* * *
She had become a master at catching a few moments of sleep at the desk between guests coming and going. Her shift was usually quiet. Tonight though, a group of cheerleaders had come to town for a competition. The hotel was full of squealing, giggling teenage girls who had limited supervision. She was getting calls all night. Two of them had locked themselves out of their rooms. One had been locked out on the balcony. There were complaints about not having enough towels and hot water. Not to mention the steady stream of boys sneaking into the hotel and back out.
She was exhausted by the time her shift was over. She stopped by Anita’s to give Luca a kiss and then she was back out to shower and change before her shift at the jewelry store.
“You don’t look so good,” Pauline noted as Riley walked in.
“You say that almost every day. Maybe you should just tell me the days I look good. It might be more efficient.”
“Maybe. I’ll start another pot of coffee.”
“Thank you. I should have brought a funnel so you can pour it in if I fall over.”
“I’ll find a way.” Pauline laughed as she went to the back of the store.
Riley wanted to break down in tears. This was no life. Not for her or Luca.
She missed Sam like crazy. She missed his strong arms around her at night. She missed his kisses and his smile. She missed the comfort and stability he brought to her life.
“Excuse me?” the woman in front of her brought her back to reality.
“Yes. Sorry. I’ll send it off for repair, and I’ll give you a call when it’s ready to be picked up.” Riley snapped her smile in place.
“Do you want to take down my phone number so you can call me?” the woman asked with a brow raised.
“Right. Yes. I was just going to ask.”
Riley wrote down the number and watched the woman leave. She needed to hold it together. Two jobs was a lot, plus her new jewelry business. But it meant she didn’t have to worry so much about paying her bills and supporting her son.
She was doing it. So far.
Chapter 13
“Have you noticed a difference in your sleep?” Dr. Younger asked Sam as soon as he sat down in her office.
“Actually, yes. I only woke up a few times that I noticed.” Not only was he feeling better rested, he sure didn’t miss the dreams.
“Any dizziness?”
“No.”
“I’m going to up the dose. See if we can’t get it to be less than a few times.”
They talked about some other things. Riley, for one.
“I feel like a jerk having Mrs. Fisher lie to her. But it’s the only way I can help. Last week I had Mrs. Fisher tell her she won a gift card at bingo. This week I broke into her house to get the extra set of car keys, and I filled up her car while she was at work. She probably thinks she’s going crazy. Her car keeps magically going back to full when it gets to a quarter of a tank.”
“Do you feel responsible?” she asked.
Sam gave that a moment to consider before he answered.
“No. I want to help her because I know she’s struggling and it’s not right.”
“But you think it’s your fault.”
“I’m sure she’s not pushing for child support because of the incident with Luca. That’s my fault. Although she wasn’t pushing before either. Her ex might want to enforce visitation and he just moved to Arizona.”
“What have your other relationships been like?” Dr. Younger asked.
“Other? I told you what happened with Jessica. I choked her, she panicked and kicked me out. There weren’t any others after that.”
“What about before you went in the service?”
Sam looked up at the ceiling while he thought it over.
“I had a few serious girlfriends in high school. As serious as you could get in high school. We talked about forever and stuff like that. Forever seems great when you’re seventeen. Not so much later when you understand what it really means.”
“So you’ve not had a serious relationship for a few years.” It was a statement, not a question.
“No. Not until Riley.”
“And you fought that every step of the way.”
“Right.”
“Why is that?” she asked.
“I don’t know. You’re the one with the fancy paper on the wall. You tell me.” He smiled, hoping the dimples would save him. She seemed immune.
“Fine.” She shrugged. “You’re suffering from survivor’s guilt. Both of the men you lost on that hill had wives and children. You don’t think you deserve to have a family because they can’t.”
He knew she was right, but he shifted uneasily in his chair. She could see into the nooks and crannies of his head. Spooky.
“I’m going to suggest something you’re not going to want to do,” she told him.
“I don’t really want to do any of this, but go ahead.”
“You need to visit the families.”
“I already did. As soon as I was released from the hospital I went. It’s what we do when we lose people under us, we visit their families. Talk them up, tell them how great they were. I was lucky, because it was true of both of my guys.”
“But you were there when their grief was fresh. I want you to follow up. See where they are now. It’s been six years. They’re not going to be the same people you met before.”
“I don’t think they’ll appreciate me opening up old wounds.”
“Trust me, you won’t be opening up anything. Their wounds are just as exposed as yours are. It’s not like they’ve forgotten. Do this.” She wiggled her fingers at him, knowing how he teased her about being a witch. “Soon.”
* * *
Sam had flown many times. Both in the marines and recently with his job with Dalton. Never had his stomach been such a mess as this flight to Colorado where Richard Desmond’s family lived.
He had been married to his high-school sweetheart. They had three kids, the youngest, Little Richie, was three when Desmond died on that hill in Afghanistan.
It wasn’t a surprise visit; he’d contacted RayAnn and asked to come. She smiled when she answered the door.
“Hi, Sam. How are you?”
“Fine,” he answered, sounding casual.
“Really?” She led him to the kitchen, pulled out a beer and held it up.
“No.” He sat at the island and nodded that yes, he wanted a beer.
“I figured you wanted to visit because you were either dealing with something, or because someone made you.”
“Both, I guess.” There was a picture of Desmond and the kids hanging on the refrigerator, along with other snapshots. RayAnn with another man. The kids, older, were lined up at the wedding.
“The kids will be home from school soon. I also asked Andy to stop by. He wanted to meet you.”
“How are you doing?” Sam asked. After all, that was why he was there. To make sure she was okay.
“I’m good. It’s different. Andy is so different from Richie. I never thought I would have fallen for someone like him. But I guess I changed too. Who knows, maybe Richie and I wouldn’t have worked out.” She took a sip of her iced tea. “Life is strange.”
“I know. I was seeing a girl with a little boy. I never thought I wanted that responsibility. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. But now we’re apart, and all I want is to have them back so I can take care of them.”
“And let them take care of you.” He shrugged at that. “So stubborn.” She rolled her eyes, making him laugh.
A man walked through the door then, offering a smile.
“You must be Sam. I’m Andy, Ray’s husband. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Sam said as he took him in. To say he was the exact opposite of Richie was an understatement. This man was short, thin and slightly balding. He had the word accountant written all over him. From his glasses, to his tie, to his polished loafers.
It didn’t take long for Sa
m to see they were happy together. By the time the kids came in, Sam was sold on Andy Reynolds. Little Richie, now just Rich, was nine and already the spitting image of his father. The older girls were twelve and fourteen, and looked like trouble. But Andy interacted with them as if they were his own children.
“Was it hard?” Sam asked Andy when they were alone after dinner. “Getting involved with someone with all these kids?”
Andy smiled. “No. The kids were the least of my worries. I had more trouble getting RayAnn to take another chance. Kids love someone without fear. It’s adults that can’t seem to get out of their own way.”
Sam laughed at that. “I’m in my own way a lot,” he admitted.
“Ray said she hasn’t seen you since right after Richie died. I bet you thought she was still going to be that grieving widow with the three little kids.”
“Yes. That’s how I’ve pictured them all these years.”
“She’s happy. The kids are happy. I don’t pretend that they wouldn’t be just as happy if Richie was here and I wasn’t, but I do my best. We all go visit Richie’s grave. At first it was just a stone with words, but because of them, I know the man he was. I feel guilty and grateful all at the same time. I hope he would be okay with me loving his family.”
“I’m sure he would be okay with it.” Who wouldn’t want that for the family they left behind?
Sam left Colorado with a little less of the weight he carried around.
That night he woke up in the hotel room from a dream, but it wasn’t a nightmare. He wasn’t pinned down on a craggy hill in Afghanistan, he had been in Riley’s bed. She was warm and naked as she slid her leg over him, her thigh teasing his growing erection as she giggled.
With a playful growl he rolled over on top of her. Blonde hair spilled across the pillows and she looked up at him with big, brown eyes. He felt like he could see everything in her eyes. All her worries, and pain and happiness. But most of all he saw love. She loved him and God, if he didn’t love her so much his chest hurt.
He leaned down to seal their bond with a kiss and she was gone.
Gasping for air, he glanced down at his constricting boxers and frowned. It wasn’t just the sexual frustration, he wanted to hold her and feel the way he felt before. He wanted to be loved.
* * *
“And you don’t know what could be causing something like that?” Riley asked Cooper as he looked under the hood of her car.
“I’m sorry, I’m a lawyer not a mechanic. I have no idea why your car isn’t using more gas. It didn’t have this issue when we drove it. It seems like a good problem to have though.” He shrugged.
“Until it blows up or something.” Riley sighed.
“Maybe you’re so tired you don’t remember filling it up,” Roz reasoned while watching Luca and Maddy playing in the backyard.
“Even if I forgot—which, okay, is possible—my bank account would remind me. I haven’t gotten gas in almost a month. How can that be?”
“Maybe you paid in cash.”
“I wouldn’t have.” She didn’t think so anyway.
“It seems more likely that you have and then forgot, rather than that some Fuel Fairy is coming and filling your car with gas while you’re sleeping.”
“It doesn’t happen while I’m sleeping, it happens while I’m at work.” Riley bit her lip as she thought about the option of a Fuel Fairy. “Hold on a second.”
Riley ran in her house and went to the drawer where she kept her extra keys. They weren’t there.
So she had a Fuel Fairy after all.
“That—that—” She couldn’t think of an acceptable term for the man who had taken the keys to her car to put gas in it without telling her. “Sam.”
She stormed back out to the yard as Cooper was shutting the hood.
“Can you watch Luca for an hour? I have to go take care of something,” Riley asked.
“Sure. Can you pick him up at our house?”
“Yes. I’ll see you there.” Riley gave Luca a kiss and then headed off. First stop, Anita.
“I’m surprised to see you. It’s your first afternoon off in weeks,” Anita said as Riley walked in the house.
“I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth.”
“Okay.”
“The gift card you won at bingo?” Riley raised her eyebrows and Anita let out a sigh. “Was that from Sam?”
“Yes.”
“What about the free groceries you got for being the one thousandth customer last week?”
“Sam.”
“Did you know he’s been filling up my car with gas while I’m at work?”
“I didn’t, but he was trying to figure out a plan.”
“Why would you help him do this?”
“Because he loves you and Luca, and he wants to help. He understands why he can’t be part of your life, but he’s trying. Maybe you could give a little.”
“I can handle it on my own. I don’t need his help.” Riley refrained from stomping her foot.
“Riley,” Anita said sternly. “You’re not handling anything. You’re a wreck. You don’t sleep. You hardly eat. How long do you think you can keep this up? Sam wants to help. Sometimes it’s a gift to the other person to allow them to give you a gift. Doesn’t Sam deserve that?”
Riley understood what Anita was saying, but she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want to rely on Sam. She had to do it on her own. Because in the end she was the only person she could count on.
She left her mother-in-law’s and went straight to Sam’s apartment.
His eyes were huge as he opened the door. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and for a second she thought she’d interrupted something.
“If you’re with someone I can come back—”
“I’m not with anyone. Come in.”
She stepped inside and held out her hand palm up. “Keys.”
“Excuse me?” Was he really trying this tactic? She was a mother, for crying out loud.
“I know you have the extra set of keys to my car. I know you’ve been filling it up with gas while I’m at work. I want them back and I need you to stop.”
“I just wanted to—”
“Help me. I get it. But I’m not your charity case.”
His hazel eyes narrowed. “Do you honestly think that’s why I’m doing this?” The muscles in his chest flexed. She only noticed because they were at eye level.
Sam had never been angry with her before. Despite his size, she wasn’t frightened of him.
“Riley, I’m in love with you. If you think I’m going to sit over here across town and do nothing while you struggle to take care of the little boy, who I also love, you’re crazy!”
“It’s not right. It’s my responsibility,” she defended.
“I know.” He calmed down, rubbing his hand over his face. “Nothing is right. If I wasn’t so fucked up, I could be safe for you and Luca. We could be together like we should be.” He looked so heartbroken she wanted to give up the fight.
It would have been so easy to wrap her arms around his waist and let his warmth take away all of her problems. “I don’t blame you, Sam. It’s just I can’t risk it. What if Evan decides to push for custody? I have an incident on file with child services, while he is moving into a house with a stable partner and another child. I’m worried about my odds. I can’t compete with a sometimes live-in boyfriend who suffers from PTSD and has a history of throwing my kid against a wall and giving him a concussion.”
“I understand. Believe me, I know exactly why you don’t want me around. I’m working on it, okay. I really am. But until I know I can be safe, please let me help. Please?”
“I don’t like lying,” she pointed out while pointing at him.
“I know. I don’t like hardheaded women who can’t accept a helping hand.” He crossed his arms across his chest.
“No more sneaking around, or making other people lie for you.”
“Agreed. Can I buy a few g
roceries? I seem to remember you liking the size of my peanut butter.”
She couldn’t help it, she smiled. She needed to be strong. She needed to keep distance between her and Sam. She knew if she saw him, she would want him. And wanting Sam right now wasn’t a good thing. “I could probably use some peanut butter from time to time. But no more grand theft auto.”
He nodded quickly. “Okay.” Then he frowned. “You should probably know the gift card was from me too.”
“Yeah. I figured it out.” She rolled her eyes.
“I knew he would need clothes soon. He’s growing so damn fast.”
She didn’t know how it was possible that Sam noticed important things like how fast Luca was growing, while Evan still hadn’t sent Luca’s birthday present.
“He is. I appreciate it. Thank you.” She probably should have thanked him first instead of yelling. She didn’t like feeling like a failure. “I’ll work on being less hardheaded.”
Sam sniffed. “I have a better shot of getting over my PTSD than you do getting over that.” It was meant as a joke, but Riley frowned.
“I do hope you get through your issues, Sam. Not just so you will look good on paper, but for you. It can’t be good walking around with all of that bad stuff inside of you.”
“It’s not. But I’m making progress,” he said. She had noticed something lighter in his eyes. He didn’t seem to be as haunted as he had been.
“Take care of yourself,” she said as she moved for the door.
“You too. You look kind of worn out.” She couldn’t argue or even act offended. She knew she looked like hell. Worn out was a compliment. Her hair was a mess, and she had dark circles under her bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep.
“Yeah. I think I’m coming down with a cold or something.” It wasn’t an excuse, she didn’t feel well. Just what she needed. She’d felt achy all day, and her nose was stuffy. Now her chest felt weird. “I’d better get going.”
Sam leaned down and kissed her cheek.
“I hope you’ll give me another chance someday.” Great. Now her chest felt weird in a different way.
* * *
“I have three lots here for you to look at,” Dalton said when Sam went in to work the next week.
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