I suck in a silent breath, urging myself not to cry.
“I’d always felt awful about how Ellie got caught up in Roscoe’s crimes. She was collateral damage, just like those boys, and I knew it. But it didn’t change what I had to do, what my job required me to.” He shakes his head. “Crystal and Ellie were pretty close for a few years there. Before everything. They spent all their free time together—shopping, gossiping, just being there for each other. And they were so good for each other. Ellie brought out your mom’s fun side. And your mom, she was like a buffer. Made sure her friend didn’t lose herself in that godforsaken marriage.”
In the game of twisting me inside out, my heart and my stomach are at odds—beating rapidly and clenching tightly. My father has never spoken about my mother so candidly before. The name Crystal Rose has been like a swear word for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been free to think about her, dream about her, imagine she was here, but I never spoke about her. Not that he forbid me, it just wasn’t something our little family did.
I slip my hand from his, then take a sip of my Cosmo and settle back in my chair. I do my best not to appear too eager to hear the rest of his story. But in reality I want to shake it out of him.
“Sometimes I think losing her is what put Ellie over the edge. I think it tossed all of us over.”
For several minutes, he’s quiet. I continue to nurse my drink, while he fiddles with his wedding ring—twirling it around his finger with his thumb. He’s worn that thing for as long as I can remember. Never bothered to take it off.
“Why haven’t you moved on, Daddy?” Considering I don’t want this conversation, the inside scoop about the woman I never got to know to ever end, it’s a stupid question. But also one I’ve always wanted the answers to. And in this moment it feels like I can squeeze every truth I’ve ever wanted out of him, void of consequence.
Without clarification he understands my meaning and his smile is so warm and sure it eases every ounce of tension attached to my inappropriate question. “Because she was it for me. The second chance I never thought I’d have. The one who mended my broken heart. I lost her way too soon and it wasn’t fair, but at least I had her—at least she gave me you and your brother.”
It’s a side of my dad I wish I could experience more often and I’m bold enough to push harder. “Who broke your heart, Daddy?”
His blithe smile tells more of a story than I know he ever will. “A stunning woman who, according to your mother, didn’t deserve to share the air I breathed let alone touch me. She was fascinating, cultured, wealthy, but your mother was brilliant, beautiful, and so compassionate. Just like you, Princess.” He reaches for my hand again. “She’d be so proud of you for thinking of her friend.”
I nod. “Luke’s having a really hard time with everything.”
“Of course. He always did.” He grunts something under his breath. “I watched that poor boy morph from happy and carefree to dark and brooding over the past several years. It wasn’t right. It’s never been right. He was always such a good boy. And now on top of everything, he’s about to lose his mother.”
“If she were on life support she could get the treatment,” I say. “She could live. That’s what her doctor wants. What Luke wants. But his dad has Medical Power of Attorney. And he’s determined to watch her die. All in the name of revenge.”
Dad nods lightly. “And you want me to…”
“Overrule him? I don’t know. Do whatever you can? Give temporary POA to Luke, at least until the procedure can be done. He tried to file papers at the court house, but they weren’t much help there. He’s not exactly the most popular guy in town. He just didn’t want to wait too much longer. She could get worse any moment.”
We sit there for more than five minutes, Dad sipping his drink and me nervously fiddling with mine.
“I heard you’ve been spending a lot of time with him.”
“Who? Luke?” His gaze holds mine and I frown. “Who told you that?”
“People talk.”
I don’t respond, instead I bring my glass back to my mouth.
“It’s not that I’m complaining.”
“Dad—”
“I’m not, Princess. There’s nothing wrong with Luke Black. Sure, he’s a little complicated. But I know he’s been there for you in the past. I know how close you two used to be. Besides, I can’t dictate who your friends are. Or your boyfriends. Wouldn’t dream of it.”
I laugh. “Is that right?”
Dad smiles, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. “Not anymore. I don’t dictate anymore. You’re a grown woman. You have the right to make those decisions on your own.”
“Well, thank you.” It’s about time. “But Luke’s not my boyfriend.”
Something flashes behind those tired eyes and for an instant I swear it’s disappointment.
“Well, if he was, I wouldn’t fault you for it. He’s a good man. Made some mistakes, seen some hard times, but all in all he’s got a heart. And at the end of the day that’s all that matters.”
“You really think so?”
“Of course. You can have all the money in the world, all the right connections even the most beautiful face in all the land,” he adds with a chuckle. “But if you’re an asshole, I don’t want you touching my daughter.”
I laugh again. “I thought you said you weren’t dictating anymore.”
Dad shrugs.
“What I mean is do you really think that about Luke? You don’t…I don’t know, hold any grudges? Because of his past.”
Dad sighs and shakes his head. “Those boys are survivors. They had it rough. Didn’t have parents who gave a damn when they needed to. Pretty much had to raise themselves. And even though they messed up a little along the way, they still made it. They still survived. So yeah, I do think he’s a good man. And I’m happy I can help make his life a little easier.”
I get up from the table and wrap my arms around his neck. I kiss him on the cheek. “You’re a good man too. The best.”
We enjoy our drinks in silence before Dad orders a round of appetizers—all the while complaining about how ridiculous it is that The L doesn’t serve real food. The entire time, I’m simply grateful the conversation hasn’t turned to my real problems.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Coco
I pray to god he won’t be there, but a part of me is positive he will be. Sitting on that bench waiting to ream me about putting up with Dash’s crap. As predicted, Luke sits back, his legs stretched out in front of him. A beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
I considered going around the front, but I kept imagining Dash rolling up and losing his shit. Sneaking around to the back was my next option. I hoped to just hang the jacket on the banister and hurry back to my house, never to mention any of this ever again. I’ve done him the favor I promised. And for old times sakes, I owed him that much. But I’ve been with Dash for six years. I can’t let my pretty much non-existent relationship with Luke ruin that. Whatever our problems are, I need to work on them without the constant audience of Luke’s angry glare. Even if we break up, which at this point is seeming more and more likely, it can’t be because of anybody else but me.
And it especially can’t look that way.
“There she is,” he says, his face lighting up the second he sees me. I try not to be pleased with how he sits up straight, outs his cigarette and makes more space for me on the bench. “Was wondering when you were going to show up to scold me about my bad habits.”
“I…um. I just came to return your jacket. But I threw out the smokes,” I add with a grin. “I guess I owe you some chocolate.”
He raises both eyebrows. “Guess so.”
“I should go.” I say after several moments of awkward silence. “I, um, talked to my dad. He said he’s going to try and help you.”
“Coco, thanks. You have no idea how much that means to me.” His face brightens again and I fully admit I’m starting to like the ne
w look—the old Luke.
“What’s that smile for?”
I didn’t even realize I was. “Just happy for you, I guess. Now you can stick it to your dad.”
“That I can. And that I will.”
He winks and something shifts inside me, but I ignore it and turn back toward my yard.
“Seriously?” he calls out.
“What?”
“You’re not gonna come celebrate with me? Have a beer maybe?”
“And fall asleep in a highly inappropriate position?” I bite my lip, dropping my gaze once I see the hurt expression on his face. “No offense. I just don’t think I should.”
“Because of Dash.” Luke huffs out a light laugh and pulls out his pack of cigarettes.
“He’s my boyfriend, Luke.”
“He’s an asshole.”
“We’ve been together…” Why am I explaining myself? This isn’t even any of his business. “Look, I can handle my own relationships. Right now, for instance, I’m handling ours. We’re friends. Not even. We’re neighbors. We haven’t really known each other for years. Not since you started high school and forgot I even existed. That was until you hooked up with my best friend and got her sister pregnant.” I stop short being careful not to take things too far. “I like you, Luke. I even respect you. I don’t give a damn what everyone else thinks, because at the end of the day I know without a doubt you’re a decent guy. So just…let me handle my own shit. Respect me. Okay? I know you don’t like Dash. Most people don’t like Dash. But…I do. I love him.”
Luke just takes another long drag from his cigarette then shrugs, the puff of smoke his final word.
I feel awful as I slink back to my house. Like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m wrong in every way. And I start to wonder why lately everything I say, everything I do, feels like it’s sending me in the opposite direction of where my life should be going.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Luke
I step out of the elevator and head towards Mom’s room. After a morning at the old fishing hole that was once a second home for Ross and I, I feel a bit better. But not much. What she said stung. A lot more than I’m happy to admit. But in a way, she’s right and whatever I thought was happening between us was some kind of fallacy.
Coco said it herself, she loves Dash. And when it comes to love, I know how that is. To give yourself to someone so completely, you can’t imagine ever just walking away. If Shannon were still here, no matter what, I’d still be by her side. So, yeah, I don’t like it. But I get it.
I was just getting in the way with our non-existent friendship. I scoff and rub my hands over my face. Even though she changed something in me, made me just a little bit happier to be alive lately, none of it really matters. Not to her. She was just doing me a favor. Message received.
When I see the person standing in front of the hospital room, deep in conversation with Doctor Chambers, I freeze—all kinds of shit running through my head—how the fuck, what the fuck and why the fuck?
Ross looks up and our eyes meet. I glance from him to the doctor and then behind them, trying to catch a glimpse of Mom. Ross mutters something to Doctor Chambers who nods, then closes the clipboard. He places it in the little holder attached to the wall, before nodding once at me, and walks away. I can’t read either of their expressions and my heart starts pounding away in my chest.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as I approach.
“What do you think?”
I don’t want to admit what I think. Or to entertain the idea that might have been the last time I’ll ever walk through that elevator. “But I…did they call you? What happened. I…I have this under control.”
“No they didn’t. And I guess you do.”
I stare back, blankly awaiting an explanation.
“Sheila called. Filled me in. On everything. Then I got a phone call early this morning. Apparently she coded, they needed someone to make a decision. Couldn’t get ahold of you. Phone just kept ringing.”
My chest hurts, my heart is beating so hard and I’m almost afraid to ask. So I don’t. I just let him keep talking. I just keep waiting for the inevitable bad news.
“The doctor didn't want to call Dad. For obvious reasons. So he called me.” He shakes his head. “Really, man? Our mother’s been on her death bed for over a month and you didn’t bother to pick up a phone?”
“I didn’t think you’d care.” That’s not entirely true, but it’s close enough.
He opens his mouth to respond then slams it shut. We stare at each other for a few hot seconds before he finally bows his head, shaking it slightly.
“You care don’t you? Enough to try and help? Why wouldn’t I?”
I kick at the floor and shrug. “That’s just it. I don’t even know why I do.”
“Because she’s your mom. She’s mine too which is why I would have liked to know sooner.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I was planning on it. I swear.” I sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t just tell you. I just didn’t want to mess things up for you. Everyone always messes shit up for you. I wanted to take care of this one myself.” My voice cracks on the last syllable and all I can think is say it. Just say it. Just put me out of my misery already.
Ross laughs, but the angry glare quickly returns to his face. “No one asked you, little brother. I don’t need anyone to protect me from my life.”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I…shit.”
“Well, at least you’re not an idiot,” he says, placing hand on my shoulder. “You’re a smart guy. Guess you have me to thank for that.” He grins his wicked grin and pulls me in for a fierce hug. “Look at you calling in favors from a goddamn judge.”
“What?”
“Word is Judge Rose pulled a few strings. Made you temporary POA. Means you call the shots. All they need you to do is sign a few papers and she’ll be good as gold. She may even start breathing on her own again in a few days. He just didn’t want to take any chances. I’m pretty sure the guy’s got a thing for her. Which is totally fucked up considering she’s unconscious and all.”
I punch him hard. “What the hell, man?”
“You couldn’t lead with that shit? You have me all worried they already pulled the sheet over her head. You couldn’t start with ‘Mom’s fine.’.
“I thought you knew!”
“How, Ross? How the fuck would I know, when you’re going on and on? ‘They tried to reach you. She coded. Someone needed to make decision.’ What the hell man?”
Ross rubs his shoulder. “I still can’t believe you didn’t call me. That I had to hear it from Sheila of all people.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.”
“I am. It was a dumb ass move, but it was my turn.”
He frowns. “What?”
“It’s always been you,” I say. “You’ve always been the one to pick up the pieces. With Dad, with Sarah, with me. It’s always you. And for once, I—I wanted to be the adult here. I wanted to protect you”
“What pieces?” he looks me square in the eye.
Realizing I’ve said just a bit too much, I try to back down, hoping to save that conversation for another time. “Nothing. I just didn’t want to bother you.”
“What. Pieces?”
I sigh. “Mom told me. Everything. A few years ago, when she was trying to move in. I think she was doing it to fuck up your credibility or whatever, but it didn’t work.” I didn’t believe a word that came out of her mouth. Until I went to see Dad. Is it true, Ross? Did he fuck you over like she said he did?”
Ross rubs his forehead. “I didn’t know man. I swear I didn’t know. He tricked me. Had me drop off a package and I didn’t have a clue what was in it. I didn’t know it was drugs. He told me after and that if I said anything I could get in a lot of trouble.”
“You were a kid,” I say, my anger at a steady simmer.
“I know. But I was stupid. I could have said s
omething. I should have. But I let him manipulate me instead. Like he does everyone. The next thing I know, Sarah’s OD’d, Mom and Dad are locked up and you, your life got turned to shit.”
“So did yours,” I say quietly.
“But I could have stopped it.”
“No one could have stopped Dad. He would have just found someone else.” I shake my head. “I can’t believe he got you involved in his messed up deal. His own fucking kid. And I can’t believe Sarah’s the total opposite of everything her family thinks she is. That she was fucking Dad, in on the whole damn thing. I want to tell them so bad, Ross. Every time Avery Chase gets in my face, I want to burst his bubble. But I don’t know how. There’s not a person alive who knows the real truth. Except for you.”
“You can’t tell ‘em, Luke. You think I didn’t want to the day I heard she died? But who was going to believe me? A nineteen year old kid of a drug dealer going to school on his dime? They’d think I was just trying to cover it up. Sarah wasn’t innocent. She knew what she was doing. She could’ve ratted Dad out years before those drugs exploded inside her. But she didn’t. And you know what? Either did I? So what does that make me?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Ross. You were a kid. He was your Dad. He never should have put you in that position in the first place. What kind of parent tricks their kid into committing a crime?”
He chuckles. “You sound like Sheila.” His eyes meet mine. “When were you going to tell me about that?”
“I—.”
Ross raises a hand, silencing me. “I understand why you didn’t, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have. I’m a big boy. I could have handled it.”
I sigh. “That’s some complicated shit, bro.”
“Not really. The woman I’ve been in love with for the past eight years is shacking up with someone else. What’s complicated about that?”
“She’s doing it for me. For Shannon. Ray and Mariah, they need a home. A real home. Nothing like what we had. I can’t give them that. And for what it’s worth, she doesn’t love him. She loves you.”
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