“All right, enough sex talk. I’ll see you tomorrow night. Thanks for checking on me.”
I stand, and he walks over to all the boxes in the middle of my floor and starts moving them against the wall and out of the way.
“Next time come get me.”
“I can move them myself. They arrived when I was on my way out. I forgot they were there.”
“You shouldn’t move boxes that heavy. Tell Natalie to make the shipments lighter or call me.”
Damn, he’s sexy when he’s bossy.
“Goodnight Declan,” I say, holding the door open for him.
“Goodnight, stubborn girl. See you tomorrow.”
After I lock the door behind him, I lean against it and exhale. Declan James is going to ruin me, I just know it.
five
Declan
“Happy Birthday!”
Holly blushes at my enthusiastic greeting. “Thanks. You want to come in?”
“Sure. Are you almost ready?”
“Um, yeah. But here’s the thing … my dad’s not here. He had to run to the store and said we aren’t allowed to go out until he gets home.”
“Why?”
She tugs at the hem of her shirt and shrugs a shoulder. “He’s just being dumb. He said because it’s just the two of us going out without Sage and Baxter, it’s a date. He wants to have a talk with you.”
“Oh, um, well … okay.”
Still blushing, she looks back up at me. “I’m sorry. I tried to explain to him that you have a girlfriend. He didn’t seem to hear me, though.”
“Well, I don’t. Have a girlfriend.”
“What? When did that happen?” she asks, taking a seat on the couch.
“She was never my girlfriend, Holly. I told you that. We were just dating casually, and we’re not anymore.”
“Why? I thought she really liked you.”
Now it’s my turn to shrug. “She did, but I didn’t feel the same.”
The door opening interrupts our conversation. Mr. Ryan has flowers and a cake in his hands. Holly rushes to him to help lighten his load, and he kisses her on the cheek. “I still can’t believe my little girl is sixteen years old.”
“Dad …” she whines, obviously embarrassed.
“Holly, go put those in the kitchen and give Declan and me a few minutes to talk, would you?”
She looks between us with a nervous glance. “Sure,” she mutters as she walks away.
Sean takes a seat on the coffee table directly in front of me. My palms are beginning to sweat, and when I rub them on my jeans, he smirks at me. “Nervous, Declan?”
“Should I be?” I’m trying to act normal, but I’m nervous as fuck.
“No, son,” he says with a chuckle. “I like you, Declan, and I know you have feelings for Holly. I’ve watched the way you’ve treated her the past few years, and she could do a lot worse.”
“Uh … thanks?”
“Look, Declan,” Sean sighs, “Holly is my little girl, and you need to move at her pace.”
“Yeah, sure … I mean, of course. I would never do anything to make her uncomfortable.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. I’m going to try to switch hats here for a minute and be a friend, not Holly’s dad. Do you have any questions? I know you’re close with your mom, but sometimes there are things a boy needs a man to talk to about. I’m happy to answer some of your questions if you have any.”
This feels like a trap. Sean and I have gotten close over the past few years, but there’s no way I can talk to him about sex with his daughter. Maybe he can help with another question, though.
“How do you know?”
“Know what?”
“When you love someone?”
Surprisingly, a smile spreads across his face and he nods. “I suppose it’s different for everyone. When you’ll do anything to make her happy, even if it’s not something you want to do. Or when you’re sad to be apart, but the second you’re together you’re happy for no reason. When you can’t think of anything else but her, or when you’re ditching your friends just to spend time with her alone. Those are all signs. If you walk into a room and your heart races when you see her, and you can’t imagine going a day without talking to her. All signs.”
“Yeah … okay.”
“Declan, do you love Holly?”
My eyes dart around to make sure she isn’t in sight, and my head bobs of its own accord. “I think I do.”
“I think you do, too, so let me give you a bit of advice. When you fall in love, it’s new and exciting. People tend to move fast because they want to experience every part of this new emotion all at once. Try not to do that. Take it slow and cherish each experience as it comes. The thing about love … real, true love … is that it isn’t going anywhere. True love grows and strengthens each day. And when you find the right person to share and reciprocate love, it will be timeless. She’ll be your best friend, your biggest confidante, and the only thing that makes you feel complete.”
Damn, he’s romantic as fuck, but it’s pretty cool. “Thanks, Sean.”
“Can I come out now?” Holly yells from the kitchen.
“Yes, sweetheart,” he calls out as he pats my shoulder. “You’re welcome. The two of you have fun tonight. Have her home by eleven.”
“Yes, sir.”
The drive to the creek is silent. I can’t get Sean’s words out of my mind. I thought I loved Holly, but after talking with him I know I do, and I’m dying to tell her.
After we park, I pull the picnic basket out of the back of the car. The sun is starting to go down, and the crickets and frogs sound like they’re having an animated conversation.
“Did your mom make you bring the basket?” she asks knowingly.
“Yeah, but I packed all the food.”
We sit across from each other, and I unload the basket. After we’re both loaded down with sandwiches, chips, fruit, brownies, and water, Holly looks up at me with her bright-green eyes. “Declan, why did you and Rachel break up?”
“You can’t break up if you weren’t together.”
“You know what I mean.”
She nervously pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. If we’re going to talk about this now, I want to be next to her. After straddling the bench beside her, I inhale deeply. She smells like apricots and vanilla, and it makes me happy.
“Do you want me to be with Rachel?”
She turns and faces me, her hair falling in front of her eyes. I reach for it and push it behind her ear before she gets the chance, and she stares up at me with wide eyes.
“I want you to be happy, Declan.”
“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, sitting here with you.”
“Why?” she asks on a gasp, and I scoot closer to her. The sound of her rapid breathing makes my heart beat faster.
“Because I’m in love with you, Holly.”
Her breath catches as her eyes flutter open and shut. I’m dying to kiss her. I’ve wanted to kiss her again since that day in her kitchen. The timing has never been right, until now.
“Declan, I …”
“Be my girlfriend, Holly.”
She nods, and I cup her cheeks in my hands and lower my lips to hers. I listened to what Sean said, I swear. But tonight, for just this one thing, I can’t go slow. Now that our lips have met, I have to taste her. We part slightly, foreheads touching, before I kiss her again, slowly parting her lips with my tongue. She’s hesitant; I know she hasn’t kissed anyone other than me. The thought makes my heart beat faster. I want to be her first and only everything. After gently coaxing her with my tongue, she reciprocates my kiss. It’s everything I’ve always imagined and more.
After our kiss, she pulls me into a hug. “I love you, too, Declan.”
I never realized before now how much those five words could make me feel so alive.
six
Declan
“So … what’s the plan for tonight?” Baxter is waggling his eyes at
me and making kissy faces.
“You act like a teenager.”
“Who cares? So do you half the time. Now spill. What are you going to do to win her back?”
“Nothing,” I say, pushing his feet off my table and wiping it down with cleaner.
“What do you mean nothing? You’ve waited two years for this and you’re doing nothing?”
After washing my hands, I sit in the chair across from him. “I’ve fucked a lot of other women, Bax.”
“You have indeed.”
“I’m not sure she’s been with that many guys.”
“And that’s a problem because …?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I mean, I guess the whole point of this breakup was to date other people. But now, I don’t know what to say or how to act with her. I think I went too far, Bax, and now I’m not sure how to make it right.”
“Do you remember Bobby?”
“Your douchebag ex? How could I forget that asshole?”
Sadness fills his features. “Declan, be nice.”
Bobby is the love of Baxter’s life, and I hate him with every fiber of my being.
“What about him?” I ask with a resigned sigh.
“Last time we broke up, he explained things to me. Things I didn’t understand before, but I get it now. I get him now. He broke my heart when he cheated on me, and taking him back was hard. Then, when he broke up with me a few months later … well, you know how that went over.”
Hearing Bobby’s name makes me wish he were here so I could punch him again.
“Anyway, you’re not like Bobby. I know you’d never cheat on Holly, but she’s going to have doubts and questions, and you’re going to have to answer her honestly or this will never progress to where you want it to.”
“I know, and that’s why I don’t have plans. I need to be her friend again, and part of that is going to be discussing the hard stuff. The last thing I want to hear about is how many guys she’s fucked, but there’s a definite conversation that needs to be had.”
“So that’s what all the cleaning is about? You’re just bringing her here?” He leans back and props his feet back up on the table.
“I’m making her dinner.”
Baxter blows out a breath and looks at me like I’m stupid. “I thought this was your first real grownup date?”
“Shit, Bax, am I fucking this up already? I feel like if I take her out I’m not treating her special or different than any other girl. She deserves so much more than that.”
“She does. Look, Dec, you fucked up a lot the past few years. Taking a girl to dinner before you fuck her doesn’t mean you can’t ever take Holly to dinner. You’ve got to separate what you did with her and what you did with them. You also have to tell her the truth.”
“Which truth is that?” I’m starting to feel like shit about this whole thing.
“When we were at the bar last night, Holly said something about you only dating blondes. I didn’t press, but when she went to the bathroom, Sage’s drunk ass spilled how much Holly’s self-esteem has taken a nosedive because of your dating habits.”
“Her self-esteem took a hit because I couldn’t stand to be with someone who reminded me of her? How does that even make sense?”
Baxter laughs and slaps his knee. “God, sometimes I wonder if your mom dropped you in a stupid tree or threw you from one. You fucktard, she thinks she was never your type to begin with and that’s why you went straight to blonde bombshell-ville. Holly doesn’t think you find her attractive.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I don’t know, man, think about it. Really, think about it.”
As I flip the remote around in my hands, I consider what he said. It drives Bax crazy, and it only takes a minute for him to pull it away from me.
“Should I let her go?”
“What?” he screeches.
“I’m serious, Bax. Maybe I’ve been hurting her more than anything.”
“You’ve been hurting each other. We both know you may have ended things, but there’s something deeper Holly never told you that night. Maybe she couldn’t admit to herself that you were right about dating other people … I don’t know. Regardless, it’s now or never, Dec. Get your girl back because neither of you will be happy until you make peace.”
“Yeah, which is why I’m starting with dinner and friendship. Last night, I remembered a talk I had with Sean the night I took Holly out for the first time. He told me if it’s real love, not to rush it.”
“Sounds like good advice.”
“It was, so get your ass up and help me make some lasagna.”
The house is clean, dinner is warming, and candles are lit. I’m wearing blue jeans and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled. I haven’t been this nervous for a date since the night I lost my virginity.
Nerves aren’t my thing. I can pick up a woman and fuck her within minutes if I want to. I’m cocky, arrogant, and self-assured, except when it comes to Holly. With her, no matter how hard I try not to let it, my inner sixteen-year-old self tends to rule my thoughts.
When I open the door, her hand is raised and about to knock on my door.
“Hey,” she says with a slight chuckle.
“Come in. I was on my way to pick you up.”
“From across the hall?” she quips, looking around my apartment. I realize it’s the first time she’s been in here since I moved in. Which only makes me realize how one-sided my pursuit of her has been.
“What can I say? I’m a gentleman.”
“I think that remains to be seen.”
She looks sexy in a pair of tight, white jeans and a green, low-cut shirt. She’s got a pair of black heels on that would look amazing wrapped around my neck at the end of the night, and my dick agrees.
“Would you like a glass of wine?”
With a surprised look, she nods slightly. “Far cry from beer in a can.”
“Well,” I say, handing her a glass and motioning for her to have a seat, “we’re not broke, struggling college kids anymore.”
“Ha! Speak for yourself. You might not be struggling, but every spare penny I have goes straight to my student loans.”
“I can help you out with those.”
She holds her hand up, halting my words. “Absolutely not. I’m doing fine, Declan, I’m just not rolling in the dough like you.”
Holly always wanted to be a writer. She was writing when we lived together and working as a PA for an author.
“What happened to your book? Why, after all this time, are you still working for Natalie?”
She opens her mouth to answer before pausing, instead bringing her wine glass to her lips and sipping slowly, her eyes darting nervously at everything but me.
“Actually, before you answer that question, can we set some ground rules?”
Her eyes light up and the corner of her mouth pulls into a smile. “What kind of ground rules?”
“Look, I know this is going to be hard. It’s hard for me, too. But I think the only way we can make progress in our relationship is to be completely honest with each other. I know some of the things you want to know may hurt you, and vice versa. I don’t think I can move forward without some answers, and I don’t think you should, either.”
Draining her wine glass, she sets it on the table, and I promptly refill it. A little liquid courage can go a long way.
“You’re right. Let’s not ask all the hard questions in one night, though, okay?”
“I can deal with that.”
“Well, this is a shit question to start with, but you asked. After we broke up, I lost my spark. I didn’t want to write anymore. Instead, I threw myself into my work with Natalie, picked up some hours with a few other authors, and it was enough to get by. When Natalie got her publishing contract last year, she hired me full-time.”
“So you’re not writing at all?”
“No, I am now. I started about ten months ago. I’m not getting my hopes up o
r anything, but it’s going okay. What about you? You’ve always been self-employed, but when that girl called yesterday, you said it was work-related.”
“It was. Justine is my PR person. We met the night I came over to your place and you were going out with Luke.”
With wide eyes, she gasps. “You remember his name?”
“I’ve never wanted to kill anyone with my bare hands before that night. Yeah, I remember his name.”
“So how did she end up doing your PR?”
“I was drinking at a bar, and she recognized me and started talking about how I could grow my brand. I was too drunk to care, so we fucked instead.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not like you think. It was just once and we never had sex again.”
“Why?”
“I’ve never had sex with anyone twice.”
She kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet up underneath her on the couch. “You’re going to have to explain this to me because I’m lost.”
I refill both of our glasses again and get comfortable.
“Sex is important to me. Having that connection with someone is addictive. But it’s a means to an end. An endorphin rush, a stress reliever. I could work out for hours and never achieve the same sort of relief.”
“Tell me how you really feel.”
Scooting closer to her, I rest my hand on her thigh. “The only person I’ve ever wanted a connection with is you. Sex with you is so much more than a relief or a means to an end. We connect in a completely different way. Mind, body, and soul. It’s how I always knew we were okay. I don’t want that with anyone else. I never have. One-night stands are all anyone ever gets, Holly, because as fucked up as it may be, my heart still belongs to only you.”
“Maybe you should be the writer, you seem to have all the words,” she says, a hint of sadness lacing her voice. I’m sure I’ll see much more of her sadness as we try to work our way back together. “Was it worth it?”
Vote Then Read: Volume III Page 49