by Roman, Mark
This time she was in.
Her eyes widened as the terminal displayed what she had been looking for. There, in front of her, were the 3D plans of The Night Ripple. She searched them this way and that, examining every room, every corridor, every piece of machinery. Finally, she focused her attention on the forward engine room, zooming in and studying it very carefully.
After a few minutes of study, she flicked the terminal off and left the library looking pleased with herself.
Had anyone been watching her actions, they would have been mystified by her behaviour. For, the whole time she had been logged on, she hadn’t once checked her e-mail, surfed the web or played a game of Solitaire.
PART THE THIRD: GROUND
Chapter 1
jixX made the final course correction and The Night Ripple lurched into SCN8-4 – a small, localized space-time singularity.
“We have entered the Pseudogravitic Continuum,” announced LEP.
The view through the main control room’s observation windows changed very slightly.
LEP felt he should add something informative and educational. “If you were a dog or a bat,” he started, “you would hear a very high-pitched whistle right now.”
“But I’m not.”
“No,” said LEP. “But if you were, you would hear the Ultrasonic Background Reverberation that permeates the Pseudogravitic Continuum. It’s high-pitched because of the partially non-Euclidean geometry here.”
“Why are you telling me this, LEP?”
“I aim to educate as well as entertain.”
“No comment. So tell me, how long are we going to be in here?”
“About minus 46 seconds.”
jixX raised an eyebrow. “Minus?”
“That’s right. Time travels backwards here, and at a slower rate relative to our Universe.”
jixX looked at his watch. As far as he could tell, time was still travelling forwards. “Shouldn’t we be out by now?”
“Hmm,” said LEP. “That’s a good point. It’s possible that something’s gone horribly wrong.”
“Great,” said jixX, rubbing his tired eyes.
“I’ll check.” LEP spent the next few picoseconds gathering and analyzing data from hundreds of scanners, sensors and meters all around The Night Ripple. He even subjected some of the information to low-level, axosynaptic processing.
Finally, he said, “Yup, something’s gone horribly wrong.”
“Brilliant,” said jixX with a deep sigh. “What is it?”
“Well, we’re still in the Pseudogravitic Continuum, yet we should have been out... minus ages ago.”
“How bad is that?”
“Let me think. It’s a separate, bubble universe, quite a lot smaller than ours. No one’s ever been in it longer than a few seconds. So there’s no way of telling what effect that may have on us. Added to that, we don’t know how to get out. Sound bad enough to you?”
jixX nodded. “It’s a start.” He put his head in his hands and sat like that for a full ten seconds. The journey to Earth was supposed to be the uneventful leg of the mission. “What now?” he asked, finally. “Should we contact Mission Control?”
“Mission Control?” asked LEP with a laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”
“You mean there’s no Mission Control? We’re doing this on our own?”
“That’s about the sum of it, partner.”
“So what do we do?”
“We must inform the crew. Shall I sound the Red Alert?”
“Don’t you dare!” said jixX, looking up quickly. “I’ll tell them myself. Ask them to meet me in the common room.”
*
When jixX opened the door of the common room he was pleased to find all four crewmembers already there. For a brief moment his attention was distracted by the sight of a mahogany window-frame hanging on one of the walls. He turned to the crew, but his eyes were drawn back to the window-frame which he couldn’t help noticing was crooked. The more he looked, the more crooked it seemed. On the opposite wall was a mahogany bookshelf, also crooked.
Eventually, he managed to tear his eyes away and focus on the news he had to impart.
“Good morning, crew,” he started. “There’s something I have to tell you...” And then, suddenly, he stopped. The four members of the crew looked up at him from the armchairs and settee. jixX looked down at the four of them with a vague sense of unease. He could have sworn there should only be three crewmembers.
He recognized two of them: the dishevelled, white-coated and crazed-looking behavioural chemist, fluX, and the boyish, crazed-looking carpenter, twaX, whose clothes were still covered in mahogany sawdust. But additionally, there were two females. One had to be anaX the gynaecologist, but who was the other?
He looked from one female to the other. “anaX the gynaecologist?” he probed.
The attractive, raven-haired gynaecologist gave him an enigmatic smile and a little wave.
jixX waved back and then turned to the other woman. “And you are?”
She rose to her feet and offered him her hand. She was thin and pretty, with short blonde hair and a winningly sweet smile. “My name’s sylX,” she said, with dimples appearing in her cheeks as she smiled. “I’m the ship’s stowaway.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The ship’s stowaway.”
“Er... and you’re stowing away here in the common room?”
“Yes.”
jixX was suddenly lost for words. He stared at sylX and blinked, his mind stuck in some kind of loop.
There was a long silence.
Then he remembered the purpose of the meeting. “Er, what I came to tell you,” he said, addressing the crew, but occasionally also glancing at the stowaway, “was that we’ve entered the Pseudogravitic Continuum. And, er, we don’t know how to get out.” He added quickly, “But don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be okay.”
“Captain,” LEP interrupted him. “I think you’d better come back to the main control room.”
“What? Now?”
“We’re approaching a planet. And it looks like it has life on it.”
“Oh, for goodness sake!” said jixX. But then he recovered his composure. “Yes, of course,” he said as matter-of-factly as he could.
“There’s life on the planet!” exclaimed sylX excitedly, her pretty face lighting up with delight. “Aliens! Maybe they’re intelligent. Wow, how fantastic! That’ll be a first for Humankind!”
“Er, yes,” said jixX absently. “If you’ll excuse me.” He gave a slight bow to the three crewmembers and one stowaway and left the common room.
*
“LEP,” said jixX urgently, as he hurried along the brightly lit corridors back to the main control room. “We have a stowaway on board.”
“I know that, cap’n,” said LEP.
“And how long have you known that?”
“I detected her a couple of hours ago,” said LEP. “But I must admit I didn’t see her slip aboard at Tropecaps. She must be very good.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you unduly.”
“Worry me unduly? What else haven’t you told me? How many more stowaways do we have?”
“None, sir.”
“Serial killers? Mass murderers? Saboteurs?”
“None to my knowledge, cap’n.”
jixX sighed. “Do you think she’s dangerous?”
“No more than any of the others.”
jixX gave a wry smile at this. “What are we going to do with her?” he asked.
“I’d make her walk the plank,” suggested LEP. “Nothing beats the hallowed traditions of the good ol’ days.”
jixX had reached the main control room. “Okay,” he said, pausing to get his breath back. “Now tell me about these aliens.”
Chapter 2
The Night Ripple had been detected by the scanners as soon as she had entered the Pseudogravitic Continuum.
News had reached t
he Elders shortly afterwards. Their decision had been swift and precise. Instantly they’d had the answer. There could only be one answer. The answer was The Answer.
And so it was that the projector came to be swung into position and brought to bear on the glistening hull of The Night Ripple as the ship approached the planet.
“Left a bit,” said one, as the other adjusted the projector. “Down a bit... a bit more.”
“Take aim.”
The glistening hull of The Night Ripple was plum in the middle of the cross hairs.
“Ready?”
“Ready.”
“FIRE!”
*
“Do you think these aliens are friendly?” asked jixX, looking down at the planet below.
*
The projector fired, blasting its contents skywards...
*
“Don’t know,” said LEP. “More importantly, we need to give them a name.”
“We’ve not met them, yet.”
“No, but I’ve given the matter some thought – on the off-chance of ever encountering extra terrestrials. My idea is to call them the Point Beings.”
“The Point Beings? How do you know they are points?”
“They probably aren’t,” said LEP.
“So what’s the point of calling them the Point Beings?”
“That’s precisely the point,” explained LEP. “The point being, that the Point Beings are not point beings.”
jixX gave a withering sigh. “No,” he said at last, “we’re not going to call them that.”
“The Things?”
jixX raised an eyebrow.
“The Thing Beings,” said LEP. “The thing being that the Thing Beings are not point beings. And they’re not the Point Beings.”
jixX wondered how much more of this he could take. “No,” he said.
“How about the Mamms?” suggested LEP.
“Mamms,” echoed jixX, considering the name with some suspicion. “The Mamm Beings. Mamm Beings.” He repeated the name a few more times, but couldn’t see the pun. “Okay, I don’t get it,” he said at last.
“The Mamm aliens.”
“Ah. Very droll.”
“It’s a pun,” explained LEP unnecessarily.
*
On it sped, hurtling through space, closing in on The Night Ripple with every second...
*
“Hmm,” LEP was saying. “The planet has a strange topography.”
“In what way?”
“It’s completely flat. No topographical features of any kind.”
“So?”
“Must have been artificially levelled somehow. I can’t detect anything like cities down there. But there is definitely life. And not just primitive micro-organisms.” Then, he added, “Wait …”
jixX didn’t like the sound of this.
*
Closer and closer it sped, now in range of The Night Ripple’s radar detectors...
*
“I think we’re in danger,” said LEP urgently. “There’s a projectile heading this way.”
“A projectile?” said jixX, suddenly panicking. “A projectile??”
“It will hit the ship in 15 seconds.”
“We’re under attack?!?” screamed jixX, his panic increasing. “Isn’t there something we can do?” He scanned the control panels in front of him. “Can’t we switch on a force-field or something?”
“We don’t have one,” said LEP. “But... duck!”
“Duck?”
“Lower your head.”
“What?”
“Reduce the vertical spatial coordinates of your cranium.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see,” said LEP. Then, more urgently, “Duck!!!”
jixX ducked.
At that moment there was a splintering crash of shattered glass as a small object smashed through the starboard observation window and flew into the control room, just missing jixX’s spruce.
“Aah!” yelled jixX in fear.
The object ricocheted off the anti-inertial command couch and fell heavily at jixX’s feet. The sudden drop in cabin pressure from the smashed window triggered the micro-sensitive pressure detectors, which, in turn, triggered the emergency decompression defence system. A praseodymium-reinforced shutter clanked into place over the shattered glass.
“Aaargh!” exclaimed jixX as he stepped back from the object at his feet. “What is it?”
“Hmm,” said LEP. “Let me scan it.” There was a buzzing noise and a couple of flashes of light.
“Well?” asked jixX anxiously, edging further and further from the object on the floor.
“My scanners indicate that it is a brick with a note tied to it,” said LEP.
jixX stopped his retreat and peered more closely at the object. “My scanners are in agreement with yours,” he said. “It is a brick with a note tied to it.”
“Well, pick it up,” said LEP.
“You’ve got to be kidding. What if it’s a bomb, disguised as a brick? Or radioactive, or something?”
“Then you’ll have to pick it up to get rid of it, won’t you.”
“Thanks for your help.” jixX leaned down and picked up the brick.
“What does it say?”
“Hold on. It’s upside down.” jixX turned the brick around. “It says: ‘WHO GOES THERE? FRIEND OR FOE?’”
“Is that all?”
“No, there’s some small print under the dotted line. It says: ‘Write answer in space provided and return to sender asap’.”
“Asap?”
“As soon as possible.”
“Hmm,” mused LEP.
“What do you think it means?”
“Probably exactly what it says,” said LEP. “So let’s do as it asks. Write ‘FRIEND’ in the space provided and sling the brick out through the dioxystable modulo-cystometric airlock. It’ll fall to the planet below.”
“But won’t it burn up on re-entry?” asked jixX, surprisingly well versed in scientific principles for a landscape architect.
“Not if it’s been fired properly,” said LEP, chuckling at his little pun.
Chapter 3
Two dark shapes emerged from the shadows and peered into the depression of Receiver Net 7. One reached in and retrieved the still-warm brick.
“What does it say?” asked the other.
“FRIEND,” read the first.
“Bugger!” said the second.
*
jixX returned from the dioxystable modulo-cystometric airlock wondering aloud at the communications system of the Mamms.
“I’d say it’s highly advanced,” insisted LEP. “Think how difficult it must be to project a brick through a spaceship window when the spaceship is 420 miles up and travelling close to the speed of ultrasound.”
“Hmm, I take your point,” said jixX. He walked over to an observation window to observe the planet below. “It still seems a bit crude, though. As communications system go.”
“DUCK!” warned LEP.
“What?”
“Duck!”
“Not again,” said jixX, crouching down under the window. He covered his head, but then looked up. “How much time to impact?” he asked as he suddenly had an idea.
“Ten seconds.”
“Nine... eight...” counted jixX aloud. “How do you open these windows? ...six...”
“Are you crazy?”
“...five... Tell me!! ...three...”
“It swings outwards. Undo the little red catch marked ‘DO NOT OPEN’.”
“...one...” jixX, determined to save the window, banged the catch hard and swung the window open. Just in time. “...Zero...”
A hard object flew in through the open window above jixX’s head. At the same time, half the oxygen in the main control room flew out in the opposite direction. The sudden drop in cabin pressure triggered the micro-sensitive pressure detectors, activating the emergency decompression defence system and clanking the praseodymium-reinforced shutter
into place over the open window – smashing it to bits.
“Damn!” said jixX as he picked glass fragments out of his hair and clothes. “That was a complete waste of death-defying heroism.”
“No comment,” said LEP. “Would you like me to record your foolish bravery in the ship’s log?”
“Will I get a medal?”
“Unlikely. But you may get billed for the damage.”
“In that case, best not mention it.”
jixX eyed the two smashed windows, covered by their protective shutters. His mind suddenly pictured them replaced by mahogany window-frames. He hit himself on the head to knock the image out of it and stooped to pick up the brick.
“What does it say this time?” asked LEP.
“‘Landing permission granted’.”
“That’s nice.”
“Hmm,” said jixX, not convinced. He put the brick down on the desktop next to his spruce and stared at it thoughtfully. Then he sat down in his anti-inertial command couch and strapped himself in. He surveyed the banks of coloured displays and buttons and knobs in front of him.
“What now?” he asked, flexing his fingers in readiness.
“I suggest we land on the planet.”
jixX rolled his eyes “How come you get all the good ideas?” he asked. “Just tell me which buttons to press.”
*
A few minutes later, The Night Ripple landed on the planet’s surface with an almighty judder. Even the monostatic leverage on jixX’s anti-inertial command couch could not disguise the moment of impact. The potted spruce jumped and bounced on the control desk and finally toppled to the floor.
“Crikey!” said jixX when he had finished shaking. “Is everything okay?” He quickly leapt to his spruce’s rescue and returned it to the desktop, kicking some of the loose earth on the floor under the desk.
“Touchdown successful,” announced LEP. “Damage minimal.”
“‘Touchdown’?” said jixX, his ears still buzzing. “Crash landing, more like.”
“No, no,” said LEP emphatically. “Technically, it was a touchdown in that there’s a remote chance that the ship may be able to take off again.”