‘What about school?’ Elijah suddenly dropped his fingers from his nose. They had been driving for ages. How would he get to school?
‘You’ll have to go to a different school, I’m afraid. Just for a while.’ Ricardo’s eyes flicked from the mirror and back again. ‘There just wasn’t anyone available nearer to your old school.’
Elijah started crying. He couldn’t help it. He could hear the wizard’s voice laughing from deep within his belly and then it was quiet and not even the sound of the traffic outside the window could fill his empty ears. He thought about a new school and other children pulling and pinching him and laughing at how stupid he was, the teachers making huffy noises because he didn’t know the work, and how they would have to do a project called ‘family tree’ and Elijah’s tree always looked like the trees did then – the middle of winter – and when they’d take baby photos in to school and play ‘guess the baby’ and Elijah would have to take a photo from a catalogue and pretend it was him because he didn’t have any baby photos, not a single one. Mama never had a camera. The tears popped out so quickly his entire face was wet in seconds. ‘I want to go back to Sue and Gary’s,’ he said. He wanted Sue’s stories so badly, as if stories were food and he was hungry. The air broke down in front of his face into a million different pieces.
‘I know you do.’ Ricardo continued to watch the road, but he let his hand move over to Elijah’s arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘I know you do. But Sue and Gary can’t cope with your behaviours any more. They really wanted to but it’s just not possible, I’m afraid.’
‘Then I want to go with you. Can I stay with you? Just for a little while?’
Ricardo looked straight ahead of him. ‘I’m sorry, Elijah, but that’s against the rules.’ He turned his face to Elijah then back to the road. ‘As much as I would love to have you,’ he whispered.
‘I want Mama. I want my mama.’
There was quiet in the car and outside the car, but suddenly inside Elijah’s head was the biggest noise of all. Ricardo looked out of the window, away from Elijah, but Elijah could see his eyes were wet too. ‘We’ll get you moved into somewhere more permanent as soon as we can. And we’ll get you some help, Elijah.’ He pulled the car into the side of the road and stopped it. The other cars whooshed past but their car was perfectly still. Ricardo turned off the engine and turned around. He held Elijah’s arms tightly between his and looked straight at his face.
‘You are a good boy, Elijah. You are a good boy and none of this is your fault.’
‘I’m not a good boy,’ Elijah cried. ‘I’m a bad boy. I’m filled with badness.’
Ricardo held on to Elijah’s arms even tighter. ‘I’m so sorry you feel like that, Elijah. You’re a good boy. There’s no badness inside you at all. Just hurt.’ Then he kissed Elijah’s head and turned the key to start the car. His hand was shaking. Elijah cried and cried louder than the radio. Even Ricardo cried a little bit and nobody bothered pretending that they weren’t. Elijah tried to use his powers to time-travel backwards to before the fire but his powers were blocked. The wizard was only letting him use the evil ones.
Eventually they turned down a road that had lots of small houses, which looked the same, in a row. Ricardo pulled up outside one house and stopped the car. ‘This is it,’ he said. ‘Nargis’s house. And the other boy she’s caring for is about your age. Maybe a little bit older. He’s called Darren.’ Ricardo sniffed. Just then the front door opened and there was shouting. Then a head poked out the front. ‘Hello!’
An old lady came walking towards them, even older than Sue. She had brown skin the colour of a toffee, almost the same colour as Ricardo’s. She wore a red draped dress and sandals over socks. ‘Elijah, hello!’ She waited until Elijah had come out of the car and stood on the pavement in front of her. ‘Where’s your bag?’ Her face had a cold look that Elijah didn’t like. He started crying again and thinking about Sue’s warm face. He hated the wizard. He hated himself for letting the wizard be in charge. ‘Now come on, Elijah. You’ll be fine.’ She took his arm and led him in. Elijah looked back to the car but Ricardo was busy lifting his case out of the back. It was getting dark but inside the lights were still not on. Sue would have had her lights on. The house smelt funny. They walked through a hallway which had red carpet and no photos on the walls. There was a long, thin kitchen with a fruit bowl containing no fruit and there were lots of cups in the sink. ‘Now, follow me outside and you can meet Darren.’
The woman led Elijah outside and she pointed to the back of a messy garden. There were no toys and the grass needed cutting. Elijah thought of Sue’s garden with rose bushes that Gary watered every day. There was a sudden coughing noise. At the back of the garden were a few trees with something moving in them. Rustling. Elijah felt his legs wobble underneath him but he walked forwards to where Nargis pointed. As he turned around, he saw Nargis going back into the house, her red dress the exact colour of Sue’s favourite roses. He watched the red disappear. At the back of the garden was a boy with white skin and grazed knees, sitting on a swing. He looked at Elijah and spat on the ground. It was only then that Elijah noticed what was in his hand. A cigarette! He was only a bit older than Elijah and smoking a cigarette. Elijah looked back at the house but Nargis wasn’t there.
‘Are you allowed to smoke?’ Elijah asked.
‘I do whatever I like,’ said Darren. ‘I’m in charge here. I’ve been here the longest, so I run things.’ He spat again and that time it landed on Elijah’s shoe. Then he stood up suddenly and grabbed Elijah’s arm, twisting really hard. Elijah closed his eyes. He’d felt hurt before and he knew that it was better to close your eyes. He heard voices in his ear: Disgusting crybaby. The universe does not want you in it. Go back to burning hell. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, ‘Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire.’
Darren twisted harder, and Elijah opened his mouth to scream but then he closed it. He focused really hard on a stick on the ground, and imagined how it would feel between his fingers, the smooth coldness of it. He thought of a world with only trees, and no humans. How quiet it would be. Darren put his face very close to Elijah’s face. His breath smelt of cigarettes and fire. ‘If you scream,’ he said, ‘I’ll burn you.’
*
‘Don’t forget, Elijah, what I told you. You’re going to start work with Chioma, some therapeutic work, which is like special play. It will help you. She will help you. I promise. You are a good boy. And you’re safe.’
Ricardo showed Elijah where the toilet was. There was a bucket next to the toilet and the bath was dirty. A rim of mould lined it, patches and circles with soft green edges. Balanced on the outside of the bath were almost-empty bottles: shampoo and bright blue shower gel, a half-used soap covered in tiny hairs, an empty plastic wrapper. Ricardo showed him the kitchen, which smelt funny, and the living room, which had a table in the middle of it where Nargis had left Elijah a plate of jam sandwiches for tea, but there was no pudding. There was a sofa against the wall, with a blanket thrown over it. Ricardo talked very loudly as he showed Elijah around.
Elijah looked and looked for Darren and his cigarette but he didn’t see him again. Every time he thought of Darren he felt his stomach move quickly downwards, and his throat swelled closed. But Ricardo didn’t notice. He was too busy talking loudly.
When it was time for bed, Ricardo stayed to tuck Elijah in. Elijah knew that he didn’t need to stay; his job was over at five o’clock and by then it was almost eight o’clock. He knew that Ricardo was doing a job, looking after him. But it made Elijah feel like they were good friends when he stayed and stayed. Ricardo took Elijah to the bathroom and then to his bedroom. The bedroom was not really a bedroom at all because it was downstairs and it had a table and four chairs in the middle and Elijah’s bed was a camp bed that squeaked every time he moved. ‘I want you to be brave, OK, little man? You will be fine here. Safe. And after you’ve spent some time with Chioma, there will be somewhere mo
re permanent soon, I promise.’ Ricardo leant down and kissed Elijah’s head and a tear fell on to Elijah’s forehead.
Elijah felt so sorry for Ricardo, staying late and being sad, that he smiled the biggest smile he could and tried to ignore the wet on his head, on Ricardo’s face. Elijah could smell the aftershave now. It was one he hadn’t smelt before. Orangey. He wanted to press his nose against Ricardo’s chest and breathe it in forever. ‘I’ll be OK,’ he whispered.
But really, Elijah knew Ricardo was wrong about everything. Chioma couldn’t help him – whoever she was. Ricardo was wrong to bring him away from Sue and Gary. He was wrong about Elijah being a good boy. And he was wrong about wizards. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t even Nigerian, so how would he know about wizards? Elijah knew. He could hear the wizard all the time, mixed up with Mama’s voice, which whispered, Little Nigeria, a thousand stars light up your face. Elijah didn’t know many things. He didn’t know how to read, and he didn’t know how to whistle, even though all the children he knew could whistle. But there were two things in life of which Elijah was certain:
His mama loved him.
And wizards were real.
FIVE
Chioma was the thinnest lady Elijah had ever seen. She was even thinner than Mama. It looked as if she wore a coat hanger across the top of her chest, made from her own bones. Her skin was exactly the same colour as Elijah’s, exactly the same colour as Mama’s. Around her neck there were three rows of coloured beads in bright yellow and turquoise and earth red. Chioma’s legs stretched long and sharp, and her feet were thin, covered in brown leather sandals with tiny pink sequins sewn on. She even had silver beads in her hair, which was twisted in every direction and looked soft. Elijah suddenly wanted to touch it. And there was glitter on her eyelids. Everything about her glinted and twinkled, like she was made from starlight. But the thing that shone the brightest was her eyes; Elijah had never ever seen such bright, clear eyes in an older person. Her eyes were so fresh she must have only ever seen good things, he thought.
They were sitting opposite each other in a play room, which had a sand pit, a table, a small green sofa, boxes of toys – cars, dolls, a pirate ship, a wooden garage with motorbikes, and a castle surrounded by dragons and knights on tiny horses – a box with curtains and a basket of puppets. Everything looked normal in the room, and Elijah thought it could have been a school or club, with the blackboard and tray full of water, except there were bars on the window and a large red fire extinguisher hooked on to the wall. Elijah looked at Chioma’s face, her wide smile and bright, square teeth, the colour of the glitter on her eyelids, and he listened to her humming quietly, the sound of her breathing softly. He felt sick and his head banged, but listening to Chioma breathing made the banging stop.
‘It’s good to finally meet you, Elijah. I’ve heard a lot about you. Ricardo has told me that you were feeling a bit nervous about coming to see me today but there’s nothing to worry about at all. We’re just going to have fun and play.’
Chioma’s voice was low and soft. ‘What toys do you like?’
Elijah didn’t say anything, but looked over at the castle. It was tall and had two drawbridges, with secret hiding places. Grey flames were painted up the sides of it and, as he looked at them, they appeared to move. Elijah felt his heart speed up. The wizard crept around inside him. He looked at Chioma closely. Her sparkliness. Did she know about the wizard? Did she know about the fire? Was she really a special social worker or was she sent from God to fight the devil inside him? His heart lifted. Then he thought of other questions. Did she realise he could freeze her right then with laser eyes or point his finger at her heart and melt her to ash? Could she look inside him and see his body was filled with badness?
‘We’ve got lots of work to do,’ said Chioma. She laughed. ‘Don’t look so worried; it’s special work – the playing kind. All we need to do is play. That is your work.’ She pushed back the chair she was sitting on, stood and walked over to the castle. ‘Do you like this?’
Elijah nodded.
‘Do you want to play today?’
Elijah looked around at all the toys. He didn’t play much. Sometimes he wasn’t sure how to play. Other children made it look so easy, picking up toys and making them real, but other children didn’t have a wizard trying to take them over. ‘Do I have to?’
‘No. You can just sit, if you want. Or play. Or even scream really loudly.’ Chioma’s eyes shone.
Scream really loudly? Who told a child to scream really loudly? Elijah looked at Chioma, who had walked away and was sitting next to the castle and picking up the knights on horseback. She began to make horse sounds and move them up and over the castle. It looked funny, seeing a grown-up play by themselves. Chioma played anyway, as if he wasn’t there watching her. She looked as if she was having fun. She didn’t look like someone sent to destroy an evil wizard.
She played for ages while Elijah just sat and watched. There were no toys to play with at Nargis’s house. There was a box that she kept underneath the stairs, full of children’s books and a ball, a noisy baby toy and a few cars, but Nargis only pulled that out when Ricardo visited. The rest of the time he watched Darren playing computer games where people exploded and their guts fell out. Elijah felt like playing with Chioma, but he stayed very still instead. He had to remind himself she wasn’t his friend. She was a spy who wanted to find out about the wizard.
After ages, Chioma stopped playing. She sat back down on her chair and smiled. ‘That was really good fun,’ she said. ‘We’ll do some more playing next week, if you like.’
Elijah shrugged.
‘Maybe next week you could play with me?’
He shrugged again. He could see Ricardo’s outline against the glass of the window, tall and thin with spiked hair. He imagined Ricardo smiling behind the glass. Elijah suddenly looked right at Chioma. ‘Can I see my mama?’ he whispered.
‘I bet that’s what you want more than anything in the world,’ she said, ‘isn’t it? All children want to be with their mummies. It’s good to feel like that. But it’s very sad when you can’t be with Mama.’
Elijah nodded. He looked at Chioma very closely. Her eyes looked straight at his. Elijah focused on her bracelet, golden and filled with dark-red jewels. ‘Are you Nigerian?’ he asked.
‘I am,’ she said.
There was knocking on the door and Ricardo walked in. ‘Hey, Elijah. I bet you’ve had great fun getting to know each other.’ He looked at Chioma and raised his eyebrows up and down very quickly.
‘Elijah has been watching me play with the castle, which is really great because that’s my favourite toy. Apart from sand. I also love sand.’
Elijah had never heard of an adult who loved sand. She must be from God. ‘Chioma is Nigerian,’ he whispered.
Chioma smiled. ‘I am very proud to be Nigerian. Nigeria is the best place on earth,’ she said. ‘In fact, better than earth.’ Chioma’s eyes sparkled. ‘Like heaven.’
Elijah breathed her words in where they found other words inside him and stuck together like they were glued. Nigeria is a place like Heaven.
*
Every week, Elijah visited Chioma, and that was the only good thing about living with Nargis. If he could have lived in Chioma’s play room, he would have done, but Chioma always told him after every session that it was time to go home. But Nargis’s house was not home.
Some of the visits they would play, and sometimes they would draw or paint, and one visit all they did was drink lemonade and see who could do the loudest burp, and Elijah had laughed and laughed and laughed and felt just like a small boy laughing, which was a really good feeling. But then he had to go back to Nargis’s house. Elijah couldn’t wait for that day when he would leave. He hated living with Nargis. Every room in her house screamed when he opened the door. Nobody else could hear it, but Elijah could. It was so hard to breathe at Nargis’ that he wondered if even the air wanted to get away. He looked through the window every night
at the patch of sky Mama would be looking at, and found her star. Then he wished and wished for her to come and find him. But she never did. Elijah knew in the bottom of his tummy that he was not going to live with Mama soon. He knew it because she felt so far away and her star wasn’t shining as much as normal.
Elijah heard Mama’s voice inside him: Little Nigeria, you are in danger. If we ever get parted, you must find a Nigerian who believes in God and wait there. You will be safe.
He also heard Bishop’s voice inside him: Ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?
He knew Mama wasn’t coming for him at Nargis’ house. Elijah didn’t feel safe at all. Not one little bit.
‘Can I see Mama?’ he asked Ricardo. They were outside Nargis’ house in the garden in the cold air. Elijah brushed his hand back and forwards over the wooden bench and watched his breath explode in front of him. He couldn’t feel the tip of his nose but it was still better than being inside with Nargis.
‘She’s not well enough to see you this week, Elijah. But she is feeling a little bit better and we are trying to set up regular contact so that you can spend some time with her every week. Also, when she’s well enough, we’ll have some letterbox contact, which means she’ll be able to write you letters …’
Elijah looked up at Nargis’ house. He saw a face at the window watching them. ‘Can I come and live with you?’ he asked Ricardo again.
Ricardo shook his head too quickly and too certainly. Ricardo’s head definitely didn’t want Elijah to live with him. ‘It’s not going to be possible, I’m afraid,’ he said. ‘But we are going to keep doing the therapeutic work with Chioma and we’ll move towards finding something more permanent. OK?’
Ricardo looked up at Nargis’ house too, but Elijah couldn’t tell if he could see faces at windows or hear rooms scream or air trying to escape.
Where Women are Kings Page 4