Anthony stared at me, long and hard, and I braced myself for whatever came next. ‘Who says I don’t love you?’
‘You.’
‘Forget about the letter. The letter’s gone.’ He took a step towards me and held out his hand. I looked at it for a moment before taking it, feeling his fingers wrap around mine, warm and strong. ‘I’m ashamed to admit that I deliberately chose words that would inflict the most pain and keep you away from me. I never expected you to show up at the hospital after that and be turned away. Even at my most spiteful and mean-spirited, I felt bad about that.’
I stared at him, not speaking, disbelieving my own ears. Was he saying he loved me? He couldn’t possibly be saying that, could he?
‘There’s not a day goes by that I don’t regret what I did,’ he went on. ‘The thing is, I didn’t think I was in love with you. Not really. We got together so fast I thought it was just infatuation and the feeling would disappear over time.’
‘But you never said you loved me when we were together.’
‘You never said you loved me either.’
‘That’s because I didn’t want to scare you away. You were always so adamant you didn’t want a long-term relationship. I just wanted to keep you as long as possible.’
He smiled sadly, his thumb moving in circular motions over the back of my hand. ‘You always did scare me. You made me feel things I’d never felt before. I’ve been telling myself all year we’re better off apart, but I couldn’t get you out of my head. You’re always there. Always. I couldn’t believe it when I saw you in that wedding dress. The thought of you marrying someone else was horrible and I knew for sure I wasn’t over you at all.’
I didn’t know what to say. This was too good to be true. Was I going to wake up any minute and find it was all a dream? But when he pulled me into a hug and crushed me hard against him, I knew it couldn’t be. This was really happening. Anthony loved me.
‘I’m sorry I pretended to be getting married.’
‘Don’t be. I deserve everything you throw at me. In fact, I’m amazed you’ve been so nice to me considering what I did to you.’
‘Well, that is true,’ I admitted. ‘There have been a couple of times when I wondered what I was doing being so polite. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m a lady or because I didn’t want to jeopardise Elena’s chances of having her wedding here.’
He laughed. ‘Trust me, we’re so desperate for anyone to get married here, it wouldn’t have mattered. In fact, my family would probably have applauded you.’
‘I doubt that very much.’
‘So, come on then, what’s the problem with the Brew House? You said I was the problem.’
I withdrew slightly. Was it still a problem or did this fix things? ‘I didn’t want to sign a contract and move into your building without telling you how I felt. It felt dishonest and I didn’t want to consign myself to a life of unrequited love, being treated like part of the furniture and having to endure watching you with other women. I got really scared I was going to be stuck here, loving you for ever without ever telling you how I felt.’
Anthony stroked my hair back from my face. ‘But what did you think I was doing when I kept showing up at your shop and finding reasons to contact you?’
‘Trying to get Elena to have her wedding at Willow Hall?’
He laughed. ‘I already had Daniel’s number. I could have phoned him any time.’
‘Oh.’ I laughed too, embarrassed I’d been so gullible. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry.’ He kissed me softly and I felt like I was melting into him. It was heaven to feel his lean, hard body against mine after so long apart. I still couldn’t believe this was happening.
‘So how are we going to play this?’ he asked, pulling away slightly.
‘What do you mean?’ I blinked up at him, my eyes unfocused and hazy.
He smiled. ‘Well, on the one hand, I’d like nothing better than to take you to bed right now. But I know I’ve treated you badly and that I need to work harder to earn your trust, so I think perhaps we should take things a little more slowly this time.’
I nodded. It made sense despite the fact that I wanted to go as fast as possible. ‘Okay.’
‘So, can I take you out tomorrow night?’
‘Yes. Do you want me to come here?’
‘No, I’ll come and pick you up about eight, if that works for you?’
‘Perfect.’ I smiled up into his eyes as I disentangled myself from his arms. ‘I suppose I’d better go home then.’
‘What? Now? It feels like you’ve only just got here!’
‘Oh! I thought when you were telling me we should take it slowly that you were telling me to go.’
‘No. Come on, we shouldn’t be doing this in my kitchen.’ He took my hand and led me towards the front door. ‘Let’s go for a walk down to the lake.’
We left his cottage and walked up the drive in the direction of the Brew House. I felt excitement stir inside me as I spotted its dark shape ahead of us. We stopped to look at it in the moonlight, and Anthony hugged me to him. I felt like I’d come home.
Turning off the path, we cut across the grass, through the trees, and down the edge of the lake. The light was almost gone and a pale moon was rising above the trees on the opposite bank and reflecting in the rippling water. Further along, a small rowing boat bobbed next to a wooden jetty.
‘Do you want to go for another boat trip?’ Anthony asked.
‘Not in the dark, no.’ I laughed. ‘Do you actually go out on it?’
‘Of course I do. I love it.’
‘I tell you what, you can take me out on a nice sunny day sometime.’
‘Deal.’
We sat at the end of the jetty, our bare feet dangling in the black water. It was so cold that it made my skin sting and I squealed at first, making Anthony laugh. The breeze rustled the leaves in the branches above us and the row boat bumped gently against the jetty, making it shudder slightly. Now my feet had gone numb, the water didn’t feel too bad. I moved them around, making the water splash further up my calves, soaking the hem of my skirt.
‘I come here a lot, just to think,’ he told me. ‘I’ve thought a lot about you here. It’s like a dream come true to have you here with me now.’
I could hardly believe these words were coming out of Anthony’s mouth. When I’d left home earlier, I’d convinced myself he would reject me and I’d be driving home in tears within half an hour. To be sitting here in the moonlight with him was more than a dream come true. It was a miracle.
Chapter Eight
‘Two rules,’ I said when I opened the door to Anthony the following evening.
‘Which are?’ He leaned on the doorframe and looked down at me, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
‘We don’t talk about the past. And we don’t talk about the future.’
‘Oh! Okay.’ He looked surprised but he smiled.
‘Yes, I thought you’d like that.’ I laughed as I closed the door behind me. ‘Tonight is about enjoying ourselves. You look nice.’ I passed an appreciative eye over his dark-grey shirt and blue-black jeans. ‘But then you always do.’
‘Thank you. You look beautiful. But then you always do, too.’
I smiled at him and then stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. ‘Guess what?’
‘What?’ He took my hand as we walked down the path.
‘I got tickets for the Moonlight Flicks in the Roman Gardens.’
‘The what?’ he laughed.
‘The open-air cinema. It’s in the Roman Gardens and you sit on deckchairs and wear headphones. I went last summer with Bobbi. It’s great.’
‘Are you joking?’ He looked up at the grey sky. ‘It’s going to rain.’
‘It’s okay. I’ve got my big golf umbrella and a blanket each.’ I showed him the straw beach basket I was carrying on my shoulder.
‘Can we get something to eat? I’m starving.’
‘We could get a piz
za and take it in with us.’
‘Okay. Anything. I just need to be fed.’ It started to spit with rain and Anthony took the umbrella out of my hand and put it up over our heads. I waited for him to put his arm around me, but he kept a disappointingly polite distance between us. Cars rumbled past as we crossed the bridge over the river to get into the city centre, and we walked up past The Birdcage. Anthony paused as we passed by, putting his nose up to the window. ‘It’s a shame you have to lose it.’
‘I know.’ I pulled a sad face. ‘Bobbi’s gutted but I told her about the Brew House today and that’s cheered her up. She’s excited to see Willow Hall too.’
‘Oh, good. Do she and Jayjay want to get married there?’ Anthony said mildly.
I laughed. ‘Nice try but I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway.’
‘Shame. We could do with another one this summer.’ He sighed heavily and I glanced up at him, concerned.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Oh, nothing. I just feel the weight of everything sometimes, that’s all. The hall’s such a huge responsibility. My mother can’t understand what my problem is, but being responsible for such a huge building terrifies me. It’s not even the amount of land that comes with it. Most of that’s rented and managed by farmers anyway. But the house itself is protected and so many people love it and care about it. It’s hugely expensive and everything needs to be carefully restored. I’m just glad Julian’s onboard. He’s so enthusiastic about it all and is really excited about the wedding business. Has he shown you the house he and Liz are doing up?’
I shook my head.
‘It’s going to be amazing. I don’t expect they’ll move in until after the new baby, but their future is all sewn up and he’s really happy and settled.’ He looked off into the distance, his brows drawn together into a frown.
I looked up at him thoughtfully. For someone who didn’t want to settle down and have a family, he seemed rather envious of his brother’s life. I opened my mouth to ask him about it and then shut it again. He would only get defensive and it would probably count as breaking my own rules about not discussing the future.
‘Are you looking forward to the new baby?’
‘Yes.’ He smiled. ‘I lived miles away when the other two were born so it will be good to get to hold this one.’
‘You like babies?’
He raised an eyebrow and looked at me. ‘I like other people’s babies.’
I laughed and opened the door to the pizza shop. We ordered a large farmhouse pizza and leaned against the yellow-tiled wall to wait for it. The rain was getting heavier and I started to worry that perhaps this wouldn’t be quite the romantic date I’d planned. Anthony didn’t even have a waterproof coat, though I’d brought one of my dad’s old cagoules for him if he needed one. I doubted he’d really want to wear a fifteen-year-old sheet of plastic, but never mind.
I’d been wondering what to do for our date all afternoon. The obvious choice was to go to a restaurant, but that seemed too boring and formal after our moonlit date by the lake last night. Plus, I was conscious that I didn’t want him to call all the shots. I needed to keep a little bit of control.
Anthony seemed quite happy, though. I knew he’d be okay as long as he had food. Besides, it was quite nice to be just standing in a brightly lit pizza shop, waiting for our food. This was the sort of normal stuff we’d done when we were together. It couldn’t all be fancy restaurants and stately homes.
‘You’ve gone very quiet. Are you okay?’ He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and ran a finger over my cheek. His eyes were soft and my knees went weak. I blushed.
‘Yes.’ I nodded at the rain running down the window. ‘I’m just worrying about the weather.’
Bending his knees, he peered up towards the sky. ‘Ah, don’t worry. Look, there’s a break in the clouds up there.’ He pointed to a tiny patch of blue in the opposite direction to where we were going. ‘It’ll be fine. Besides, I’m a country boy, aren’t I? Skin’s waterproof.’
We collected our pizza and walked the short distance to the Roman Gardens, sheltering beneath the umbrella. The air was full of misty, spitty rain, but there were already about twenty people sitting in deckchairs on the grass, waiting for the film to start. We collected our chairs and set them close together on the grass; then I pulled out the bright-yellow cagoule and offered it to Anthony.
‘What the hell’s that?’ he laughed, opening it out and looking at it.
‘An old waterproof coat that belongs to my dad. Or, I have an old poncho from a theme park. You can have that if you’d rather.’
‘Err…’ He glanced up at the grey sky. ‘No, it’s all right,’ he said, dubiously. ‘I’ll wear this.’
I put on my raincoat and sat down with a blanket on my lap.
‘Do I get a blanket too?’ Anthony put up his hood and then pulled the drawstring so tight only his nose could be seen. I laughed.
‘Yes, of course you do. Sit down.’ I covered his legs with the blanket and then positioned the umbrella so it was covering both of us.
‘Do you know what this reminds me of?’ Anthony asked, opening the pizza box.
‘What?’
‘Fishing with my dad.’
‘Aww.’
‘Don’t say “Aww”. I hated it.’
‘Oh! Well, I’m sure you won’t hate this.’ I bit into a slice of pizza and closed my eyes as I chewed it. ‘I know it’s a bit damp but at least it’s something different. And this pizza’s divine.’
‘Mmm, I know. Have we got anything to drink?’
Rummaging in my bag, I took out two bottles of beer. ‘I’ve got water and Coke too if you want something soft.’
‘Jesus! How big is that bag?’ He peered at it with renewed respect. ‘It must weigh a ton. You should have let me carry it.’
‘It’s fine.’
‘Well, thank you.’ He leaned across and kissed me on the lips.
‘I wasn’t sure if you’d be drinking?’
‘I can’t if I’m driving.’
‘You could always stay on the sofa.’
He frowned. ‘If it’s the same pink sofa I remember, there’s no way I’m sleeping on that thing. A park bench would be more comfortable.’
‘No, that went after the flood. I’ve got your old sofa actually. When Dad sold the apartment, he let me have it.’
‘You always did have your eye on that.’
‘I know I did. So you see, it’s very comfortable and I have spare bedding.’
He reached for a bottle of beer. ‘Okay then. I’m not in work tomorrow so that works.’
I didn’t usually drink beer, but it was just what I needed with the pizza. The garden filled up around us and the air was filled with the rising buzz of chatter and laughter as people settled down to wait for the film to start. Oddly, the more people that arrived, the closer I felt to Anthony. It was like we had our own little private oasis, huddled together beneath the umbrella, with the rain dripping from the trees and pattering around us. The Roman remains looked like hulking dark figures in the dusky twilight and the silver moon sailed high in the starlit sky.
We finished the pizza and stowed the box beneath the seat. The beer made me sleepy and I laid my head on Anthony’s shoulder.
‘The film hasn’t even started yet,’ he murmured against my hair.
‘Mmm, I’m not used to beer.’
‘But you can drink a whole bottle of Prosecco?’
I giggled. ‘No!’
He kissed my head. ‘Maybe I’m just boring you.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ I opened my eyes and he lowered his face and kissed me softly. His lips were cold from the beer and made chills run up and down my spine. I put my hand on his face, stroking the hollow beneath his cheekbone and running my fingers through his hair. How had I lived without this for a full year? I felt like I’d come home at last. I wasn’t even going to question how long it might last. I’d decided to live in the present.
When it was dar
k enough, the cinema screen flickered into life. Reluctantly, I pulled away from Anthony and we put our headphones on. I’d completely forgotten what film I’d booked to see, but it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that I was with Anthony, and I felt happy and relaxed. The hum of conversation around us died down as the opening credits rolled, and Anthony slipped his hand around mine and squeezed it.
‘Was it okay?’ I asked after the film had finished. I was fairly certain he’d fallen asleep somewhere in the middle, but I wasn’t complaining because he’d held my hand throughout.
‘Of course. It was great.’ He looked amazed I’d even asked. Getting up, he stretched, making my dad’s plastic jacket crackle noisily. The rain had stopped and the air smelt fresh and earthy. ‘Did you enjoy it?’ he asked.
‘Yes! I loved it.’ I didn’t say that I was slightly disappointed to be going home; that I wished we could have sat there for ever. With movement comes change, and I didn’t want the feeling of closeness to disappear as we walked home. I folded up the blankets and put them in my bag while Anthony sorted out the deckchairs, then we walked home through the park and over the river.
‘You’re very quiet,’ Anthony said, swinging my hand. Huge oak trees rose up around us and, apart from the occasional call of a night bird, everything around us was quiet. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine.’ I smiled at him, squeezing his hand. ‘I really enjoyed tonight.’
‘Me too.’ He stopped and looked at me. ‘It feels magical to be spending time with you again.’
I laughed nervously, my heart stuttering to a stop. ‘Are you sure that wasn’t just the cinema?’
‘Of course not!’ He smiled down at me. ‘It was lovely, though. We need to do more stuff like that. Create new memories and leave the past behind.’
We stared at each other in the moonlight and then I reached up and kissed him.
‘Speaking of the past…’ I said, as I continued walking. He groaned and I laughed. ‘It’s nothing bad, don’t worry, but you always used to be dancing. Do you still dance?’
Meet Me at Willow Hall Page 13