Burn to Ashes

by Brynn O'Connor

  “You know the owner?” I ask.

  “I know they won’t be coming back.” He replies. “It’s totally furnished and has been on the market for six months. The owners are overseas and the realtor has had zero interest in it as they owners are asking way too much for it. We can stay here safely for months if needed. Just don’t spread your stuff around and we should stay out of here during the day.”

  “Then why are we here now?” I ask.

  “We’re safe. Just to be on the super safe side we should try to be here after dark and out by 8 in the morning. That way there’s no chance of a realtor showing up with a buyer. I told the realtor I was interested and to please let me know if she is showing it to anyone else. I want to know if I have any competition that I should be concerned about and I’ll probably be making an offer next month.”

  “Wow Adam. I’m kinda impressed.”

  “Well wait till you see inside.”

  He picks the lock on a door in the rear of the property. The place is immaculate, spacious, un-freaking amazing! And we get to stay here. No more flea bag motels. Then something occurs to me.

  “Why didn’t we do this before?” I ask. “How come we had to live in those shitholes before?”

  “Because I didn’t know about these.” He replies. “One of my brothers has a friend who’s an agent and he told me about staying in vacant houses like this. Of course I would have done this before if I’d known how easy this is.”

  “Sorry…”

  I take a long look at Adam wondering if the old feelings are going to resurface. Have I completely buried them I wonder? I watch as Adam settles into a recliner. His hair has grown out some. It’s wavy as usual and easily falls down around his broad shoulders. Occasionally he’ll shake his head or using his left hand, run his fingers through his hair effectively clearing it from his piercing black-brown eyes. His chin sports several days’ growth and it makes him look even more desirable. He’s clean; but not clean cut. I allow my eyes to travel down and linger on his chest. The way it expands with each intake of air is just enough to get my motor purring. How is it that a simple act of breathing can be such a turn on; weird? He’s wearing a white wife beater that seems to be designed to amplify his muscles in a way no other shirt can. The stark white of material stretched across his chest and abs looks absolutely ravishing against his tanned skin.

  He’s wearing those low rise, relaxed boot cut Levi’s that make him look so damn hot. I love just the sight of him standing in these jeans, their cuffs gathered at his bare feet or bunched up around the tops of his boots. Right now, sitting there with his boots kicked off and on the floor…looking that good should be criminal. No man has the right to make normal men look this bad. But I’m glad he does; yay me. People say that men are visual oriented and women respond on a more emotional level. Screw that! There’s a saying, I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and I’ll choose rich every time. I’ve been with average looking smart guys and smart looking average guys and I’ll take looks over brains every time; well most of the time I guess.

  I lie down on the couch across from him and consider my choices of late. When I was choosing Dr. Mike six months ago I could hardly believe I would choose the outlaw life over a normal luxurious life with a respected doctor. I mean, choosing Mike seems to be a no brainer but if that’s the case, what the hell am I doing here with Adam again? The longer I’m here in his presence the stronger his hold on me seems to be. My feeling for him that I thought were safely tamped down are beginning to seep out. If I’m not careful that slow seepage is going to become a fine spray on the way to a full on geyser. I can handle seeping, and maybe I can handle a fine spray, but once my feelings hit geyser strength I have lost control completely.

  I passed seep and shot straight to spray the second I saw his chest rise and falling with each breath. Suddenly I’m tingling. I’m light headed, and I’ve got goose bumps on my goose bumps. I squeeze my eyes shut in an effort to cap off the inevitable geyser but I know it’s not going to work. I am just too into him and my body betrays me at every turn. The fact that this man in front of me is a killer does not give me pause. I think it should, but it doesn’t.

  “What’s going on Kari?”

  Busted! “Nothing…why?”

  “You look like my cat does when he’s looking at a mouse just before he pounces. Are you about to pounce on me?”

  “Well…not just like your cat. I promise, I won’t draw blood.”

  And it starts; our dance, our courtship ritual that has to be played to its conclusion every time because we both know how wrong this is. So we tiptoe in, testing the waters hoping not to get burned. We can’t just accept our feelings and run with it; well at least I can’t.

  “I’ll take my chances Adam replies.

  “I’m sure you will.”

  I keep thinking he’s going to bring up this minor issue of me disappearing and sleeping with the enemy, but so far that elephant has stayed out of the room.

  “What’s life without a little spice…a little danger?” Adam says. “You take that out of the equation and you’re just left with boredom.”

  “I think I could do with some boredom every now and the,

  “Yes, you would think that, wouldn’t you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I reply.

  “I saw that look!” He says.

  “What look?”

  “Your ravenous carnivore look!”

  “Oh… that look.”

  “So what happened to you?” Adam asks.

  “You mean why’d I take up with that doctor again?”

  “Yeah…”

  I guess he does deserve some kind of explanation. Here goes…

  “Remember that night at the club when my ex stumbled across me and Dr. Mike?”

  “Yeah,” Adam replies. “He was kicking the good doctor’s ass! How could I forget?”

  “That’s when it all changed. Not when we met in the ER, but that night when I didn’t go home with the doctor. I fully planned to. I had decided to find out what it would be like to be with someone other than motorcycle riding bad boys. I guess I just wanted a normal life. But for some fucked up reason I chose you over Doctor Mike and the normalcy and security he represented. You have to understand what a momentous decision that was for me.”

  “Make me understand.” Adam replies.

  “I’m not sure I can, but I’ll try. Before we met in the ER that day, I had decided to pursue my education and go to medical school. I’m tired of being the trauma nurse. I’m tired of answering to doctors. I want people to answer to me. I decided to go back to school and become an ER doctor. A long time ago I took the Hippocratic Oath unofficially and to myself. I decided to make that oath official and become a healer; a physician.”

  “And you think I kept that from happening…” Adam concludes.

  “For the longest time I blamed you, but really it’s all on me. I made my choices and those decisions put the dream of medical school a million miles away from me. Because of that decision to not pursue Dr. Mike my sister gets kidnapped and I end up shooting a gun for the first time and at another human being; Hippocratic Oath be damned! Instead of honing my medical skills I take a year leave of absence and of my senses and wind up on a ranch learning how to kill people. I turn my back on my sister and commit to you to go after not just the men who kidnapped my sister, but just about everyone else who wears the new Sons of Ash cut.”

  I pause and study Adam for a minute. Is any of this sinking in, I wonder to myself? He seems to be genuinely interested in what I’m saying. He is also wearing a mask of concern. I have to wonder as well, is that his real face or just that; a mask?

  “I’m no longer a respected trauma nurse at St. Josephs. I’m enrolled in medical school Adam; medical school. So why the fuck and I squatting in some abandoned house with you instead of preparing for my first day back to school? Instead I’m hiding from Marco and Ripper and the rest of the Sons of Ash and from the poli
ce. I shot my sister and nearly killed her Adam! Is any of this registering with you?”

  I’m just about screaming now. All these feeling that I have been shoving deep down inside me and exploding to the surface like a volcano. I know that it’s not all Adam’s fault but I’m fucking pissed and he’s the one sitting across from me so…

  “I am so sorry Kari.” Adam replies.

  “My sister hates me and I’m pretty sure she ratted me out. I broke into someone’s motel room and started shooting in the dark. Isn’t that assault with a deadly weapon or attempted murder?”

  I am getting hysterical! My emotions are raging out of control and it feels like there’s no turning back. I have gone beyond the point of no return physically and emotionally. This must be what it’s like to have a nervous breakdown. Adam is three feet from me but I feel alone. I feel something wet dripping on my hands in my lap. I didn’t even realize I am crying.

  “When I got that call about Marco I should not have gone to his motel room. I should have just called the police and left an anonymous tip. Instead I tell myself I have to make sure he’s there, make sure there’s drugs, make sure…whatever. I didn’t need to go there but for some fucked up reason I did. I didn’t need to take my gun. I was just going to see him there and call the police. Bad decisions. I keep making them one after another and I can’t seem to stop.”

  “What are you going to do now?” Adam asks me.

  “I’m going to keep making those bad decisions until Marco and Ripper and every other guy on that list is gone or in jail.”

  “Then you’ll go back to the doctor?”

  “No…even if I hadn’t burned that bridge I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because on some visceral level I need men like you Adam.”

  “Men like me…or me?”

  As much as I don’t want to admit it right now…I do mean him, not just men like him. He is different. He’s not your typical biker. He’s intelligent, educated, empathetic, and has goals and dreams that extend beyond running an outlaw biker club. He really is that unique puzzle piece that only fits in me.

  “You,” I finally admit. “Not like you… but you Adam.”

  “Look, you don’t have to carry through with this vendetta against Ripper and his brothers. I can do that. You can stay here and I-”

  “No! I started this and I’ll finish this with you. If I stopped right now I’ll still be in trouble so there’s no point to just sitting here doing nothing. I can’t get into any worse trouble and I’ll feel much better if I do my part.”

  Adam gets up from his chair and takes a seat on the couch near me but not right next to me. I appreciate his sensitivity to my needs right now. That’s not something your average biker would do. Outlaw bikers take what they want when they want. They aren’t big on asking permission.

  Adam’s close proximity to me is beginning to have an effect. His unique blend of leather combined with metal (from his Harley) and his…his, how do I put it, maleness… for me is a heady combination and is sometimes overpowering. Okay, who am I kidding, it’s always overpowering and that’s why I’m in the situation I’m in right now.

  Adam shifts his weight and moves a little closer. His knee is three inches from mine and the air between us feels charged. I look down and am almost surprised I can’t see an arc of electricity between our knees. The hair on my arms is standing up and I can feel the same on the back of my neck. I can’t for the life of me figure out why Adam has such an effect on my body. It’s like in the movies when someone sticks their finger in a socket and there’s a pop and the hair on their head is standing straight up in the air. If there was a mirror here I’m pretty sure that’s what I would see. I resist the urge to reach up and feel my hair; to flatten it back down, so to speak.

  I feel like I have to make up my mind about him and do it soon before things get heated up again or else I’m going to end up more confused than I already am. Logically speaking, Dr. Mike is the perfect fit for my life.

  Then Adam’s knee brushes up against mine; logic be damned…all bets are off…and so on and so forth.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Getting comfortable,” he replies.

  “Well get uncomfortable then.”

  “Why would I want to do that?” He asks.

  “It’ll save you a black eye for starters.”

  “Really?”

  “Blue balls.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Veritably.”

  “I’ll consider your proposal.”

  “It’s a fair and equitable solution to the problem.”

  “What problem.” He asks.

  “I don’t know. Just come here.”

  The second our lips begin to tango I realize what was missing between me and Dr. Mike; everything. Well, most everything that counts. It really does feel like are made for each other. We started with finishing each other’s sentences and quickly moved to finishing each other.

  What starts as light kisses quickly becomes a petting zoo and before long we graduate from finishing each other’s sentences to finishing each other.

  “Oh my god Adam you’re so-”

  “Freaking hot, I know.” He finishes. “And you’re like this… this-”

  “All you can eat buffet right?” I finish for him.

  “No…I was thinking more like a roadside filling station. You know, when you’re driving through the desert, dodging assaults from tumbleweeds and your cars on fumes. You stop at the tank and roll down the window. The heat is intense. Suddenly you feel like you’re sitting in an oven. Your mouth tastes like you’ve been gargling with sand and you have this fine layer of dust covering your sweaty body. It’s like when you take your finger and run it across your skin and you leave a clean trail behind where your finger was. Then you examine your finger and its dark muddy black from the buildup on your body. You go inside and put seventy-five cents in the soda machine but no matter what you do nothing comes out. You’re just about to start kicking it when some kid walks up to you and hands you a glistening, icy cold bottle of orange crush.

  “Here Mister.” He says.

  And even though it’s his last one you take it anyway. That first drink that chases away the desert in your throat is worth every dusty mile of road you left behind. That’s what I meant.” Adam says.

  “Wow,” I reply, after a healthy pause. What was that?”

  “Hell if I know babe, now just kiss me already!”

  What was tender love making before becomes a contest where each of us is bent upon taking what we need from the other. Adam craves control and treats me like a true Old Lady. He grabs me by my hips and instead of pulling me to him he flips me over on my belly. It’s not a gentle thing he does either. He treats me like uncooked dough. He sinks his fingers into my flesh pinching, pulling, and kneading, until my body is bruised and sore. I don’t let him do all the taking tonight. I dig my elbows hard into his ribs eliciting a painful gasp. Taking advantage of his moment of surprise and pain I manage to disengage and flip over on my back. He starts to protest so I dig my nails in and rake them across his back unmercifully. He curses me under his breath, so I grab his hips and yank him into me forcing his manhood deep inside almost painfully so. I buck and rock violently beneath Adam taking, giving, and screaming in an all-out hedonistic pleasure.

  Finally exhaustion trumps desire and we collapse on the floor completely, happily… spent! Abruptly it dawns on me. That is why I’m with Adam right now and not Dr. Mike. Sex with the good doctor was satisfying; only just so. Adam fucked! Adam made love! He seemed to know when I needed the former and when I needed the latter. We fulfilled each other’s needs on a deep, charnel, and animalistic level. We’re like the Animal Planet channel when they show two lions getting it on. It’s violent and satisfying; at least it appears that way.

  Chapter 8

  We go to Plan B

  As we lie in the middle of a stretch of carpet that probably is worth more than
the entire wood flooring of my house I keep thinking about what’s next. I remember the plan we hatched before I decided to bail and take up with the respectable life (Life with Dr. Mike), but I have no idea what Adam is planning for his next move(s). And whatever he intends, I have to know now, before I get any more emotionally invested here. Oh who am I kidding; I’m in way deep. There’s no backing out for me. I knew that the moment I allowed him to sit down on the couch next to me and I didn’t object or move away. I don’t know if all women are wired this way, but the second I caught his scent on that damn couch I was helpless to back out.

  Lying in his arms right now like I am, he could tell me his grand plan is to blow up the whole of Cave Junction and I’d happily follow along. The only way I can resist Adam is to get some physical distance between us and I don’t see that happening now.

  “So what’s the plan?” I finally ask after much cogitation.

  “We’re going to torch the whole of Cave Junction!” He announces to my complete amazement. “It’s the only way to get rid of the cockroach problem.”

  After I recover my initial astonishment I reply. “But seriously, what are we going to do?”

  “We?” He asks. “Are you sure about that Kari?”

  “Have your feelings for me changed?” I ask after a pause.

  “Changed? What’s that got to do with the plan?”

  “Everything and nothing. Just tell me Adam. How do you feel about me now? I think that’s a fair question considering my less than honorable behavior as of late.”

  “Well…what I want to do and what I may have to do are on a collision course. If you get too close you’re liable to get burned.”

  “First tell me what you want to do, and then you can tell me what you’re afraid you’ll have to do.”