‘I know you don’t, but we do. Have you taken your tablets today?’
‘Of course I’ve taken my tablets today!’ He straightened up slightly. ‘Look, it’s passing now. It’s just indigestion from that duck.’
‘Let’s hope so. Will you come and sit down inside?’
‘No, I’ll go around the front and wait for this bloody ambulance.’ He shrugged his brother’s hand off his shoulder and walked away.
‘Okay. I’ll bring you a glass of water.’
I walked with Anthony to the front of the house and sat down on the front steps to wait for the ambulance. He refused to hold my hand so I held on to his arm, probably more to reassure myself than to reassure him. The pained expression had gone from his face, and now he simply looked annoyed. He sat quietly, staring off down the drive to where it disappeared into the dark tunnel of trees. The front door opened and Julian passed him a glass of water. Cath hovered worriedly behind, but nobody spoke. Instead we sat listening to the distant thump of music from the pavilion and the occasional bleat from a far-off sheep.
Julian scuffed his feet on the top step and sighed. ‘Should have driven you there myself!’
But then we heard it: the thin wail of an ambulance siren in the distance, gradually getting louder as it drew closer.
‘Oh, dear God!’ Anthony groaned. ‘Please let them turn the siren off before they get here. We don’t want to alarm the guests.’
‘Shh,’ said Cath. ‘Don’t be ungrateful.’
As if they’d heard him, the siren switched off as soon as the ambulance turned into the drive. We watched as the blue flashing lights emerged from the tree tunnel and the yellow vehicle approached. With a sigh, Anthony stood up, as if to prove he was fine, and walked slowly down the steps as the ambulance crunched to a stop.
‘Sorry to waste your time,’ he told the paramedic as she jumped down from the cab. ‘I’m all right. Just had some chest pain. Probably indigestion.’
Clearing my throat, I caught the paramedic’s eye and shook my head.
‘Okay, sir,’ she said. ‘I understand you have an existing heart problem, so we’ll take you in just to be on the safe side. If you’d just like to climb into the back of the ambulance, I’ll run some tests on the way.’ She looked back at us. ‘Are you guys okay to follow in your car?’
I would rather have gone in the ambulance, but the doors were already closing and Julian had said yes. Cath came slowly down the steps, twisting her necklace between her fingers. Behind her, Oscar the ancient Labrador appeared in the doorway and slumped down with a whine. I knew how he felt.
Cath went to explain to the caterers what had happened while Julian went to get his car. I was trembling all over and my teeth were chattering from fear. Liz came to the door and hugged me. ‘He’ll be okay,’ she said. ‘Try not to worry.’
I felt bad that she was being left with everything when she was pregnant, but Julian said he would just speak to the doctor and then come home. ‘We know he’s going to be all right,’ he reassured me as we waited for Cath to get her handbag. ‘He’s had these pains before. They want him to have an implantable cardiac defibrillator but he’s being stubborn about it.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know. He insists he’s fine. Maybe you can convince him.’
‘Huh, that’s if he even lets me see him.’ I watched as Cath came carefully down the steps and climbed into the front passenger seat. Seeing her with her bag reminded me I didn’t have anything with me, not even my phone.
‘Of course he’ll let you see him,’ Julian said cheerfully. ‘If he doesn’t, I’ll chin him.’ His eyes met mine in the rear-view mirror and he smiled.
The hospital wasn’t far away. Julian’s car sped down the narrow country lanes as the sun slipped below the horizon. Everywhere seemed so dark until we got into the brightly lit corridors of the hospital. Julian asked at the reception desk and we were directed where to go.
Anthony was lying on a hospital bed hooked up to an ECG machine. He looked fed up.
‘Hello,’ Julian said cheerfully. ‘Have you seen the doctor yet?’
‘Well, obviously,’ Anthony said, indicating the electrodes taped to his chest.
‘Now, don’t get upset. You know you’re supposed to avoid spikes in adrenalin.’
‘Thanks for that.’ Anthony rolled his head to the side and looked at me. ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘Sorry about this.’
‘Don’t be silly. You need to be checked over.’ I bent and kissed him on the forehead. ‘How are you feeling now?’
‘Okay. The pains have stopped.’
‘Good.’
‘I told you it was indigestion.’
‘That’s not what the readings say,’ the doctor said, appearing behind us in the room. He gave Anthony a severe look. ‘We’ll need to keep you in overnight for further testing.’
Julian nodded. ‘I’ve got his stuff here,’ he said, brandishing a small holdall he’d got from the boot of his car. ‘Always keep a bag in the boot, just in case.’
Anthony rolled his eyes. ‘Great.’
‘You’re welcome!’ Julian said. ‘I know how you hate those hospital gowns. There’s a book in there too, in case you get bored.’
‘Thank you,’ Anthony said, grudgingly.
Julian checked his watch. ‘I need to get back to support Liz with the wedding.’
‘Of course. You should all have stayed. You know I’ll be okay. I’m just going to lie here and they’ll say the same things they always say and then they’ll discharge me. It’s fine. Go on, go. All of you.’
‘Don’t be silly. There’s no way I’m leaving you!’ I was horrified by the thought of it.
Anthony reached for my hand. ‘It’s your best friend’s wedding and you’re her bridesmaid.’
‘Yes, and my bridesmaid duties have been fulfilled, thank you. Elena would be horrified if she knew I left you in hospital so I could go back and dance at her wedding.’
Anthony groaned. ‘Oh, God, I feel so bad for ruining it all. I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry!’
‘Of course you shouldn’t feel sorry!’ Cath said angrily. ‘The only thing that matters is that you’re all right. The caterers have got everything under control anyway. They’ve been amazing. I’d certainly use them again.’
Julian nodded. ‘They have, but I’d better check on Liz anyway. I know how tired she gets and she’ll probably be wanting to go to bed.’
‘Okay, lovey. I’ll call Arthur to pick me up later.’ Cath kissed him goodbye.
The next couple of hours were spent waiting in Anthony’s hospital room or the corridor outside. I felt a bit ridiculous sitting around in my bridesmaid dress, especially when I had to queue to use the coffee machine. Poor Cath looked worn out.
‘So Julian has been tested, has he?’ I asked her after a while of sitting in the corridor in silence. Anthony had been taken to another room for a scan. ‘And he hasn’t got it?’
She shook her head. ‘Apparently not. He tested negative for the faulty gene that’s caused Anthony’s. We think that will mean Charlie and Grace won’t inherit it either, but they’re being monitored to be on the safe side.’
‘But if Anthony has children, it’s likely his children will have it too?’
‘It’s possible, but not definite. We don’t know for sure if Anthony did inherit this faulty gene from his father, but if he did, then he inherited it and Julian didn’t. It’s all very complicated.’ She shook her head. ‘This past year has been such a nightmare for Anthony.’ She took my hand and squeezed it. ‘Thank goodness you’re back in his life.’
‘I’m just glad he was pleased to see me when I came in,’ I said. ‘I was worried he might send me away like last time.’
‘I don’t think he’d do that again. He’s learned his lesson now.’
The doctor came to speak to us and told us that Anthony was being transferred to the coronary care unit and we should go home and rest. I didn’t want to le
ave without saying goodbye, and they allowed us to take Anthony’s bag up to him and wish him goodnight before he went in.
I cried when I left him. He smiled and said not to worry, but how could I not worry when his heart wasn’t working properly?
Arthur collected us from the main entrance and drove us back to Willow Hall. I felt bone-weary but wide awake at the same time.
‘Do you want to stay in the bridal suite where you stayed last night?’ Cath asked as Arthur drew up outside the main entrance. ‘You don’t want to go back to the gatehouse at this hour. Not on your own, anyway.’
I was grateful for the offer. I’d been dreading the thought of going back to the dark and empty gatehouse without Anthony.
All was quiet at Willow Hall. The caterers had packed up and gone home and the guests were in their rooms. Only Julian was still awake, waiting for us in the kitchen, to see if we had any news. He didn’t look surprised when we hadn’t, and we all went off to bed to try and sleep. It felt strange to spend another night in the bridal suite, but at least all my stuff from the previous evening was still there. It was heaven to climb into my own pyjamas and remove my make-up. I thought about Anthony in the hospital; imagined being there with him and holding his hand. It made it easier to drift off to sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
It felt as though someone had flicked a switch on my life. One day everything was pretty much perfect, and the next it was all falling apart. Even the gloriously sunny weather had changed to grey cloud and drizzle. The last of the wedding guests had left and we’d waved Elena and Daniel off with a ‘Just Married’ sign in the back window of their car. They’d been distraught to find out about Anthony, but we assured them everything was fine and that he’d be okay.
I hoped so anyway. I couldn’t lose him now.
‘Anthony’s very sensitive about his heart condition,’ Cath said as Julian drove us to the hospital that afternoon. ‘He won’t talk to us about it at all. It was the main reason he moved out of the hall. He thought I was mithering him too much about his medication. Of course, his moving out only made me worry more, so it backfired on him really.’
‘How many times has he had these chest pains?’
‘Only once. They changed his medication that time.’
Julian turned into the hospital car park and I stared up at the windows, wondering which one Anthony was behind. It was horrible to think of him lying in his hospital bed with all those wires attached to his chest like last night. I knew he was in the best place, but I still wished it wasn’t necessary.
Visiting him here reminded me of the awful night I’d rushed to the hospital after his accident. The rain had been lashing down and I’d been so frightened. Cath and I had sat for hours in hospital corridors while the emergency medical staff worked on his broken body. It had been the worst night of my life, not knowing if he was going to make it through. It had been worse even than receiving the letter, or being turned away by the nurses when I’d gone to visit him.
I hoped he didn’t push me away this time. There was no way I’d let him.
‘They want me to have an implantable cardiac defibrillator,’ Anthony said as soon as we walked through the door. ‘I’m not having one! I don’t need it. This whole thing’s ridiculous.’
‘You’re ridiculous!’ Cath told him crossly. ‘Why won’t you have one? It could save your life.’
‘The pills work fine. I’ve had enough time off work and I can’t afford any more. My career’s already suffered because of the accident last year.’
‘It was because of your job that you had that accident,’ Julian reminded him. ‘And that accident is the only reason they found out about your heart. You were still running back then. You could have died if they hadn’t picked it up on that scan.’
‘Yes, and now I’m on the pills and I’m perfectly fine. I want to go home. It was just the stress of going to that stupid wedding that brought this on. You know how I hate them. In fact, it was probably the shock of being hit in the head by that wedding bouquet.’ He glared accusingly at me.
‘Why are you looking at me? I didn’t throw it!’
‘It was your friend that threw it. Why are you here anyway? I don’t want you here. Get out.’
‘Anthony!’ Julian and Cath gaped at him in horror. ‘Stop this now!’
I met his gaze levelly. ‘I will not get out, as you so charmingly put it. Do you have some kind of allergy to hospitals that turns you into a monster? I’m not going anywhere.’ I sat down on the chair next to his bed and crossed my legs. ‘Just have the implant and get on with your life. If the doctors say you should have it, then you should have it. They’re the ones that know about these things.’
Anthony scowled and Cath tutted. ‘Honestly, Anthony, you’re the worst patient. The look on your face could turn milk sour. Rachel’s right; you need the implant.’
‘Your job should be the last thing you’re worrying about right now,’ Julian said. ‘You’re already driving miles every day just to do what’s essentially a desk job. I’ve told you to put in for a transfer to somewhere closer.’
Anthony scowled. ‘I like working in Manchester.’
‘No, you don’t,’ Julian said. ‘You don’t, not really.’
‘I don’t like you driving all that way either,’ his mother said. ‘What if you have pains when you’re driving? What if you lose consciousness?’
‘The ICD will control your heart rate more effectively so you’ll be able to lead a more normal life,’ I said. ‘Surely that’s what you want?’
He grunted and looked away across the room.
‘Well, don’t ignore her!’ Cath snapped. ‘She doesn’t deserve that. You’ve worried us all half to death and now you’re acting like a sulky child. In fact, you were never this bad as a child! You were good back then.’
Anthony sighed and shook his head slowly from side to side. I’d never seen him so stroppy and uncommunicative.
‘Are you scared of the operation?’ Julian asked. ‘Because I hear it’s not too bad.’
‘Of course I’m not scared!’ he scoffed. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Well, then, there’s no reason not to have it, is there?’ Julian said cheerfully. ‘What have you got to lose? It’d only be a couple of days in hospital and then a short recovery period. You’ll probably lose more time off work if you don’t have it done. How many times have you ended up here in the past year? Twice? And each time you’ve had to be off work. And what if you have children?’
‘I won’t have children!’
‘What if Rachel wants children? That’s not fair, is it? You can’t dismiss it out of hand without even discussing it.
‘I don’t want to pass this down to my kids.’
‘But your children might not get it. I didn’t, did I? We don’t even know for sure that Dad had it. But you’d get genetic counselling and your children would be monitored. As long as you receive the proper care and treatment, my understanding is you can live a long and happy life. All right, you might never run a marathon or play contact sports, but there are worse things in life. You could still be happy with Rachel.’
‘No, I can’t. That’s not the life I want. I don’t want this.’
‘Yesterday it was,’ I pointed out. Outwardly, I was calm, but my heart was beating so hard I was sure it must be visible through my chest. ‘Yesterday we were fine.’
‘Well, today we’re not,’ he said harshly. ‘Things change, Rachel, and not always for the better.’
‘But I’m not sure what’s changed,’ I said. ‘If you’ve been admitted here twice in the past year, and you’re here again, then surely it’s clear you were living on borrowed time anyway. The pills aren’t enough and you need the implant. Has it been offered to you before?’
Julian nodded. ‘Twice.’
‘Well, that’s just stupid,’ I said. ‘You can’t gamble with your life; you mean too much to too many people. Think about how selfish you’re being.’
�
�I’m selfish? Listen to yourselves. You’re the ones trying to force me into doing something I don’t want to do. I won’t be able to drive for weeks after it. I won’t be able to work. Who knows what further damage that would do to my career.’
‘What if you drop dead trying to keep up with your precious career?’
‘If my time’s up, my time’s up.’
‘That is so stupid! What about your family? What about me?’
‘What about you? I never promised you a future. We were just happy in the now, remember? And now it’s all gone tits up, that’s finished.’
‘Finished? Oh, really? I don’t think so.’
‘Oh, you don’t think so, do you? Well, I’ve had enough and I’m out of here. Pass me my bag, Julian.’ Sitting up, he began ripping off the electrodes still attached to his chest before swinging his legs out of bed.
‘Anthony! Stop!’ Cath’s hands went to her face as she watched her son in horror. Julian stood without moving, looking on in disbelief.
‘Julian!’ he barked. ‘My bag.’
‘Oh, just stop it!’ I said, exasperated. ‘You need to be here. What are you going to do? Just walk out?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m going to do,’ he said, snatching the bag out of Julian’s hands and pulling on his trousers.
‘But you can’t!’
‘Oh, yes, I can. Watch me.’ He was still pulling his T-shirt over his head as he walked out of the room, his trainers in his hand. A nurse came running up the corridor. ‘Mr Bascombe, what are you doing out of bed? Mr Bascombe…’
‘Discharging myself.’
Cath, Julian and I looked at each other in disbelief.
‘Is he always like this?’ I asked, bewildered. It was so preposterous that I wanted to laugh. What the hell was he doing? ‘Where’s he going to go?’
Julian went to look for him, but he’d already disappeared into the maze of hospital corridors. We waited in the main entrance until one of the receptionists told us they’d seen him leave through the front doors. I was really angry by the time we got back to Willow Hall. How could he do this? It was an outrageous way to behave.
Meet Me at Willow Hall Page 20