“I want to kill her,” Trey blurts out. “I don’t care what anyone says! She deserves to die for taking my sister away from me!” It’s sad that Trey knows his mother well enough to know she played a part in Gloria’s death—a destructive part.
I stroke Trey’s back while he attempts to contain his hurt. When he starts to calm down, I inhale a deep breath and look at Kyle. I forgot he was there while I consoled Trey.
I calm my voice, and it turns flat. “I need you to drive me to the hospital, please. I need someone to scream at, and that somebody is Claudia.”
Tears threaten his eyes as he stares at me. “I can’t do that, Chloe. Even if I could, you wouldn’t be able to see her since it’s an ongoing investigation,” he says, his voice almost cracking mid-sentence.
I ask, “When did it happen?” at the same time Trey asks, “How?”
He comes closer. “We’re not entirely sure yet. Claudia was driving. Gloria was in the backseat, unbuckled, and there was no car seat either. The details are limited, and normally, we aren’t supposed to notify anyone until all the details are confirmed, but I couldn’t do that to you.”
I nod—a silent thank-you. He nods back—a silent you’re welcome.
“This is all my fault,” Trey mutters. “It’s all my fault for refusing to go with Mom tonight for her visitation. If I had been there, I could’ve stopped it from happening. I could’ve protected my baby sister.”
I wrap my arm around Trey’s shoulder and drag him into me again. “Trey, listen to me. This is in no way your fault.”
It’s my fault.
I allowed her to go with Claudia against my better judgment. Claudia was doing better after I gave her the cash. She dumped Roger. She threw no tantrums, no asking for money and no threatening to take the kids. She was sober and excited to spend time with Gloria when I dropped her off at the trailer. She never mentioned them leaving.
Kyle kneels down in front of Trey. He’s fighting back his own pain. He didn’t know Gloria for long, but the expression on his face shows he cared for her.
“We don’t know if it’s anyone’s fault yet,” he replies in a soothing voice. “It could’ve been weather or vehicle-related.”
It was Claudia.
It’s always fucking Claudia.
Even if the accident wasn’t her fault, losing Gloria was. Claudia didn’t have her in a car seat. She didn’t protect her.
“Was she drunk? High?” I question.
“We won’t know anything until the toxicology reports come back,” Kyle answers.
“Don’t bullshit me,” I snap.
He sighs, terrified to tell me. “There was an opened alcohol bottle and drug paraphernalia in the vehicle.” His voice softens. “I know there’s nothing I can say or do for you”—his attention moves to Trey—“but I’m here. If you need anything, I’m right here.”
No. He’s not hitting me with this nightmare and then ending the conversation like this. I will not be given the I’m sorry for your loss; I’m here bullshit. I want my goddamn niece back in her goddamn bed with her goddamn dolls. I want goddamn answers.
I jump up from my seat. “Watch Trey.” I sprint across the room and snag my keys. “I’m going to the hospital.”
I make it outside, nearly to my car, when Kyle stops me. I fight him again, soaking wet this time, as he drags me back inside, slides my keys into his pocket, and locks the door.
“Chloe, you can’t do that right now. As soon as the doctors give us the go-ahead, we can question her. Until then, it’s better for us to sit here and wait.”
“Sit here and wait?” I scream. “Claudia is not getting out of this, Kyle. She does not get to heal or rest. She doesn’t even deserve another ounce of breath for what she did! You know who deserves that?” I seethe. “The little girl she neglected! That I neglected. That’s who deserves it. Not you.” I push him back again. “Not me.” My finger shoves into my chest. “She was only four fucking years old!”
Kyle lets me take my anger out on him and waits until I’m finished before speaking. “As soon as I can, I’ll take you to her. I swear it. I’ll let you say whatever you need to without anyone stopping you, okay?”
“Where do we go from here?” I whisper.
“You grieve and let me handle the rest.” He tilts his head toward Trey. “You two take care of each other.”
He moves from me to Trey and pulls him into a hug. “I’ll be home all night. Come over. Call. Anything you need, I’m here.”
“Will you … will you hang out here longer?” Trey asks, peering up at him.
“Of course,” Kyle answers. He says it with no question, no hesitation, no asking for permission.
The rest of the night, I’m numb. Angry. Like I’m not even present or alive. I walk through my house, emotionless, consoling Trey. I take phone calls, give police information, and answer as many questions as I can, but mentally, I’m checked out, not with it. I feel nothing, and along with feeling nothing, I can’t process my loss.
I go to bed with tears in my eyes.
When Kyle comes into my bedroom later, I don’t stop him.
When he holds me as I fight myself to sleep, I don’t stop him.
When I do fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night, jerking from a nightmare, and he tightens his hold on me, I don’t stop him.
He does it again and again.
His arms never leave my body. His voice in my ear is soothing.
And that confirms more than I already know.
This man I love has a heart of gold and deserves someone less messed up, less deceitful than me.
27
Chloe
The warmth of Kyle’s chest brushes against my back when I wake up, and his arm is draped along my waist—a security blanket. My heart sinks, the tears simmering, when my memory is refreshed from last night’s nightmare. It wasn’t a nightmare. It was my reality.
I wince and inhale a sharp breath, feeling too numb to move.
Grief. Hurt. Regret.
They sucker-punch me. It seems surreal, and I’m nearly tempted to roll out of bed, pad down the hallway, and go to her room in hopes that I’ll find her sleeping. But it’d break me more. She’s gone. I failed her.
His arm tightens around me when he realizes I’m awake.
“Hi,” he simply says in a subdued voice.
I swallow. Even though his nearness provides comfort, it won’t erase what he said and did the last time he was here. That’s not important to bring up right now though. I’m too exhausted to fight, to nearly speak.
The sheets fall down my body, and his arms leave me when I sit up. My head spins, and seconds later, I’m close to falling back down. His arm curls around my stomach just in time, and a glass of water is offered my way.
“Here, drink this,” he whispers as I turn to face him.
“Thank you.” I gulp it down, realizing how dry my mouth was.
“What do you need me to do for you?” he asks, his tone gentle and kind, as if he’s prepared to pull the weight of my pain off me.
“I need to see Claudia,” is all I answer.
She got last night—more time than she deserved—and there’s no way I can make it through the day without confronting her.
He nods. “Do you want me to stay with Trey?”
“Please.”
“Of course. Anything you need, I’m here, Chloe.”
“Thank you.”
“Always.”
I wait for Trey to wake up before leaving for the hospital. He walks into the kitchen with droopy shoulders, red eyes, and a puffy face, wearing the same clothes from last night. Even now, he looks to be on the verge of tears.
An hour after Kyle arrived and told us about the accident, Trey left for his bedroom with a bowed spine, and this is the first time I’ve seen him since.
I checked on him before going to bed, asking if he was all right through his closed door, and received a simple, “I’m fine.”
He opens the fridge, snags a bottl
e of water, and leans back against the door after shutting it. “Are you going to see her today?”
I nod while sitting at the kitchen table. “I am.”
I eventually pulled myself together, showered while having practice conversations in my head of what I wanted to say when confronting Claudia, and then dressed before walking into the kitchen. Kyle was waiting with a coffee cup in his hand, and worry lined his features.
“Tell her I hate her fucking guts,” Trey says in a flat, monotone voice, not seeming apologetic or concerned for his language.
I don’t scold him because I don’t blame him. Those words have been on the tip of my tongue since last night.
“I want you to say it,” he goes on. “Word for word. Tell her I’m no longer her son and to forget about me.” Tears lace his eyes again. “Tell her I’ll never forgive her for taking my baby sister away from me. If there’s anything you can do for me right now, Aunt Chloe, it’s to relay that message to her. If you don’t, I’ll call an Uber and do it myself.”
I gulp and stumble for the right words before speaking. “Do you want to go to the hospital with me?” Say no.
Even though I don’t want him to, he deserves the choice. It’s his mother. It was his sister she killed. He deserves it just as much as I do.
He shakes his head while tightly gripping the water bottle in his hand. “I never want to see her again. She should’ve died instead of Gloria. She’s the one who deserved it.”
Kyle finally steps into the conversation, clearly uncomfortable with Trey’s choice of words. “I know you’re angry.”
Trey interrupts him. “No, dude, don’t even. There’s no talking me down from my hate toward her. I’ve thought about it all night. I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about was, it’s her fault I’ll never see my sister again. She’s not my mother. She’s nothing to me.” His sadness turns into anger. “I need to shower.”
I stand up when Trey starts to leave the kitchen. “Trey.”
He holds his palm out. “Just leave me alone for a while, okay?”
Kyle pulls out the chair next to mine when Trey leaves. “Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”
“I was ready for it last night.” I tilt my chin up to stare at him. “You need to swear to me, she won’t get off the hook for this.”
He takes my hand in his. “I promise I’ll do everything I can for her to get what she deserves.”
I’m filled with fury when I slam the door shut behind me, and I don’t care who can hear when I scream my words out, “I fucking hate you!”
Claudia is in front of me, relaxing in a hospital bed, with IVs in her arm. One of her hands is cuffed to the bed rail. I don’t know her condition or diagnosis, and I don’t know if she’ll even tell me. Right now, I don’t even care.
A large bandage is stretched along her forehead, a dark bruise is around her eye, and there are scratches and cuts along her neck. Her blonde hair is matted along her hairline, and her eyes are slanted. I hate that she’s here, hate that she was saved and given treatment even though she killed Gloria.
She looks down, playing with her hands, and shrugs. “What’s new, Chloe?” The regret is clear on her face. She knows what she did, the part she played in Gloria’s death. “You think I don’t feel bad?” she yells. “You think I don’t have to live with this guilt every day?”
I swallow. “Good. I hope it haunts you until you take your last breath.” I step closer to her bed, and she tenses up. “Not only were you driving under the influence, but you were also too lazy and stupid to put her in a car seat. What were you thinking? I told you I’d pick her up after you were finished visiting!” I curl my hands into fists and stop myself from punching her in the face, my anger getting the best of me.
She rubs her head. “I wanted to take her out for a drive. I wanted to be a normal mom for once and drive my daughter around.”
“Stop with the fucking lies! They found your phone. You were meeting a drug dealer.” I grip my hands around the bed rails and tilt my head forward until I’m in her face, not even bothered that she might be the one to punch me. “She’s gone because you needed to get high.”
“Fuck you!” Spit flies out with her words. “She was my child!”
I draw back, and my lips curl. “A child you never bothered to take care of. A child you failed.”
“I want you to leave.”
“I don’t care what you want. You’re going to lie there and listen to every single word I say because this will be the last visit I’ll ever give you. If they give you a trial, which I’ll fight for, I’ll be there, but this will be our last conversation. Do you hear me?” I point my finger at her. “So, sit back, shut up, and listen to me tell you how much I fucking hate you. Listen to me tell you I will fight until the death of me to make sure you get in trouble for this.”
She scratches her head. “Say whatever you want, Chloe. Make me feel like a piece of shit, like you’ve done since you were a kid.”
I pace in front of her bed, holding my tongue the best that I can.
“I want to see Trey,” she says, her voice scratchy. “I want to tell him I’m sorry and see him one more time.”
That catches my attention, and I shift to face her. “Tough shit. He doesn’t want to see you.”
“Don’t lie to me,” she bites out.
“If he decides he wants to see you at any time, I’ll give him that.” I pause while briefly debating on whether to relay the message he gave me. “He said he hates your guts and you’re dead to him.” I’ll give that to Trey. Right or wrong, he deserves to have his voice.
Her face and tone turn spiteful. “He might hate me, but as a minor, he has no say in what happens in his life. He can’t stop me from demanding he live with his father instead of you.”
I stumble back a step, her words catching me off guard. I pull in a sharp breath and straighten my back, appearing to brush off the threat lined between her words. “Not only is there no physical proof that Michael is Trey’s father, I doubt he’ll step up. Nice try though.”
She shakes her head. “That’s where you’re wrong. Michael’s name is on the birth certificate.”
I gulp. “You’re lying.”
The corners of her mouth tilt up in a cold smirk. “He made me take a DNA test to prove Trey was his before supporting us. They already paid me a visit. They want to take him now that I’ll be in jail.”
“Bullshit. Michael never wanted Trey.”
“True, but Michael is eating crow to regain his wife’s trust, and how bad will it look if he turns his back on his son? They’ll give him a stable home environment.”
My snorting interrupts her. Stable my ass.
“I’ll do everything in my power to make that happen.”
“Don’t. You know I’ve been there for Trey since day one.”
“And, now, it’s time for someone better to do it.”
My heart races as fear sets in. “Fuck you, Claudia.”
I charge out of the hospital with tears in my eyes.
More tears fall, and I scream to the emptiness of my car when I catch sight of a couple I recognize walking into the hospital.
28
Kyle
I grab my phone from the coffee table when it buzzes with a text.
Gage: We’re en route to Chloe’s with food.
He called earlier to check on me, asked about Chloe, and said him and Lauren would be over with enough baked goods to last a month—all prepared by Lauren’s mother. I asked them to make a pit stop at the diner and pick up a takeout order for Trey and me.
I haven’t heard from Chloe since she left for the hospital. She needs time and space to process everything.
Eventually, Trey wandered into the living room with a blank stare on his face. I handed him the remote when he sat down on the other end of the couch. He chose the movie, and we sat in silence while watching it. Just like with Chloe, I’m giving him time.
We haven’t discussed us being brother
s, but I’ll approach the conversation when the time is right. The day after losing his sister isn’t. I’ve been a good brother to my siblings, and I don’t mind being the same for Trey.
My fallout with Chloe won’t stop me from comforting her while she endures her loss. Have I forgotten about the chaos her family has caused mine? No. Right now, that issue isn’t at the top of my priority list.
I didn’t know Gloria long, but I cared for her. This morning, when Chloe asked me to shut Gloria’s bedroom door, tears threatened my eyes when I noticed the sparkly red shoes in the corner and the stuffed Toto on the bed. My throat choked up as I took in the dolls, the coloring books, all the memories and toys of a sweet girl taken away too early.
Fuck. I want to kill Claudia myself.
Lauren wraps me in a hug as soon as I answer the door. She was on shift when Claudia was brought into the ER and assigned her nurse until she was transferred to another floor. Lauren said her tongue hurt from biting it all night while caring for her.
Claudia’s toxicology report came back, confirming alcohol and heroin flowed through her bloodstream at the time of the accident. She’d fallen asleep at the wheel and suffered minor injuries—a concussion and internal bleeding. She’ll be taken straight to the county jail upon her release.
Lauren and Gage don’t stay long, and Trey devours his cheeseburger before moving on to the cupcakes. An hour later, he’s asleep on the couch, and it’s time for me to leave for work. Both my lieutenant and Gage offered to give me the evening off, but I declined. No one could cover my shift, and I wasn’t going to leave Gage to work alone.
I text Chloe before leaving, telling her, if she needs anything, don’t hesitate to call, but receive nothing back.
It’s the same when my shift ends at midnight.
Chloe’s car is in the driveway when Gage drops me off, and I dig out the house key she gave me earlier today after asking if I’d come over later. I was reluctant to come so late since she still hadn’t returned my text, but my house key is here, so I have no choice.
Vote Then Read: Volume III Page 43