by Holly Hook
Hudson continued to talk. “I’ve got to get out of here,” he said. “I had no idea before, but I think the government has been planning this for a long time.”
“Is that true?” Gina asked, propping her leg up on a bed and glaring at Dr. Marson.
He said nothing at first, then nodded. “I never thought this would happen when I signed up for the government panel,” he said. “I didn’t think that star would blow up in my lifetime. You’ve got to understand. I never thought I’d have peoples’ lives in my hands. I never wanted to be in this position.” The scientist was shaking now.
I trembled, too.
I knew what it was like to have someone’s life in my hands.
I should have told Mom to go to the doctor sooner about that first strange mole Dr. Marson was in a horrible position. He hadn't realized he was going to actually be in this situation someday. Those things happened. You never expected the disasters to happen to you and you stuck your head in the sand until it was too late and you were being run over.
"The pay from the panel was going to help me get rid of my student loan," Dr. Marson said. "I needed to eat. That's all."
"Real ironic," Tony said, advancing closer to him. Private Hudson didn't make any motion to stop him, though he moved his hand closer to his gun. "You're worried about eating and you're going to help take food away from the people outside the fence. That's awesome, man."
"Handclap," Christina said, doing some fake applause.
Dr. Marson looked to the soldier, then to me for help. He had tried to spare us. Private Hudson had actually done so and I was sure the other soldiers were out there searching for us. They'd want us before we got out and told everyone what the government was doing.
"It was Operation Stardust," Dr. Marson said. "Classified stuff. The government knew WR 104 might blow at any time. It was just a draft in a drawer somewhere, I swear, just a draft." He was losing it. "A group of scientists were supposed to meet with top military leaders and decide who to save. They want people who can help start society over the way they want it. I'll tell you anything."
Dr. Marson put his hand over his mouth like he was about to throw up. The man was a nervous wreck. I knew that feeling, too, the feeling like I wanted to throw up all the time in the days before Mom came home to have her final hours.
I stepped in front of Dr. Marson.
"Leave him alone," I said.
Everyone watched me in silence for a second. The soldier took his hand away from his weapon.
"Why?" Tony asked. "He was planning to have us all starve to death. That includes our families. You know, I have an uncle in Vermont. My grandmother lives in Maine. These people are talking about taking their food. That goes for your father, too."
I couldn't remember telling Tony about my dad being in New York, but someone must have let it slip. I hadn't told anyone besides Jerome, Gina and Alana any of that. I hadn't dared. All I had done was give orders and I was going to keep it that way.
"Dr. Marson is respected here," I said. "He can help us escape if we let him live." I turned to him. "Right?"
"I'll help you get out of here," he agreed. "Don't worry. I won't back down on that promise."
I couldn't know if he was telling the truth or not, but this was the only chance we had. Hudson was shifting leg to leg like he wasn't sure what to do. Even the adults had stopped being adults.
"Sure," Gina said. "Promises don't mean anything at the end of the world."
I turned back to Dr. Marson. "You don't want to have our lives hanging over your head for the rest of your life," I said. "Trust me, it's a horrible feeling that you will never get rid of." I could have pushed Mom harder to go to the doctor when the second mole appeared, and the third... "You're not a bad person, Dr. Marson. I think you're a pretty cool guy who's been caught up in this. You're going to go have your top secret death panel meeting and then you and Hudson will come back here and get us out however you can. Right?"
I hated the way I sounded. I was no longer a nice person. Everything inside me had hardened into ice.
She even asked me if I thought that first mole might be cancer but I said no
"I got it," Dr. Marson said. He glanced at Hudson, who nodded. "We get these kids out of here at sundown. Do you think we can arrange that?"
"I think we can," Hudson said. "We're sending some trucks out tomorrow. They can hitch a ride. If they're caught now, they'll all be thrown out in the sun."
I stood back and everyone else did, too, to allow Dr. Marson to pass.
This might be our death sentence, but there was nothing else we could try.
Jerome leaned closer to my ear and whispered, "Awesome job. You're the one who should be a psychologist, not me."
I watched Dr. Marson and Private Hudson open the door to the barracks. The sun was coming up now. I could almost make out the red half-eye peeking over the horizon through the smog.
A siren started to wail.
They closed the door and left us alone, dulling the horrible noise that screamed danger, danger. I walked over to the farthest bunk from everyone else and sat down, facing the wall.
I was a killer.
Chapter Fourteen
"Laney, you're being even more withdrawn than usual. Say something. I know you were trying to get me to talk and now I'm doing the same to you."
Alana was on the bed next to me.
I had gone back several months in the space of seconds, to a mental place I thought I had locked up and left behind forever.
"Anything. Look, you did what you had to with Dr. Marson. We have to think about ourselves. I think he'll do what we want. The guy won't be able to handle this otherwise, even if he is being pulled into a meeting to decide who lives and who dies."
“He can handle killing other people. The ones he doesn’t see,” I said. “I hope you’re right, Alana. I think I want to lie down for a while.” The windows to the barracks were all shut with thick, metal shutters as if the base had been ready for this event for a long time. Maybe the commanders of this place had installed them as a precaution, hoping that they would never be used. But at least the siren to announce the daytime had stopped.
I flopped onto the cot, leaving Alana to stand up and watch me.
“Get some sleep, Laney. Try not to have nightmares. We’re all going to about what we saw.”
I wanted to tell her that there was a chance someone would find us in this dusty barracks that was set way back from the others, but I kept my mouth shut. Alana still had hope. But we were getting into more populated places where people were desperate, maybe even more desperate than we were, and those people could be dangerous. Everyone was a potential enemy now. I had to remember that.
If the army was shooting people and taking their stuff, I wondered how New York had fared and if Dad was even still there. We were getting closer and I had to get ready to face the facts. Half of the people on this side of the country had survived so far. We had made it to the east side, right?
These thoughts chased me to sleep, but when I did sleep, all I could dream about was killing everything in sight.
* * * * *
“Hey, Laney. Are you awake? I think the sun’s going down.”
It was Jerome. He was gently shaking me.
I groaned under the blanket. “Maybe.”
“I wonder if they’ll wail a siren for that,” he said.
It took me a second to realize where I was. We were still in the unknown army base in an unknown state, surrounded by soldiers and some of them wanted to exile us to our deaths so they could have more food for themselves. I opened my eyes as the familiar anxiety and dread filled the space right under my heart, threatening to rise and devour it. I couldn’t remember a time it hadn’t been there.
I sat up, making sure I was fully clothed. Nobody ever took their clothes off to sleep anymore. You never knew when you’d have to get up and get going.
“That was awesome, Laney. Earlier,” Jerome said. “I have the feeling Dr. Mar
son’s going to crack with the guilt you laid on him. A guy like that has too much of a conscience. He’s not a David. I can tell.”
“Thanks,” I said, not feeling it. “I guess maybe he has some human in him after all.”
“I hope,” Jerome said, sitting on the bed next to me. He gulped. “Everybody has a dark side, though. You just have to be able to recognize it.”
“Right.” I was having the most awkward conversation of my life. I wanted to spill everything. The pressure had been building inside of me ever since I left my sketchbook, my outlet, back on the bus way back in Arizona. Dust would be blowing into the bus now, burying it all and ruffling the pages. The book would flip through the pretty fantasy scenes I drew in another age and then through the progressively darkening images in the later pages. I wondered what I’d draw now if I had it back. The little girl, dressed in Reaper robes and holding a scythe. I knew it.
“Laney, is something wrong? You’re not normally this quiet.”
Jerome hadn’t really talked to me a lot before. Not like this. Before, we had been plotting ways to stay alive and nothing more. Even his talking about his abusive dad was about survival because it was about how dangerous David was. We had never spoken about how this whole thing was affecting us.
I flopped back down on the bed, but not before I spotted everyone else standing on the other side of the room, talking in low voices. Dr. Marson and Hudson hadn’t returned. We were all alone over here. Even Alana had her back turned, talking to Jasmine. As usual, I was the one who had woken up last.
“I killed my mom.”
I just blurted it out. I wasn’t even sure why. I had never even told Alana this before, or even myself. It was a thought I had kept back behind a secure wall until now and the wall had crumbled when I guilt tripped Dr. Marson into helping us. It was the price I had to pay and now Jerome knew about it.
“Laney—what?”
“Not on purpose,” I said. I covered my eyes. They were starting to water. I was disgusting and the biggest failure here. “When she got her first weird mole, she asked me if I thought something might be weird about it, and I told her no. I told her no and it was really cancer and it went on to kill her. If I’d said yes, she might have gone to the doctor and survived.” I was talking faster and faster. It was all flowing out and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. “You know what? I even read a magazine article about skin cancer at the dentist’s office because I was bored, waiting for Dad to get a filling. That was before Mom asked me about her mole. I should have known.”
I kept my hands over my eyes. Everyone must have heard my horrible confession. They knew what I was.
And then Jerome spoke. His words were thick and froggy. “I’ve been blaming myself for not being home when the blast hit. You know, to be there with my mom and stepdad.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I said, uncovering my eyes. Jerome hadn’t moved. He was blurry. My throat was painful. “You would have died, too.”
“But I still blame myself. And I’m sure Alana blames herself for not being there for her brother. Laney, we all feel like garbage. Every one of us. That’s what death does to you. That means we’re not David.”
“But I could have changed things.” I sat up on the bed again. It was true. I should have said something to Mom, but she wasn’t a picture in a magazine with a label. People you knew were different.
But I could have changed the outcome.
Jerome cleared his throat like he was nervous. “If the cancer hadn’t gotten her, Laney, the supernova would have. Maybe she took the easy way out. Well, easier. Maybe.”
I thought the comment would upset me, but it didn’t. I had seen her take her final breaths, but I hadn’t had to see her rotting and bloating and giving off horrible smells like some piece of swollen garbage like Jerome had found his family. I was the lucky one when Tony used the Cat to shovel tons and tons of dirt over the bodies of Alana’s family and Mina’s family and even Tony’s own parents.
“Stop beating yourself up,” Jerome said. “I can tell that’s what you’re doing. That’s why you went out into the storm when you didn’t have to. Stop punishing yourself.”
I felt as if Jerome were peeking right into my soul and instead of bothering me, it was refreshing.
He got me.
More than even Alana got me.
Maybe I really was punishing myself, but I wasn’t sure how to stop. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stop. “We should think of a way out of here,” I said, starting to rise.
But Jerome stopped me by placing his hand over mine.
I froze, half off the bed as we stared at each other for what felt like minutes. Jerome’s big brown eyes were soft, understanding.
“You need people,” he said. “You can’t give up on that. I need people.”
And he leaned forward.
It happened so fast and so slow at the same time. Jerome’s lips brushed mine for a split second and then we kind of crashed together, chests meeting for a second. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close so that it felt like our hearts were beating together. I melted into the kiss and the whole horrible world went away, fading into olive greens and grays all around us. Shadows retreated and waited in the cracks between the windows and the shades, in the floorboards, in every uneven surface around us. They were waiting to pounce.
I couldn’t do this.
“No,” I muttered, pulling away. “Things are too dangerous right now.”
Jerome backed away as a hurt look crept over his face. He looked younger for a second, but only for a split second. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “We should wait until we’re safe to, you know, think about anything like this.”
I felt horrible for hurting Jerome. It was a new ache in my chest. He was such a nice guy, such a smart guy…such a great-looking guy on top of that. If I’d known him before my world shattered, really known him for who he was and not for who he made everybody think he was I might have fallen for him. For a second, we’d almost been one. This kiss had been great. But the shadows were still there, waiting to strike when I let down my guard. They were everywhere, inescapable.
I was emotionally stilted now. That was awesome.
“Laney, did you…” he lowered his voice. “Did you like it?”
I nodded. I had, very much. The world had stopped sucking for a few seconds. I wanted more.
Jerome smiled. “Then let’s figure out how to blow this army base.”
Tony was lifting up the flap to one of the windows. Late dusky light poured in and it was red as ever, even in this place where some grass still grew. “There’s a helicopter about to land on the pad,” he said. “There are people in it. They look like civilians.”
I forgot all about Jerome and we both ran to the window. Tony pulled the flap up all the way as the helicopter’s rotors blew down the grass, forming dark green waves that were still alive and singing. I spotted a woman leaning out of the crowded helicopter. A young guy with sandy hair. Someone stood behind them, waiting to disembark.
“Why do they get to come in here and stay?” Jasmine asked. “Why do they want to kick us out and let those people stay? Are they supposed to be better than us?”
“Important people,” Tony said, shrugging and slapping his hands on his jeans.
Several soldiers walked towards the helicopter as it hit the ground. It was close enough to hear the wind against the windows. They weren’t landing on the regular pad at all. This helicopter was landing right on the grass. It was almost like these people were ready to get shipped right into these barracks.
“We have to go soon,” I said.
A commander, a huge stocky man complete with badges and medals and one of those fancy military hats, stepped forward. He walked with his arms behind him and waited. The look on his face was stony, emotionless. There was something familiar about him, even though I hadn’t seen him around the base yet.
“Something’s wrong,” Jerome said. He was thinking what I was thinking.
/>
“Where is that guy from?” Alana asked. “Wait. I think I saw him standing out in front of the school one day when we were all getting on the buses, like he was waiting for someone. He just glared at the building like he was angry. Yeah. I’ve seen that guy around Colton.”
The helicopter’s blades stopped, but its lights remained on enough to cast a bright circle around it. The people started to get down, helped by a couple of soldiers in black helmets. I wondered if one of them was Hudson.
The woman landed on the grass and waited. So did the young man. They were dirty and bruised. Dusty. These might be more survivors picked up from the west side of the country. The military was rescuing some people.
The next person who got down from the helicopter confirmed it.
He was still wearing the same black T-shirt he had been when we had thrown him down in the sewer. It was probably the same one he had on when he decided to shoot at us. He was dirty like the others and also covered in dust like he had emerged from a collapsing building. His sandy hair matched the military commander’s, who walked up to speak to him.
It was David.
His father was here and had brought him home.
Chapter Fifteen
I cursed like a sailor. Like a pirate.
He wouldn’t go away. David was just like death itself, stalking us until we couldn’t run anymore. I remembered that David said his father was in the military at one point and that he wasn’t a nice man. I had assumed that his dad had died right along with everyone else, that he was lying in his Colton home rotting away. But this man was his father and for some reason, he was stationed out here in this base right now. The commander standing in front of us had probably demanded some pilots risk their lives for the off chance that David was still alive and it had worked.
The man who was likely his father just stood there and talking to David like he was anyone else getting off the helicopter. There was no hug. No rejoicing at all. David spoke back, keeping his posture perfect like he must have been trained to do his entire life. His father's expression remained stony. I was beginning to see why David had the problems he did.