by Cathryn Cade
“That said, I am responsible for my actions, not Kai. I’m sorry I hurt you, Sara. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.”
She stared at him, sucking her lower lip into her teeth and then lifting her hands to rub her aching temples. “You and Kai?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I liked girls, and then when I met Kai, I discovered I liked guys too. A lot. I fell for him, and he couldn’t handle how it grew. That was not fun to go through, but finally I realized I can still be a good man and swing both ways.”
“And be a dom,” she added. And be so very good at it. “So…are you with guys a lot?”
“No. I mean, I’m a dom, so I scene with guys and women, but most of what I do for them doesn’t include sex, per se. Not for me.”
She nodded. She knew that often submissives wanted to be spanked or receive some other form of discipline and got off on being dominated, not necessarily penetrated by the dom.
“One last thing,” he said, his voice going soft in a way that made the fine hairs on her skin stand up and her heart thump. So did the look in his brown eyes.
She lowered her hands and stared at him. He took one of her hands in his and brought it to his mouth, pressing a kiss in her palm and then closing her fingers around it.
“Didn’t see it coming, but this whole thing made me realize that I would do almost anything to keep from hurting you the way I did.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, her voice a thread.
“It means I’ve fallen in love with you.” He took a deep breath and let it out, then smiled at her. “My heart is yours if you want it, Sara.”
She felt like she’d inhaled something that was making her float right up out of the bed, full to bursting with some strange, powerful emotion. It was terrifying.
Trace leaned close, his eyes warm and tender. “Breathe, honey. You pass out, your mom is gonna be pissed at me.”
She sucked in an audible breath and let it out on a whimper. “You—you can’t just…tell me all of this, and then say that,” she said. “I don’t know how to…” How to deal with the crazy joy that was swelling her heart with a sweet ache.
He smiled crookedly. “The heart wants what it wants. I could no more help falling for you than I could being a dom or being bi. Now, since we’re not at the club or my place, I’m gonna ask, may I kiss you?”
She opened her mouth to say no but instead she found herself gazing at his beautiful mouth and wanting it desperately. “I don’t understand any of this,” she mumbled.
He leaned in, tilting his head to align their mouths. “You’re a smart, savvy woman,” he said, his breath warm on her lips. “You’ll figure it out.”
“And I have morning breath.”
He chuckled. “Red, I do not care. Now kiss me.”
With a moan of submission, she did. And then found herself gathered into his arms, her head cradled in his hand as he kissed her with utter tenderness. He tasted like toothpaste and coffee and Trace, all of it wonderful.
She didn’t even want to know what she tasted like.
“Sunshine,” he whispered in her ear, cradling her close to him. “You always taste like sunshine and sex, Red. Unbeatable combination.”
“Stop reading my mind,” she ordered shakily. She lay in his arms, her face against his throat, and smoothed her hands over his amazing biceps and breathed in his scent. She’d move in a moment, but for now she couldn’t make herself break away.
“I would never begin to fathom the surprises you have in your mind, Red,” he said. “You always surprise me and delight me.”
Then his voice turned serious, his face against her hair. “I didn’t tell you this to put pressure on you, honey. Whatever you decide, about me, about the club…I’ll deal. You have to live your life your way, do what’s right for you.”
Okay.
Except she wasn’t okay. She didn’t know what she was. She felt bruised and battered, as if a whirlwind had knocked her off a balance beam in the middle of a high flip. She needed time to get her feet under her, get her balance back. At the same time, she felt treasured, euphoric. He loves me. And she believed him. Trace wasn’t a liar. He had fucked up royally and hurt her deeply, maybe past what she could recover from, but he hadn’t done it on purpose.
So although part of her, the biggest part of her, screamed that she loved him too, that was why she was so broken, she bit it back, held her silence by a thread.
Then she remembered the catalyst, the reason why she was holding back.
“What about Kai?”
Trace set her away from him, peering into her face. “What about him?”
“Well…clearly he means something to you, too. I mean, you let him—”
His look changed to wry. “Let him suck me off? Yeah, honey. I care about him too.”
She watched him carefully. “So…where does that leave us?”
He took her hand in his again. “Maybe it would help if you tell me first, how you feel about him. You two know each other.”
“He’s been living next door to me,” she said. “And I…I like him.” Her cheeks heated, remembering just how much.
“What else?” he asked, in his dom voice.
She looked up at him. “Well, we were drinking mai tais, and we kind of made out. On a blanket on the grass.”
Trace’s brows flew up. He regarded her for a long moment, until she squirmed against the pillows.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said defiantly. “I liked it a lot. And maybe it would’ve turned into something more, if the neighbors hadn’t been outside, that is.”
So there, Trace Bowen. She watched him, her heart pounding at the emotional risk she took with this piece of honesty, but she didn’t wish it unsaid either. She wouldn’t have actually had sex with Kai, or at least she didn’t think so, but she had wanted more than kisses.
Trace blinked. “Damn,” he muttered. “Now I feel jealous.”
“Good.”
The word was whispered, but he heard it, of course. His mouth tipped up at one corner, and he squeezed her hand. “You have a mean streak, Red.”
“I guess so.”
“Well,” he advised, leaning close. “Get it out now, ’cause if it comes out at the club, you know what’ll happen.”
Before she had time to retort that she wasn’t sure she’d be coming back there, he kissed her. A long, tender kiss that she sank into with bittersweet longing. Would there be more of these, or was this good-bye? Right now, she honestly didn’t know.
He drew back and framed her face with his hands. “All right. I’ll take off. I’ll text you. And I’ll be thinking of you…a lot.”
She could no more help the smile that blossomed at this than she could help breathing. And she loved how his eyes brightened in response.
He kissed her once more, then again. Then he rose and walked over to yank the door open, giving her a last look before disappearing around the corner. Sara heard the murmur of voices as he spoke to Sadie and she replied, then he was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
“Sara,” called Carlie and Daisy, their voices joining in a welcoming chorus. Sara looked across the main club room and smiled, albeit nervously. Then she crossed the room to her best friends, both of whom hugged her in turn, and then drew back to admire her ensemble.
“That is so cute,” Carlie crooned. “A strapless, black leather minidress. That’s like the epitome of classy club wear, and on your tiny bod!” She made a face of fake jealously.
“Thanks,” Sara said. “You look gorgeous, both of you.”
They did. Carlie wore her red satin bustier with a pair of black skinny-legged knit pants and black stilettos. She looked down at herself and grinned. “Jake says I have to have the top or the bottom covered—he can’t take both hanging out in front of other doms.”
And Daisy wore a black lace body stocking, with a black bra and thong underneath. She posed with a wink. “Modest, ain’t I?”
/> “Only in your mama’s dreams,” Sara said. “But it would be a shame to waste that killer body, so…”
She shifted her toes in her new black platform sandals and smoothed a hand over her middle, hoping to quell the butterflies inside. She wouldn’t look around for Trace; she’d let him come to her. She needed the upper hand at least for a little while. Because she’d agreed to meet him here, agreed to talk about what to do next.
And she was wearing the ensemble that had appeared on her doorstep, borne by the local UPS deliverer. A large plain brown cardboard box, with a return address that had Trace’s name on it. Inside had been a white shopping bag with the metallic lips of Kiss Me, Kink Me, and this dress, a pair of black silk stockings and a green thong with black lace trim. At the bottom of the bag had been a Nordstrom’s shoebox and the black platform sandals. Trace’s shopping contact had obviously kept a record of her size. How he’d gotten the right size in the dress, she had no clue, until Daisy spoke.
“So, you like the dress?” Daisy asked, looking anxious. “’Cause we kinda helped choose it.”
“Although I’m glad I didn’t have to pay for it,” Carlie added. “Trace dropped a bundle and didn’t blink.”
She eyed Sara closely. “I’m glad you’re here, sweetie, but are you…okay?”
Daisy moved closer on her other side. “If not, we can just hang out…until the guys get here, at least.”
Sara took a deep breath, her breasts swelling over the top of the dress. Good thing she wasn’t any larger, or they’d pop right out. “I came to see Trace. He said we’d just talk and that I can decide if it goes any further than that.”
“What are you gonna do?” Daisy breathed. “Do you think you can get past, you know, what happened?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Sara admitted. She didn’t tell them that Trace had said he loved her. That was too new, too precious to share. Not to mention complicated by his feelings for Kai. This knowledge burned like acid, licking at the edges of the powerful bond between them.
Well, welcome to her pain, because she was conflicted too. Part of her wanted to rampage through this place and find him; part of her wanted to turn and run as fast as she could from the club and what it meant that she’d come here, dressed in clothing he’d chosen.
“Does this feel like déjà vu?” Carlie asked.
Sara shook her head, her hair swishing on her bare shoulders. “No. I thought so, at first, but it’s very different than what happened with Jason. That hurt. This hurts, but… I don’t know, it’s confusing as heck, too.” Because of her own feelings for Kai, something she didn’t want to admit even to herself. Maybe she and Trace were both sluts.
Carlie nodded, her full mouth curving in a smile of reminiscence. “Oh yeah. I know. I mean, not what you’re going through, but falling for a dom is confusing.”
Daisy looked from one to the other of them. “Sara, are you in love with him?” she asked quietly, so none of the other club members circulating around them could hear.
Sara returned her look, and Daisy’s face softened. “Oh, sweetie. You are.”
“Hey, ladies,” said a deep voice behind them.
Daisy’s face lit up, and Sara turned as Dack sauntered up to them, wearing his usual jeans and leather vest. He gave Daisy a look so filled with heat that Sara felt an echo, and held out his arm. She went to him, bending her head back for his kiss. He kissed her and murmured something to her that only she could hear. She shook her head, and he grinned.
“All right, it can wait.” He smiled at Carlie and turned a penetrating look on Sara. “How you doin’, girl?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“I’m okay,” she said. “Thanks, Dack.” He had such a big heart. Perfect for Daisy and a good friend for Trace.
“All right. I’m gonna steal my Petal, then. See you girls later, huh?”
He led Daisy off into the crowd.
“Let’s get a drink,” Carlie offered. “How about a margarita?”
Sara nodded, and they stepped up to the bar. Mase stood behind the bar, while another bartender manned the far end. Mase grinned at them, his square face creasing around his ’tache and short beard.
“Hello, Gorgeous and Beautiful. Now I pull a mean draft on the beer engine, but I’ll bet you two are gonna ask me to make you some foo-foo girlie drink in the blender, aren’t you?”
“Hi, Mase,” Carlie said. “Yes, please.” She batted her long lashes at him.
He shook his head at her and looked at Sara. Her cheeks burned under his amused regard, and when he lifted one brow, she knew he was recalling their last encounter and enjoying the memory. “Well, sub?” he said.
“Hi, Mase. A margarita for me too, please.” Sara held his gaze, even though she wanted to hide behind the bar.
He nodded approvingly. “All right. Two subbie drinks, coming right up.”
Then he pointed his finger at the bar in front of them. “And you two get your asses up on stools and sit until your doms get here. You look too bodacious to be on the floor unprotected.”
“Yes, Mase.” They both climbed up on stools, and Carlie widened her eyes at Sara but said nothing. Sara got why—the normally laid-back dom was in a feisty mood this evening, and she didn’t want to be the sub he made an example of. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt or humiliate either of them, but he might enjoy embarrassing the heck out of them. He did like public displays.
But Mase set two margaritas before them, nodded at their chorus of thanks, and walked away to pour more drinks.
Carlie sipped her drink and sighed. “Mmm, that’s good. Maybe if I drink enough of these, I won’t feel this darn corset digging into my ribs.”
Sara nodded in sympathy. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m jealous as heck of your boobs in that thing.” Carlie’s pale bosom was lifted and plumped in a seductive display, and her waist looked small in contrast.
“Thanks, girlfriend. You look pretty hot yourself. Is that leather comfortable?”
“It’s not bad,” Sara said. “Probably because there’s so little of it. Good thing I’m used to wearing brief workout clothing.” She wasn’t used to a thong riding up her ass. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, just kept her aware of the flesh it rubbed against.
Carlie gave her a wry look. “Workout gear may be brief, but it’s just not the same. We are dressed to seduce, to please our doms.”
“And you do,” said Jake, appearing behind her. He winked solemnly at Sara and set his hands on Carlie’s waist, moving in close behind her. “You been behavin’ yourself, sub?”
“Yes, because Mase made us sit here and do so,” Carlie complained, but then she smiled over her shoulder at him, her face glowing. “Hi.”
He leaned close and brushed a teasing kiss over her cheek. “Think you mean ‘Good evening, Master’. Didn’t you, sub?”
“Yes, Master,” she said immediately. “Good evening, Master. How may your sub serve you this evening?” She batted her long lashes at him.
Sara giggled, but she did it behind her hand, because Jake was giving Carlie a look that said she was the only woman in the place for him, but he was also going to exact retribution of some kind.
A frisson of awareness tingled down her spine, and she looked around. Trace stood a few feet away, watching her. When their eyes met, a slow smile lit his eyes and he walked toward her. Uh-oh, she was in so much trouble.
He wore a pair of beautifully cut black leathers and an open black silk shirt, his chest and cut abs visible. He’d had his hair trimmed, and the stylist had used a little product to lift it in front over his forehead. He looked like a very bad, bad playboy from a movie.
“Hi, honey.” He reached her and cocked his head to look her over, his gaze like a warm caress on the skin bared by the tiny dress, and the swell and dip of her body underneath the thin black leather. “You look incredible.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. Oh, it was so not fair. All he had to do was get this close and she melted into his
arms, knowing his chest would be there for her to lean on and that his arm would come around her waist.
He gave her a squeeze and looked up, his warm smile landing on her friend. “Carlie, you’re looking bodacious this evening.”
Carlie smiled back at him and Sara. “Thank you, Trace.”
“She does look good,” Jake put in. “And as soon as she finishes that drink, I’m gonna show her how much I appreciate that.”
Carlie picked up her margarita and took another drink. “Yes, Master.”
“Now that sounds nice,” Trace put in. “You should have her call you that all the time from now on, Jake.”
The big dom eyed his sub with a dangerous gleam in his gray eyes. “You know, I think I will. Except when she’s saluting me and calling me Sergeant. Might get her a leash too, she keeps smarting off.”
Carlie set her drink down and looked up at him, her blue eyes wide.
“You ready?” Jake asked.
“Yes, Master—um, Sergeant.”
Sara watched the two of them walk away, Jake’s hand on the back of Carlie’s neck under her hair. “He’s not going to hurt her, is he?” she asked nervously.
Trace’s arm tightened around her waist. “Red, Jake would rather cut off his own arm than hurt her. Never thought I’d see him so gone on a woman. It’s nice.”
“Okay.”
He bent his head to look into her eyes. “Sorry?”
Sara gulped. “Yes, Trace.”
“That’s better,” he approved. “Am I your dom, Sara?”
She rubbed her hands on her thighs below the short hem of her dress. “Yes, but…I thought we were just going to talk.”
He gave her a look that sank deep inside her, spreading heat and longing with it. A longing to submit to him, let him sweep her along into whatever he demanded, let him hold her safe.
“We’re gonna talk,” he agreed. “But did you really wear this just to talk?”
She moved nervously, and the dress cupped her breasts like two hands; the thong abraded her labia and the crevice of her ass. “No,” she whispered. And let the iron bands of hurt and doubt that bound her heart give way. “No, Trace. I came to be with you.”