Marissa comes in and sits beside me. “I’m going to my parents’ for dinner. Do you want to come?” I love her parents, and her mom is an awesome cook. But I have plans with Luke later, and I really don’t want to move off the couch.
“No thanks. Luke is coming over in an hour, and I’m done for the day.”
We talk about the fact both of us drank a little too much last night and that she didn’t get out of bed until after noon. We also talk about Julian. We have a good laugh when I tell her how I screamed, “I’m coming,” right in front of him.
“You made quite an impression on him, Lex. I wonder how things will go down next time you see him.”
“I’m not sure there will be a next time, Mari.”
“Why do you say that? You do know we’re going back there next weekend, right?”
“No, I didn’t know we were going back, and seriously, Mari, you saw him—right? I’m not exactly his type. It was fun, but I’m not counting on it happening again.” I don’t admit I really believe we had some kind of inexplicable connection because, now that I’m sober, I’m not sure it wasn’t just in my head.
“What’s not happening again, ladies?” Neither of us heard Luke come in. It seems he has heard the tail end of our conversation. I wish he hadn’t, and I feel a lecture coming on. I start to tell a little white lie, but Marissa jumps in and tells Luke exactly what we were talking about.
“Lexie doesn’t think she’s hot enough for Julian, and I’m telling her we’re going back to Stellar next weekend to prove her wrong.”
I can’t see Luke’s face because I am lying down on the couch, but I can hear the annoyance in his voice when he responds.
“Why are you encouraging her, Marissa? It’s totally a bad idea.” Ugh. Not this again.
Marissa loves to get into it with Luke. They get along, but both consider me to be their best friend, and jealousy sparks between them from time to time.
“Why, Luke? Because he’s hot, rich, and by all accounts single?” Her voice is dripping with sarcasm.
“Why, Marissa, I didn’t know you were so superficial. And yeah, I don’t think he’s in a committed relationship, which is the point. He has many, many, many girlfriends. Lex doesn’t need that.” Luke has walked around the couch and is standing in front of us now.
“So do you, Luke, and I think you’re an okay guy. And Lexie does need to get laid, so back off.”
I can’t believe Marissa just went there. These two are talking about me as if I’m not even in the room. I jump in before this friendly banter turns ugly.
“Hey, guys, I’m right here. Luke, I appreciate the concern. I know Julian is popular with the ladies, but I’m a big girl and can handle it. I don’t want a relationship, not that it’s even an option, with Julian or anyone else, so chill out. Mari, thanks for your concern over my sex life. I’m okay in that department too. Probably not for much longer, but I am okay. So you two need to focus on yourselves.”
They’re glaring at each other, but both break into smiles when I finish my speech.
“Okay, all good now. Luke, where’s the food? I’m starving.”
Marissa gets up and gets ready to leave for her parents’. She likes to get the last word, so I’m not surprised when she looks back over her shoulder and says, “We will be going to Stellar on Saturday night, Luke, so put your big-boy panties on and deal with it. Lexie is going to look hot, and Julian will be forgetting about all the other ladies.”
Well I guess she told him. Luke just looks at me and shakes his head. He smiles a little, but I know him, and he’s really not happy with this topic. I want to ask him more details about the conversation he had with Julian regarding me, but I decide it would be a bad idea. I’m tired and hungry and just want to spend the rest of the night relaxing, so I let it go.
The Chinese food Luke brought is delicious. We sit and eat and catch up on each other’s week and fall into our normal, comfortable Sunday routine. I’m happy. As Luke and I lie next to each other on the couch and watch True Blood, any thoughts of Julian are far away.
I am woken up by a soft, warm kiss on my lips that lasts a little longer than it should. I slowly open my eyes and see Luke staring down at me. I sit up, feeling confused. I look at the clock and see it’s after midnight.
“Sorry, I tried to wake you up but couldn’t.” My first thought is, So you kissed me?
I’m half asleep, but there’s a little nagging part of me that senses something is different. I’ve fallen asleep here before, and Luke usually just leaves me on the couch. I’m not sure why he woke me up this time.
“Why didn’t you just leave me here like usual?”
“I wanted to say good-bye.” Um, okay, also not normal.
I get up and wrap the blanket around me. Before I can say anything, Luke wraps his arms around me and gives me a long hug. Too long. This is all feeling very weird, but it’s late and I don’t want to get into this. Actually, it could be eight in the morning, and I wouldn’t want to get into this. Deep down I know this has something to do with Julian, and I can’t understand why Luke is acting so off. I walk him to the door, and he hugs me again. We’re always affectionate with each other, but this feels different, and I don’t really like it. I get into my bed after he leaves and fall into a deep sleep.
Chapter Six
When I wake up, I feel good. I needed to catch up on the sleep I missed this weekend. I’m glad I’m off today because I have a ton of stuff to do. I call my mom, and she talks me into coming over for dinner. I haven’t been over in a few weeks, and they’re starting to get annoyed with me blowing them off. I go for a five-mile run, hit the grocery store, dry cleaners, and do three loads of laundry before five o’clock. I love days like this where I feel super productive.
Dinner with my parents is something I’m not really looking forward to. I get along well with my parents, but they’ve been really overprotective since Brady died and constantly want to talk about how I’m feeling. I try to tell them I would be better if they would stop bringing the bad stuff up all the time, but they get all hurt and tell me they’re just worried about me. I think most of their worry actually comes from the fact I’m going to be twenty-six soon and I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m the youngest of three girls, and my sisters are both happily married. My oldest sister, Tracy, is thirty and has already been married for four years. Her husband, Carl, is a dentist. I have twin nieces, Darby and Darcy, who are two. They live in Atlanta in the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood. I don’t see them often. My sister Jill is twenty-eight and has been married for three years. Her husband, Derek, is an engineer. They live in Tampa in a not-so-perfect house but one that is acceptable to my parents. My parents, Frank and Claire, have been married thirty-one years. They met in college and got married when they were twenty-three. I’m definitely not doing things the Reed way, and I know it stresses them out.
I grew up in North Miami Beach and had a “picture-perfect” childhood, as my mom likes to call it. My dad is an architect and has his own firm. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. My dad comes from a well-to-do family and has always made good money. We lived an upper-middle-class privileged life, and we never wanted for anything. We were that family. You know the one who everyone thinks is perfect. My mom worked hard at maintaining that image, and my sisters were happy to go along with it. We are all pretty, we excelled in school and sports, and we never got into any trouble. Well, at least none my parents ever knew about. I was always a bit of a rebel. I was the sister who got a fake ID, snuck out to go to clubs, and dated a few guys who were too old for me. I’ve also never really cared about money, which is unlike anyone else in my family. I watched it make a whole lot of people in our country-club circle miserable and decided early on that it doesn’t make people truly happy.
My mom and dad were thrilled when I brought Brady home. They thought he was a great catch. He totally fit the mold of wh
at they wanted for me. He was handsome, came from a wealthy family, was educated, and was going to be an attorney. On paper he was perfect. I never told them anything about the real Brady—the one who was always high, the one who failed his bar exam twice, the one who managed to get two DUIs in two months but had his father make them go away. I never told them about the Brady who shattered their daughter’s heart. I told myself I never shared any of that with them because it would upset them, but deep down I know I kept it to myself because of what it says about me for staying with him.
Dinner follows the same script as usual. They ask about work. They ask about my friends. They ask if I’m feeling okay. Then they ask if I’m dating anybody. I answer no and brace myself for the lecture.
“Lexie, you know you’re never going to meet anybody if you never go out.” It only took her thirty minutes to get to the point. I think it’s record time.
“I do go out, Mom. We all went out for Luke’s birthday on Saturday.”
“That’s another thing, Lexie. You’re never going to meet a man if Luke is always around. Most men aren’t going to be understanding about your relationship.” She’s kind of right about that.
My parents like Luke and even encouraged me to take our relationship to the next level until they found out Luke wanted to be a bartender. I tried to explain he really wants to own a bar someday, but that’s not really a solid career choice in their eyes, so they stopped that matchmaking campaign.
“I’m good, Mom. I’m going out and meeting people. I promise you I will be married by the time I’m thirty-five.” I’m totally joking, but my mom doesn’t find my humor funny at all.
“You know, Lexie, if you wait too long, all the good ones will be taken. And you’re not getting any younger. I had two kids by the time I was your age. You do want to have kids, right?”
“Good God, Mom. Stop. Tracy has given you two grandkids already, and I’m sure they’re good for a few more. Jill should be popping a kid or two out the in next few years also.” My good mood is gone. I try to be patient with them, but it’s always the same thing. I’m over everyone telling me what I need to be doing with my life. I’ve been spending a lot of energy just trying to be okay. I don’t need this shit. I get up and bring my plate to the sink. I hear my dad saying something about a young, single guy they just hired at his firm. Really? Now my dad thinks he needs to set me up?
“Mom, Dad, I love you. I really do. But I’m not going to come over again until you two agree to stop with the pressure. I will find a man when the time is right, and I will have a family when the time is right. Right for me, not you. And I do not need my dad setting me up. That’s creepy. How about being proud of me for being awesome at my job. Or just for being a good person. I’m not like Tracy and Jill, and if that’s not okay with you, then I’m not sure what to tell you.”
I manage to make my mom feel like shit, and I don’t exactly feel bad about it.
She actually has tears in her eyes. Great. “Oh, Lexie, we just want you to be happy. We love you, sweetheart. We just want you to have as great of a life as we’ve had.”
I do know my parents love me and want the best for me. They just don’t get that I don’t want their life. I know my parents love each other, but I’ve never seen any real passion between them. My sisters married great guys and seem to be happy, but I don’t want their lives either. If I could use one word to describe my family, it would not be perfect. It would be boring.
As I drive home, I think about my parents, my sisters, Brady, and even Julian. I come to the conclusion I really don’t have a clue what I want. I just know that after the horrible year I’ve had, I want to feel alive again, and I realize that’s how Julian Bauer made me feel. He was like a drug that woke up my senses, and I can’t help wanting more.
I’m changing into my PJs when Shannon and Marissa come into my room. “How long did it take for them to ask if you had a boyfriend?” Shannon and Marissa made a bet before I got home. Marissa said an hour, and Shannon said thirty-five minutes.
“Thirty freaking minutes. Can you believe that? I told them I wasn’t going to come over again until they stopped with this crap. They act like I’m an old maid.”
“Why didn’t you tell them about Julian? That would have shut them up for a few minutes.” Shannon has no problem telling it like it is.
“Yeah right. Can you imagine that conversation? Mom, Dad, I met this really hot guy who basically propositioned me at the bar he owns. He usually dates supermodels but was slumming a little that night. I think I’ll fuck him once or twice and see if I can get him to hang around.”
We all laugh when Marissa replies, “It would definitely get them to back off.”
I’m getting into bed when I get a text from Luke.
Luke: Your parents give you crap about not being married yet?
Alexa: You know it
Luke: Tell them I will marry you if you aren’t married by 35
Alexa: Get a real job and I will
Luke: Anything for you Lex
Chapter Seven
My Tuesday and Wednesday are pretty status quo. Work is a little slow these days as we wind down the project. I’ve been so busy the last eight months that this is a welcome change. I’m starting to get anxious about where I’ll end up next. I’m hoping to move to the new project in South Beach. It would mean a longer commute for me but would be a good change of pace.
Exercise has been a big help in keeping me balanced, so Marissa and I catch a yoga class on Monday night, and I get up early and run a few miles before work on Tuesday. Luke stops by on Tuesday night, and we go out and grab dinner. I’m feeling pretty good when I get to Ellen’s office Wednesday after work. Aside from the not-so-pleasant visit with my parents, I’ve been having a good week.
“How’s everything going with you, Lexie?”
“Pretty good. As I was driving over here, I was thinking I might not have much to talk about tonight. I’m pretty drama-free at the moment.”
“That’s good to hear, but you do know that you don’t need to be in the middle of a crisis for us to be able to do some good work.”
Work. Exactly. This is work.
“I do know that. I’m just usually falling apart for some reason or another.”
“Lexie, you need to give yourself some more credit. You’re not even the same woman I met eight months ago. You’re so much stronger now. You need to believe that.”
I know I’m not the same as I was eight months ago, and for that I’m really thankful. But I’m not as strong as Ellen thinks. I’m just a pretty good actor. I know I need to give her something to talk about with me or else we’re going to end up talking about Brady, and I really would rather we didn’t tonight.
“I went to my parents’ house for dinner Monday night.” Ellen knows all about my family dynamics and knows these visits are often upsetting for me.
“How did that go?”
“Same as usual. My mom is still stressed I don’t have a man in my life. Hell, my dad even tried to set me up with someone who works for him. They don’t say it, but they think I’m pathetic in the love department.”
I tell her about my conversation with them. “Although I don’t necessarily agree with their methods, Lexie, it really is normal for your parents to want you to have a special person in your life. They really just want you to be happy.”
I ponder that for a minute, and Ellen changes the subject. “How was your night out Saturday? When I saw you last week, you were anxious about it.”
I smile at the memories of Saturday. “I had a great time. It felt so good to be out, and it surprised me I had so much fun.” I laugh aloud, and Ellen asks what I’m smiling and laughing about.
“I ran into—and I mean literally ran into—the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and we flirted all night long. I’m not making a big deal about it because I’m sure nothing will come out of i
t, but it was just like riding a bike. I was good at it.”
I tell her the story about meeting Julian and some of the things we talked about. She’s smiling back at me the whole time I’m talking.
“What’s with the huge smile, Ellen?”
“I’ve never seen you this animated when telling me a story. You’re glowing, and it’s awesome to see. By the way, I do know who Julian Bauer is, and I understand the attraction.”
Of course she does. I forget he’s someone people know. We talk about the night a little more before time is up. As I get ready to leave, Ellen has one final thing to say.
“You need to keep doing whatever you’re doing, Lexie. It’s working for you.”
Okay, I think to myself. I would love to keep “doing” Julian Bauer. I’m just not sure he really has any interest in doing me.
Chapter Eight
The rest of my week is uneventful and pretty much routine. I go to work, work out, hang out with my friends, and see a movie on Friday night. I also think about Julian all the time. By the time Saturday rolls around, I’m excited about going out, and I really hope I see him.
I take a long time getting ready. I picked out what I was going to wear earlier in the week, so that part was easy, but I want to look as perfect as I can in case I run into Julian again. I spend an hour on my hair. I’m wearing it loose and wavy. I do my makeup a little different and create a more dramatic look with black eyeliner and metallic eye shadow. I’m wearing a sleeveless, jersey, black dress with a plunging neckline and a revealing cutout back that hits mid-thigh. It’s simple, form fitting, and sexy. I put on big silver hoops and several silver bangles. I slide my feet into Rachel Roy strappy, black leather sandals with silver spikes and double-buckle ankle straps. They have sky-high heels, and I know they won’t be easy to wear all night, but they look great.
Marissa and Jenna Stewart, another college friend, are waiting in the living room for me. We valet when we get to the hotel. I had texted Luke that we were coming, and he put us on the VIP list again. We get in quickly and head up to Orion. It’s not very crowded yet, so we grab stools at the bar and order drinks from Luke. Jenna, who just got her light brown hair cut into a cute bob, and is dressed to impress in a red mini-dress, says she wants to go look for Bryan, the guy she’s been texting with since they met here a few weeks ago. I want to stay at the bar because this is the last place I saw Julian. I give Marissa a look, and she understands I want to stay here.
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