I dramatically tilt my head back. “All right, all right, I get your point. Spit it out.”
His hand rides up to my back as he lightly caresses it. “Dallas Barnes, Lauren’s brother, is tying the knot next weekend. Want to be my wedding date?”
I’ve heard about the wedding. It’s had bigger buzz than my ex’s. Dallas and Willow’s story is more beautiful than my ex’s. No affairs present in their situation. Dallas lost his wife to cancer. It was tragic. I went to the funeral, and he was devastated. Willow saved him and his daughter from a lonely life.
I shove my face into his neck. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
He pulls out of me, and I fall to my back as he hovers above me, making strong eye contact. “Au contraire, I think it’s a great one.”
I bite into my lower lip. “People will talk.”
“Hopefully. I doubt anyone will be up for a mute wedding, but I’ll put in a request if it’ll make you more comfortable. Do you know sign language?”
I smack his shoulder. “You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You’re you … and I’m me,” I stutter out.
“Yes … I didn’t know you weren’t aware of that.”
“You’re a Lane. I’m a Fieldgain. We don’t go together.”
He slides back inside me and raises his hips, resulting in a gasp from me. “Wrong. We sure seem to go together pretty damn well right now.”
“To the outside world, we don’t go together.” And to me.
His hand reaches up to cup my breast, lightly squeezing it, and then his lips head to my ear. “Why do you care so much about what the outside world thinks?”
I caress his chest. “Says the guy who the entire town loves.”
“Says the girl this guy is falling for.”
My heart flutters, and my breathing is heavy as I smash my mouth to his.
All wedding talk disappears as he takes me away into another world, both physically and emotionally.
I’m exhausted.
We’re back at my house.
We ate breakfast with Gage and Lauren before leaving the hotel early this morning. It’s nice having a social life. Before Kent, it was nonexistent and went back to that after our breakup.
Kyle grabs my foot in his lap and massages it. “This weekend was fun. Thank you again.” He smiles. “Let’s figure out a weekend we can take the kids.”
I love that he thinks of things like that.
That’s when it hits me.
Kyle is great with kids. I saw it with Trey and Gloria. He’ll be a great father to lucky kids someday.
“Do you want kids?” I rush out before I lose the guts to ask.
His hand on my foot stops, and he uses the free one to scratch the back of his neck. “Maybe. Possibly. If it happens, it happens. Maybe adoption is a good idea for me.”
His answer seems rehearsed, as if he conjured up the right words for when I asked him. Sure, he most likely does get asked if he wants to be a father, but what guy says he wants kids but is considering taking the adoption route? A guy who’s had to think about it.
Anxiety twists in my gut. “Don’t bullshit me.”
He winces at my response and peers over at me in confusion. “What?”
“You heard Kent’s bitch wife call me barren.”
He nods. “I did, but it’s not my place to bring it up. It’s a personal issue for you, and when you’re ready to trust me with it, you’ll come to me.” He squeezes my foot. “I don’t mind waiting for you to reveal all parts of yourself to me. Do it piece by piece; that’s cool with me.”
“I can’t have children,” I whisper. I told him I was on birth control the first time we had sex because I was afraid of telling him this.
People aren’t sure how to respond when they hear a woman say infertility. Hell, before, I wouldn’t have known how to respond with that statement.
He nods again, processing what I said without showing an ounce of emotion. Lowering his voice, he says, “You love children.”
“I do,” I answer with a choked-up voice, and my anxiety rushes harder as the tears start.
“I’m sorry, Chloe.” He grabs my arm and pulls me onto his lap.
I stare down and gulp. “That’s why you said you were up for adopting, isn’t it?”
He delves his hand through my hair before lowering it and using the tip of his finger to drag my chin up. “Hey, you don’t know that. Maybe I’ve always wanted to adopt.”
“Always as in the last twelve hours after you heard what Lacy said?”
I sniffle, and my breakdown is coming. My hurt normally comes when I’m alone, and no one’s here to judge me. They can’t see my pain—not my doctor, not my mother or sister, not Kent.
It’s thrown in my face—by my mother, by my sister when I ask her for the children, by Kent when we broke up. Pissed off people never fail to throw other’s misfortune in their faces.
He wipes away my tears. “That doesn’t matter.”
I keep my gaze on him. “So, you did say it because you knew there was a possibility of that. You said it, so you wouldn’t hurt my feelings.”
“True, but I also said it because I mean it. I see a future with you. Shit, I want a future with you.” He places a hand over his heart and gives me a smile. “If adopting a child is how we have children, then I’m down.”
I wind my arms around his neck. “I guess I’ll have you.”
He gives me a gentle smile, grabs my hand, and kisses it. “Do you want to tell me why you can’t?”
“I have endometriosis,” I tell him. “It’s a health condition that can cause infertility in women and issues that can result in having their uterus removed. I was one of those women.”
He rubs my back as compassion crosses his features. “I’m so sorry.”
I’m not sure what starts it, maybe because I’m finally opening up to someone, but all my emotions, all my thoughts, suddenly spill out—in front of a man I’m finding myself trusting more than anyone. “It kills me,” I say around a groan and a sob. “I see so many women, my sister being one, who don’t deserve—” I pause to correct myself. “That’s mean of me to say. I see these women who don’t want to be mothers or take care of their children, and it kills me to see them take it for granted.” Sadness overcomes me. “God, what I’d kill for that.”
“Babe,” he says, continuing to rub my back.
I wipe away the tears while Kyle stares at me, giving me his undivided attention with a concerned face. Shame corrodes my insides. “It’s what a woman was created to do, right? Our bodies are made to bear babies. As little girls, it’s what we look into our future for, hoping for. I remember when I took care of Trey when I was fifteen. Sometimes, I’d act like he was my baby. I couldn’t wait to be a mother someday.” Pain grips my chest as my throat thickens with sobs. “All that was taken from me by a simple diagnosis. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like a woman. Sometimes, I hate my body for being this way, for doing this to me.”
Kent’s mother helped me post-surgery. She was kind but couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes that I wouldn’t be giving her a grandbaby. Coming to terms with my infertility is hard enough, but seeing the disappointment and judgment on others makes it so much worse.
Kyle is quiet. He never cuts me off, never tries to justify what I’m feeling. He listens and takes my pain in. “Don’t you dare base your worth off your ability to have children. You’re still a woman—a strong, compassionate, sexy woman who gives out unconditional love for so many people. Why aren’t you giving that same love to yourself?” He strokes my face, collecting all my tears with his fingers. “You, along with other women, weren’t put here for that. Period. You’re over here, helping Trey and Gloria and taking a job that pays half of what it should. Anyone who makes you believe any different shouldn’t be in your life.”
I gulp, unable to produce any words. I’m not withdrawn from him like when I told Kent.
“There a
re alternatives,” he goes on. “Adoption. Surrogate. Don’t let your diagnosis stop you from being a mother if it’s what you want.”
I nod. Adoption crossed my mind, but worry set in that it’d be selfish for me to bring a child into a single-parent home. I grew up without a father, and it hurt. I want to give a child that perfect life—mother, father, stability, white picket fence, all that. Right now, I can’t.
Kyle isn’t finished speaking. My honesty with my confession opened up the emotional floodgates. He doesn’t blink as we make steady eye contact, and my body feels weak as he looks at me with … I’m not even sure what it is.
His voice is rich with emotion when he finally talks. “Chloe, last night, we wanted alcohol in our systems to speak our sober thoughts, but speaking honestly, no bullshit, I’m falling in love with you. I’ll say it drunk, sober, today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. I want to make this official. I’m done pretending like we’re just casual sex friends. I want you to be mine, and in the future, if we make it there, we can adopt all the babies in the world.”
Kent never talked about it with me; he’d shut down when it was brought up. He was pissed about his life plan changing drastically. It scared me to hear another person call me a failure, so those wounds always stayed with me.
Kyle wanted this conversation with me.
Kyle will never put me down for flaws I can’t control.
He’ll stay by my side, exploring every alternative.
Kyle will stand by my side always … until he learns my lie.
18
Kyle
I’ve been on shift for three hours. So far, we’ve settled a domestic dispute with exes fighting over custody of their golden retriever and handled another where a woman slapped a man for rear-ending her car.
I’m thankful the crime rate in Blue Beech barely exists, and because of that, there’s a great deal of downtime during our shifts. Gage is definitely grateful for it. He worked for Chicago PD before returning to Blue Beech and had no downtime on the job. I’ve considered moving out of Blue Beech and taking a job where I can save more lives and make a bigger difference, but I could never leave my family.
Gage thrums his fingers against the table and smirks my way. We’re at the diner, having dinner. We’re regulars here when our shift is slow, and we need a bite to eat. If we receive a call, Shirley will sometimes keep our food and heat it up when we come back.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I question before taking the last bite of my cheeseburger.
He tilts his head to the side, as if he’s studying me. “Lauren ordered me to inspect you.”
The fuck?
I raise a brow. “Inspect me?”
“Yes. She’s curious if you’re looking or behaving differently.”
I scratch my head. “Why is your girlfriend worried about me looking or behaving differently?”
“She enjoyed our little double date and believes you and Chloe will make a good couple.”
I snort loudly. “You two bailed before the night started.”
After the Kent drama, the four of us went to breakfast the next day. I’d woken up with a sense of relief that morning. My talk with Chloe had answered questions I’d wondered about since our night at the bar.
I joke about sex and our relationship, but deep down, I want more. My feelings for her build the more she lets me in and opens herself up to me.
We shared more in one night at the hotel than we had in weeks. I had been outraged when Kent accused me of using Chloe as my whore. Sure, in the beginning, we’d shared orgasms more than feelings, but sex isn’t all we’re about; it wasn’t ever what I wanted us to be all about.
“We were doing you a favor,” Gage says.
“Or you two are lame,” I counter.
“Yes, my pregnant fiancée was tired, but she wanted to give you two alone time since you hadn’t been out much. When you’d suggested the arcade, she’d found the perfect opportunity for you to have fun without worrying about the curious eyes of Blue Beech residents. If we had been there, it would’ve interfered.”
I grab my napkin and wipe my mouth. “I wasn’t aware they taught relationship expertise in nursing school.”
I appear uninterested but have always appreciated Lauren’s advice about women. She’s played a role in successful relationships in our town.
“She has statistics to back up her claims. Dallas and Willow had town gossip issues. She was an out-of-towner, pregnant with Blue Beech’s attractive widower. It helped their relationship when they got out of town.” He shrugs. “Plus, Lauren offered room service, crime TV, and sex. I was down for whatever she suggested.”
“You’re always down for whatever she suggests.”
“Welcome to being in love, man. Get ready for it.”
I snort.
“I almost shot Lauren’s landlord in the head after he hurt her. You punched Kent after he insulted Chloe. A man only interested in sex doesn’t fight over a chick he’s not falling for. You like your neighbor, and for Lord knows what reason, she likes you. Happiness and possibly falling in love looks good on you, man.”
I grab my water and suck the rest of it down. There’s no disputing his claims. Even though Chloe and I haven’t labeled our relationship, every token of us having one is there. We spend all our free time together, have expressed our feelings toward the other, and aren’t interested in dating anyone else.
There’s no denying it now.
Chloe Fieldgain is no doubt my motherfucking girlfriend.
I can’t help but smile.
Now, I need to convince her to let her guard down and realize it, too.
Gage yawns and goes for his coffee, but the static of our portable radio stops him. The dispatcher reports a public disturbance call. Gage flashes me a concerned look, and my stomach knots when she states the address.
He tells her we’re on it, and I throw down cash to cover our bill before we jump into the car. Gage flips on the sirens and races toward my neighborhood while I fish my phone from my pocket and dial Chloe’s number.
No answer.
Dial it again.
No answer.
“Any idea?” Gage asks, his eyes not leaving the road.
“Her sister gives her trouble sometimes,” I answer.
“Domestic problems—my favorite,” Gage grumbles.
A beat-up truck is in Chloe’s driveway, and Claudia and Roger are standing in her yard. Chloe is on the front porch, her arms folded in disdain. All attention deviates to us, and I’m positive this calm scene isn’t what it was five minutes ago.
“The sister, I take it?” Gage asks.
My eyes harden, and I nod.
“I’ve picked up the guy a few times.”
“It’s her boyfriend.”
I draw in a steady breath and step out of the car. My anger heightens the closer we get. Roger is pacing in front of the house. Claudia flicks her cigarette onto the ground and lights another.
“What’s the problem here?” Gage asks.
Roger laughs coldly with bloodshot eyes when he sees me. “You’ve got to be shitting me! The boyfriend has arrived to play hero. What a fucking joke.”
“Not here to play hero.” I glower. “Only here to do my job.”
If I wasn’t in my uniform and on the clock, my answer would be different. We’re steps away, but Roger reeks of alcohol as if it’s a second skin. A public intoxication arrest might be in the works. Roger and Claudia not fleeing is odd. Most arrestee regulars avoid contact with us at all costs.
I’m grinding my teeth when I dart up Chloe’s porch stairs to be with her. “What is going on?”
She shakes her head in agitation. “This is so damn embarrassing,” she rasps out. “You, my neighbors—everyone in this godforsaken neighborhood is being treated to a front-row seat to my family drama.”
I nod in understanding but have to do my job at the same time. “Give me the details, so I can get this figured out for you.”
Claudia has the right to take her kids, and there isn’t a damn thing Chloe can do. In fact, I’d have to break her heart and let her take them from Chloe’s home.
“I want my goddamn children!” Claudia shouts before Chloe can answer me, and she signals to Chloe with a snarl. “That’s illegal, you know.” Her attention turns to me. “I’d like to report her for kidnapping.”
Jesus Christ.
Exactly what I was afraid of.
When I said I wanted less downtime, I wasn’t referring to dealing with Claudia’s crazy-ass antics.
Chloe tenses, and I can’t stop myself from stepping closer to her, my hips meeting hers.
I tip my head down to whisper in her ear, “She’s right.”
Chloe blows out a series of short breaths before shouting to Claudia, “You’ve been drinking. Our deal from day one has been I keep them when you’ve been drinking. I don’t trust you to make responsible decisions!”
“I had two beers!” Claudia screams. As much as I want to dispute it, she’s not displaying any signs of being overly-intoxicated. “I’m not drunk!”
“I’ll be right back,” Gage cuts in.
He knows the easiest solution to our problem. Everyone is quiet while he walks to the car and then comes back with a Breathalyzer test in his hand.
“Let’s make this easy, so we can all be on our way. If you’re under the legal limit, you’re good to go.” His gaze cuts to Chloe, and he delivers the news with apology. “And I’m sorry, but unless there’s a court order, she can take the children with her.”
Chloe clenches her fists when Gage tests Claudia first. We are silent as she blows into the tube and wait for her results.
Gage inspects the numbers. “She’s good,” he calls out.
Chloe curses under her breath. She’s so pissed. I wouldn’t be shocked if she marched down the stairs and fought Claudia.
“Told you I’m not drunk!” Claudia yells to her.
I drape my arm around Chloe’s waist in case she makes an attempt to charge Claudia.
Vote Then Read: Volume III Page 38