HIS LOVE
Page 4
"She's going to make a mess," Sofia said as Alessandria buried her fingers into the chocolate cake.
"It's okay, I'll clean it up." Rayne put in as she watched the flicker of emotions that played in Antonio's eyes. His face crumpled. It went from happy, to awe, to distraught, then finally pain. Rayne's first instinct was to comfort him, but the sadness disappeared and a stormy expression took over. She inched back as fear struck her. All expression fell from his face as Antonio spun around and marched out of the room.
***
"Why did you leave?" Rayne had taken the risk to go into Antonio's room after putting Alessandria to bed. She didn't trust herself or him, but she needed to know why he had run away when they were making progress.
"I don't have to explain myself to you," he grumbled, but emotion cracked in his voice.
"The least you could do is kiss her goodnight." Rayne paced around the room after him.
"She's already asleep. There's no point."
"There is a point." Rayne could feel the emotion lace her tone. "When it comes to your child, there is always a point. Do you think she hasn't noticed how distant you are with her? She knows it's not normal."
"What do you want me to do about it?" Antonio paced around the room like a caged animal, constantly running his fingers through his hair as grunts and growls rumbled through his chest.
"I want you to love her, dammit!"
"Love her!" he roared. Antonio began to unravel before her. The always composed, serious, straight-faced Armani suit was coming apart at the seams. He wasn't the ruthless powerful businessman that commanded billions in a day. He was now an emotional basket case unable to give his daughter the one thing all his money couldn't buy. "I loved her once. I really did. Watching her grow inside her mother, knowing that she was made out of love and she was wanted. She was the second best thing that ever happened to me and I was happy and yes, I loved her. I loved her even before I knew her. But when Maria died while in labor, I just couldn't anymore, it hurt too much."
"It wasn't her fault." Rayne sniffed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Antonio's eyes mirrored her own and were now red as tears dropped freely. She stared at the veins popping out in his forehead, sure one was bound to burst. She needed to calm him down. "There was nothing you could do to help Maria and nothing Alessandria could do to stop what happened. She is your daughter not your enemy. She was made out of love, remember? You wanted her and loved her once."
"I love her, I really do, but—" his voice was now composed, and low. "Every time I look at her I see the reason why Maria died."
"You shouldn't say that." Rayne turned toward the door when she thought she heard something, but she was forced to turn back to Antonio when his hands grabbed her arms.
His grip was too tight and she was sure her hands would fall off at any moment. Rayne wanted to pull away, but couldn't bring herself to abandon him at his moment of need. Call her stupid, but she was almost sure that she loved the ogre before her. When he crushed his lips to hers she opened for him, allowing him access to take what he needed to make himself feel better. Rayne wasn't going to lie herself into thinking that it was more than what it actually was. It was just sex. Lust on his part and love on hers. He needed this as his refuge and she was willing to give it to him.
She turned her head to the side, giving him access to her neck. She shivered as his warm lips sprinted along her heated flesh. Inhaling deeply she caught the scent of him and he smelled expensive, good, and all man. She pulled at his shirt trying to release it from his trousers. She inhaled again, sucking him in and let his scent wash through her. Rayne knew she was being wild and impetuous and that usually got her into trouble, but not this time. She would have time to think about her latest decision to be used as a sex sponge later. Right now he needed all of her and she gave herself to him.
She hissed as his hands smoothed down her sides and cupped her rear, pulling her against his hard center. He stepped back and helped her pull his shirt over his head, and then focused his attention on relieving Rayne of hers. He grunted, snaked his hand under her t-shirt, and unclasped her bra. Rayne busied herself with taking off her top as he went to his knees. Antonio popped her button and jerked both her jeans and panties down, the force almost sent Rayne crashing to the ground.
Rayne held onto the chair next to her and his shoulder as he teased her thighs with his lips. She looked down at him and saw a ravenous need that called to something inside her. She leaned against a chair for support. Setting her legs free from her jeans, she parted her thighs for him.
"I want you," he growled, his bleary gaze raking over her.
His words echoed her own feelings. His tongue and his fingers were inside her, teasing and tasting while searching for her release. Rayne bit down on her lip as she threw her head back stifling a scream. Every muscle in her body turned into jelly, her hand slid from the chair, and she thought she would fall, but Antonio's arm shot up, giving her the support she needed. His grip on her grew tighter as his pace increased. Rayne could feel her orgasm tunneling through her, but she kept it at bay. She wanted to feel more of him, to milk this moment for all it was worth. He nipped at her until the throbbing between her legs turned her into marshmallows. As she came she collapsed into his waiting arms.
***
Antonio carried Rayne's shuddering body to his desk. He stood over her and shed the rest of his clothes. This was how he liked to see her—ready, wet, and willing. He stood at her entrance, his hands kneading from her breasts down to her thighs as he settled between them. Lifting her hips up to meet him, he plunged inside her, and watched her body go into shock as the waves of pleasure rolled through her one at a time. When he couldn't hold his own anymore he sprinted to the finish and spilled his seed inside her.
He liked how helpless she looked after sex, like a little lamb snuggling against its mother for warmth. Antonio gathered Rayne in his arms and carried her to his bed. This time he wanted to sleep beside her. He knew the next morning would be almost impossible to bear, but having Rayne tucked in beside him gave him comfort. Antonio saw the emotion in her eyes when she looked at him and he felt a visceral tightening in his stomach. He had built his reputation on reading people and knowing their next move. The darkened emotion in Rayne's eyes told him that he had messed up. She liked him, maybe even loved him. A possessive emotion claimed him. He gave himself a mental kick, but he couldn't let her go now. He held her tightly against his body, her head on his chest as his heart beat for Maria...and maybe for Rayne too.
CHAPTER FIVE
There were so many reasons for Rayne not to love Antonio. His abrasive, dismissive and angry superior personality made it easy for anyone to hate him. However, she always felt that who he showed himself to be wasn’t his true self. It was ridiculous for her to think that way about a man she barely knew. Yes they had made love, no had sex a few times. Rayne chuckled at how ridiculous she sounded, made love that required both of them to be in love.
Rayne was in love, she was almost sure of it. She just didn’t know when it happened. Or even how it happened. It might have been because Antonio was more like a wounded dog with a big barge and large bite. Maybe she wanted to save that him, and in her efforts she left herself bare and vulnerable. Did it matter, it didn’t. The how or the why, the truth was she was in love with the most hostile man God could have set on this planet. There wasn’t one redeeming quality about his character, but his heart…Rayne liked to think that each time he kissed her she got a little taste of his heart and it was sweet.
Rayne promised herself never to end up in any bed with Antonio ever again, especially today. Jacqueline filled her in on how destructive he could be on the anniversary of Maria's death. Alessandria usually hid in her room. Others avoided his room like the plague. No one bothered to call him down for dinner; all the phones in the house were disconnected. According to Jacqueline, it had been better when he took his pain and anger to his apartment, but this year he was going to pass that terrible day
in the house. So, the mansion was in silence, not even the dead could match the quiet in the home.
Rayne took Alessandria to the garden, sure that if Antonio came face to face with what he thought was the cause of his loss, he would go berserk.
"Why doesn't Daddy like me?" Alessandria asked after an odd period of silence.
"He loves you." Rayne tried to sound as honest as possible, but she had seen the anger and pain in his eyes when Antonio referred to his daughter as the cause of Maria's death. She sighed, amazed at the position she had found herself in. Alessandria was fighting to be more than that fateful day that would follow her for the rest of her life and she, well she was fighting for the love of a man against a ghost. There was no winning. "Your daddy is just having a tough time."
"Is it because I killed my mommy?"
All the strength left Rayne's body at that moment. Staring at the guilty expression on Alessandria's porcelain face as tears streamed down her cheeks, was too much for her to bear. Rayne had experienced loss and pain, but it was nothing compared to the pain she saw in Alessandria's eyes.
"That's not true sweetheart." Rayne cuddled her and tried to soothe her, but it was next to impossible.
"She dropped the loaded question on you, didn't she?" Jacqueline asked as she joined them in the garden. "Never thought that you would be so lost for words, huh?" Jacqueline smiled, but there was no laughter in her calm honey-brown eyes. Only pain. The same pain her niece and brother shared. Alessandria laid her head on Rayne's lap and soon fell asleep and Rayne thought it was safe to ask Jacqueline a few questions.
"What happened?"
"Alessandria got stuck on the way out. When they got Maria to surgery she had already lost so much blood. When the doctors asked Antonio to choose..." She shrugged.
"He chose Alessandria, didn't he?" Rayne could hardly believe it.
"Maria made him swear that he would put her first." Jacqueline stroked Alessandria's hair. "Everyone knew Maria wasn't going to make it. The doctor said she was only alive long enough to name her. If it was left up to Antonio she would have been nameless and still at the hospital."
"What made him take her home?" Rayne couldn't imagine leaving the beautiful creature at the hospital with no one. She couldn't imagine leaving her now.
"He's a man of his word. Antonio takes the promises he makes seriously. He took her home, held her a couple of times, but when the realization of what happened, of what he did and Alessandria's part in it sank in, he became withdrawn and always angry." Jacqueline sighed and quickly wiped a tear away. "I think of Alessandria as an orphan, because when Maria died, my brother died with her."
"Mija!"
Jacqueline stiffened at the sound of her mother's voice.
"Oh! Oh!" Jacqueline gasped. "My mother only uses Spanish when there is trouble. My guess is the beast is finally out of his cage."
Rayne stood up trying not to wake up Alessandria who was sleeping in her arms. Sofia ran toward them, her long skirt hiked up to her thighs.
"He's out and he wants to see her," Sofia said.
"He wouldn't hurt her, would he?" Rayne knew Antonio was rough, in sex at least, but she never thought he would use such hostility with his own child.
"Not physically, but he glares at her. The pain in his eyes is too much for a little girl to bear." Jacqueline filled in.
Antonio appeared in the doorway; his large frame filled the gap the door left behind. He marched toward them and Rayne fought the feeling to turn around and run. She needed to see this monster for herself, then maybe the love she felt for him would die out.
"I won't let you hurt her," Rayne warned when he stood inches from them. She looked down at Alessandria and although her eyes were closed, the fluttering of her lids told her she was awake.
"I just want to hold her," Antonio said, a pained expression on his face.
Rayne cringed away from the potent smell on alcohol on Antonio's breath. Antonio stroked Alessandria's flushed cheeks. He was gentle with her, but Rayne was still not convinced. As if he sensed her defensive position, Antonio didn't push the issue.
"She's so beautiful. Just like her mother."
"I think you should go and try to sober up first." Rayne pulled Alessandria away from his pungent breath.
A shiver ran through her when Antonio's jaw ticked and his eyes reduced to slits. He was angry and she knew it, but she hoped that it was at her and not Alessandria.
"I'm taking her to the beach." Rayne walked away as fast as she could and when she looked down at Alessandria she saw her big teary eyes looking up at her. Rayne wanted to run away and never return, but Antonio would find her. He had the resources, the means and the influence. Rayne knew that whatever she did, there was no way for her to save Alessandria from her father.
A little while later, Rayne looked out at the water with Alessandria by her side. With the money that she had been able to save before coming to work for the Burkes, she had bought Alessandria a swimsuit, towel, and shovels and buckets to play with the sand in. They had been on the beach for almost three hours and it was getting late. Antonio had sent half a dozen bodyguards with them, but part of Rayne wished that he had come instead of the muscle.
They had already built and destroyed their sandcastles. Only one thing remained, for Alessandria to conquer the water. The huge crashing waves seemed to discourage her and every argument Rayne came up with Alessandria had a rebuttal.
"The water is too shallow for sharks."
"I'm little the waves will carry me to the sharks."
"All right, tell me, what are you afraid of?"
"I can't swim," she shrugged, her tiny shoulders coming up to her ears then dropping and sagging. She looked defeated.
"That's fine. I'll teach you when we get home." Rayne promised. "For now, I just want you to step into the water. I'll hold onto you."
"You promise?"
Rayne nodded and with that Alessandria walked toward the water, both her hands holding onto Rayne. Although she was in shorts Rayne was sure she would be soaked by the time they got back home. She held onto Alessandria as they jumped in the waves. Listening to her squeal when each one crashed into them, Rayne laughed.
Rayne wrapped Alessandria up as the sun began to set. They settled in the back seat of the car and began the short drive home.
"Maybe…" Alessandra started, then fell silent.
"Go on, you can tell me."
"I sit at his bedroom door sometimes, and outside his office. Sometimes I hear him talking to Aunt Jacqueline and Grandma and Grandpa." She paused once more. "Maybe it would have been better if the waves carried me away. Maybe it would have taken me to my Mommy."
Rayne looked up, unable to stare at the heart broken expression on Alessandria's face for another second. In the corner of her eye, from the rear view mirror, she thought she saw the expression of the bodyguard in the passenger seat. He looked defeated. Even the muscles knew that what Antonio was doing to this little girl was wrong.
"Take us to the ice cream parlor," Rayne instructed. She ignored her phone when it buzzed. It was the house number and she was sure it would be Antonio barking at her to get back home. She ignored it and turned it off, even going as far as taking out the battery, but then the bodyguard's phone rang.
"We have been ordered to take you back home," he said apologetically. "Sorry there is nothing we can do."
"It's okay, Rayne. There is ice cream in the house."
Rayne smiled at Alessandria and held her close so she could warm up. She didn't like to admit it, but once the gates closed behind them Rayne got nervous. She was about to join all the other nannies under the perfect carpet grass. When they got into the house and there was no sign of Antonio she got a little curious. Sofia and Jacqueline met them in the foyer with a bowl of ice cream and cake, a lone burning candle sticking out of it.
"Happy birthday, squirt." Jacqueline tickled her.
"Where is he?" Rayne asked Sofia in the midst of Alessandria's laughter.
"Somehow I believe that," Rayne said. "Hey, maybe Grandma can give you a bath, would you like that?"
"Yeah!" Alessandria pulled out of the towel and ran down the hall in her bikini. She blew past her grandfather who watched her with a look of awe.
"I don't think I've ever seen her so—" the old man began.
"Happy," Sofia finished.
"I'm going to go up and talk to Antonio for a second." Rayne took a step in the direction of his room.
"Do you really think that's wise?" Sofia asked, worried.
Kane's expression was doubtful. "He's not in the friendliest of moods."
"That makes two of us." Rayne banged on Antonio's door for what seemed like eternity before he finally opened it.
She looked him over and couldn't help but feel sorry for him. His shoulders were hunched over and he just looked broken. He was weeping over a different woman and there Rayne was. Antonio stepped back as she entered the room, their gazes locked even when she closed the door.
"How are you doing?" She cupped his face.
A current shot through her when Antonio held her hand in place and pressed a kiss into her palm. She heard something drop and saw the bottle of gin that was now being absorbed by the carpet. Rayne wanted to reach down and pick it up, but he wouldn't let her. He pulled her against him and buried his face in her neck. She could hear him crying, could feel the shudders that wracked him deep into her soul and yet his desire pressing on her stomach called out to her. She had promised not to put herself in this position again, but she couldn't push him away. She winced in pain when his hug tightened. He nuzzled her, breathing her in. His kisses traveled up her neck, along her jaw, and rested on her lips.
Rayne struggled with two things at that moment, each demanding to be quenched, a lust and desire for Antonio and the taste of alcohol on his lips and tongue. Rayne tried to push him away, but his hold on her was too tight. She thought she was fighting a losing battle, but when Antonio cupped her between her legs desire won.