My former sister-in-law slash ex-girl friend, stands in front of me. Not looking a thing like I remember. No, that’s not exactly true. She’s everything I remember…of her sister and it’s like a bucket of ice cold water that douses my libido in seconds.
She’s covering up more of her skin than I thought was possible for Sheila. The black pants she’s wearing flow loosely around her legs and the pink button down vest top is fastened up to her neck. Her hair is in a tight bun, that looks uncomfortable as hell and she’s got on a pair of those heels that show the tips of her toes—which are painted a pale pink to match her shirt. And those eyes. Those sapphire eyes drink me in, making me wish I could be anywhere else.
“Why did you come here?” I ask. “You could have mailed the key. Left it in the mailbox even. I thought I told you—”
“I know what you said,” she replies. “But I decided I didn’t have to listen this time.”
I narrow my eyes and clutch the banister, my heart rate kicking up a notch. “Are my kids okay? You said I could trust you with them. What happened?”
“Ray and Mariah are fine. They’re great. It’s…not about them. Not entirely. It’s about Ellie.”
I let out a slow breath and lower myself onto the second stair.
“She’s not good, Luke.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I think maybe you should call Ross,” she adds quietly.
“Ross is in Seattle.”
“I know.”
“You think he’s going to come all the way back here, just because she needs him?”
“I think he would.”
“You don’t know Ross. He can hold a grudge.”
“I know him well enough. Just tell him for me okay? I think…despite everything, he’d want to know.” She clears her throat her gaze shifting away from me. “I’m moving to Sagle. Grandma passed last year and left me her house.”
Considering my one and only meeting with the woman and how much my wife butted heads with her, I don’t offer my condolences. Instead I ask, ”What, you want my permission?”
“I wanted you to know where we were. In case—”
“In case what? Your parents finally decide I’m worthy? I don’t need a play by play, Sheila. It’s too late now. I don’t have anything left to give.”
“My parents aren’t coming to Sagle, Luke. That’s the other thing I wanted to discuss.” She clears her throat. “David Baker…we’ve decided to do it together.”
“Do what?” I frown. But as the seconds tick by I know exactly what she’s getting at and I bite back a growl. “He wants to raise my kids.”
“We’re good friends and he only wants to do what Shannon asked him to. If you were around, he wouldn’t dream of it. But Ray needs a father. Dave’s always there and...”
“Fine, Sheila. Whatever.”
“Luke, if you want to see him, just say so. I won’t stop you. I know how much you love that kid. And Mariah,” she blinks, a tear trickling down her cheek. “She’s so beautiful. She looks just like you. But she’s got Shannon’s eyes and—”
“What would be the point?”
“What do you mean? You’re their father. They’ll love you no matter what.”
“Why couldn’t you have asked me this five years ago, huh? When I was more than ready and willing? You’re the one who let your parents bully you into keeping me away.”
“I know and I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to make things more difficult. With Shannon gone, we were all walking on eggshells. And my disappearing act for the first three months didn’t exactly help.”
I snort. “So what you’re saying is you threw me under the bus to make your own goddamn life easier.”
Tears are streaming down her cheeks now.
“Your little clan is something else,” I bite. “Or I don’t know, maybe you’re only selfish when you’re dealing with trash like me.”
She shakes her head, tears dripping down her chin. “You are not trash.”
“Tell that to your parents.” I nod toward the door. “Do me a favor and get out, would ya?”
Sheila growls and wipes her face, roughly. She takes a step forward, jabbing her finger into my chest.
“You know what? I came here to tell you that I finally had it out with them. Told them it was my name on the papers. My decision. That you deserve to see those kids as much as they deserve to see you. But at the end of the day, if you want to blame someone, blame yourself, Lucas Black. Because it was your decision to give them up in the first place. No matter how your brother tried to dissuade you.”
I gape at her, choking on my own bitter words.
“It’s too late now,” I say in a quiet voice, my anger quickly deflating—morphing into sadness. “I’m a loser. One who’s been gone longer than I’ve been around. I can’t just start showing up now.”
“Bullshit,” she whispers. And I don’t even bother to respond. “Can I at least give them a message from you? Ray still asks about you, you know. He still remembers you. He’s got a picture of you and Shannon that he hides under his mattress. He doesn’t know I know it’s there. I think it’s so sweet.”
“Tell them I’m gone.”
“Gone where? I can’t just tell a seven year old his daddy went on a permanent vacation.”
“Tell him I’m dead.”
Her mouth parts in surprise and she takes a step back. “Luke…”
“Do it,” I say. “Considering my luck, it probably won’t be long anyway.”
“I can’t lie to them, Luke. I won’t.”
“Then let them believe it. I just don’t want them to think I don’t care.”
“Do you? Because sometimes I wonder.”
“Of course.” Her words send a dull ache through my chest. “But like I said it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late for family, Luke.”
I drop my gaze and lower myself onto the bottom step.”
“Dave’s a good man.” She crosses her arms. “He’s a youth minister now and he’s great with kids. Great with your kids. They love him. And he’ll protect them. I will too. Just like Shannon wanted us to.”
Just like she wanted me to. “I know you will.”
“I’m so sorry. I never wanted things to be this way. I was positive once you were out you’d be able to pick up where you left off. Even though you…”
“Gave my kids away to the highest bidder?”
She joins me on the step, bringing her linen-clad legs up to rest her forearms on her lap. “I know why you did what you did? None of us got it at the time, but then Coco said something that made me think.”
The sound of her name and the memory of the way I woke up this morning starts a swirling in my stomach that I do my best to ignore. “What?” I ask. “What’d she say?”
“That you were stronger than people make you out to be. That a weak person wouldn’t make a sacrifice like that. That no matter how wrong it looks to us, you couldn’t have done it without really thinking it over.”
I nod. There’s more truth to those words than I even knew. I’ve spent the last five years beating myself up over that decision. Wishing I’d just stuck it out, let Ross sue for custody and fix things for me like he always used to.
I still feel so guilty about what happened between Shannon and me. I loved her so much but gave her so little. I was stupid. And when I finally realized my mistakes it was too late. To make matters worse I feel like I’ve let her down even in death.
Be the best dad you can be.
It was her final request and in the grand scheme of things, I even screwed that up. I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself, I let the opportunity slip through my fingers. Just like Coco said, I knew, at the time, what I did for Ray and Mariah was right, no matter what anyone else had to say about it. But there’s still that nagging voice telling me it wasn’t what Shannon wanted.
“What do you think your sister would say?” I ask. I’m not even sure I want to know the
answer. In my mind, I imagine her blue eyes sparking so much rage, I’d have to spend my lifetime making up for it. Which is exactly what I’ve been sure to do. Give up all my riches and be a celibate, ex-con until the day I die.
Knowing Shannon, she’d have wanted us all together no matter how hard it would have been. She’d have wanted me to at least try. Instead, I gave them up. But knowing they’re with Sheila makes me feel better and letting them go, letting them live a different life than I did is my gift to them—twisted as it sounds.
“I think she’d understand too.” Sheila pats my arm, offering one of her bright smiles. “She got you, Luke. Better than most people. She always seemed to know what you needed, even when you didn’t. Remember when she pushed you to come back to the band? Even though you were resolved to live out your days in suburbia? She knew you had talent that couldn’t—and shouldn’t be tied down. I don’t think she’d hate you for this. I think she’d be proud.” She blinks another tear away and lets out a quivering breath. “It just sucks. Things weren’t supposed to be this way. You two were supposed to be together forever. I see that reminder everyday, when I look at those kids. And all I want to do is keep them safe from reality.”
“Me too.”
“They’re young. Which is good. And as much as I hate to admit it sometimes, you not being around isn’t a bad thing. You were so sad when she passed. You weren’t yourself, still aren’t. And I can’t help but wonder if some of that would have rubbed off on them. But, as it stands, they’re oblivious to all the turmoil. They have no clue how messed up things got. They’re just…happy.”
I let out what seems like a breath I’ve been holding onto for years. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. And as hard as it’s been for me and as confusing as it’s been for everyone else, it’s exactly what I got.
“Good,” I say. “That’s really good.”
Sheila wipes her cheeks and pats one of mine. “You really are brave, Luke Black.
The words hang in the air and every broken piece of me clings to them. Holding on for all those days ahead when I’ll feel like anything but.
“What happened to you anyway?” I ask, gesturing toward her prim and proper attire. I can’t help the laugh that follows.
She glances down, then back up at me. “What?”
“What the hell are you wearing? I didn’t know loose fitting pants and button down shirts were even a part of your wardrobe.
“Did you forget the part about me being a preacher’s daughter?” She snickers then shrugs. “I just…grew up, I guess.”
I clear my throat. “And decided to marry your sister’s ex.”
A small smile plays on her lips. “Just returning the favor I guess.”
At this, I laugh—a real hearty laugh, something I haven’t heard come from my lips in a long time.
The whole mess between Shannon, Sheila and me could have and probably should have turned out so differently. Hooking up with Shannon, only to turn around and fall for her sister, only to realize I was still in love with the first sister and break Sheila’s heart was a script out of Jerry Springer. Adding to that Shannon had given birth to my son without any of us knowing only sweetened the daytime-talk-show pot. Those two years contained enough drama to pack into three lifetimes.
“We’re not…I don’t love Dave,” Sheila says. “Like I said, we’re friends. I just want those kids to have something normal for once. Living in Palouse with my parents isn’t exactly normal. And I’m not sure I want them to grow up like Shannon and me did. With super strict rules and absolutely no freedom. Its not like Sagle’s exactly the place to run wild, but I think it’ll be good for all of us.”
I nod. “If you say so.”
I want to believe her and to be honest I kind of do—especially knowing what happened between her and my brother. But the idea of her shacking up with the guy makes me a little sick. In my mind, she belongs with Ross. The one who gave up everything to take care of her like he did me, all those years ago. The guy who talks about her constantly, the one who hasn’t been the same since he fell for her and lost her.
“Hey.” She touches my arm. “It’s nice what you’re doing for Coco.”
There’s that name again. And those goddamn pictures in my head.
“What am I doing for Coco?” I try not to sound as guilty as I feel.
“Being there for her the way you are. Dash really did one over on her. It’s hard to watch. I wish I could be here every day to talk some sense in to her, but I’m glad she’s at least got someone.”
“What did Dash do?”
Sheila blots her lips.
My heart rate speeds up. “Sheila, what did he do?”
“I…I don’t know for sure, but you know Dash, he’s never been good with women. He’s controlling and angry. She says he’s never hit her but she had this bruise once—”
“He hit her?”
“I don’t know for sure, Luke. I don’t know much about anything between the two of them, just that it isn’t good. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I thought you knew. Cole suspects. He hates Dash, but there’s not much he can do if she doesn’t admit to anything. And when they’re in public together everything seems fine. It’s all just speculation.”
“You think he’s been knocking her around?” Considering what I saw the other night, I wouldn’t be surprised. But my mind never went there. Dash is an ass but he’s not an idiot. Is he?
She shrugs. “I hope not. But she doesn’t seem happy.”
She’s right. Coco’s not exactly like I remember. Not just the way she looks either, but she doesn’t smile as much or laugh at stupid things. She used giggle at every fucking thing. So much that you couldn’t help but laugh yourself. And I rarely saw her cry. I was so caught up in my own shit, I just thought it was because she got older. I assumed it was a stuffy lawyer thing. But maybe there’s more to it than that.
Sheila rises to her feet. “Don’t say anything okay. Just…keep an eye out.”
“Thanks.” I reach for her hand. “For everything. Shannon would be—she’d be so proud.” I let go of her hand, then stand up pulling her in for a hug. “I’ll be sure to let Ross know things with Chiclet Teeth are strictly professional,” I add with a chuckle.
She pulls back, a luminous smile on her face again. “Thanks. Tell him I said ‘hi’. Would you?”
I nod. But as she disappears through the door, I know I won’t hold myself to that promise. If I bring up Sheila, my brother will want details and the last thing he needs to hear is that, in his absence, the infamous David Baker swooped in and took his girl. Whether she loves him or not doesn’t matter. It won’t sit well with Ross. And he’s been through enough in his lifetime. We both have. I guess the one bonus is he still has a shot in hell with the girl who stole his heart. I don’t. Worst of all I’m pretty damn sure the one who stole mine took it with her when she left this earth and no one will ever be able to touch it again.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Coco
Sheila stretches out on the lawn chair, placing her glasses over her face and letting out a long, satisfied sigh. “This is exactly what I needed.”
I giggle, giving her bikini clad form a once over. The tattoo scrawled just above her left breast, is on full display for the first time in a long time—a tribute to her sister. It’s nice to see the old version of my best friend for once. It’s been far too long. We’ve spent more time apart in the past few years than we ever have. Which is saying something considering we never even lived in the same town and were still bound by the rules of our parents.
Even though she lived almost an hour away in Palouse with parents that monitored her every move, we still managed to find our way around it. Up until their plans went awry and she got caught, her sister covered for her almost every weekend. And each and every Saturday night we spent strolling the streets of Lewiston and sneaking into Chagrin’s to watch Roscoe Gold, Luke, Ross, Dash and Ryan’s band, play. Before they went on tour, before they became w
orld famous, before everything went to hell and the best time of all our lives imploded.
As adults with all the freedom we want, we’ve just never made the time for each other. Her with her new life as a mom and me with my career and girlfriend duties. We’ve been due for a day like this for a long time.
“Don’t you look cozy?” I sip my margarita and she lowers her shades with a sparkling grin.
“I haven’t felt this relaxed in…god, I don’t even know. Do you have any idea what it’s like to raise two kids? Even with three other people helping you it can be hell sometimes. Don’t get me wrong my niece and nephew are sweet as can be, but they’re still kids—therefore by nature they are little brats.”
I laugh. “Motherhood not what you thought it would be?”
She raises an eyebrow, then replaces her shades, in response.
“Well I’m glad you’re here. I miss you.”
She smiles. “I miss this.” She lets out a startling laugh then turns back to me. “Do you remember when Roscoe came strolling in here all topless and sexy? I thought I was going to lose my mind that day.”
“How could I forget? You looked like you were about to wet yourself when he asked you to lather him up with suntan lotion. ‘There are no Sheila Carlsons in my backyard’,” I mock with a laugh.
She sighs. “It seems like forever ago. Back when things were easy.”
“Back when we were kids and nothing else mattered except how good a time we were going to have that weekend.”
Things grow quiet and I let out a sigh of my own. Back when I imagined the perfect life, with the perfect boyfriend. And zero drama.
“How did Luke take the news?” I ask.
She angles her head to face me, and I watch my reflection in her sunglasses. “Better than I thought. We had a long talk. And you were right. It seems crazy to say it out loud, but him walking away wasn’t all bad. And I think he’s made peace with it.”
“It still can’t be easy though. I saw him the other night clutching this picture of them. Sheila, he looked so sad. I felt awful for him.”
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