“I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t know.”
“I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. I wanted to call you sooner, but she refused. She was worried you wouldn’t come. I know your relationship with your mother isn’t exactly…but I just thought you should know. Do you have any family you can call?”
“My father’s in jail,” I reply. “My brother’s in Seattle.”
“Perhaps you could give him a call. She doesn’t have much time left. We’ve been instructed not to extend her life.”
“What? What do you mean?” I’m on my feet now and the memories of all those years ago have come back in a rush. Doctors speaking lingo that makes no sense, telling me nothing but bad news. There’s nothing more we can do. We did everything we could.
Brain trauma is unpredictable, sir. Sometimes we don’t know enough until it’s too late.
I close my eyes, sinking into the chair again. A wave of despair crashes through me and I stifle a moan, swallow back the tears.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Black.”
I’m not. She’s getting what she deserves. This is Karma. This is real Karma.
“The law appoints an individual’s spouse power of attorney. Since your parents are still married, my hands are tied. Your father filed a Do Not Resuscitate order and requested we remove nutrition and hydration.”
“Spouse? My parents haven’t been together in over ten years.”
“Not together but still married in the eyes of the law. Your father made it clear—we are not to extend her life.” Doctor Chambers shakes his head. “It’s what she would have wanted.”
“Bull shit,” I say.
His responding scoff surprises me. “I wish I’d called you sooner. Given you a chance to talk this through. From what I know of Elodie, she’s a fighter. She’d never just give up like this.”
He sits down next to me, head in is hands. Not monster-like at all.
“You know my mom?” I ask.
He glances over at me, his dimly lit blue eyes glistening. “I’ve known her forever.”
I stare back at him, speechless for several moments.
“I’m Rowan.” Doctor Chambers’ laugh is a distant rumble as he fixes his empty gaze across the glistening white hallway. “I’m not surprised she never mentioned me. I was a part of her past. Yeah, I knew your mom. Before Sagle, before Seattle, before…everything.”
I clear my throat and it seems to snap him out of whatever trance he’s in. He gets up from the chair again, smoothing the long white coat.
“If you want to call your brother, I’d do it now. I don’t know how much longer…” He takes a deep breath through his nose and turns away from me.
Let her die. She brought every bad thing on herself. So what if she gave birth to you? She destroyed you just the same. Just let her go.
But my goddamn heart is screaming at me, urging me to be the man she never raised.
“What can I do?” I ease back out of the chair to stand next to him. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I grit my teeth before asking, “How can I fight my father on this? How can I make sure she…lives?”
Rowan blinks, his mouth parting. He runs his fingers through thick brown hair, nodding as the wheels turn inside his head. “Y—you can file a petition. At the courts. You can sue for medical power of attorney. I…I don’t know what good it’ll do, but it’ll stall things at least. Give her more time.”
I don’t respond. I’m too busy scolding myself for getting involved in something I’m sure I’ll regret later.
“Why don’t you go home?” Rowan’s voice is softer as he places a hand on my shoulder. “Think on it some more. I know this is overwhelming. All of it. Just…” He swallows hard, sucking in a sharp breath. “Just let me know when you can.”
CHAPTER THREE
Coco
The office door opens and Doctor Schumacher steps inside. I can’t tell a thing from her expression. She wears the same neutral smile, her thin pink lips turned slightly upwards, her eyes void of any real emotion. It’s as though her mission is to purposely make all her patients guess what’s written in that damn file.
She scratches her sandy brown hair and I sit forward a bit, keeping my hands clasped in my lap as she rounds her desk and takes a seat across from me.
“Where did you get the home pregnancy test you took?”
That’s a weird question. What does that even matter?
“Um…my friend. She had one.”
“Do you have any idea how old it was?”
I shake my head.
“It seems to have given you a false positive,” she continues, holding my gaze.
My heart rate speeds up and I grip my hands tighter. Pressing my lips together, I nod—probably a little more enthusiastically than necessary. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I spent the entire night dreaming up scenarios of the next nine months of my life. How I’d tell Dash. How he’d react. How he’d finally be honest about his feelings for me. I’d definitely move in. We’d probably get married eventually. Me being pregnant, as stupid as it sounds, was the best thing for our relationship moving forward.
But I’m not. And maybe that’s a good thing. I’ve been delusional for the past few hours. Getting married because of a pregnancy is a terrible idea. And how the hell is a baby going to make Dash anymore forthcoming than he is?
“Are you okay?” she asks softly. This time there’s no denying the kind of smile she offers. It’s full of sympathy.
I nod again. “Of course. I mean, that’s—it’s a relief. Thank you, doctor.”
She smiles again. Getting up from her seat and rounding the desk, she perches on the edge near me.
“Sometimes the timing’s just not right.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. Why is she making this out to be something it’s not? I thought I was pregnant. I’m not. Whatever.
“Your mother had a few hiccups the first time around. But, well, you’re here now. So is Cole.”
Oh, my god. Shit, shit, shit.
Alarm must be radiating from my body, because she reaches forward and places a hand on my arm. “I’m a doctor, Cocanda. I’m obligated by law to keep everything we discuss confidential. Including a pregnancy scare.”
I nod, yet again, because actual words seem to all of a sudden be foreign to me.
Doctor Schumacher gets up from the desk and picks up the file. “When’s the last time you had a pap?”
“A pap?”
Her gaze flicks to mine and she frowns. “A pap smear.” I shrug and she raises an eyebrow. “You should be having one once a year from the moment you turn twenty-one. How long have you been having sex?”
Heat begins to creep up my neck and I shift in my seat. “Uh, a few years now. Just Dash,” I add with a squeak.
She smiles. “Doesn’t matter how many partners you’ve had you’re twenty-four years old and long overdue.” She glances at her watch. “I can probably squeeze you in before you go home. Along with a quick check up. It’ll only take a few minutes.” She pauses as she heads toward the door. “Do you know much about your mother’s condition? About how she—”
“No,” I say quickly. “Just that it was cancer.”
Dad never talked about it. Cole either. And I never pushed. There are a million things I want to know about her, but knowing I’m her spitting image has always been enough.
“It was cervical cancer, Cocanda. Which means you need to be extra vigilant about your health.”
“Okay.” Getting a check up is the last thing I want to do, but considering the possibilities I don’t see the point in taking any chances.
“Strip from your waist down, then get under the sheet. I’ll knock before I come back in.”
CHAPTER FOUR
Luke
I pick up the phone for the fifth time and slam the receiver back down within seconds. I could call him, unload my latest problem. Hell, I probably should, but hearing how happy he is, how everything is coming together for him, I can’
t be the one to tear it apart. Not again. Not until I figure some things out.
Once I’ve dealt with Dad, I’ll call him. The man has always been my brother’s least favorite person. If I can help him avoid a confrontation, I will. I woe him that much. Although, I’m not exactly sure what my next move is.
My trip to the courthouse proved useless. All I got was the run-around. Not exactly fair. It pissed me off more than anything but, with my family history, I’m not surprised. No one gives a damn what happens to the Blacks. Not after everything we’ve done. The only one innocent enough to actually get any sympathy in this town anymore is Ross. Thing is I’m not sure he’ll even feel the same way I do.
Mom and Dad did a number on his life. Made him give up things no kid should ever have to throw away for their parents. Maybe hearing about how Karma’s come around to kick Mom’s ass will make his day. But I get the sinking feeling he’ll be just as broken up as I am. Just as devastated. Just as confused.
I glance across the way, still working through the speech in my head. I’m all but broke. There are a few dollars coming in from The L, the club my brother opened with his ex while I was in lock up, but only enough to pay the taxes on this godforsaken shit shack I’m living in. And forget maintenance. A leaky roof, a run down garage, a broken fence and a family rodents are all on the list of things to take care of and have been for longer than I care to admit. But it’s a roof over my head and when you’re an ex-con and the son of a former drug dealer that no one wants anything to do with, you need to count your blessings.
Even though I can count mine on one hand I’ve still got ‘em.
I walk into the living room, stretch out on the dusty sofa and stare up at the zigzag, yellowing crack that travels diagonally, leading from one end the ceiling to the other. Then my gaze drifts to the window, glancing at the house across the way.
Cal Rose is the answer to all my problems. A simple plea is all it takes. A well thought out speech. As much as the guy probably hates me, he can’t be that cruel. And he’s a judge now. He’s got to be able to do something. That’s if he gives a damn. Knowing all he knows about my mother, how she stood by for all those years watching my father get away with what he did, he might not. Most people do give a damn, but not in a way that’ll help her case.
This is a why I need Ross. He can talk to Cole. They were best friends for years and last I heard they’d patched things up pretty good. They even get together once in a while when Cole and Maya go out to Seattle. I’m sure he could convince his dad to help us out. Make Dad eat his fucking words.
I didn’t think it was possible to hate my dad more than I did. But just the thought of what that doctor said makes my gut churn. How could he just let her die? Hasn’t he done enough?
I sit up, propping my elbows on my knees as I stare at the worn carpet. I need a plan. I need to give Doctor Chambers an answer. I scrub my hands over my face and groan, squeezing my eyes shut. Think Luke. Fucking think.
After a few moments of mind numbing contemplation, I quickly jump up from the chair.
I’ve been going at this all wrong. Heading into it the way I do everything else, with a fight on my mind. Maybe this time I need to approach it the opposite way.
My heart is thumping as I grab my keys from the table by the doorway, my breaths coming fast. I may have just figured this out without ruffling a damn feather.
I peer through the thick glass, the words I prepared on my way here stuck in my throat. His gray eyes are wide and glassy, as he sizes me up. The years have been crap to him. Deep lines run like a road map across his forehead, cutting into the sides of his scruffy face. His hair is almost completely white, streaked only with sprinkling of his famous dark strands. And he isn’t smiling. He was always smiling. Guess that’s what happens when your life implodes. I should know.
“Luke?”
The deep voice shooting through the receiver startles me and my gaze flicks back to his. I clear my throat and nod.
“Well,” he says with only a hint of a smirk. “It’s about damn time, son. What’s it been? Fifteen years?”
The smoldering in my belly returns and I clench my jaw, narrowing my eyes as the memories sink me like a dunk tank. “Give or take,” I mutter.
“No.” He sits forward. “It’s definitely been fifteen. I’ve been countin’.”
I force myself not to lean away.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, my rehearsed speech out the window.
His eyebrows shoot up, then bunch together. “What are you…? Oh.” He shakes his head. “Is that what it takes to get a visit from my son? What, she worth more to you than I am?”
“Is that what this is?” I ask. “A cry for attention? You’re fucking with someone’s life here. You can’t do that.”
“Actually the law says I can. Not to mention, the bitch deserves it.”
I don’t know how I stay bolted to the chair when there’s fire licking through my veins. I don’t even know why I’m so mad in the first place. I’ve neglected my mother for years. Never once visited her in jail and the second I found out she was released, I did everything to avoid her. Refused to let her stay in the house and never once had a nice word to say about her. I treated her worse than people in town treat me. But hearing him talk like that, the guy who led us all down this path does things to me an ex-con probably shouldn’t go about describing.
“What?” he asks, genuine surprise littering his face. “You forget what she did to me? Threw me under the bus? She had a choice you know. As my spouse she could have saved me. She didn’t have to testify. She could have made sure we all walked away from this. But she had to go and get petty.”
“You cheated on her.”
“I made a mistake. Let my manly instincts get the better of me. We’ve all been there. Even you, I’d be willing to bet.”
Heat rises to the surface, my skin pricking with sweat as I stare back at him. He’s always known how to push my buttons. Always been able to read me like a playbook. But he can’t know any real truths about me. Not after all these years on the inside. No matter how good his guesses are.
“Sarah died because of you,” I counter.
“Sarah died because she was just as greedy as me. Wanted more money and was willing to risk her life for it. I didn’t make that girl do a damn thing.”
“You know, a mistake usually happens once. Maybe twice. Word is you’d been sleeping with her for long while. Stole her right out from under Ross’s nose. Fucking a twenty-one year old girl when you had a wife and kids at home. That doesn’t make her a mistake, it makes her a choice.”
He scowls back at me, leaning even closer to the glass. “The only thing keeping me from kicking your ass is this barrier between us, son. I’m still your father and you have no right to speak to me that way.”
I laugh. “Father? Where’ve you been the last fifteen years, Dad? Whose been looking out for me? Not you. It’s been Ross. All this time it’s been him. He’s always had my back. He’s more of a father than you’ll ever be.”
“Learned from the best.”
I scoff then narrow my eyes. “So this is revenge then? You want Mom to pay for your mistakes? With her fucking life?”
For several moments he doesn’t say a thing. His gaze remains steady with mine and I’ve never been more uncomfortable in his presence. He’s right. Even with the barrier, he’s still Dad through and through.
“They’ve got me in here for another twenty years,” he finally says in a low even voice. “No matter how sweet and kind I been, they don’t give a damn. Good behavior isn’t getting me anywhere. They all want to see me rot. Thing is, I’m the one paying the highest price, but I wasn’t the only one involved in that shit, Luke. Just ask your brother.”
My stomach jolts and this time I’m the one who leans forward. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Means if there were any justice in this damn state, your brother’d be in here right along with me.”
“Ross?” I laugh. “Ross would never—”
“You’d be surprised what a man would do to get what he wants. Ross isn’t much different than me.”
I clench my teeth, my hands in fists as I fight the urge to slam them into the glass. “Ross is nothing like you.”
He smirks and a familiar cocky smile takes over his face. “Oh, yes he is. And you? You’re everything like your damn mother. Blinded by your emotions. Unable to see an opportunity when it’s staring you right in the face.”
As he continues to spew insults my way, I drop the receiver and push away from him. I can’t get out of here fast enough. Coming was a mistake, like I always knew it would be. And now, instead of a simple conversation getting me what I want. What Mom needs. I’m more confused than ever.
You’d be surprised what a man would do to get what he wants. Ross isn’t much different than me.
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Ross is a little wild. At least he was before everything went down a few years ago, before he met Sheila. Before Shannon. But the idea that he’s anything like Dad, ruthless, greedy and egotistical is almost laughable. Isn’t it? If there’s one thing I’ve always admired about my brother it’s that under the tough exterior he’s just a guy. A guy who wants what’s best for the people he loves. A guy who wouldn’t dream of hurting other people just to get ahead. He’s done nothing but be there for me. Gone out of his way to make sure I was okay. Always. He is a better father than Dad ever was. The best guy I know and my best friend. Dad’s just messing with my head and I’m letting him.
But I can’t help thinking about the things Mom said all those years ago. At the time, I thought she was just trying to piss me off. In fact, I was positive. But according to the doctor, she hasn’t had much of a filter for the past few years. Sometimes she’s not even all that coherent. She says what she thinks. Sometimes it’s a jumbled mess. Sometimes it’s the stone cold truth. When it comes to the things she said about Ross, the things Dad’s all but confirming right now, which one is it?
Black Rose (Lewiston Blues Series/Black Family Saga Book 3) Page 2