“You thought it was me he was angry with,” I said because she clearly wouldn’t.
Her lips pressed together, and her head bobbed. “But then I saw him with you… at the reception. He still looks at you like you’re his entire world.”
I admit the fact that Holly noticed the way Liam looked at me made the way he’d just snapped at me seem a hundred years in the past.
Truth was I wanted to be Liam’s world because Liam was mine.
“He’s mad at himself,” I murmured, glancing through the giant sliding doors. “He blames himself.” Tearing my eyes away from him, I met Holly’s gaze. “I think he feels like he isn’t in control.”
Worry flared in her eyes. “You think he’s relapsed?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, a little less than honest. I wasn’t about to tell her about the pill I found because I had yet to bring it up to Liam. “But I definitely think he’s struggling.”
“I never should have kept him from you.” Holly despaired.
I started to speak, hesitated, then delved ahead. “No disrespect, but I don’t think Liam would do anything he didn’t want to do.”
“You think he wanted to stay away from you?” She seemed surprised.
She wasn’t getting it. I shook my head slightly. “This isn’t about you or me. About who Liam chooses to spend his time with. This is about Liam. Only Liam. And how he feels.”
“Ren was a big part of his life,” Holly spoke, grief abundant in her tone.
“And yours, too.”
She nodded. “I think that’s why I’m having a hard time helping Liam with his grief. Because my own is so overwhelming.”
I sat forward and stretched my hand across the table, covering hers. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
“I’m so very sorry for the way I acted after the hospital…”
I squeezed just slightly. “You don’t have to apologize. I can’t even imagine being in your position.”
“I’m ashamed.”
“Don’t be.”
She slipped her hand from beneath mine, then grasped it. “You’re good for him.”
I definitely wasn’t so sure of that, but I didn’t bother saying it out loud. “Maybe we could push the will reading? Just a few days? Give him some time…”
Holly shook her head, adamant. “Liam needs to go. Not because of the money, either. Because of something else.”
My eyes asked her what.
She shook her head. “For Liam.”
I nodded, cautious. “I’ll talk to him.”
Her fingers gave mine a squeeze. “Thank you. I want you to come, too. Liam will want you there.”
Her words turned my caution into concern. “Look, Holly…” I started. “If this is going to be something to upset him, I can’t—”
“It won’t.”
Debating, I turned and stared through the door at Liam. The wind was blowing, mussing up his already messy hair. He had no coat on, and snow was blowing around.
Looking at him made my heart ache.
“I think I’m just going to head over to the resort,” Holly said, getting up from the table. “Check in on the suits, as Liam calls them.”
“I thought you said everything was fine there.” I worried.
“It is. But it won’t hurt to make sure. I can report back to Liam in the morning, maybe put his mind at ease. If only a little.”
“Are you sure you’re up for that?”
Holly smiled sadly. “I think so. Ren and I spent a lot of time at the offices. I have so many wonderful memories with him there, almost as many as we have here. Being there will help me feel close to him.”
“If it’s too much, call. We’ll come.”
Her smile was soft. “Take the alone time with my son. I think he needs it more than me right now.”
A few moments later, she headed down toward the garage. The house was eerily silent when she was gone.
The sky was nearly dark, the first stars already out, ready to shine.
Before following Liam out onto the deck, I grabbed a large furry blanket and tucked it into my arms. He didn’t turn when I came outside behind him. The only part of him that moved was his hands, which went a little deeper into his jeans.
I tossed the blanket around his shoulders, tugging it so it fell down his back, then moved around to tuck it closer to his chest and beneath his chin. Strands of his hair blew wildly about, as if not even the wind could contain them. The tip of his nose was pink and so were the peaks of cheekbones.
Silver eyes moved from the view down to me, staring at me in a way that left me naked and vulnerable. In the moment, he himself seemed bare, blatantly seeking out answers in my stare, silently asking me why I was still here.
The blanket slid off his shoulder, and I quickly reached to pull it back. My heart physically hurt as he stared at me. My arms felt heavy, my fingers stiff. Winter caressed the ends of my hair and the tops of my ears.
Still staring, still unspeaking, Liam stepped back from the railing, giving just enough space for me to fit against the wood. I slipped between, using the new position to fully pull the blanket around him and pinch it closed at his chest.
My limbs started to quiver, but it wasn’t the frigid temperatures. It was the intense, heavy emotion emanating from Liam. He was simmering over with it. I wasn’t quite sure how to reach him, how to prick the armor he wore so even just the tiniest amount could leak out.
His eyes stroked over me, hungry, but his arms remained in his pockets. “I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“You can yell at me some more if it helps.” I offered.
His eyes lifted, going back to the sweeping view. “A kingdom with no king,” he spoke, almost to the wind.
I turned around to look out over the same view, and as I did, I wondered just how differently it looked through his eyes.
We both knew the throne was his. The keys to the castle already had his name engraved on them. I didn’t say it, though, because I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.
“A kingdom shouldn’t be inherited. A kingdom should be earned,” he said behind me.
My cold fingers wrapped around the railing. Snowcapped mountains rose in the distance, blanketed by night.
“You don’t think you’ve earned your place here? Because I think everyone else would disagree.”
“Earned?” He scoffed. “I’m damaged goods. I lost my career because my body gave out. I lost my mind because I swallowed too many pills. My father is gone because I let Crone win.”
My breath caught at the harshness of his words. Not the way he said them. No, he spoke matter-of-fact, as if he were telling me the weather. The harshness was in the way Liam meant them.
“And now what? Now I’m supposed to claim this place out of default? Because my father had the misfortune of only having me for a son? What happens when I ruin this, too?”
A sound of distress broke from me, and I spun. Threading my hand in the hair at the back of his neck, I forced his head down. “Don’t say that! Your father was so proud of you. He loved you.”
Liam lifted his eyes, staring over my head.
Grabbing his face, I forced him down again. “You are nothing by default, Liam Mattison. You are the very definition of a king.”
The side of his lip curled up so fast I nearly missed it. Then his face went blank again. “What happens when I lose you, too?”
My breath caught. “What?” I croaked.
A million and one scenarios went through my head. At this point, it was a conditioned response. I turned, looking over my shoulder at the yard and the surrounding areas. Paranoia crashed over me like a heavy drape. “I thought he said I was free,” I whispered. “I thought this was over.”
Liam touched me then. Like a boat at anchor, I stopped floating away and merely bobbed in place. One hand, that’s all. One hand curled around my hip. “You are free,” he said, earnest. “Even if you weren’t, that mother fucker wou
ld have to come through me to get to you.”
That was a worse thought than Crone still coming at me.
“Then…?”
“I meant… what happens when I screw up and lose you?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
His hand dropped away from my hip. “Look how much I hurt you in the past four days.”
“You have a right to mourn your father.”
“Everything just feels so out of control,” he murmured. I wondered if he realized he spoke out loud.
“Liam?” I asked, feeling as if I were dipping my toe into the most frigid water on a summer’s day.
He didn’t seem to hear me. He was lost to his thoughts.
“Liam,” I said louder.
His eyes shot to mine.
I swallowed, taking a breath. Then I asked, “Are you using again?”
Liam
I watched Bellamy reach into the front pocket of her jeans and withdraw something. Still partially paralyzed by her question, I stared as she opened up her small fist to reveal a pill.
A pill that matched all the others in my pocket.
“Where did you get that?” I asked, my fingers spasming over the ones against my leg.
“You left it in the bed,” Bellamy answered, lifting her eyes to me. “That night you came to Alex’s and said nothing at all…”
Shame burned through me. “Bells,” I whispered.
“Wait!” she said, throwing up her hand. “I need to say something first, before you say anything at all.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I don’t care.” She gasped, her blue eyes widened. “That came out wrong. I do care, so much. That’s why I can’t keep carrying this pill around in my pocket without saying anything. What I meant was if you are using again, if you are taking pills, it’s okay. I’m with you. I’m with you no matter what. Your struggles are my struggles; your pain is mine. I know I’m not an addict like you, and I can’t understand completely.” Bellamy dragged in a ragged breath and plowed on, barely pausing.
My heart constricted. Then it rolled over.
I stood outside in the freezing wind, feeling numb as fuck and ripe with pain. But watching her in all her bumbling, animated glory, with the sincerest expression and near desperation in her eyes to make me understand just how much she loved me…
I felt the rays of a sun that wasn’t even awake.
In that beat of a heart, I was the luckiest bastard on the planet, no matter how much I’d lost. Because I had her.
“I’ll make sure you get help. That you have all the resources you need. I love you anyway. No matter what.” She drew in another breath, looking up at me with shining eyes.
Waiting for me to answer. To admit or explain.
I had nothing.
No words. Just feelings. Just beats of a heart that lived inside my chest but belonged to her. All the fighting I’d been doing to keep my hands at bay, all the control I inflicted upon myself snapped so violently my insides stung.
The blanket she’d so lovingly draped over my shoulders flew back and drifted to the ground. My arms slipped around her and pulled her tight against my front. Curling my body in, I molded around her small frame, touching as much of her as possible, cocooning her body with mine.
A rough, keening sound ripped from my throat and floated away with the gusty wind as my lips latched onto hers. The second we touched, the spark ignited, a full blaze sweeping through me, making it hard to rationalize what I was doing.
I kissed her as if my life depended on it. Like I was drowning and she was air. Slanting my mouth over hers again and again… and again. My teeth knocked against hers, but I adjusted and just kept kissing.
Her body began to slide down mine, and I made a sound, lifting her off her feet. Bellamy climbed up my body, hooking her ankles at my back. I sucked her lower lip into my mouth, milking it and massaging it, then did the same to her upper lip.
My entire body vibrated with intense want. Need hammered so forcefully inside me it felt as though my veins might rupture, and then all that would be left of me was a sea of red.
Bells ripped her mouth away and sucked in air. I kissed across her jaw and down her neck. Her nails sank into the back of my neck while my hands dragged down to cup her ass.
Turning from the railing, I walked to the doors, pinning her body against the glass and pushing a hand up the front of her shirt. The lacy bra she wore was no match for my fingers. I ripped down the lace cup and availed my palm of her silky flesh. Bellamy arched into me with a low cry, her nipple hardening instantly between my fingertips.
I went back for her mouth, sweeping my tongue inside, trying to taste every last flavor she could be. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. Gripping her hips, I pulled her body down as my pelvis surged up. Her core met with my rock-hard dick, and my mouth fell away from hers.
“Fuck,” I swore, rotating against her again.
Her small hand found the hem of my shirt, skirted beneath the fabric, and delved just below the waistband of my jeans.
Pulling back, I held her tight and opened the slider. I strode through the house, past the abandoned dinner plates, and toward the stairs. Bellamy’s lips latched onto the side of my neck and sucked while one of her hands tangled in my hair. I barely recalled carrying her down the stairs and striding through the place toward our room.
The door slammed when I kicked it behind us, rattling everything hanging on the walls. Bellamy’s mouth released my neck, and the cool air brushed against where it had been. I shivered and pushed her head back to the spot.
“You aren’t done yet,” I growled.
She sucked me back into her mouth, nipping lightly with her teeth. I groaned and pushed her body against the door, reaching between us for the buttons on her jeans.
My hand brushed against her panties. They were already damp with her desire. A hissing sound escaped my lips as my fingers rubbed over her center.
Bells’s head fell back against the door, and I lifted my head, still wanting her mouth on me.
“There’s a mark,” she rasped, her lips swollen and her eyes heavy.
“Good,” I rumbled and stroked over her center again. She cried out, but I swallowed the sound as I kissed her, shoving my tongue so deep she made a sound and drew back just slightly.
I stiffened, reality crashing into me, and I realized what the fuck I was doing. Even though I wanted to move fast, I didn’t because I was holding her and she needed my support. Slowly, I stepped back enough to slide her down to the floor.
Her legs wobbled when she put weight on them, so I held her gently at the waist.
“I can’t—”
She made a short mewing sound. “Yes, you can.”
I shook my head, trying to beat back the desperation pumping through me. “No.”
“Liam.” She reached for me, and I wrenched away.
She stumbled when I let go, falling forward. I cursed and went back, scooping her up and cradling her close.
“I don’t trust myself, Bells. Not with you. Not right now.”
“What?” she said, looking at me through desire-heavy eyes.
I stared at her lips, slick and swollen. I thought about the cream between her legs and how warm and silky it was.
“I went to the doctor. You saw for yourself. The baby is fine.”
Temptation slashed through me, and my lips were on hers again.
“No,” I said, ripping them away a moment later. “It’s not just the baby. It’s you, too.” I sat her on the bed and paced away. My dick was so hard it was throbbing and whispering wicked thoughts into my ear, making this even more difficult.
“I’m so desperate right now, Bells. So volatile. It scares me when I touch you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m so afraid I’ll get lost inside you and not be able to control myself.”
“You won’t hurt me.” Her voice shook with absolute certainty.
“No. I won’t,” I replied. “Which is exactly why you�
�re staying over there and I’m over here.”
She stood, surprise making her eyes round.
I held up my hand. “I mean it, Bellamy. I’ve lost so fucking much. I will not lose you, too. I will not do anything to jeopardize you. You’re all I have left… You’re my last link to fucking sanity.”
“You need me,” she said, a look coming into her eye.
I moaned. “Yes, I need you. I need you so much I’m willing to deny myself the thing I want most right now until I’m better in control. Until I’m positive I won’t be too rough.”
“I don’t want you to be in control.” She stepped forward.
I stepped back.
“Bells, stop,” I said, true force in my tone.
She did, hurt flashing over her features.
“Sweetheart…” I began, and anger replaced the fear in her eyes.
“Stop it,” she snapped. “Stop fighting for so much control. You don’t need it. Not here with me. Not right now.”
Bellamy lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it at her feet. My throat worked as I watched her breathing, the heavy rise and fall of her breasts. One was on full display from when I’d yanked down the cup before. The pink nipple was still erect.
“Take what you want, Liam.”
“I won’t,” I said, coming up against the door, still staring at her chest.
She unhooked the bra and let it fall. Her hands covered her breasts and rubbed. A small sound of pleasure cut through the room.
“I want you, Liam. I want to feel you.”
“Don’t do this to me, Bells. If I hurt you, I would never forgive myself.”
“You’re hurting me right now. I ache for you. I want to give you the relief I know you need.”
I swallowed.
She took a step closer and then another. I don’t know how I stayed so still, because beneath my skin was a full-on rave.
“If you won’t touch me, I’ll just touch you,” she murmured, stepping close. Her fingers undid my jeans and slid the zipper down. “Are you going to let me touch you, Liam?”
In response, I took her hand and pressed it against my dick.
She rubbed along it, then slipped all the clothes off my lower body. Her hand slipped beneath the hem of my shirt as she dropped to her knees before me.
Frostbite (BearPaw Resort Book 3) Page 12