by the lake, so I have a tent in the truck.”

  “Won’t you be cold?”

  “Nah. I’ll be fine.” Right. He was a soldier. Surely he’d been in worse places than a lake in Virginia in June.

  Luca, having run himself ragged all afternoon, was drifting off as Sam carried him back to the cabin.

  “Where should I put him?” Sam asked when they stepped inside.

  “He’s in the Rose Room. It’s the one at the top—”

  “I know where it is. I helped do the master bathroom.” He nodded toward the stairs.

  “I love the tub. You did it?”

  “I did the work. Dalton drew up the plans.”

  “It’s really amazing.”

  She followed them upstairs. By that point Luca was hanging limp in Sam’s arm with his mouth hanging open.

  Sam shouldered open the door and put Luca on the bed. They each took a foot and removed his shoes. Sam stepped out in the hall while Riley kissed Luca on the forehead and covered him with a light blanket.

  “Night, baby,” she whispered, and left the small light on next to the door just in case he woke up and was scared.

  Then she went out to face Sam.

  “Thank you—” Her appreciation was cut off by his lips coming down on hers.

  She wasted no time catching up. Her arms came up around his neck, trapping him to her lips as he pushed her back against the wall.

  “Stay,” she said, taking a chance.

  His only answer was to pick her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist while he carried her across the hall into the other bedroom.

  “Riley,” he said as he hovered over her on the bed. His expression was so serious it scared her for a moment. “I don’t know where this is going. I’m not good at this. But maybe we could try.”

  His words frightened her even worse than his expression. It wasn’t safe for her to let him in her life. Into Luca’s life. But she wanted it. She wanted him.

  “Okay. No promises,” she answered, and whether she meant from him or from her and Luca she wasn’t sure.

  He stripped her slowly, differently than the last time. He was taking his time and she was fine with that. She didn’t have the urgency she had the last time either, the pure sexual need; this was about more than the physical. This was important.

  Sam—the big tough soldier—seemed unsure of himself as he touched her face and let out a shaky sigh. “I’ve been thinking about you since I left your place. You got in my head and I can’t seem to get you out. I tried, but now I realize I don’t want you out. I want you right here, like this.”

  God, he was saying all the right things to tear down every wall she’d built.

  “I want you, Sam.”

  * * *

  Sam was no stranger to the things that happened in the bedroom, but he was out of his element this time. He was making love to Riley. This was way more than a romp in the hay. It was real. It was bodies and feelings and need. A place he’d never dared to go since his last relationship had ended in disaster.

  He took his time appreciating every nuance of her body and she let him. She didn’t struggle to get him to hurry, she allowed him this time to do what he wanted to her.

  He moved down her body, tasting her sweetness and enjoyed watching her climax from his touch. He had the power to make her feel good. He knew he also had the power to break her heart or cause her pain, but he pushed that thought away for now.

  Seeing her lust-filled eyes looking down at him caused him to move back up her body, hovering over her, ready to take her. He’d restocked his wallet with three condoms hoping for a miracle that would get him out of his rut.

  Here was his miracle. She was lying under him and as he rolled on the condom and slid into her, he knew he was where he belonged. There was none of the panic he’d felt before. This was right.

  When two of the three condoms were spent he collapsed next to her, sucking in vanilla-scented air as he caught his breath inches from her skin. When he could move again, he pulled her against him and fell asleep almost instantly.

  Unfortunately, he didn’t stay that way all night . . .

  It was cold. So cold he could see his breath as he looked down from a craggy rise. Desmond and Simmons were behind him, waiting for his command, but he wasn’t sure what to do.

  He’d been trained for this moment, he knew the goal should be to get to higher ground until a helo could do an extraction, but now they were trapped. The chopper was still ten minutes out. No matter what scenario he worked out, it still ended the same way. They weren’t going to make it.

  Insurgents were moving up from all sides and they were getting low on ammo.

  “Save a round for me,” Simmons said. “If they get too close, I want you to take me out. I don’t want them trying to use me to get intel.”

  Sam wouldn’t be able to shoot his own men, but he understood the concern. He would rather be put out than taken prisoner.

  Another round of cracks came from their left and the ground sprayed dust and pebbles as searing pain shot through his left arm. He gave in to the heat in his arm for a few minutes. Footsteps brought him back to consciousness just in time to see who was coming closer. It wasn’t one of his men. It was a young boy.

  Sam wasn’t able to get away, and he couldn’t reach his gun. Behind him he heard Simmons yell, followed by a sharp pop. The young boy running toward him raised his weapon.

  “Sam! Sam! Wake up.” Riley shook his shoulder a little more firmly. He was thrashing around in the bed, covered in sweat. “Sam!”

  With a loud gasp he sat straight up, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. She rubbed his back, and said, “It’s okay. It’s just a dream. You’re fine.”

  He choked and coughed as he struggled to breathe. Then without warning he latched onto her, his arms winding around her waist, pulling her tight against him.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “Shh. You don’t need to be sorry. Would it help to talk about it?” she offered, knowing his past was probably not an easy place to visit. Even so, she wanted to help him some way.

  He shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”

  She wasn’t so sure.

  Despite the fact it was only three in the morning he got up and went to the huge bathroom to take a shower. He had told her tonight he wanted a chance. She wanted him to give her a chance as well.

  She got out of bed, and after checking on Luca, she went
in the bathroom to join him in the shower.

  “Tell me,” she said as she ran her hands over his wet shoulders. He turned and kissed her in an attempt to distract her, but she didn’t let him. She pulled back and picked up the soap, turning him around to wash his back in a more clinical way. She didn’t want him to brush off his issues with sex. It wasn’t healthy.

  “I already know it wasn’t a picnic over there,” she said as her fingers grazed a scar on his left shoulder.

  “I got shot. My men got shot. It was an impossible situation, and it didn’t end the way it was supposed to. That’s it.” He shrugged it off, but she knew there was so much more.

  She didn’t want to push him too hard. She knew it would take time for him to open up. She rewarded him for sharing by stepping closer and winding her arms around his waist. Her breasts pressed up against his strong back as her hands moved lower and lower until she wound her fingers around his length.

  He twitched and moaned in pleasure, making her smile.

  They rinsed quickly and barely dried off before he was picking her up and rushing her to the bed again.

  “I can walk, you know.”

  “Your legs are so short, it takes too long,” he teased and kissed her before reaching for his last condom. She hadn’t brought any with her, why would she? She surely wasn’t planning to jump into bed with anyone out here in the middle of nowhere, while spending the weekend with her little boy. Fate had given her a pleasant surprise for a change.

  Sam was not slow and loving this time, he seemed desperate as he pushed inside her. He held onto her so tightly she had difficulty breathing, but she didn’t complain. She loved every second. He needed her. She could feel it in the tension of his body and the urgency of his kiss.

  She wanted to take away the ghosts that haunted him in any way possible. Sure she knew sex wasn’t the answer. But he’d told her a small part of his past. The rest would take time and for now she could comfort him with her body. When he collapsed on her and his breathing steadied, she hoped he would have peaceful dreams.

  Chapter 5

  Sam felt like he was being watched. The fear that it could be an enemy intensified until he had no choice but to open his eyes and look.

  Sure enough, someone was watching him.

  Four sets of brown eyes stared at him as he blinked away sleep. One set was plastic and belonged to a dingy white bunny. The other set blinked back.

  “Hey Luca,” Riley said from behind Sam. “Are you okay?”

  Luca nodded and rubbed his eyes as if he learned the technique from some kind of Cute Kid Handbook.

  Without answering he crawled up on the bed and climbed across Sam to get to his mother. Sam felt a moment of terror as Riley raised the blanket on the other side of her to let him in. But then he saw she was dressed. Shorts and a tank top.

  Sam, however, was buck naked under the sheet.

  “Uh, Ri?” He cleared his throat. “I need pants.”

  “Oh. Okay. I’ll distract him and you get them.” This didn’t sound like the best plan, but as she tickled Luca and he began to giggle he felt it was his only shot. He darted out of bed, found his boxers and slipped them on before Luca had even started begging her to stop.

  He climbed back under the sheet as Luca recovered from his fit of giggles. When he could breathe, he reached over his mother and began tickling Sam’s ribs. His tiny little fingers didn’t do much since Sam wasn’t ticklish, but Sam laughed and pretended so Luca wouldn’t feel dejected.

  “Let’s get Mommy,” Sam suggested when Luca finished his assault on Sam. Together the two of them attacked from either side, causing her to scream and twist with laughter.

  “Stop it! Stop! Or I’m not going to make you breakfast!”

  Luca slowed down for a second, and Sam said, “It’s okay, Luca. I know how to make breakfast.” Luca gave an evil little chuckle and continued torturing his mother.

  When it was apparent Riley was either going to suffocate or wet herself, they stopped, although no one made a move to get out of bed. Riley told stories about when Luca was little, and he listened to his own history as if she were telling the tale of a fictional character.

  “And when you were in Mommy’s tummy, I ate Popsicles every day. And what do you like to eat?”

  “Popsicles!” Luca said.

  “Yeah, but that could be a coincidence. I love Popsicles and I spent no time in your tummy,” Sam noted with a grin, causing Riley to roll her eyes.

  “I wanna Popsicle!” Luca announced.

  “You can have waffles,” she said.

  “Waffles?” Sam asked, impressed.

  “From a box. Don’t get too excited.”

  “I can get adequately excited over waffles from a box,” he said as Luca jumped off the bed and ran out of the room.

  Sam pulled on a shirt before following Riley downstairs. She hadn’t changed or bothered to put on a bra so every step she took down the stairs made her breasts bounce in a very appealing way. The shorts she was wearing were tight and thin and he was having visions of peeling them down her thighs when a white rabbit cut off his fantasy.

  “Hey, bunny,” Sam greeted the stuffed animal, happy for the distraction.

  “Hops,” Luca said, making it sound like Sam had insulted him by calling it a bunny.

  “How do you do, Mr. Hops?” Sam shook the rabbit’s paw and bowed, making Luca giggle and run off.

  “Are you okay with this?” Riley asked. She bit her lip as she opened the box of waffles, and glanced at him.

  “Sure. I’m telling you, the kind from the box are just as good as real ones.” He was pretty sure she wasn’t talking about the waffles.

  She laughed and let it go. He was grateful, because he didn’t have an answer.

  He was having the best time with her and he even liked playing with Luca. But he knew himself, and he was sure something would go wrong at any minute. She might want to talk about what happened the night before. Not the sex, but the way she woke him up as he was sweating and gasping for air. She might want to talk about it, and what could he say? To tell her it was a fluke would be a lie.

  He wasn’t cut out for this kind of life, nor did he deserve it. But boy, did it feel nice at the moment.

  * * *

  Despite all the great sex the night before, Riley was tense as she made breakfast. She was worried the reality of being with a kid would cause Sam to freak out and run screaming down the mountain. So far he was handling things fine. Even when Luca missed his mouth and dropped syrup down his shirt. “Uh-oh,” Luca said, wiping at it with his sticky hand, making it worse.

  “Here.” Sam whipped Luca’s shirt over his head. “Guys can go skins at the table for breakfast.” He reached over his head, grabbing the collar of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head so he was “skins” as well.

  Riley looked him over—his caramel skin and rippling muscles—and decided she liked this rule very much.

  “Pretty,” Luca said, pointing to the artwork on Sam’s chest. A dragon curled itself along his pectoral and wound down to his ribs. In its claw was the insignia for the Marines.

  “No one has ever called my ink pretty before.” He smiled, but didn’t seem insulted.

  “You like the colors?” Riley asked her son who nodded. It was very colorful, and dare she say . . . pretty. In a tough soldier kind of way, of course. “Me too.”

  “Boo boo,” Luca said, pointing at the scar on Sam’s left shoulder.

  “It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt anymore,” Sam said.

  “All better?” Luca said.

  “Yep. All better.” Riley knew this wasn’t true. Yes, his skin had healed, but after seeing Sam in the throes of the nightmare the night before she knew he was far from all better. He had demons. But didn’t most people?

  Riley lived behind a fortress of protection from men. She would not get close enough to be harmed, and she surely wouldn’t let Luca get close either.

  At least that was the goal at breakfast.


  But by the time they were eating ice cream in town after dinner, things were already shifting. Sam had slipped away for a few minutes. When he came back he smiled and held up a bag from the drugstore. Condoms.

  “So are we ready to go back?” he asked as he wiggled his eyebrows. “Do you think he’ll go to sleep early again?” He didn’t even attempt to hide the hope in his voice.

  After a game of tag, and an hour at the park, Luca was already leaning to one side of his car seat with heavy lids. He would probably be asleep before they reached the end of the parking lot.

  “You’ve thoroughly worn him out,” she said as Sam drove them to the cabin. “Was that the plan?”

  Sam shrugged. “I wanted him to have fun today, and I want us to be able to have fun tonight.” That seemed fair enough.

  At the cabin Sam reached in for a sleeping Luca.

  “I can get him,” Riley said.

  “It’s okay. You’re on vacation. Take a break from lugging him around.” Sam winked.

  “He does get a little heavy sometimes.”

  “I’ve carried you both, and I’m pretty sure he’s heavier,” he joked as Riley got the door.

  Sam took him straight up to the pink room and put him in bed. Riley got his shoes and watched as Sam leaned over and kissed Luca’s head. Her heart squeezed at the sight. She couldn’t remember a time she’d ever seen Evan do that. Even when Luc was a baby.

  The fantasies she’d had before came back in a rush, and she tried desperately to keep them at bay. This was not real. This was a weekend. It was fun.

  Before she could worry too much, Sam took her hand and led her out of the room and across the hall. He was shedding clothes as he went, his shoes, her shirt, by the time they got to the bed they were, for the most part, naked.

  She couldn’t help but think this was how life was meant to be. With someone to help when things got heavy and someone to hold her and make her feel amazing at night. It seemed so simple, and yet it was so far out of her reach.

  After another intense sexual experience with Sam, he fell in a heap next to her, out of breath. She wasn’t exploding into an orgasm as soon as he touched her like the first few times, but he was still able to make it happen fairly easy. He’d said he thought it was sexy as hell, but she still felt vulnerable. Surely it wasn’t safe for him to know the power he had over her.