The Seven Steps to Closure

by Donna Joy Usher

  She stopped overwhelmed by the memory. We all waited while she composed herself. Finally she took a deep breath and continued. ‘And then he was kissing me. Ravishing my mouth, my face, my neck – he was driving me crazy. I ripped his tank top off over his head, and the beauty of his body stunned me.’ She stopped shaking her head, ‘I still can’t get over how perfect his body is. And then his hands were on the buttons of my blouse pulling it back off my shoulders. He paused and took a deep breath as he stared at my bra and I reached back and undid it and then threw it on the floor. He took my breasts in his hands and massaged them gently as he kissed me. It drove me wild and I started ripping at his pants, undoing his belt and zipper. And then I placed both my hands on his …’ She paused and looked embarrassed.

  ‘Penis,’ supplied Elaine helpfully.

  ‘Yes, his penis.’ She blushed as she said it. ‘He went crazy, pushing me back on the table so he could get my skirt and underwear off. We did it right then and there: me lying on the table with my legs wrapped around his waist and him leaning over me, talking to me in Spanish. It was the wildest, most frightening, best sex of my life.’

  She paused, and everybody held their breath, silently urging her to go on.

  ‘Things got pretty awkward when we had finished. We got dressed and sorted out my desk, neither of us speaking, and then I left.’

  She stopped, exhausted from the telling. I pushed a glass of bubbly into her hand and she took a big swig. By now the entire restaurant staff and patrons were clustered around the table.

  ‘What the hell?’ she said, acknowledging her audience for the first time. ‘Everyone, back to your tables. You,’ she said, pointing at the chef, ‘where the hell is my dinner?’

  ‘Uhh,’ he said nervously, looking at the waiter for support, ‘you haven’t ordered it yet.’

  ‘Ohh, well I’ll have the garden salad and the gnocchi. Girls?’

  We all ordered our meals and everyone else returned to their tables.

  ‘So what happened after that?’ I asked.

  ‘Well I made sure I was out of the building well before the cleaners arrived for the next month, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. During the day I would think about the feel of his hands on my breasts, the weight of his body on top of me. At night I would dream that I was doing it all over again. One day I got to work and found a red rose on my desk. When I smelt it I found a little piece of paper between the petals.’

  ‘What did it say?’ I asked.

  ‘It just said ‘Sorry’. I felt bad for avoiding him so decided to stay late that night just to let him know that everything was okay but that it wouldn’t be happening again.’

  ‘And?’ Dinah asked, her brown eyes wide.

  Nat held up three fingers.

  ‘Christ, three times?’ Even Elaine seemed impressed.

  ‘Yep. Once on the floor, once on my desk, and then on my couch. I didn’t get home till about 1 in the morning. And ever since then, every cleaning night, I wait for him. I wasn’t going to tonight because I had to come here, but I couldn’t resist.’

  ‘Well if tonight is cleaning night, where were you Thursday night?’

  Natalie looked a little sheepish. ‘At home.’

  ‘But I rang you at home and you didn’t pick up.’

  ‘Hmmm, well I wasn’t really in a position to pick up the phone.’

  ‘You mean he was there with you?’ Elaine asked.

  She nodded. ‘The thing is, when you used to talk about sex I never really got it. I mean I’ve never really had sex till now.’

  ‘You’ve had sex,’ I said.

  ‘Not like this. Remember when I was dating Bobby?’

  We all nodded.

  ‘Sex with him was so mind numbingly boring that I used to go through work in my head. Now it’s all I can do not to pass out from the feel of him naked next to me.’

  I thought about it. It was true. Nat had never really joined in our sex talk.

  ‘They can’t have all been bad,’ said Elaine. ‘What about Simon?’

  ‘Didn’t know the meaning of foreplay.’

  ‘Adam?’

  ‘Premature ejaculator.’

  ‘Warren?’

  ‘Used to have to watch the footy while we did it.’

  ‘Ok. What about Richard?’ I said. ‘Surely he was okay?’

  ‘Richard was the worst. He used to pull out to finish himself off.’

  ‘Ughhhh,’ we all groaned.

  ‘Why did you never tell us?’

  ‘Until I met Ricardo I had always assumed there was something wrong with me.’

  ‘Well it sounds like you are making up for lost time,’ Elaine said approvingly.

  And then our meals arrived, cutting off all conversation for a while.

  * * *

  I woke a little bleary from the night out with the girls, which had turned into a bit of a champagne fest after Natalie’s little confession. It had seemed like a good idea at the time to start toasting things.

  Elaine had started it. ‘Here’s to hot sex.’ She raised her glass in the air.

  ‘Here’s to multiple orgasms,’ Nat said, giggling ferociously.

  ‘Here’s to new shoes,’ I said, which sadly was the closest thing I’d had to an orgasm for a while.

  ‘Here’s to make up sex,’ said Dinah.

  ‘Ohh yeah,’ said Elaine, ‘my favourite. To make up sex.’

  We had gone on like that for the rest of the night, chatting about nothing and then charging our glasses to toast things. After five bottles of champagne our toasts had lost much of the significance.

  ‘Here’s to waiters.’ We toasted the waiter, who was looking distinctly nervous.

  ‘Here’s to lamp posts,’ I said, walking into one as we staggered down the street.

  That made Dinah laugh so hard she bent double at the waist before finally collapsing in a heap. ‘Here’s to pavements,’ she shrieked, rolling around on it.

  I stopped mid-step, staring across the road. My champagne soaked brain slowly interpreting the new billboard that had been erected there. ‘Ahh fuck.’ I raised an imaginary champagne glass to the larger-than-life image of Jake. ‘Here’s to cheating ex-husbands,’ I slurred. ‘May they rot in hell.’

  I sat up in bed and paused for a second, waiting to see how my body would respond to being upright. A little hungry – a good sign. I stood up carefully waiting for any dizziness. Nope, all appeared to be in working order. I popped a couple of Advil just in case a belated hangover decided to hit, and got dressed to go to Lily’s for brunch.

  On the way I stopped at a bakery and bought some fresh croissants and pastries. Then I ducked into the fruit shop and bought some delicious smelling strawberries and homemade blueberry jam. It was 10 o’clock by the time I arrived and I could smell coffee brewing as I entered the front door.

  ‘In the kitchen,’ Lil yelled when she heard me.

  Lily and Martin have a beautiful old terrace house in Paddington with sensational city views. They bought it about 13 years ago when they first got married. It had been a struggle for them back then to afford it, but it had been well worth the sacrifices they made in the first few years. Now it had been lovingly restored and renovated. I found Lily in the huge kitchen which opened up with bi-fold doors onto a deck. The living area – which was straight next to the kitchen – also opened up onto the deck. In summer the whole back wall of the house could be removed. In winter there were grand old fireplaces, restored to their former glory with pristine snowy white marble, to keep the house warm.

  ‘I’m jealous,’ I said to Lil for the umpteenth time, as I stared at the view.

  ‘Yeah well, at the moment I’m jealous of you. Look at me. I’m a monster.’ She gestured wildly at her belly which was beginning to bulge.

  ‘No,’ I said, looking at her, ‘you’re a miracle. Look at you, growing a living being. You’re amazing.’

  ‘Your haircut is amazing. And the colour is gorgeous. Maybe I should make an appoi
ntment with Tristan. Spoil myself a little.’

  ‘I think that’s a great idea. I’ll babysit for you if Martin’s not home. Speaking of which, when is he home?’

  She examined the roster stuck to side of the fridge with a magnet from Dinah’s surgery.

  ‘Ummm, tomorrow I think. Funnily enough he is in Japan. He’s been climbing Mt Fuji.’

  ‘What, he’s on holidays?’

  ‘Nah, they had three days off waiting for the next 767 to come through.’

  ‘It’s a tough life hey. Where are the girls?’

  ‘Martin’s parents picked them up this morning so I could have a break.’

  ‘Geez that’s nice of them.’ I started to unpack the pastries.

  ‘Yeah, I told them they didn’t have to take them all, but they insisted. They’re off to the movies and then out to Sizzlers for lunch.’

  We moved onto the deck with the coffee and food.

  ‘Yum, thanks for this,’ she said.

  ‘My pleasure, we should do it more often.’

  ‘I have something to tell you,’ Lil said, a distasteful expression on her face. I stopped with my croissant half way to my mouth wondering what bombshell she was about to drop. ‘I ran into Tash the other day. I would have brushed her off but she was with Aunt Jackie.’

  ‘I still love Aunt Jackie,’ I admitted, taking a larger bite of the croissant than I had been intending.

  ‘Yeah, it’s not her fault her daughter is a faithless hag.’

  I smiled around a mouthful of crumbs. ‘So what did they say?’ I finally managed.

  ‘Well they insisted I stopped for coffee with them, and wanted to know all about the girls and Martin, even though I’m sure Mum bores her stupid with the details of my life. And then they started talking about the wedding. They’ve set a date, and they’re having it at the country estate.’

  ‘Jake will love that. The stupid bastard was always so impressed by the country estate.’

  The country estate was Aunty Jackie and Uncle Edward’s house on the Central Coast. It was a copy of a huge English Manor house, with a sweeping driveway and impressive garden of manicured shrubs. They had stables around the back for their horses; there was even a dressage circle.

  ‘Anyway the wedding is in November.’

  ‘He always did like a speedy wedding.’

  ‘It was gag worthy. Tash was gushing about how much help he was organising everything, and how he’d come up with this great idea about writing their own vows, but making them cute and funny.’ She looked at me waiting for the outburst.

  I tried to contain it. I felt my face go bright red with the effort. But finally it burst from me involuntarily. ‘That stupid jerk!’ I yelped. ‘That was my idea.’ (I had wanted to do that at our wedding but Jake had condescendingly informed me that it was silly.) ‘And where does he get off helping her with the planning when he left me to do it myself? For God’s sake he’s running for Lord Mayor. When would he find time to plan a wedding? Boo Hoo, poor little Tash needs help planning the wedding.’ I knew I was getting childish but I couldn’t help myself. ‘Can’t do it by herself? For fuck’s sake, she’s an events organiser; you’d think she’d be all over this.’ I stopped, panting for air.

  ‘Better?’

  ‘A little. Ahh, he’s such a shit.’ I threw the rest of my croissant onto the table.

  Just then her phone rang and she ducked off to get it in case it was Martin. I couldn’t hear her, but I could tell by the look on her face that it was. After all these years they are still stupid about each other; always exchanging gooey looks and holding hands. I only hope someday I can find something as beautiful as what the two of them have.

  Lily finally hung up the phone and came back out to the deck.

  ‘Martin,’ she said beaming.

  ‘I guessed by the stupid grin on your face.’

  Laughing, she threw some of her croissant at me.

  ‘Any other news from Bridezilla?’

  ‘Only that she’s planning to get pregnant as soon as they’re married.’

  I froze. ‘Really,’ I said slowly, ‘I wonder if Jake knows about that?’

  ‘Yeah – I was wondering the same thing.’

  I tried not to think about them for the rest of the day. I spent the afternoon on the deck with Princess, reading a book and trying to ignore the abuse from Cocky. I had worked out where he was (living with the deaf old lady in the flat next door), and was concocting a plan to deal with him. I had tried confronting her about him, but hadn’t been very successful. From the doorway to her apartment I could see her hearing aids lying on the sideboard, and consequently the conversation had gone as follows.

  ‘Your bird is very rude,’ I shouted, while pointing at the balcony.

  ‘What’s that lovey?’ she shrieked back.

  ‘Your bird. He’s very rude.’

  ‘Why am I in the nude?’ she asked confused.

  ‘No, No,’ I shook my head, ‘your bird.’ I pointed to Cocky in his cage.

  The door to the cage was open and, obviously mocking me, he jumped onto the table and squawked, ‘Fuck off.’

  The old duck smiled warmly at him before shaking her head at me. ‘He’s not for sale,’ she advised me at the top of her voice.

  ‘I don’t want to buy him, I want to kill him,’ I mumbled under my breath.

  ‘Who do you want to kill?’ she asked, backing away from me with an alarmed look on her face.

  Oh great, so she could hear that part no problem.

  ‘No, no,’ I said, thinking rapidly. ‘He’s got a nice bill.’

  Eventually I had given up and headed back to my apartment. I toyed with the idea of ringing Mum, but gave it up as a bad idea. I was just going to have to put up with it till a better one came to me. I just hoped it was sooner rather than later.

  4

  The Third Step to Closure - Get a New Hobby

  Elaine picked me up at 6.15pm sharp. I was feeling a little conspicuous in my shortie, short shorts, and was glad to see she was sporting a pair as well.

  ‘Please tell me.’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘Nope.’

  When we finally arrived at a large warehouse I was still no closer to discovering the truth from Elaine. The room she led me into was large, with polished wooden floors and had long, evenly spaced, shiny poles extending from the floor to the ceiling.

  ‘Pole dancing?’ I mouthed at Elaine.

  ‘What can I say,’ admitted Elaine. ‘I’ve always wanted to try it.’

  ‘Oh well, I guess it’s far more interesting than knitting.’

  Our teacher was an extremely fit looking lady in her mid-thirties. She had six-pack abs and fantastic deltoids and biceps.

  ‘Wow,’ I whispered to Elaine, ‘how long till I look like that?’

  Her name was Penny, and she started by giving us an idea of what we would be learning over the next eight weeks. Then she showed us what we would be able to do if we persisted and came to classes for the next year. I watched as she sprung lightly onto the pole and climbed up it, twirling around. Once she reached an impressive height off the floor she clasped the pole between her thighs and let go with her hands, leaning all the way back so her head was pointing to the floor. She sat back up and, grasping the pole with one arm above her legs and one below, proceeded to lie back and do the splits in the air, supporting her body weight with her arms. Then she slid down the pole upside down, just holding on with her legs, until her hands were touching the floor, at which point she did a handstand against the pole and then flicked down off it.

  ‘Does that hurt?’ I asked.

  ‘Not anymore.’ She flicked me a quick grin. ‘Right we’re going to start with a move called a front spin.’

  An hour later as we warmed down I could feel some of the muscles of my arms and back that were going to be sore.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said to Elaine.
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br />   ‘You enjoyed it?’

  ‘Yep. It’s the perfect hobby for obtaining closure.’

  ‘And just think if Dinah ever fires you – you can work as a stripper.’

  ‘Or if I decide to go back to Uni I can work nights to pay for my fees.’

  Elaine laughed.

  ‘If we hurry we can pick up that silver cutlery set for Dinah,’ I said, looking at my watch.

  ‘Excellent,’ said Elaine, ’cause I have a date now on Thursday night.’

  ‘Oh with the guy you’re bringing on Fri night?’

  ‘No silly, this is a new guy I ran into at Starbuck’s last week.’

  ‘You are incorrigible.’

  ‘You should try it some time.’

  ‘Yeah, maybe I should,’ I said.

  ‘Oh good – I’m glad you feel like that, cause you have a date on Thursday night as well.’

  ‘What?’ I heard my voice go up an octave.

  ‘The first of your internet dates in your quest for fast love and a one night stand.’

  ‘Elaine – I don’t think I’m ready.’

  ‘You don’t have to sleep with the first one, hell you don’t have to sleep with any of them if you don’t want to. You just have to get yourself back out there. Look, at least this way you won’t be as nervous, cause you won’t have to go through the initial run into someone, feel attracted to them, hope they’re attracted to you, wait for them to ask you out and then when they do stuff it up because you like them so much that your brain disconnects from your mouth.’

  ‘I see you’ve studied my dating style.’

  She laughed. ‘Actually Dinah was telling me about it. This guy isn’t important because you know nothing about him.’

  ‘Yeah, but what am I meant to know about him, and what does he know about me?’

  We were at her car by then and she pulled a manila folder out of the back. ‘Here, notes I’ve made on him.’

  I flipped it open. There was a photo of a nice enough looking guy with a couple of pages of notes, and a print off of the typed conversations they’d had.