As the morning drew to a close, Joe sat watching Lew and the boys. Lew wasn’t the same huge man he had been last time he had gone fishing with him. He had trimmed down about fifty or sixty pounds. He looked good, still overweight, but good. His smile was still there. It always would be; Joe was sure of it. Although Lew’s hair was mostly gone on top, Joe couldn’t see the difference from ten years earlier. It was still coal black and thick along the sides.
“What are you next week, Lew?” Tom asked. “Fifty?”
“Forty-nine. Don’t rush me.”
“Last time I was back Maddie told me you had two heart attacks. How’s it been lately?” asked Joe.
“Some days good. Some bad. Who knows if I’ll be around for my fiftieth birthday,” Lew said lightly, picking up his rod as its tip jerked.
“Right,” Tom remarked. “You’ll be burying all of us before you punch in your time card, old boy.”
“Look! Lew’s got another one!” Robby ran back to his great uncle, staring at the fish that wriggled fiercely on the end of the line.
“Aren’t you going to try?” Lew looked at the youngster. “You and Joe are the only ones not in the water yet.”
“He can’t sit still long enough to watch his pole,” Jackie told him.
“I’ll watch it for him.” Joe took the rod and began baiting the hook, then cast the line. Using a branch to hold the rod erect, he sat against the trunk of a tree
“Don’t you have a fishing license this year, Joe?” asked Lew.
“I haven’t bought one in about ten years. I think I paid about two bucks for it back then.”
“Twelve-fifty now,” John told him.
“Ten years?” Lew asked. “That must have been the summer Bob and Maddie decided to take a dunk down that way. Remember?”
“I remember.”
“Next time I saw you was the next year when you met up with me and Maddie at that football game. You were in some mood that night when you got to the game”
“I remember that night,” John chuckled. “He was in a bad mood before he even got to the game. It was the only time I ever saw his kids. He brought them down for Mom to watch.”
“Wife busy?” Lew asked Joe.
“You could say that.” His calm uninterested answer belied the intensity of the memory of that day; a day that started out bad and ended even worse. Hell, his whole year had been bad; longer than that, if he were honest with himself.
SEPTEMBER 1975
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September 1975
After the fishing outing when Maddie fell in the stream, it hadn’t taken long for Joe to put in for a transfer at work. Within a month, he, his wife, and their two-and-a-half-month-old baby girl were living in a city forty miles to the north. He cursed himself after the scene with Maddie. She had done it to him again, aroused him faster than any woman his own age could. He would have taken her right there near that stream if she hadn’t subtly reminded him of her age. He didn’t know what made him feel worse—the thought of making love to someone he had always thought of as a sister—or believing he was some kind of pedophile. The fact that he was married bothered him. He believed in the institution of marriage. It was his wife he didn’t believe in.
Just how he got to be married still baffled him. He thought about that day more than two years earlier when he had been at Lew’s birthday celebration, and then what had happened on the dike with Maddie. He had drunk himself into believing his plan had actually made sense. A plan to save himself from literally diving on top of the girl and relieving the intense desire she provoked within him. A plan, that if he had been cold sober, he would have rejected in an instant.
He had returned home that evening and telephoned his old steady from high school; he could start with her. He had heard she was divorced and living with her parents again.
For two weeks he had seen Lena Johnson every evening before going to work and although it wasn’t the greatest, the sex with her curbed the appetite he had for Maddie. Those two weeks left him with a body that was fed, but he quickly grew bored with Lena’s same old self-centered ego.
Two months passed. His company in the evenings varied, never dating the same girl more than twice. He wasn’t sure he ever would be with someone who could arouse him half as quickly as he had been that day on the dike. But each time he thought about it he became disgusted with himself all over again. Christ, she was only a child.
The telephone call in itself didn’t surprise him. Lena had been calling about twice a week ever since he stopped dating her, but he had always managed to find some excuse not to see her again. This time the reason stopped him in his tracks and didn’t allow another rejection. She was two months pregnant. They had to get married.
His wedding turned out to be everything he didn’t want. A tuxedo, (he would have preferred his Army uniform but it clashed with what his bride wanted) and a gown of white (what a laugh, he thought, as he had watched her stroll down the aisle toward him).
This year though, at twenty-six, Joe had two children to support; seventeen-month-old Felicia and five-month-old Oliver (the names were not of his choosing). On this particular Friday, he was home by three-thirty to find his wife gone, and two crying babies in his living room while their sitter lounged on the sofa with her nose deep in a movie magazine. His entrance was quiet until his daughter saw him and sent out a shrill cry for his attention. The sitter got to her feet immediately.
“Joe. I didn’t hear you come in. I didn’t realize it was this late.”
“Yeah,” he said dryly as he picked up his daughter, quick to note what her problem was. “So I gather.”
“I was just about to change her.”
“Don’t bother, I’m here. You can go home now. What time did Lena leave?”
“Around noon.” The sitter picked up her magazine and started for the door.
“Did she say when she’d be back?”
“Five.”
Joe watched the girl leave then changed Felicia’s drenched diaper. He had no idea why it took Lena five hours to do their shopping, especially when he’d go to the store often during the week for supplies she had forgotten. He didn’t stop to ponder on it as he put Felicia in the playpen. He was much more concerned with the bath he wanted before he could leave that night; one of the few escapes he could take advantage of.
As he lifted Oliver he noticed the baby needed a bath even more than he did, so he carried the boy in his baby seat into the bathroom then brought Felicia back to the bathroom as well. As he undressed he watched Felicia walk to the shelves in the corner and begin pulling down the clean towels and making a mountain in the middle of the floor. He’d get them after his bath, he thought. He undressed Oliver, then looked up in time to see Felicia make a mad dash for the toilet.
“Not today, kiddo. Do it sometime when your mom’s here. Let her fish it out.” He caught her just before two towels became drenched.
“Dad-dy!” she objected insistently. The child had red hair like Joe’s mother, and a temper to match the fire of their Irish descent.
“No.”
“Dad-dy!”
“I said no. Now come over here and sit down so I can take a bath with Ollie.”
He stepped into the tub. The boy squealed with delight, then wrapped his arms around Joe’s neck. In all of Joe’s life, he didn’t think there would ever be a feeling that could compare with that of his own child in his arms. But suddenly the warmt
h of the tub water wasn’t the only wetness he felt, making Joe’s eyes widen in surprise.
“Ah, Ollie! Dammit!”
Joe got out of the tub, drained the water, then refilled it. This time he successfully bathed the baby, then started on himself as he held Oliver on his lap, most of the time dodging the splashes the boy’s tiny hands were sending up around them.
“Don’t eat that.” Joe took the washcloth and put it on the side of the tub but Oliver wasted no time reaching for it again.
“Dad-dy! Leg.” Felicia approached with razor in hand.
“Jesus Christ!” A surge of sudden fright swept through Joe at the sight of the sharp object before he could reach out and snatch it from her hand. “Don’t cry, it’s all right. Why don’t you sit in Ollie’s seat until I’m done, then we’ll go out and play.”
Felicia looked at him in confusion then plopped down. “Leg.”
He looked at her a moment before her meaning sunk in. She was waiting for him to shave his legs—probably to her mind he needed it badly. He laughed with a father’s pride at her intelligence. Somehow he managed to bathe, dry himself and Ollie, and get dressed between running after Felicia when she felt the urge to play with her latest fascination, the toilet. He had both children napping when the hour approached five and the front door finally opened.
“What are you doing here?” Lena asked through wide eyes, her disheveled appearance making Joe mildly curious. She never had a hair out of place if she could help it.
“Waiting for you to get home. I wasn’t going to let the kids here by themselves.”
“Where’s the sitter?”
“Sent her home. What took so long anyway? Five hours for one bag of groceries. Must have been Goddamn crowded.”
“Are you doubting me?”
“Well, let’s just say it seems you’re pretty good at omitting the whole story when you can benefit from it.”
“What are you talking about?” Her dry tone irritated him. He knew she didn’t give a damn about anything he had to say.
“Should I bring up the fact that you failed to invite the Bakers to our wedding reception?”
“I don’t remember. Why should I remember anything about that family?” She moved to the kitchen with the bag. “And just what you find so fascinating is beyond me. They’re nothing to you. Just a bunch of bores who had too many kids with too little money. And that uncle of theirs! He’s more destitute than the Bakers and has more kids! They’re the ones holding you back, I swear. If it weren’t for that ignorant idea you have about making ends meet on wages not fit for a bum, just to be a man like Jack Baker, maybe we’d have enough money to survive around here instead of living like a bunch of pigs.”
“Pigs?! What pigs do you know that have a maid come in once a week and a babysitter at the snap of their fingers. Jesus Christ, I never once saw Mom and Jack pay a babysitter to come in. They had this crazy notion to stick around their kids.”
“Yeah. Most bitches do,” Lena muttered under her breath.
“What?” Joe was speechless.
“Sarah Baker is like any other mutt you find in the streets. She was meant to have litter after litter. But thanks to Dr. Benjamin I’ll never have to worry about that! You’re so stupid you didn’t even know I don’t have the equipment to have any more children. God—it’s no wonder you never went back to college to pursue your football career. You’re too Goddamn stupid!”
“You what?!” His voice was close to a growl.
“Had my tubes cut and tied. Big deal.”
“You rotten . . . .” He had the strong urge to strangle her and put himself, as well as their children, out of their misery.
“You lay one finger on me, Joe, and you’ll be in jail so fast your head will spin. Remember? My father had the brains to go to college. He has the friends to do it!”
He was furious, but when he looked at the table, it turned to rage. Their groceries for that week consisted of shampoo and conditioner for her delicate hair, nail polish remover, two shades of lipstick and one small box of disposable diapers.
“What the hell do you call this?!” He picked up the nail polish remover and smashed it against a cabinet. “Where’s some milk and food for Felicia, or some formula for Ollie?”
“Oliver,” she corrected.
“Good God, you conceited little bitch, you’ll never change. Just once I’d like to think you care about your kids, if not me, instead of always yourself.”
“I picked up some diapers for Oliver.”
“What about Felicia? She should have been started to be trained by now. But I doubt you can tear yourself away from the mirror long enough to teach her.”
“I don’t see you killing yourself trying to train her.” Lena picked up her purse and moved to the door again. “Well you can start now. I’ll take the night off instead of you. You can miss that football game. God knows you avoided your own career, you can miss a game with kids you don’t even know.”
Joe gently kicked at Sarah Baker’s door; a baby in each arm made knocking impossible. The long trip with two bawling children was made worthwhile when he saw the expression that covered Sarah’s face as she opened the door. It was complete bliss at the sight of the babies, and he could see how her hands twitched to take one of them from his arms.
“Help?” he asked meekly, bringing a chuckle from Sarah as she took Oliver.
“You come down for the game tonight, Joey?” She walked into the living room and put the baby in an unsuspecting Jack Baker’s arms. His expression was much the same as his wife’s.
“Well, who do we have here?” Jack picked up the baby and looked into eyes that were staring at the source of the deep voice.
“I wouldn’t swear to it, but I’d bet that’s Ollie McNier,” Sarah told him, then put her hands out to the child still in Joe’s arms, but Felicia tucked her head against Joe’s neck.
“Go on. It’s Gramma Baker,” urged Joe.
She slowly turned to look at the woman again, then, seeing the welcoming smile, reached out and went into Sarah’s arms. Joe felt his heart swell. He knew the child didn’t have any choice but to go to the woman, just as Ollie couldn’t help staring at Jack with blatant curiosity. It must have been the same when he was a child and this couple stole his heart.
“I was planning on going to the game but Lena had different plans. Could you . . . .”
“Yes. We could,” Sarah answered before he could finish. “But go call John and his wife. Tell them to come up here, you have a surprise to show them.”
“Ilene?” Joe asked flatly.
“No. Not Ilene anymore. His new wife is Beth.”
Joe waited for John and his third wife to walk the short distance from their home to the house, wanting to inspect this new wife of John’s before leaving his children in their care.
“Where is everybody, Mom?” Joe asked as he drank a coffee and watched as Jack nuzzled his son’s cheeks and neck, bringing a gurgling laugh from the boy.
“Tom’s working and Maddie’s probably in town at the football game with Lew.”
At that moment John entered the house with a small brunette with hair to her waist. Their knowledge that Joe was watching from the living room didn’t show as John quickly reached out toward the girl’s bottom and made her jump with a shriek. Laughter burst from both of them as he tried again. This time they wrestled until they were on the floor.
“They at it again?” asked Jack. Joe was the only one with a clear view.
“If you mean are they wrestling on the floor, then yeah.”
The sound of Joe’s voice turned the girl’s head toward him. She looked slightly familiar, and, after some thought, he remembered that she had been two years behind them in high school.
“John—your friend’s in there,” the girl said quietly.
“So? He has his own wife to pin to the floor,” John told her.
“John!”
“Hi,” said John with an impish grin as they entered the room.
“Hi,” Joe returned.
“So, what’s your surprise.”
“John, look.” Beth wasted no time brushing past her husband, pausing between Sarah’s and Jack’s chairs as if she couldn’t make up her mind between the blond baby boy or the red-haired little girl. “Look at that red hair!” she cooed. It seemed the decision was made, but she turned back toward Oliver. “And those blue eyes.”
John didn’t hesitate taking Oliver out of his father’s arms. The decision was made for Beth, and she picked up Felicia. Joe had the idea that, as far as John and Beth were concerned, he was no longer there; their fascination with the children was complete. He had nothing to worry about. He could go to the game now and not have a care in the world about his children.
Joe moved steadily through the wave of people that flowed inside the gates of the football stadium. Air horns sounded throughout, and the enthusiasm of the crowd almost vibrated around him. His eyes scanned the bleachers until he finally saw Lew with Maddie. He hadn’t planned on meeting Maddie that night. As a matter of fact, he didn’t want to see her. Since their last time together, he had trouble getting her out of his mind, and the situations and times she came to mind still disturbed him. He looked up at her, seeing that, at sixteen, she was changing to a determined beauty. The heart-shaped face was turning into soft-cut features that would someday turn more than just his head. Well, at least they would be with Lew. He felt easier at that thought.
As he climbed the bleachers he noticed Lew was involved in the kick-off about to take place. Maddie, on the other hand, looked agitated then turned to look at him and smiled shyly before dropping her gaze.
Throughout the first quarter and into much of the second, their attention was caught up in the game. Maddie would groan her disappointment when the home team made bad plays, and she would rise with the crowd for a better view during the good plays, either grabbing hold of Lew’s arm or Joe’s. The strength behind her absentminded pounces made Joe smile, and, when their team intercepted the ball and ran for a touchdown, he half expected her to grab the stranger in front of them and start shaking him with excitement. But instead, as the crowd roared around them, she merely smiled and sat back down.
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