His wife? Maybe she got fed up with his drug use and generally repellant behavior. She was in her early forties and would live a long, wealthy life as a widow. And she had discovered him at home in bed—maybe to rid herself of suspicion. She could have easily slipped poison into his food, or even dosed him as he slept.
His dealer? It didn’t make much sense. Why kill the hand that proverbially fed you? Unless the mayor had done something stupid, like not pay for his dope, which seemed unlikely. White wouldn’t have wanted to risk the chance of exposure. But blackmail was a definite possibility.
Someone with a personal vendetta? Another long list. The mayor favored the rich suburbs of West Stonebridge over the poorer downtown. Over the years his policies had infuriated a lot of people—Sam included. The mayor’s incredibly ironic “Streets Clean” program was designed to nab small-time dealers. It had received its share of positive attention, but the church bombing had turned the public tide against him once again. Maybe a family member of one of the victims who’d been killed in that bombing? Sam made a mental note to do some research the following day, since he was already yawning. He snapped his laptop shut—frightening Shadow off his lap—and made his way to the bedroom, where Nathan had fallen asleep with the lights on.
His chest clenched painfully as he noticed the phone near Nathan’s lax hand, the book at his side.
Trying to be quiet, Sam set both of the objects on the nightstand, disrobed, and slipped under the covers. The king-size mattress dipped slightly with his weight. He breathed out and stared up at the darkened ceiling.
White’s murder was a welcome, exciting distraction, but with Nathan sleeping beside him, Sam’s mind gravitated back to more personal worries.
He wondered what this Eric looked like—whether he was attractive, whether he was gay. Probably yes to both. The last time Nathan went undercover for a sex-trafficking case, he wound up fucking his partner in addition to the men and women he’d been trying to mine for information. Nathan admitted they’d done it off the clock too. He said Eric wasn’t his type, but he could have said that to spare Sam jealousy. And there was the laughter earlier.
Sam kept telling himself it was only sex. He could live with it as long as he didn’t know the facts. Maybe. But what if it turned into more? Two men working together under high-stress circumstances were bound to get close. They needed to rely on one another, to trust one another completely. All of those long hours on the job, forced to make small talk, which could easily turn into deeper conversation. Would Nathan develop feelings for his new partner, as Sam suspected he had the last?
Sam turned onto his side and tried to make out Nathan’s profile in the shadows. He hated feeling the poison in his blood. They hadn’t made love since Nathan broke the news.
He needed that connection more than anything. Sam reached for him in the darkness, found the warm flesh of Nathan’s arm, and ran his fingers under the sleeve of his T-shirt. Nathan shifted and murmured in his sleep. Sam moved closer to press against him, hooking his leg over Nathan’s thighs. His naked cock poked Nathan’s hip.
“Are you awake?” he whispered.
“Am now,” Nathan said with a sleepy sigh. He rubbed up and down Sam’s arm. “How was the movie?”
“I couldn’t concentrate on it. I…. God, I need you. Please.” His cock ached as he urged his hips forward again, so Nathan could feel it.
“Really?”
The surprise in Nathan’s voice made Sam’s throat close up with emotion, and he rolled on top of him without another word, fitting himself between Nathan’s spread thighs. Sam kissed Nathan hard, thrusting his tongue possessively into his mouth, and groaned when Nathan reciprocated with vigor. Nathan held him tighter, his cock firming underneath Sam as they continued to kiss and rub against each other. Even though his body was fired up, Sam couldn’t quiet the thousand doubts and questions running through his mind. The last six months had been nearly perfect, but maybe he’d been mistaken to trust that it would last. He’d let his guard down, given in, let Nathan into his heart with no reservations. He knew better.
“Need you,” he whispered into Nathan’s ear between kisses.
Nathan surged up and flipped them over, trapping Sam’s body underneath his. “Oh yeah? How?”
“So hard. Just… fuck.” He couldn’t think when Nathan bit at his neck and licked and sucked kisses into the sensitive skin. He took Nathan’s head in his hands and pulled him tighter, urging Nathan to leave marks. He wanted it to hurt. Maybe he whimpered. Nathan stilled, and even in the darkness, Sam could see his concerned expression.
“Are you okay?”
Grunting with frustration, Sam writhed under the firm mass of Nathan’s body, his trapped cock seeking friction. “I’m fine. But I won’t be if you don’t fuck me. I want you to fill me up.” Who knew if they’d be able to go bare again anytime soon? Not if Nathan was going to be sleeping with other people.
He kissed Nathan again, savagely, using his teeth and biting into the kiss. Instead of responding, Nathan held his hands down and forced their mouths apart. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea. We need to talk—”
“Screw talking. I swear to God, if you don’t fuck me now, I’ll go find someone who will.”
The sound Nathan made could have been a growl. “No you won’t.”
“Oh, yeah? What makes you think you get to have all the fun?”
“Fun? Do you think this is fun?” Nathan nearly spat the words. “You think I enjoy having you not speak to me for over a week? Not being able to touch you?”
“So touch me now.” He was so worked up, he didn’t know what he would do if Nathan didn’t give in. Maybe he would go insane. “Please.” He begged sweetly, the way Nathan liked most. Then he swiveled his hips and was gratified to feel Nathan’s sizeable erection nudge him in return.
“You can be a manipulative bastard, Sam Flynn.”
“Yeah. Well, you already knew that much.”
“You want me to fuck you hard?” Nathan kissed him again, without tenderness. His beard scratched roughly against Sam’s chin.
“Yes. Please. Please, sir.” Sam held his breath.
“Get on your knees.” Nathan’s voice was dark. “Hands on the headboard.”
Heart pounding with excitement and a tinge of foreboding, Sam did as Nathan instructed. It was dark in the room, but he could hear Nathan rustling in the drawer next to their bed and a bottle of lube clicking open.
“You don’t like to talk. Hmm?” Nathan asked. Without preamble, he dipped two slicked fingers into Sam’s hole and started to work him open. Sam grunted and pushed back. “You want to keep all your feelings bottled up? You want to make me miserable?” He rubbed deeper, expertly finding Sam’s prostate and lighting him up from the inside. Sam whined and arched his back, unable to stop himself from responding. “Answer me.” Nathan leaned forward and bit Sam’s earlobe. “Or am I going to have to repeat the question?”
Sam shuddered and closed his eyes as Nathan withdrew his hand. A stinging slap to his ass made Sam hiss with pleasure. He wanted Nathan to work him over, even if he didn’t deserve it.
“I’m going to make your ass so red,” Nathan whispered. “And then I’m going to fuck it for my pleasure. Not yours. Do you understand?”
“Yes. Please.”
Another hard slap, this time to the left cheek. Sam’s cock twitched and leaked below him. The first time Nathan ever spanked him, it was playful—but Sam wanted more. Eventually there was the paddle, but he still loved Nathan’s hands on him. He looked forward to spanking sessions more than almost anything else they did, especially afterward, when Nathan cared for him. Though at first Sam found it difficult to give in, Nathan always insisted. He was careful to make sure Sam was okay, but he wasn’t only concerned with Sam’s physical comfort. He tended Sam when Hoff hurt him, took him in after his apartment burned down. He paid for Tim’s care, and he understood when Sam wanted to talk about his parents. And when he didn’t. He made it feel natural
and safe to be vulnerable. He was everything Sam had never known he needed.
A startling clarity came with the next stinging slap. Sam couldn’t share Nathan—not with anyone, not for any reason. He tucked away the thought and closed his eyes as the next volley began.
Nathan didn’t hold back. Sam started to rock into the rhythm as his ass went numb and his mind followed suit, drifting pleasantly as each sting abated and then echoed in a different spot. Loud sounds of slapping skin filled the room like strange music. Nathan was breathing harshly, and Sam wished he’d left on the lights so he could see his face—the dark expression of desire written there, the powerful lust. Occasionally Nathan’s erection grazed Sam’s sore ass, evidence he was enjoying himself as much as Sam. He spanked lower, lightly, and tapped Sam’s tight balls with the flat of his palm. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” Sam whispered. “No, sir.”
“Then thank me. Thank me for this gift.”
He spanked Sam again across a particularly sore area, and Sam winced. “Thank you. Thank you, sir.”
“That’s more like it.”
Sam’s head hung between his shoulders as his body tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed. He was getting close to coming simply from being spanked. Every impact tightened his groin, made his cock throb with the building release.
“Nice and hot.” Nathan leaned over Sam’s body and covered it with his own. He gripped Sam’s ass. “I’m going to fuck you now. So hold on.”
Another uncapping of the lube, and then Sam yelped as Nathan impaled him with one long slide. He started fucking Sam hard, pistoning his cock in and out in a punishing rhythm.
“You think anyone else is going to fuck you like this?” Nathan asked, panting through his thrusts.
“N-no. Oh God.”
“You’re damn right. This ass is mine, and don’t you forget it.” He slapped Sam again, as if to emphasize his claim. An electric current sizzled through Sam with each brutal penetration. He tried to brace himself even though his arms were shaking. Nathan held his hips and drove home again and again, filling Sam up like he wanted.
He realized he was chanting “Yes, yes.”
“You want to come?” Nathan asked. This time his voice was softer.
“Yes. Please. Please.”
“Are you going to stop running away from me and talk?” Nathan reached under the bowl of his hips and grasped Sam’s erection.
“T-talk about being m-manipulative.” Sam could barely speak as his balls tingled and ached with the need to come. Every twist and pull of Nathan’s fist made his toes curl.
“Well, you don’t make it easy. Now fuck my hand like you mean it.”
Sam did. He thrust shakily forward and shot his load right onto the comforter. Seconds later his arm muscles finally gave out, and he collapsed onto the bed with Nathan’s heavy weight on top of him. Nathan pumped his hips erratically as he climaxed deep inside and then came to rest flush against Sam’s back and sore ass. Their breathing gradually slowed, and Nathan pressed a kiss against the side of Sam’s face. Even though their bodies were slick with sweat, Sam didn’t ever want to move.
“You never answered me,” Nathan whispered in his ear. “Don’t think I’m going to let it go.”
Sam’s mind was a jumble of pleasure and returning anxiety as Nathan withdrew and went to the bathroom to get his supplies. He blinked against the light and buried his head into a pillow, then spread his legs as Nathan urged. A warm, wet cloth pressed against his hole. He let it happen, motionless, afraid to speak. Nathan didn’t break the silence either. He worked methodically, rubbing the fresh-scented aloe onto Sam’s ass with slow, tender circles. It wouldn’t be bad after a day or so. The spanking didn’t leave marks or bruises beyond redness. Sam was more concerned about the conversation they were about to have. He wondered if he could delay it for another few hours.
Moving with care, he turned onto his back and grabbed Nathan’s arm. He could already feel the tension and regret radiating from Nathan’s body.
“I needed that,” he said, to preempt any guilt. After another tug Nathan came willingly and wrapped his arms around Sam’s bare torso. He was still uneasy, though.
“Sam—”
“I know we have to talk.” Sam kissed Nathan’s cheek, missing his lips by a millimeter. “But can it wait until tomorrow?”
Nathan sighed. “I suppose.”
Sam pressed another kiss to his temple. Nathan’s rigid body started to relax, but neither of them slept right away. Sam couldn’t help wondering what would happen when Nathan returned. He’d have to be tested. They hadn’t used condoms in so long, and being free with each other was an important part of their intimacy. He knew how much Nathan loved coming inside of him, and he loved it too. The renewed caution would be a continuing reminder of the sacrifices Nathan had to make for his job, and Sam feared it would drive an even larger wedge between them.
Nathan had to be equally worried. He’d already made it known how much he disliked Sam’s silence.
He had to be hurting. Sam tightened his hold. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too. So much.” There was sadness in Nathan’s voice. Sam didn’t like it, but he still couldn’t face the reality their inevitable conversation would bring. He wasn’t sure he could face it the next day either.
Chapter Three
THE NEXT morning he found Nathan drinking a cup of coffee on the couch, looking better rested than he had the day before. His dark hair was sticking up in the back, which Sam always found endearing. A shade of wariness crept into his expression when he saw Sam standing in the doorway.
“Morning. How’re you feeling?”
Sam was wearing boxer briefs. He brought his hand automatically to his ass. It was still a little sore, but he liked it.
“Not bad,” Sam said. “But I definitely need some coffee.”
He poured himself a cup and reentered the living room, where Nathan was waiting for him. His laptop was open on the coffee table displaying an article about the mayor’s suspected murder.
Sam sat down and gestured to it. “Crazy, isn’t it?”
“Considering the last couple of years in this town, I honestly can’t say I’m surprised.” Nathan took a sip of his coffee and quirked an eyebrow. “You didn’t kill him, did you, Sam?”
“Ha-ha. Would you turn me in if I did?”
“Never.” Nathan was dead serious.
“That’s good to know.” Sam set his coffee mug down on a coaster. He’d never even owned a coaster until he moved in with Nathan. “There’s a pretty long list of suspects, though.” He rattled off his list from the night before, glad for the distraction, though he knew he was only delaying the inevitable conversation.
Nathan nodded thoughtfully when Sam mentioned the possibility of someone taking retribution for the October bombing. “Makes sense.”
“It’s shitty of me,” said Sam between sips of coffee, “but I almost hope, if it is someone who lost a family member, they’re never caught. White never should have gone ahead with the Halloween party. His bad judgment caused needless deaths.”
“Does that mean you’re going to let this one slide?” Nathan asked.
“Nope. This is the biggest story in months. I’m thinking of heading down to the station later to talk to the chief.”
Nathan frowned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I know you’re not going to listen to me, but be careful. I don’t like the thought of you getting involved in something like this while I’m… while I’m gone.”
An uncomfortable silence settled between them, and the clock on the wall tick-tick-ticked. Eric would arrive in six days.
After the previous night, Sam had almost allowed himself to believe Nathan wouldn’t take the case after all. It was wishful thinking. The achy, sick feeling in his stomach returned, and he set down his coffee.
“I hate this.”
“I know.” Nathan put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, and even though he wanted to
lean into the touch, he flinched away. A torrent of words flooded out.
“I know it’s selfish of me, but I can’t stand the thought of you sleeping with anyone else, even for your job. It makes me sick. I know I’ve said I’m okay with it and I don’t want to know the details, but I don’t think it’s going to work for me. I’ve been fooling myself, and not very well.” He clenched his jaw and tried to control the beating of his heart.
Nathan looked stricken. “I know. Do you think I feel any differently? That I’d feel any differently if the situation were reversed?”
Sam remembered Nathan’s possessive words from the previous night, how jealous he’d been at the idea of someone else giving Sam what he needed. He’d wanted to give Nathan a taste of his own medicine, but he regretted it. It wasn’t a game.
He swallowed and took a deep breath. “I’ve never had this with anyone else, and I can see it… I don’t know. Festering inside me. I don’t want to resent you, but I keep thinking about how much you liked it… before. Emma wasn’t enough for you. What if that happens to us too?” He could imagine it now—their relationship dissolving into anger and mistrust, the love that meant so much to him turning to ashes.
“I never got to have this conversation with Emma, but I can be candid with you. What we do together is so much better than anything I did undercover because we love each other. I don’t want to give that up. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What are we going to do, then?” He stared glumly at his hands and swallowed. “I don’t want to share you with anyone else.” Sam knew he wasn’t strong enough to walk away completely. He would take whatever Nathan offered him.
“All right.” Nathan moved closer, and Sam didn’t push him away. “What would you say about a compromise?”
“What do you mean?” The surge of hope mingled with anxiety.
“Well, this club is different from the last one I worked. For one thing, it’s a pop-up, which means it moves place-to-place and city-to-city to avoid the cops. The clientele varies, so it’s less likely I’ll run into the same people regularly. It’s more like a network, and if the local PD’s right, and the mob’s in charge—”
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