Stay

by Wynne, Hilary

  He looks perplexed. “No secrets, Alexa. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me. All you have to do is ask. I want you to know everything. I told you that the other night.”

  “Then what are you talking about. Why would I run?” I really am confused.

  “Are you ready for me to tell you how I’m feeling about you? About us? About what I want and what I need from you? If you say yes, and you really mean yes, then I won’t hold back. I don’t want to hold back. Pero no creo que este listo. Am I right?”

  Oh no. This is Julian holding back? The last few weeks have been incredibly intense in every way. We just met each other, and I personally have opened up to him more than I even thought was possible for me. He knows how much I care about him. Doesn’t he? I know he cares too. I know he wants me. He’s asking if I’m ready to know more. I do. I want to know everything. But then he’ll want to know everything too. It’s how he is. And I’m not ready for him to know everything about me.

  I nod my head indicating that yes, he’s right, I’m not ready. He looks crestfallen, and it breaks my heart. I’m second-guessing my decision when Julian gets out of the bed and heads toward my bathroom. His posture is rigid, and I know he’s really disappointed. I want to follow him, but I don’t. I hear the shower turn on. I’m a little mad right now. Why can’t he just let things be? I feel like he’s always mad or disappointed in me. We were having a good night. We had a good run and then great sex. Why can’t that be enough?

  Julian isn’t in the shower long. He comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist and walks over to the bed. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue or fight with you tonight. Forget I said anything.”

  I’m glad he apologized. I really don’t want to fight either. I smile at him. “Forget what?”

  He smiles back and gets his clothes out of his bag. He puts on a pair of black shorts and a white T-shirt.

  “I’m going to order dinner. Chinese? Italian? What do you want?”

  “Chinese is good. There are menus in the drawer next to the stove.”

  Julian leaves the room to order the food, and I hop in the shower. I finish quickly, towel dry my hair, and put on a pair of gray fleece shorts and a pink off-the-shoulder tunic. I find Julian in the living room sitting down talking with Shannon and Marissa. He tells me he ordered dinner for all of us. I love that he included my friends. The food comes, and we all sit and talk. Julian tells us about what’s going on at the hotel in the next few weeks and encourages all of us to come and hang out Memorial Day weekend. Marissa and Shannon both give me sideways glances, and I try my best to ignore them. I think Julian picks up on it, but he doesn’t say anything. After we finish eating, Marissa and Shannon excuse themselves. I begin to clean up, and Julian asks if it’s okay for him to make a few work calls. I find the question odd. I just nod at him and walk into the kitchen. I hear him talking first to Candace and then to Ruben. He isn’t on long and wraps up his conversation as I sit down next to him on the couch.

  “Sorry about that.”

  I’m not sure why he thinks he needs my permission to work or why he feels he needs to apologize. “Julian, if you need to work, I’m cool with it.”

  He shrugs and smirks. “You are now.”

  I must look perplexed, because he clarifies what he meant. “Alexa, I’m a workaholic and a bit of a control freak when it comes to the hotel. I have a hard time not being there every night. I want to be here with you, which is a major change for all of my staff, and me as well. I’m trying to make sure to focus on us, but it’s hard for me to let go.”

  I’m moved by his honesty and consideration. I know all about not being able to let go of things and needing to be in control. This is another thing we have in common.

  “Julian, I appreciate your honesty. I wouldn’t expect you to put me first. I’m happy you’re here with me tonight.”

  Julian pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms around me. He looks me directly in the eyes. “Alexa Reed, I’m glad you’re happy I’m here because there isn’t any place I’d rather be. But you have this all wrong. You should come first, and I want to put you first. You don’t deserve to come second.”

  I really wasn’t playing the martyr role, and his response touches me. So much so that I feel tears spring to my eyes. He sees them right away and kisses each of my eyes. He doesn’t ask me why I’m suddenly so emotional, and although I appreciate him not questioning me, I feel a need to tell him why what he said means so much to me.

  “Thank you. It means more to me than you know to hear you say that. I’ve come in second more times than I care to remember. Sometimes it was third or fourth.” A small tear threatens to escape, and Julian kisses it away. “I’ve stopped expecting things from people, because if I have no expectations I can’t get disappointed. I don’t want people to expect things from me either. That way nobody gets disappointed.”

  Julian starts to say something, but I cut him off.

  “I feel like I always disappoint you. I’m trying to meet your expectations, but I always feel like I fail, at least emotionally. Tonight is a perfect example. You wanted something from me, and I let you down.”

  Whew. That wasn’t easy. Julian’s expression is unreadable at the moment, so I’m not sure my little speech was a good idea. He stands up, takes my hand, and walks toward my bedroom. I guess he wants privacy? We’re alone in the living room, but Marissa or Shannon could walk out any minute. When we’re in my room, he shuts and locks my door and sits down in the chair at my desk. I sit on my bed and face him. His arms are crossed over his chest, and to be honest he looks a little mad. I brace myself for his response as he takes a deep breath and exhales.

  “Alexa, you haven’t told me much about your past, so I really have no idea who or what hurt you so badly that you feel you can’t expect good things. If I knew who it was that did this to you, I’d go kick his ass right now. But I have a feeling you aren’t going to share that information with me.”

  I nod my head, indicating he’s right. Nope, I’m not sharing the fact that it’d be hard to kick my ex-boyfriend’s ass because he’s dead.

  Julian continues. “I’m so sorry I make you feel like you always disappoint me, because you don’t. But as far as tonight goes, you’re right. I was a little disappointed. I’m sorry I made you feel bad about anything. I think you and I are in different places emotionally, and that’s a little hard for me to accept. I’ve been waiting to feel this way for years, and now that I do, I want to share it all with you. I don’t know what’s too much and what isn’t enough.”

  With tears in my eyes again, I whisper, “I don’t know either.”

  Julian walks over and sits down next to me on the bed. I’m having a hard time looking at him because I really don’t want to start crying. “I understand more than you think I do. I’ve spent years trying to figure out what I wanted. It all became perfectly clear to me the minute you ran into me in the stairwell.” Julian puts his hand under my chin and turns my face so I’m forced to look at him. “Te quiero, Alexa. I want you. You can count on me. Whether you know that or not, it’s true, baby. Please try.”

  The compassion and sincerity shining through his eyes is overwhelming. I want so badly to tell him he’s wrong. We’re not in different places emotionally. I know what I want. I just can’t believe he feels the same way. I don’t believe he’ll stay when he learns about my past and finds out I’m not exactly the person he thinks I am. I can’t believe he won’t find someone better. I just don’t believe. But because he’s asking me to, I make a vow to try.

  I lean into Julian and place a gentle kiss on his soft lips. He responds by pulling me down onto the bed, taking me into his arms, and just holding me tight. There’s no place I’d rather be.

  We lay like that for quite a while. I sense he won’t make the first move to pull away because he knows I need this. I also
need to make sure he knows I’m on the same page as him as far as what I want and what I feel for him.

  My voice comes out in a whisper. “I’m scared this is all a really good dream and that I’m going to wake up and find out I imagined you.”

  He presses his lips to my ear and whispers back. “This is very real, and I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

  His lips start on my ear and then move to my neck and then find their way to my shoulder. They’re leaving a trail of warmth and desire on my skin. I move my arm down from Julian’s waist and wrap it around his ass and pull him into me as close as I can. A small groan comes out of my mouth as he does the same to me. The tenderness gives way to passion, and we quickly help each other remove our clothes. He’s looking at me and asking me what I need with his eyes. I gently push his shoulder back, indicating I want him on his back. His eyes are blazing with desire as I climb on top of him and kiss him with every bit of lust and love I’m feeling. Our mouths and tongues are hot, wet, and hungry, and he kisses me back with a matched intensity. He’s raising his hips and pressing his massive erection against my sex. I know if I move a tiny bit he will slide in. I’m so ready for him, and I’m also so tempted to forgo the condom. At the last second I decide against it and move so I’m kneeling next to him. He groans his disapproval.

  “Please, Alexa. I want to feel you, baby. All of you.”

  His plea is desperate, and I almost cave. I don’t want to argue this point with him right now, so I try to distract him with my mouth. I run my tongue over each of his nipples and suck them gently. Julian grabs my head and weaves his fingers into my hair. I make my way down his stomach, making sure to kiss every inch of his flat, muscled torso. I glide my tongue over his hip bone and down his thigh and eventually position myself so I’m kneeling between his legs. I take his shaft into my hand and begin to stroke him in the rhythm I’ve learned pleases him most. He’s moaning softly and whispering his approval.

  “Sí, sí. Se siente tan bien. No pare.”

  “I’m not going to stop, Julian. Not until I taste you and feel you come apart in my mouth.”

  The groan that comes out of Julian is primal, and as I lean over and take him in my mouth, I revel in the heady feeling that comes over me, knowing what I can do to this man.

  I take all of him deep in my mouth and stroke his shaft simultaneously. I massage his heavy balls with my other hand and run my nails up and down the inside of his thighs. Julian’s hands are in my hair, and he’s rocking his hips up and down as he thrusts himself into my mouth. When I pull out and run my tongue around the soft head, I taste him, and it turns me on even more. I run my tongue down the underside of his shaft, take his balls into my mouth, and suck with just enough pressure to drive Julian crazy.

  “Oh my God, Alexa. Yes, suck me, baby. I’m going to come for you.”

  I do as he asks and take him back in my mouth. I hear him call my name as I taste the warmth and saltiness of his desire fill up my mouth. I swallow twice and then continue to suck until I’m sure he’s completely spent.

  “Thank you. That was incredible.”

  As Julian praises my blow job skills, he flips me onto my back and begins to return the favor. His hot mouth finds me very ready. Julian spreads me open with his fingers and launches the most delicious assault on my wet sex. I squirm underneath him as he runs his tongue slowly up and down my cleft. Julian alternates between gently sucking, blowing on, and flicking his tongue over my engorged clit. He’s taking his time with me, and although I want to savor each minute, I find I can’t hold back.

  “Make me come, Julian, please.” I’m desperate for the sensation that’s building in me to peak. I need it.

  “Mmm … hold on. You taste so sweet, Lexie. I could spend the rest of the night between your legs.”

  My whole body feels that comment and clenches in response. “I can’t wait, Julian. You make me feel so good. It’s so good, baby.”

  I’m breathless, desperate, and quivering beneath him. His touch sets my body alight, and the slow burn he has ignited spreads and reaches every inch of my body. The climax I was chasing finds me. It’s powerful and leaves me spent and sated. I lie still and catch my breath as Julian gets off the bed to get a condom from his bag.

  “Good God, Julian. Are you trying to kill me?”

  He laughs as he rolls the condom on. “Death by orgasm? Not a bad way to go.”

  He climbs back on the bed, and I ask him to lie on his back. I want to be on top. “You can have me anyway you want me, Alexa. I’m all yours.”

  Of course he’s referring to the sexual position we’re in, but I like the sound of him being all mine. “I like the sound of that, Julian.”

  I climb on top of him and take his penis in my hand. He’s hard again and ready to go. I guide him into me and slowly slide down until I’m filled with all of him. The feeling of him deep inside of me is delicious and makes my body tingle with desire. Julian is looking at me, his eyes burning with lust. I feel empowered and in control as I slide my wet sex slowly up and down his hot shaft. Julian’s hands are on my hips, and he helps me keep my balance and my rhythm. His moans of pleasure spur me on.

  “Tell me what I need to do to help make you come again, baby.” He’s remembering the first time I was on top, when I asked him to stay still. I take his hands from my hips and put them on my swollen breasts. Julian doesn’t need any other direction from me. His large hands alternate between massaging them firmly and rolling my nipples between his fingers. It feels amazing, and I arch my back into his hands, savoring his touch. I want his mouth on me, so I lean forward. The feeling of his tongue on my sensitive nipples is too good. He’s taking turns licking and sucking and biting and caressing my breasts. I begin to feel another orgasm brewing in my core, and when I clench my whole lower body, the sensation starts to spread. I pull back from Julian’s mouth and begin to ride him quickly as the warmth of my climax spreads through my body. Julian never takes his eyes off of me, and when he senses I’m done, he wraps his arm around my waist and flips me over onto my back. He thrusts into me hard and fast as he chases his own orgasm. I marvel in the beauty of his body and the images of his muscles flexing and pulsating with desire. I wrap my legs and arms around his ass and hold him close to me as his orgasm racks his body. We stay this way for longer than necessary, our bodies and hearts fused together.

  Julian eventually gets up and heads to the bathroom. When he returns, I do the same. As I climb back into bed with him and snuggle up to his hot, naked body, I wonder how I was ever able to sleep without him next to me. It just feels so right. I glance up and find him smiling down at me. He looks so relaxed and so happy. I hope I’m mirroring the same emotions because that’s how I’m feeling.

  “What are you smiling about?” I want him to tell me I just rocked his world.

  “You called me, baby.” He says it shyly, and I’m touched. I didn’t realize I said it. It must have slipped out.

  I hug him tightly and press my face to his chest. I kiss the skin over his heart, and he squeezes me back.

  “What time do you get up for work?”

  Damn. I’m snapped back to reality. “Around seven. What about you?”

  “I’m going to hang out with you until you leave. We’re planning on leaving around one o’clock.”

  I try not to get emotional when I think about Julian being away from me for five days. It sounds so long. I remind myself I managed to live for twenty-five years without him. Julian notices my mood change. “What are you thinking about?”

  “I’m going to miss you.”

  He kisses me softly on the lips. “I’m going to miss you too.”

  We lay there talking about his trip for another thirty minutes. I’m exhausted and need to sleep, but I don’t want this night to end. He’ll be leaving me in the morning. Despite my best efforts to remain awake, I can’t. Julian’s warm body press
ed against mine along with the soothing feel of his fingers running slowly up and down my back lull me into a peaceful deep sleep.

  I sleep so well that I don’t even hear my alarm until it’s been going off for thirty minutes. I hit the off button and roll over. Julian isn’t in my bed, and my heart sinks when I think he must have already left. I throw a robe on, quickly brush my teeth, and head out to see if I’m right. I find him in my living room with his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. He’s dressed, and it looks like he has showered. Damn. I guess this means no sex this morning. I’m greeted by a huge smile.

  “Good morning, corazón.”

  “How long have you been up?”

  “Since six. I hope I didn’t wake you?”

  I rub my eyes. “No, and I wish you would have. I’m already running late, and I can’t even blame it on sex.”

  Julian reaches for me and pulls me onto his lap. “I’m sorry, baby. You looked so peaceful. I told you I have a hard time waking you up.”

  I lean over, nip his earlobe, and whisper, “For the record, I love being woken up with something hard.”

  Julian moans, and I feel him harden. “Sit tight, Julian.” I hurry back to my room and grab a condom from the dresser. On the way back to the kitchen, I hear Marissa’s shower turn on, and I know I have at least twenty minutes before she’ll come out of her room. Shannon went to Cory’s last night, so I’m not worried about her catching us either. I walk back into the living room, put the condom on the table, straddle Julian, and begin unzipping his shorts like a woman on a mission. I find him hot and semi hard.

  “Have I told you lately how much I appreciate the fact you don’t wear underwear?” I slide his shaft out and stroke it gently. Semi hard turns into very hard quickly.

  For the first time since we met, I think I’ve shocked Julian. He’s speechless for a minute. He looks around, unsure we should be doing this here.

  “We have about twenty minutes for you to put that condom on and fuck me. I know we don’t have a lot of time this morning, so I’m keeping you out of my bedroom, but if you think you’re leaving without coming again you’re very wrong. And by the way, I’m already wet and ready for you.”