“You’re right.” Matt almost laughed at the look of surprise on Sam’s face.
“Wait, what?”
“It is different.” Last weekend had made him realise that. “I don’t know if it’s Ryan or whether I’m at that age, but I like him. I want to keep seeing him and not put an expiration date on it. Maybe this time we can just see where it goes.”
“Wow.” Sam shifted in his seat and reached out to put his hand on Matt’s forehead. “Hmm. No fever. Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”
“Get lost.” Matt batted his hand away. “This weekend was shit, seeing my dad carted away in that ambulance was awful. But it would have been so much worse if Ryan hadn’t been there. Having him come with me and then wait for me while I made sure Dad was okay… it was nice.” He frowned. “Nice is such a crap word, but I can’t think how else to describe it. I liked having someone there for me, and I want to keep it.”
Sam bumped his shoulder against Matt’s. “And what does Ryan think of all this?”
“I haven’t told him yet.” The right time hadn’t arisen. “I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone, and not when we were sweaty and out of breath either.”
“Sounds like the perfect opport—”
Matt laughed. “From running, nothing else.” He fiddled with the zip on his coat. “I figured I’d bring it up tomorrow night.”
“Why not tonight?”
“He’s on another work’s do. Someone got a promotion, I think.”
The bell above the door chimed and three people came into the shop. “Just like buses,” Sam muttered. He rose with a smile, then addressed the newcomers. “If you take a seat, I’ll be with you in a sec.” Turning to Matt, he said. “Duty calls. Can you get rid of that lot for me?” He pointed to the bag of rubbish that had been his food.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll text you later.”
Sam grinned. “You better. I want to know how it goes tomorrow.” With a wave, he turned and started talking to his customers.
Scooping up the paper bag and the empty drink carton, Matt then stood and left the shop.
On the way to the taxi rank, his phone buzzed with a text from Ryan.
Heading home soon. I might be a little hungover in the morning but am still going to kick your arse when we run.
Matt laughed as he typed out a reply. Yeah, yeah. We’ll see. He hit Send, then added. Where are you, now?
Carpenter’s Arms.
The pub wasn’t one Matt was all that familiar with, but he knew where it was. I’m not too far from you. Want me to meet you and we can catch a taxi home?
The reply took a while to come, and then all it contained was a smiley face. Matt presumed that meant yes.
Okay. See you in about 10 mins.
For once the sun was out, and Matt tipped his face up, enjoying the lingering warmth of the day. He’d been thinking about Ryan all week, going over and over it in his head and trying to sort out how he felt. Saying it out loud to Sam, admitting it to someone else, was freeing in a way he hadn’t expected.
Rounding the corner to the street where the pub was, Matt couldn’t contain the smile wanting to burst out, so he didn’t bother trying. Grinning like a fool, he pulled open the heavy door.
At six forty-five on a Friday night, the pub had a good few people in it, but Matt’s focus narrowed down to the two stood chatting over in the corner by the toilets. He watched, stunned and rooted to the spot, as a guy he sort of recognised leant in and kissed Ryan. Matt quickly looked away, not wanting to see any more, then stepped back, letting the door close before they saw him.
Shit.
The discussion about being exclusive hadn’t come up, but since Ryan never mentioned it either, Matt had just assumed…. Fucking stupid. Something like this would never have bothered him before, but this was Ryan.
The wall felt cool against his back as he rested against it, wondering what to do. Thankfully no one had decided to enter or leave the pub while he stood there, but it wouldn’t be long. Ryan was expecting him, so he couldn’t leave, and technically he had no reason to. It might be a bit tactless to get off with someone else when he knew Matt was on his way, but he was probably drunk. Still, it didn’t give Matt much confidence that Ryan might return his feelings.
Fuck it.
Swallowing down the nasty taste in his mouth, Matt tried not to look as gutted as he felt and opened the door again. With a heavy sigh, he turned in Ryan’s direction and glanced up. Thank God they were no longer kissing. Heading towards them, Matt went over in his head what he wanted to say. The words wouldn’t come, that kiss playing on repeat instead. As he reached them, Ryan’s voice, low and angry, cut through the noise surrounding them.
“Look, Dom, I don’t know how many times I need to say this. I. Am. Not. Interested.”
Oh. Matt stopped mid-step, frowning. Had he been wrong? They hadn’t spotted him yet, and now that he could see their faces clearly, neither one of them looked very happy.
“You kissed me back,” Dom insisted.
“What?” Ryan hissed. “You kissed me mid-conversation, for fuck’s sake. My mouth was open because I was talking. That is not the fucking same as kissing someone back. Christ, I was in shock.”
Matt started to smile.
Dom glanced down at his feet and mumbled something too quiet for Matt to hear, before grabbing his coat off the stool next to them and walking away.
Straight towards Matt.
His steps were a little wobbly, and when his gaze landed on Matt, he stumbled to a halt and narrowed his eyes. Glancing back at Ryan and then Matt, some sort of realisation seemed to dawn on him, and his shoulders sagged. “Fucking figures.” Then he was gone, brushing heavily past Matt in the process.
After watching Dom weave his way through the pub and out, Matt finally turned back round to face Ryan. Who was now looking back at him.
Here goes nothing. Matt closed the distance between them and stopped in the same place Dom had just been standing in. Gesturing over his shoulder in the direction of the door, he said, “What was all that about?”
“Dom kissed me. That wanker.” Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes. His gaze darted to the beer bottle in his hand and then back up, as though undecided whether to finish it off or not. In the end, he set it down on the table next to them. “I’ve told him a hundred fucking times that I’m not interested, but he still seems to think I’m being a giant cocktease. Apparently he genuinely thought I hadn't meant any of it.”
“So you’re not interested in him?” Despite everything he’d heard, Matt wanted to be sure.
“Fuck no.” Ryan grimaced, the sudden look of horror making Matt laugh, despite still feeling off-kilter. “He’s nice enough to look at but one”—he ticked them off rather exaggeratedly on his fingers—“I have to work with him. That’s a recipe for disaster right there. Two, he can be a bit of a whiny arsehole sometimes. And three, he doesn’t like brown sauce on a bacon sarnie.” He shrugged after the last sentence as if that in itself said it all. “Who the fuck doesn’t like that?”
Well, okay then. Matt suddenly felt a hundred times better than when he’d first walked into the pub. He glanced around them. “Were you the only two left out of your lot?”
“Yeah. Everyone else went about five or ten minutes ago.”
The need to tell Ryan everything pushed at him, almost begging to get out. “You ready to go?”
Ryan nodded. “Lead the way.”
“One sec.” Matt quickly got out his phone to sort out their ride home. “Okay. Taxi’ll be about ten minutes.”
After waiting five minutes, while Ryan decided he needed the toilet first, Matt steered them through the busy pub and outside.
The sun met them as they exited onto the street, warm and welcoming. Ryan squinted. “Didn’t realise it was so warm out.” He slipped off his jacket, revealing a fitted white work shirt underneath. Then proceeded to roll the sleeves up, and Matt’s gaze caught on strong forearms covered in a
light dusting of dark hair. “Car’s here.” Ryan nudged him, harder than Matt was expecting, and he almost lost his footing.
“Oi,”
“Sorry.” Ryan sniggered, not looking the least bit sorry.
Matt gestured for him to get in first, and tried to gauge just how drunk he was. Maybe this conversation needed to wait until tomorrow. “What time did you start drinking?”
With his head leant back against the headrest, Ryan yawned and glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Err… about half three, I reckon.” His eyes narrowed. “I’m not pissed, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Yep, Matt was definitely thinking that. Ryan grinned. “Well, maybe a little pissed. That’s got to be why I didn’t see Dom’s kiss coming until his tongue was halfway down my throat.” He visibly shuddered, and Matt felt himself smiling. Ryan caught him and glared. “It’s not funny. He has wandering hands too, in the middle of the bloody pub, for fuck’s sake.”
Matt winced. “Well, at least you were tucked away in that corner. I don't think anyone saw.”
Ryan turned his head fully, shifting on the seat and bringing his knee up. “Did you see us?”
Hesitating, Matt quickly tried to think of what the right answer was. “Um….”
“You did, didn’t you?”
“Yes.”
The expression on Ryan’s face went from surprise to curious. “And what did you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you come and meet in the pub and then there I am getting off with some other bloke. I bet you thought I was a right knob.”
Matt laughed, unable to deny it and not wanting to either. “Yeah, I did. But then I heard you tell him you weren’t interested. So….”
Ryan seemed a lot more alert, his gaze focused entirely on Matt. “We haven’t talked about that, have we?”
“About what?”
“Seeing other people.”
Looked like they were having the conversation now whether Matt wanted to or not. “No, I don't think we have.”
The car pulled up outside their building, and Matt leant forward to pay the driver. After getting out first, Matt waited for Ryan to do the same, then shut the door. “I’m not interested in seeing other people.” There, he’d said it. Ryan stayed silent beside him as they walked up the path. “Ryan?”
“Hmm?” Ryan stopped and glanced around them.
“What about you?” Matt’s heart rate kicked up as he waited for his answer.
Ryan continued to look this way and that but didn’t say anything.
“Ryan?”
“Sorry, I was just wondering if foxes come this close.”
Matt looked back over his shoulder, confused. “What?”
“I was watching this program the other night, and….” He frowned. “Never mind, I can’t remember what I was going to say. That last pint must be kicking in.” Ryan laughed at whatever expression was on Matt’s face, then stumbled before righting himself. “What were we talking about?”
With a sigh, Matt stopped and faced him. “We were discussing whether we wanted to see other people while doing this.” He waved his hand between the two of them. “I said I didn’t want to.”
“Oh, yeah, me neither. Now open the bloody door. I need another piss.” Ryan made a hurry-up gesture and Matt stared at him for a second or two before complying.
Well, that was kind of sorted. The evening wasn’t going at all how Matt had hoped, but then he’d failed to take into account that Ryan would be drunk, well, at least drunk enough to lose the thread of a conversation.
When they got to the first floor, Ryan tugged on Matt’s sleeve. “Want to come in for a coffee?” He waggled his eyebrows, and Matt laughed at him.
“You’re drunk.”
“Which makes me loose and pliable. You should fuck me like this.” The words rang out loud and clear in the stairwell.
Matt immediately clapped a hand over Ryan’s mouth. “Shh, for fuck’s sake.” He was still laughing though, and Ryan grinned back at him, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Matt gave him a gentle shove towards the doors.
“You said you wanted to.” Even muffled by Matt’s fingers, Ryan was easy enough to understand.
“And I do.”
When they reached his door, Ryan spun round and grabbed hold of Matt’s shirt, pulling him close. His breath smelt strongly of alcohol, but Matt still found himself drawn in close until their lips were almost touching. “You’re so drunk,” he whispered.
“Merry.” Ryan licked along Matt’s bottom lip before kissing him quickly. “And what does that matter? You know I want you, it’s not like you’re taking advantage.” Snaking a hand between them, Ryan palmed Matt’s cock, and he closed his eyes on a moan.
It would be so easy to give in and go inside with him. Matt’s resolve began to crumble as his cock hardened under Ryan’s hand.
Obviously sensing victory, Ryan’s lips curved up into a smile. “I love this friends-with-benefits arrangement.”
The words were like a splash of cold water, and Matt tensed.
Ryan pulled back and met his gaze, eyebrows drawn together, all traces of playfulness gone. “What’s wrong? Have you changed your mind?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” Ryan stared at him, blinking as though not quite believing what he’d heard.
“It’s just that—”
“No. I get it. It’s fine.” He straightened and quickly moved his hand off Matt’s crotch, but Matt grabbed it.
“I want to be more.”
Another frown. “More what?”
Matt knew he should stop, do this when Ryan wasn’t three sheets to the wind, but now he'd started talking, the words wouldn’t stop. “I don’t want us just to be friends who have sex now and again. I want us to be together. A couple. In a proper relationship and see where things go.” He was the one babbling this time, but Ryan was standing there with his mouth open and looking at Matt as though he was talking in a foreign language. Fuck.
“I….” Ryan glanced down at his feet. Sighed. Then met Matt’s gaze again. “I don’t know what to say.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. He’d gone about this all wrong. Cupping Ryan’s jaw, Matt pulled him close and rested their foreheads together. “I know. I should have waited until tomorrow to bring this up, but I—” Wanted it to mean something if we fucked tonight. Christ, he never thought he’d think something like that, but it was true. “How about you go to bed, and we can talk about this in the morning. If you want to, that is?” Maybe Ryan was quite happy with the way things were? Judging by his shocked expression, Matt would hazard a guess the idea of ‘more’ had never occurred to him.
When Ryan answered, his voice was so quiet, Matt strained to hear him. “Yeah. Okay.” He turned and unlocked his door, pausing once inside the hallway to look back at Matt. “Night, Matt.”
“Night.” Matt stayed in the same spot, even after Ryan had closed and locked his door.
Fuck.
Of course the one time he wanted to be in a relationship, this would happen. Of fucking course.
With heavy steps and an increasingly sinking feeling in his stomach, Matt trudged up the stairs to his floor.
Chapter Fifteen
Ryan walked through to his living room in kind of a daze. Although not as pissed as he usually was on a Friday night, he’d had a fair amount of beer, and afternoon drinking always seemed worse. Even so, Matt’s words kept going through his head on repeat. “I want more.” He actually said that—Ryan wasn’t drunk enough to have made that up.
The sofa looked all kinds of inviting, but he needed to clear his head or at least sober up a little. Coffee and water were the only things likely to help with that, so he detoured into the kitchen instead. He hadn’t seen that coming at all. From the very beginning, Matt had been so clear about what to expect, and more importantly, what not to. A relationship was off the table, and Ryan had worked hard to accept that, had accepted it, and yet now… now Matt had changed the rules ag
ain.
After downing a pint of water, grimacing at the unpleasantly sloshy feeling it left behind, Ryan took his coffee into the living room and sank down onto the sofa. Food. That was what he needed. Since there was no chance of him cooking anything, he managed to order pizza. Nothing like a healthy dose of carbs and fat to soak up alcohol.
With that done, Ryan sat and stared at the blank TV. What the fuck am I supposed to do? This situation wasn’t one he’d prepared for. He needed help.
It took two attempts to get it right, but he managed to text Josh. No more FWB sex. Matt wants more.
Josh didn’t text back. He called. Which in hindsight Ryan should have expected. With a resigned sigh, he answered the call and put the phone to his ear.
Getting straight to the point, Josh greeted him with, “More what?”
Ryan laughed. “That’s what I said.”
“What?”
“Never mind. So what should I do?” He closed his eyes, thankful he hadn’t drunk enough to make the room spin.
“About what? I’m still confused.”
“About Matt. And his more.”
Josh’s soft laughter filled his ear. “Have you been drinking, by any chance?”
“Yes—promotion drinks. But what’s that got to do with anything?”
“Because you never explain things well when you’ve been drinking. You expect me to be a mind reader. Start from the beginning.”
God, Ryan began to wish he hadn’t sent that text. “Matt doesn’t want to do the friends with benefits thing any longer. He wants us to have a real relationship.”
“You just made air quotes, didn’t you?”
Ryan quickly lowered his hand. “No.” Josh laughed again. “Come on, Josh. He refused to fuck me tonight, said we can talk about it again in the morning. He was the one who said it couldn’t ever be anything serious, and now he’s changed his mind. A little help, please?”
“So, let me get this straight… the guy you’re banging wants a relationship?”
“Yes.”
“And this is a problem, why exactly?”
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