He wondered if his father smiled when he was with his mistress. He did not wish to find out. It was bad enough his mother was usually too anxious or too ill to do her duties as the lady of the house; to see another woman performing some of the duties of his mother would make Alexander furious, and he’d no doubt end up saying something that he would regret.
Had Bennett told their father that Alex wanted the chance to continue his acquaintance with Lady Eleanor? He wouldn’t have. Would he?
“Step in here for a moment, if you please,” his father continued, not waiting for Alex’s reply, just walking back into the confines of the study.
Alex shrugged at the waiting butler, then strode across the hallway to the study.
He seldom entered this room. Not because his father was often there, he wasn’t. He was usually with his second family. Alex had only discovered he had half siblings a few years ago. They were ten and twelve years younger than he, and there were two of them, a boy and a girl. He did regret never getting the chance to meet them.
No, he never came in here because it reminded him too much of the promise his father had had that he had thrown away. He could have been the one to make the deals and support the family business. He could have done what he was supposed to so that Bennett wouldn’t have to sacrifice himself.
But he hadn’t. He was just as selfish and irresponsible as he’d accused Alex of being so many times, and Alex couldn’t stand the hypocrisy.
“What do you want?” Alex said, adding “sir” after a few moments.
His father frowned. “I know you are aware of my efforts on your brother’s behalf. To get him married to the Duke of Marymount’s daughter, whatshername.”
“Lady Eleanor,” Alex replied through a clenched jaw. His father couldn’t even remember the name of the woman he was planning to pair his eldest son with for the rest of his life?
“Yes, well,” his father said in a tone that indicated the lady’s name didn’t matter in the least, “now that Bennett is on his way to being married—I expect to hear the news of the engagement any minute now—it is past time for you to consider marriage as well.”
Alex opened his mouth to respond, but discovered that for once, he had nothing to say. Because there was so much to say.
Not only did his father not seem to know that Lady Eleanor was reluctant to enter into the engagement, he thought that his second son should also get married.
“You are handsome enough to look at, I suppose, even if you seem to have no other purpose in life.” His father’s normal tone of disapproving disappointment didn’t rankle as much as usual. Perhaps because someone else had taken the time to get to know him? To know that he liked cricket and puns and—and other things?
Kissing her ranked at the top of his current list, not that she would mention it.
“And there are plenty of young ladies with handsome dowries out there for you,” his father continued. As though the man hadn’t spent his whole life being disappointed in Alex—was he so unfeeling that he would want another person to have the chance to be as disappointed as he was, with no recourse to get out of it?
Well, that he could answer.
“No.”
Alex didn’t even bother thinking about what he was saying, he just said it. He’d never said no so directly to his father, but then again, his father had never asked him anything to which that was a response. Normally the questions were, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” or “Why are you wasting your life?”
Things that didn’t have such a simple answer as no.
“No?” his father replied, the color in his cheeks becoming a bristly red. Not quite chaise-longue-ish. More like an angry tomato.
“No.” Alex punctuated his word by crossing his arms over his chest and nodding his head definitively.
“And why not?” his father demanded.
Because I don’t want to be a pawn in your manipulations like Bennett. Because I am just beginning to realize I can be more than a rakish dilettante. I can do something. I can try to help people.
By selling them erotic literature? a sly voice said in his head.
Hush. It’s early days yet.
But Alex didn’t say any of that, not to his father, who wouldn’t understand, much less listen in the first place.
“Because I will not. When or if I decide to marry, it will be because I wish to. I won’t be—” How had she put it? “It just doesn’t seem fair that external forces should dictate who I spend my life with. I want to make my own choices.” It wasn’t precisely what she’d said, but he didn’t think his father would appreciate Alex’s demurral of white gowns. So he left that part out.
“Not fair?”
Was it something everybody did, repeating the words of another person, and Alex had never noticed it? Had his reputation for blunt speaking only happened because he didn’t parrot people’s words back to them like a—well, like a parrot?
“What do you plan on doing instead?”
As though it was either/or. Marry or go discover a cure for your mother’s illness. Marry or jump out of a high tower to your death.
Marry or never have the chance to find out on your own if there is someone in the world you can love who might love you back.
“As I always do.” Alex raised his eyebrow in a move calculated to make his father even more furious. “Visit my clubs, indulge in a few indiscretions.” Even though that thought held no appeal now for a shortsighted reason he chose not to admit to himself. “Go to parties. Help Bennett when he needs me.”
His father’s lip curled at the last words, as though he couldn’t possibly imagine what Alex could do to help his older brother.
“Fine,” his father said at last, startling Alex so much he had to drop his eyebrow.
“Fine?” Alex repeated.
Dear lord, now he was doing it.
“But as soon as Bennett is married, I will expect you to get yourself engaged to a respectable young woman. I’ve drawn up a list,” his father added, gesturing to a piece of paper on his desk.
How had he had time, what with never being home and neglecting all his familial obligations? Impressive.
Though he would not be sharing his admiration with his father.
A deadline. Like the one Lady Eleanor was chafing against. The same one, in fact. When she was married to his brother, he would have to at least consider marriage also. It wasn’t as though he had a plan for his life, after all, beyond what he’d said to his father and thought about himself.
Maybe he could find satisfaction and solace in marriage, even if it were to a woman of his father’s choosing.
But if he could just delay Bennett’s marriage, he could figure out what it was he truly wanted in life. Even more motivation for spending time with Lady Eleanor. He wanted to talk it out with her as he did not want to talk it out with Bennett—Bennett was too invested in all of it. He would be biased about the eventuality of it all.
She would understand precisely what he was feeling. His frustration, his anger, his fury at being told what to do.
“Am I allowed to leave now?” he said after a few moments.
His father’s color was still high, and he looked as though he wanted to say more.
“Yes. Go.”
Alex didn’t speak in response. He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, knowing that while his father might be disappointed in him, he was not disappointed in himself. For once.
And he was very much looking forward to seeing Lady Eleanor at the party that evening.
Lady Eleanor’s Good List for Being Bad:
Ask the questions you want to. Not the ones you think you should.
Chapter 14
“Lord Carson is just over there,” the duchess said, nodding toward the right. As though she believed Eleanor could actually see anything that far away.
Although she probably did believe that, if she thought about it at all. Which she did not.
Eleanor dutifully glanced in the
direction of her mother’s head nod, her breath hitching as she saw the fuzzy form of a very tall gentleman.
A gentleman who was even more impressive on the inside, she was beginning to discover, than the outside. Which was certainly impressive.
“He is walking toward us,” her mother said in a low tone, her fingers squeezing Eleanor’s arm.
Was he walking toward them as well? Eleanor squinted, wishing she could just see properly, or at the very least, wear her spectacles in public. It was remarkably difficult to pay attention to anything when it was all murky.
“Your Grace, Lady Eleanor.” Lord Carson stood in front of them, close enough that Eleanor was able to see him clearly.
Lord Alexander must have remained back in the corner, she thought in disappointment. Perhaps he is bored with having to keep company with me.
But even she knew that wasn’t the case. She’d seen the glint in his eyes, the way his gaze traveled to her mouth when they were speaking. How, when he hadn’t known she was looking, his expression had turned almost feral as he looked at places other than her face. His look had felt almost tangible, as though it was his hand that was on her shoulders, her breasts, her skin.
She had to admit she wished it were. The book she was translating was adding a lot of details to her very active imagination, not to mention giving her plenty of list material.
“It is a pleasure to see you, my lord,” her mother was saying. “Thank you for stopping by this afternoon. Lady Eleanor wishes to say something about that. Don’t you, Eleanor?” her mother added, punctuating her words with an elbow to Eleanor’s rib.
“Yes, my lord,” Eleanor replied. She glanced at her mother, whose expression already looked impatient. “I am sorry I was not at home this afternoon. The flowers are lovely.”
“Of course. I hadn’t let you know I would be visiting. I just—well, I saw the flowers as I was on my way to a meeting, and I thought you would like them.”
“She does, my lord,” Eleanor’s mother reassured him. As though Eleanor was about to declare her hatred of all yellow roses.
“I do.” Eleanor smiled ruefully at Lord Carson. Could she help it that she preferred the more dangerous, taller, less respectable brother?
“Could I entreat you to dance with me, Lady Eleanor?” Lord Carson accompanied his words with a gesture toward the dance floor, which was just beginning to fill with other guests. Of course, Eleanor couldn’t make out who was out there, but she could see the dark colors on the gentlemen and the lighter colors on all the ladies.
“Yes, thank you,” Eleanor said, holding her hand out for him to take.
“I am sorry I did not see you this afternoon, but I am hoping you would care for a drive tomorrow? Say around three o’clock?”
She had thought she’d be going to the bookshop again for more translation work at that time, but she certainly couldn’t claim a prior commitment.
“Eleanor would enjoy that very much,” her mother answered for her.
Besides which, if she just hesitated, her mother would answer for her anyway.
“Excellent,” he replied. He didn’t look to her for confirmation; he just spoke directly to her mother.
Then he did look at her, holding his arms out for her to step into just as the music began. It was a waltz, which meant they would have to—that is, be able to speak together, rather than getting separated by the dance.
“I’ve been thinking about our conversation of a few weeks ago.”
The one where she refused him, at least temporarily? Wonderful. This wasn’t going to be a polite exchange about the weather.
“Yes?”
“And I agree. About needing time. I realized after that I don’t know you at all. I know that you are”—and he paused, as though searching for the right word—“pleasant,” he said at last, making Eleanor’s heart sink. “And that you are devoted to your sisters.”
Because I am willing to marry someone to save them?
“That is all true,” she said. “I know very little of you as well, my lord.”
“What do you know about me, Lady Eleanor?”
He was—well, it sounded as though he was flirting with her. His gaze was intent on her face, he held her a fraction closer than was absolutely necessary, and there was a searching look in his eyes that indicated his interest.
How could she help but feel flattered, even as she felt manipulated?
“I know that you are a busy man. You seem to be working very hard on—something,” she finished at last. “I know that your brother admires you, and it seems as though he would not hide his feelings if he did not, so I am presuming you are a true gentleman.”
“There is more to me than that,” he replied, deepening his words with the addition of a warm smile.
She wanted to say the same thing back to him, but that wouldn’t be polite. And she wasn’t Lord Alexander—she couldn’t just say whatever she wanted to.
“What do you want me to know about you, my lord?” It felt odd, but not unpleasant, to flirt in response. Not unpleasant. She couldn’t be not average even inside her own mind.
“I love to dance,” he said, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. He was attractive, she had noticed that, but until this moment she hadn’t found him attractive. But now? Now she could say he was.
Had she made a terrible, tall mistake? Even if she did find him attractive, he didn’t make her heart race. Or her skin tingle. Or anything close to overwhelming her.
“That is surprising to hear,” she said. “Although less surprising than if you’d told me you did not like to dance while in the midst of dancing.”
He let out a bark of laughter, one that made her feel more than average. He thought she was amusing, apparently. That felt good.
“That would be incredibly rude,” he replied. “Something my brother might say aloud, but nothing I would ever say.”
Right. He had to mention his brother also.
“And what else do you like?”
If he said foreign languages, particularly Italian, she was going to have a difficult time keeping her composure. Whether that meant shrieking with laughter or sobbing in despair, she couldn’t guess.
He shrugged. “I haven’t really thought too much about it before. I suppose I like strong tea, riding my horse, and solving problems.” The last was said with a slight frown, as though solving problems had become more unlikeable. Or perhaps she was reading into it, since she knew something about what he was busy with, thanks to his brother.
“But you likely don’t share those likes,” he continued. “Besides tea. I haven’t found very many ladies who like to solve problems.”
She bristled. “Mostly because nobody has asked us to,” she retorted, wondering if Lord Alexander’s blunt speaking had rubbed off on her. Because she had never been quite so direct before meeting him.
Perhaps there was something to being that way. It certainly meant she had to worry a lot less about her choice of words.
“Of course,” he replied hastily. “I was not meaning to—anyway, I apologize.”
His words were said so sincerely she couldn’t help but believe them.
“Thank you for that,” Eleanor said, a smile accompanying her words.
“Of course.” He sounded relieved. Probably because she wasn’t prickly any longer.
The music stopped, and he bowed to her as she curtseyed. He wasn’t as tall or as troublesome as Lord Alexander, but he was far more suitable, what with being the gentleman her parents wished her to marry.
But he wasn’t the gentleman who still had to take her to a gambling den. Whom she was translating things for, a project that would do good, albeit in a decidedly scandalous way.
Alex planted himself in the corner, watching as Bennett danced with her. As he should. He had the strong urge to pop Bennett in the nose when he saw her expression tighten, as though his brother had said something with which she didn’t agree. And then wanted to pop him in the nose again, but for a different re
ason, when he saw her smile.
Really, what was it about her that made him so different from usual?
She had a lovely, curvaceous figure he knew would be soft and lush under his hands. She was intelligent, amusing, and brave. He didn’t know of any other women who would have taken on any of the challenges he’d presented her, from cricket matches to self-discovery to inappropriate translations, so easily and with so much courage.
Her face was pretty, but what made it breathtaking was when she smiled, or when she discovered some previously unknown truth. As though she was on an adventure all the time, and it was a pleasure to watch her learn.
He was not doing a very good job at making her seem just like every other woman he’d ever met. In fact, he could say with some confidence that he seemed to have fallen under her spell, and he didn’t know what he could do about it.
Besides nothing. She was supposed to marry his brother. Their father would not take it well if Alex was the one to bring the Howlett dowry into the family—it was up to Bennett to lead the way, to solidify the relationship between the duke and Alex’s family. If Alex was the one to do it, it would be seen as a failure on Bennett’s part for not being able to secure her.
“What are you doing over here, Lord Alexander?”
The woman’s voice startled him from his reverie. It belonged to Lady Vale, a lady he’d spent some intimate time with the previous year. Her husband was much older, and Dorothea enjoyed Alex’s vigor. As he did hers.
“Waiting for you, of course,” Alex replied easily.
Even though he felt himself glancing over Lady Vale’s head to see his brother and Lady Eleanor continue their dance.
“I was hoping you would say that.” She looked around the room, her delicate nose wrinkling in apparent disdain. “This is a dull affair. I am certain there are other things that would be far more enjoyable, aren’t you?” And then she swept her gaze pointedly down his body, the sly curl of her lips indicating just what she meant.
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