Stay

by Wynne, Hilary

  I take a deep breath and say what I need to say, not what I want to say.

  “It’s okay, Julian. I understand why you can’t stay.” Julian exhales, and I’m guessing if I had asked him to stay, he would have. We lie there in silence for another five minutes before he rolls off the bed and heads to the bathroom. I’m dressed and sitting on my bed when he walks back in the room. He’s still naked, and I can’t help but stare at him. I can’t imagine ever getting tired of looking at him.

  “You didn’t need to get out of bed.” I don’t want to admit I’m not ready for him to leave, and I want to spend every second I can with him. That means walking with him to his car.

  I try to mask my sadness by being funny. “Now what kind of date would I be if I didn’t at least walk you to your car after all of that?” I point and twirl my finger at my rumpled sheets, making reference to the sex we just had.

  He laughs as he put his clothes back on. “A tired date. I guess you didn’t get enough of a workout. Maybe we should go again.”

  “Hmm … I assure you I was worked out good, Julian. But if you think you can go again, I’m in.” I’m only half kidding. I really do want him to stay.

  He walks over to me, pulls me to a standing position, and holds me close. His eyes are blazing, and I can feel him hardening against me. “I can go all night, baby. You should think about that before you challenge me.”

  “I’m going to require some proof of that, maybe not tonight, but soon.”

  “I’ll be happy to give you all the proof you need. As a matter of fact, I’m looking forward to it. But right now, I’m going to walk out of here before I end up back in your bed.”

  Julian holds my hand tightly as we walk outside to his car. He gets inside and rolls the window down. He reaches out and pulls my face to him so he can kiss me again. I feel his tongue in my mouth, and I only let it last for a minute before I pull away.

  “I’m going to drag you back to my bed and make you stay if you keep kissing me like that, Julian.” He groans but lets me pull away.

  “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you did great tonight.” I know exactly what he means, and if I’m being honest, it makes me feel good to hear him say it. I did do well. He doesn’t mean sexually either. He means emotionally. I didn’t freak out once.

  I smile and answer him. “I did, didn’t I? Yeah me!” After one night of emotional honesty, I’m finding myself able to joke, out loud, about my limitations. It’s kind of overwhelming, and I feel a rush of tears spring to my eyes. Julian notices and flashes me a reassuring smile. He turns the car on and fastens his seatbelt. I exhale sharply. He really is going to leave now. My heart swells, and I realize I already miss him. I’m falling for this man, hard and fast.

  Before he rolls up his window, Julian motions for me to lean in. I think he’s going to try to kiss me again, so I don’t get too close. He doesn’t try to kiss me though. “You know now that this is really going to happen, right, Alexa?” He points to himself and then to me. “And it’s going to be amazing.”

  “Not just amazing, Julian. It’s going to be epic.”

  Julian’s eyes turn soft when I say those words, and he responds by placing his hand over his heart, indicating my words have touched him. He gives me a little wave and starts to back his car out of my driveway. He idles in the street, and I know he’s waiting for me to get back inside. I walk through the door and turn around one last time. He blows me a kiss, rolls up his window, and drives off.

  I float back to my room on cloud freaking nine. This may have been one of the best nights I’ve ever had. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and climb into bed. I wrap myself in my down comforter that now smells like Julian, take a deep breath, and fall immediately into a deep sleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I’m rudely awakened in the morning by Marissa shaking me, telling me I need to get my ass up. I look at the clock. Shit. It’s already seven forty-five, and I’m supposed to be at work by eight thirty. It’s only ten minutes away, but I need to take a shower and get dressed. I pop out of bed and head to the bathroom.

  I call to Marissa over my shoulder. “Thank you! I forgot to set my alarm last night.”

  “Did all the great sex scramble your brain? You never forget to set your alarm.” She’s joking with me, and I’m in a great mood despite the fact I’m running so late.

  “Maybe.” I hear her chuckle as she walks away.

  I look in the mirror and am greeted by the image of a satisfied woman. Talk about bed head. My lips feel swollen, and my body is deliciously sore. I quickly brush my teeth and put my hair on top of my head. There is no way I’m going to be able to wash and dry it, and I see a ponytail in my future. I turn the water on but don’t wait long enough for it to warm up. The lukewarm water helps wake me up. As my brain “unscrambles,” as Marissa called it, I start to think about Julian and last night. As I wash between my legs, I really feel the aftereffects of my hot night with him. My thoughts, coupled with the innocent movement of my hands, causes a burst of heat to rush through my body, and I really wish I had the time to masturbate in the shower, using Julian as a muse. Unfortunately, I’m in a hurry. I wash the rest of my body quickly and hop out. I dry myself off and walk naked to my closet. I usually take the time to pick out my outfits, but I don’t have that luxury today. I grab a pair of panties and matching bra from my lingerie drawer, pull on a kelly-green pair of cropped, cotton pants and a sleeveless, structured black top. I’m so tired this morning that the idea of teetering around all day on high heels isn’t too appealing. I dig a pair of Sam Edelman leopard-print ballet flats out of their box and slip them on. My feet are already thanking me. I head back to the bathroom, run a brush through my hair, and pull it into a tight pony. I brush a little powder on my face, swipe the mascara wand over my lashes, and dab a little lip gloss on. I’m so glad I can get by without wearing much makeup. As a quick afterthought, I grab my makeup bag just in case I want to put some more on once I get into work. I slip some plain gold hoops on along with my watch and a big, clunky, black flower ring. I look at the time—eight twenty. I take a final look in the mirror and decide I did a great job with the time I had. I hurry into the kitchen and pop a Vanilla K-cup into the machine. I pour some creamer in a travel mug and put the lid on when it finishes brewing. I check to see that my keys and phone are in my purse, and I head out the door. Marissa has already left for work, so I lock up and haul ass to work.

  I’m lucky and don’t hit any traffic on the way in. It’s only eight forty-five when I pull into my spot, and I know that even if someone notices I’m late, nobody will care. The elevator arrives quickly, and I get in and head up to the sales office on the third floor. I make my way to my little office and plop myself down in my seat. I take a deep breath to calm down a bit. I just spent the last hour rushing my ass off to get here close to the time I’m supposed to be. As I assumed, nobody is around to see I’m a few minutes late.

  I realize I haven’t checked my phone since I texted Julian yesterday. I’ve been so bad about answering it lately. I enter my code and notice I have an unread text message. It’s from Luke.

  Luke: Nice fucking new Jag, Lex.

  Shit! Shit! Shit! He must have driven by and seen Julian’s car. I didn’t see this coming. I was in such great mood this morning, and this totally sucks. If things were okay with Luke, then everything would be perfect. I decide we will be fixing this today, no matter what. I respond to Luke’s text. I figure he’s sleeping, and I don’t expect to hear from him for a few hours.

  Alexa: I prefer BMWs, you know that.

  Apparently he’s up. He responds right away.

  Luke: WTF Alexa?

  Alexa: Let’s discuss WTF over lunch. Today. JUST us.

  Luke: U came to Callahan’s?

  Alexa: Yes.

  Luke: Ok.

  Alexa: Sun Cafe @ 12.

  Luke: O
k.

  We will be working through this today. I hope he knows that.

  I open my computer and grab another cup of coffee from the kitchen while I wait for it to load. I run into Lauren in the kitchen, and she starts chatting me up about the seminar they went to yesterday. If she knows anything about what’s going on between Luke and me, she doesn’t let on. We talk about some clients, and she asks if I want to grab lunch. I tell her I have other plans, and she lets the subject go without asking with whom. There’s definitely a different vibe between us. I decide that after I patch things up with Luke, I’ll talk to her. We’ve gotten close, and I don’t want that to change.

  I get back to my desk and open my e-mail. I really only use this e-mail address for work, and I think to myself I need to give Julian my personal account info. I haven’t heard from him yet this morning, and I’m a little disappointed. He did say he had meetings all morning, but I still wish he would’ve sent me something to let me know he was thinking about me. I’m about to send him an e-mail with my other contact info when I get a call patched through to me from the front desk. I stop what I’m doing and spend the next fifteen minutes talking to my prospective buyer from yesterday. It looks like they’re going to come in and sign if we can work out a few minor details. What a great start to my day. As the conversation is coming to a close, I reopen my e-mail browser and see a new e-mail from Julian. I look at the subject line and wonder if he’s referencing the song “Brighter than the Sun” by Colbie Callait. I hope so.

  To: Alexa Reed—AReed@W&Minvestmentgroup.com

  From: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com

  Subj: Brighter than the Sun

  Stop me on the corner (or in the stairwell)

  I swear you hit me like a vision

  I, I, I wasn’t expecting

  But who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go

  Heard this in the elevator this morning. Reminded me of you … us. Fate?

  Julian

  He was referencing that song. Does this really happen in real life? I feel like I’m the lead character in an awesome chick flick. I reread the lyrics. I can’t believe he just sent me that. I’m not sure what I started with this song and lyric stuff, but he seems to have taken to it. I want to hear his voice, so I find his number in my phone and call him. I’m disappointed when it goes right to voicemail. I’m about to leave a message when I hear the sound of an incoming text. I look down at my phone and see it’s from Julian.

  Julian: In boring board meetings until after lunch. Can’t talk but can e-mail.

  I open my personal e-mail and respond.

  To: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com

  From: Alexa Reed—arrluvsshoes@hotmail.com

  Subj: 100% Perfect—Again

  Please note new email address. Don’t like to mix business with pleasure. Which, by the way, was given to me by the truckload last night! If I didn’t sufficiently thank you, I’ll make it up to you.

  Crashing into you in the stairwell may have been the best return on my shoe investment yet.

  BTW, you’re pretty good at the song lyric thing.

  Alexa

  He must be waiting for my e-mail because he responds quickly.

  To: Alexa Reed—arrluvsshoes@hotmail.com

  From: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com

  Subj: Making your pleasure my business—100% in the plan

  You thanked me multiple times if I remember correctly, but my mind is a little fuzzy from getting blown last night. Pun intended.

  Love the e-mail address. What are you wearing today? Please stay out of the stairwell if there is a chance you may crash into another unsuspecting victim. It’s not fair.

  BTW, I’m good at most things. I’ll prove it tonight?

  Julian

  If it’s possible, I’m equally turned on by Julian’s wit as I am his body. He’s smart, confident, funny, and totally keeping me on my toes.

  To: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com

  From: Alexa Reed—arrluvsshoes@hotmail.com

  Subj: Great Business Plan

  I approve of your plans. You may absolutely begin implementing them tonight. You say where and when. You will be pleased to know I’m wearing flats today so nobody is in danger. I was a bit wobbly this morning after my intense workout yesterday. I need to go sell some condos so I can buy more shoes. Let me know about tonight.

  Alexa

  To: Alexa Reed—arrluvsshoes@hotmail.com

  From: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com

  Subj: Implementation schedule

  I’ll call you after lunch to discuss. I need to pay attention so I don’t agree to anything I’ll regret later. I’d rather be distracted by you though. Speaking of workouts, I was able to skip mine this morning because of the one I got last night. My personal trainer is already jealous of you.

  Julian

  Okay. So this day is getting better and better by the minute. I can’t keep a smile off of my face. I’m going to see Julian again tonight, and I can’t wait to hear what he has in mind. I hope it includes more “working out.”

  The rest of the morning goes by quickly. I set some appointments and get the answers I need for my clients. It looks like the sale will happen and we’ll be able to close in a few weeks. This is a bigger, more expensive unit with a lot of options, and my commission will be great. I finish up some paperwork and get myself ready to go meet Luke for lunch.

  I have to admit, I’m nervous. I haven’t been nervous to spend time with Luke since the night we hooked up. He’s always made me feel comfortable around him. It’s why we became such good friends. There has always been an ease in our relationship. That is until a few weeks ago. I know he has an issue with me seeing Julian, but he’s going to have to get over it because it’s happening. I find a space near the restaurant and go inside to get a table. Luke gets there a few minutes after me and starts to walk over to where I’m sitting. He flashes me a real smile and winks one of his baby blues at me. He’s in blue plaid cargo shorts, a plain white T-shirt, and flip-flops. He looks great as usual, and I can’t help but notice all the women in the restaurant check him out as he walks by. He pulls off the “I just rolled out of bed, and I’m still this hot” look very well. When he gets to me, he pulls me out of my chair and gives me a bear hug. I hug him back as hard as I can. My heart is instantly happy. I’ve missed him.

  We place our order at the counter. I get a large Greek salad, and Luke orders a gyro and fries. I’m starved, and I realize I totally skipped breakfast this morning. We find a table near the windows.

  He starts the conversation. “I’m tired of being mad at you.”

  I sigh. “Good, cuz I’m tired of being mad at you too.”

  He dips a fry in ketchup, takes a bite, and shrugs his shoulders. “So let’s agree not to be mad anymore.” He makes it all sound so simple, as if we just had a small misunderstanding. I wish it were that easy.

  “I’d love that, but I think we need to talk about why we both are … were, mad, Luke.” I know we need to talk this through or it will keep happening. Julian is currently in my life, and I hope he will be for a long time.

  “Okay. Right now I’m mad because you’ve lied to me twice in a week. I’m not used to that from you, Lexie.” He’s referring to me not telling him about hooking up with Julian and about me being busy last night.

  “I know, Luke, and I feel bad, but you kind of forced me into it.”

  He shakes his head at me and chuckles. “I made you lie to me? How do you figure that?” Okay, so he isn’t planning on taking any responsibility here.

  “Well, I’m assuming you’re referring to the lie I supposedly told by not telling you anything happened between Julian and me?” I realize we still haven’t talked about “what” happened between Julian and me, and I’m starting to wonder if he really knows something or if h
e was just speculating. I don’t offer up any details.

  He looks down when I say Julian’s name. “For starters.”

  “I didn’t lie to you, Luke. I just didn’t tell you.” I know that sounds lame, and I’ve never liked that logic used on me, but it works here.

  “It feels the same to me, Lexie.” He plays the sin of omission card.

  “I understand, and I’m sorry. But you’ve been acting crazy since the first time you saw Julian paying attention to me. Why?” I hope he plans on being honest right now or we won’t fix anything.

  “I’ve told you. He isn’t good for you. He’s always with a different woman. Seriously. I’ve seen it. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. That’s the truth, Alexa.” I know Luke isn’t lying to me about the women. I’ve seen it myself. I try to hide my insecurity.

  “And you honestly don’t think he could be interested in me? I mean really interested?” I brace myself and wait for his answer. I know he’ll be honest.

  “Lex, any man who isn’t interested in you is an asshole. So, no, I have no doubt he’s interested in you. Interested in what is the question.”

  His response warms my heart and loosens me up. “Well, he clearly isn’t after my money because he has tons of that himself. And I hope he isn’t interested in my virtue because I lost that when I was seventeen.”

  Luke starts laughing and shakes his head at me. I know we’re close to being okay. His next question just cuts through all the beating around the bush, and I’m glad he asks. “Are you seeing him?”

  “Yes.” I breathe the words out, and a weight lifts off my shoulders. I don’t want to hide this from Luke. I can tell by the look on his face he really didn’t want yes to be my answer, but he doesn’t ask any other questions.

  “And you and Lauren?” We still need to address that issue too.

  “We’ve hung out a few times.” In Lukespeak, that means had sex a few times.

  He didn’t push the issue about Julian, so I don’t push about Lauren. However, I do need to say something about yesterday at Callahan’s. “Next time we plan to meet alone, can you please let me know ahead of time if things change?”