“You’re joking, right?” Holly chuckled unkindly behind her cupped hands. “After you totally disrespected me in my office, backed out on a date you agreed to go on, called me a bitch, and accused me of scamming you? Now you want my help again?”
“I know. Truly, I just wasn’t myself and I apologize for that. I was hoping we could get past it—you know… forgive and forget,” Becky said.
All Holly knew was that the woman had a real nerve coming to see her again. “Okay, but let’s get something straight. If I do decide to fix you up with someone, you will not mouth off, nor will you disrespect me in my place of business or in public. And, so help me God, you’ll listen to everything I tell you or your ass will be thrown out of the club forever. You got that?”
“Sure. I’ll comply with anything you say—to a certain extent,” Becky said, contemplating Holly’s request.
“That answer isn’t going to fly with me.”
“All right. Fine.” Becky threw her arms up in defeat. “I’ll try. Is that better?”
“Not try. You will do as I say and not waste my time or the time of the men I set you up with.”
***
Holly was looking forward to relaxing and chowing down on the sandwich and the mac and cheese her father had so generously brought home to her earlier that day. When she walked in the door of her apartment, it was as if all hell had broken loose. Her place looked like a tornado had gone through it, followed by a hurricane, a monsoon, and a WWE Royal Rumble. Boys’ toys, backpacks, shoes, and school supplies were scattered throughout the living room as if Toys“R”Us had thrown up all over her apartment. Alex and Emilio were entranced in front of the television by some cartoon show. The only one who seemed to have enough energy to divert his zombie-blank stare away from the television was Emilio, and even he merely glanced at her. He didn’t bother greeting her with a simple hello like a well-mannered child should have.
Holly walked into her kitchen just as Alex let loose a loud, thunderous fart. As repulsed as Holly was by the stench and the lack of manners, both boys found it hilarious and laughed hysterically. The impromptu release of foul-smelling gas was the only thing that could possibly draw their attention away from the animated chaos they seemed so addicted to on her television.
With a heavy sigh, Holly relentlessly searched the fridge for the meal, but there wasn’t a scrap of it to be found. Disappointed, she immediately dialed her father on her cell.
“Hey, Dad. Did you not come by? I don’t see the food.”
“What? I put it right there on the first shelf. Did you check in the white Styrofoam container?”
Holly gave the fridge another once-over and found nothing. Then, to her horror, she saw it out of the corner of her eye, sitting by the sink––wide open and empty. Now that she thought of it, she realized that many things in the fridge were missing: orange juice, pickles, and a few small containers of yogurt—abducted without permission by ten sticky little fingers.
“Dad, uh… I’ll have to call you back.”
Holly trekked back into the living room and found Emilio sitting in front of the television with his hand in a bag of her baked potato chips.
“Um, excuse me,” she said, swiping the bag away from him.
Emilio stuck his ugly tongue out in retaliation.
“Where is your mother?”
Both boys continued to ignore her, as though she wasn’t even in the room.
“Madelyn!” Holly yelled.
Madelyn came out of the bedroom dressed in her pajamas, looking like she’d just risen from a deep sleep. “Hey, girl. What’s up?”
Holly waved the Styrofoam container in front of Madelyn’s face. “Who the hell ate the food my dad brought over for me?”
“Oh! I’m so sorry.” Madelyn covered her mouth, humiliated by the mistake. “I took a nap and I guess the boys got hungry. I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet. I’ll totally replace whatever you need.”
To say Holly was pissed would have been putting it mildly. She had been looking forward to eating that sandwich all day. “Obviously, you’ve never been to Judi’s Deli. You can’t get a corned beef sandwich at this time of night.” She shoved the container into Madelyn’s hands. “I need to be alone.”
***
Later that evening, Holly got an unwelcome knock on her bedroom door.
“Holls?” Madelyn squeezed her head through the doorway. “Are you busy?”
“Yes, I’m in the middle of something.” Holly looked away from her computer screen. “What is it?”
“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Madelyn didn’t wait for permission, but just walked right in and closed the door behind her. “Um, the truth is… I can’t find a place for an affordable price in all of Orange County.”
Oh God. Here it comes, Holly thought.
“So, anyway, I was hoping you might find it in your heart to let me and the boys stay here a little while longer? I would be willing to pay you some rent in the mean time?”
“What? What about your kid’s school? Don’t they have to go to school in their district—in some other district?”
“I’m thinking about moving to LA and getting the boys in the school system here.”
There was no way in hell Holly could live another day with those monsters. “No offense, but, um…well—I’m accustomed to living by myself. I like my solitude.”
“I swear we won’t be here long. I just need time to find a place.”
Unfortunately, the sad, pathetic look on Madelyn’s face tugged at Holly’s heartstrings. Damn these feelings of mine, popping up at the worst possible times! she scorned herself. “Look, I’m not giving you a time limit, but you better make it snappy.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Madelyn pulled her into a tight embrace. “We’re going to be roomies again— just like the good old days. Oh, this will be so much fun.”
“Fun” wasn’t quite the word Holly would have used. Spending time with Madelyn and her two feral sons was going to be like a trip through the spin cycle. She knew she was in for a challenge, but she had no idea how much of a challenge it was going to be.
February 17, 2013
Sparks101.com- I Teach Women How Men Think
The Five Types of Women Who Get Dumped
Class is now in session.
When you are seriously looking to find “The One,” it is crucial to know the types of women men tend to avoid… and for some of you, this may come as a shock—so pay attention, ladies!
5. Women Who Sleep with Men on the First Date- A few weeks ago, I was at an all-female party. I happened to bump into a girl I’d met at another party. She was slightly attractive— blonde, petite at five- one, bone thin, and big- breasted (I have yet to figure out if they were fake or not, but I do live in California, so it wouldn’t have surprised me if she’d had surgical help.) She’s the exact type of woman that LA men seem to go after with their tongues hanging out, panting like dogs. Anyway, we were huddled around in a small group, chitchatting, when she announced, “Oh, I have to tell you about my date the other night.”
“Do tell! Where did you meet him?” I asked.
“Matchme.com,” she said with little emotion.
The moment she said, “Matchme.com,” I could only imagine where the story was headed. I don’t support online dating sites at all, and I have many justifiable reasons for my disdain.
So, I promptly (albeit not too politely) blurted, “Ugh, Matchme.com? Seriously?”
“Yeah,” she answered, sounding a bit defensive. “We met at The Grove, and then we went to a really cool restaurant for dinner, and…well like, everything was going fine. Then, he started making out with me.”
“Wait…you just barely met this guy—online of all places—and you were okay with this?” I asked, a bit taken aback.
“Yeah, of course. He was amazingly gorgeous,” she said. “So anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go back to my place and he’d said he would love to. So we go to my apartment and end up
having sex.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She’d only known the guy in person for a couple hours.
“What!?” I exclaimed. “Are you serious?”
The room went silent and she looked at me as if I were nuts for being so shocked. “Yeah. What’s so wrong with that? It wasn’t like we didn’t use protection.”
Long story short, she was upset because she hadn’t heard back from him since that night. Perhaps she should have realized that men aren’t always so quick to want to form a relationship with those who slut around so easily.
When it comes to being physical, men will take anything they can get. If you want to give it up on the first date,they will happily do you the favor of allowing you to satisfy their physical needs, no questions asked. But if you are looking for something more than a tryst, don’t give it up on a first date. If you blow your cover, your mystery, your mystique—or him—within hours of meeting, there’s no reason for him to go after a long-term relationship with you. Chances are, he’ll forget about you as soon as he’s walked out your door. Sparks101 followers know that one-night stands ARE OUT of the question.
4. Women Who Reveal too much about Themselves on the First Date - I once had a friend named Debbie who was hopeless when it came to dating. One evening while Debbie was telling me about one of her ultimately disastrous encounters, she was disheartened because she couldn’t figure out why he never called her back. Naturally, I asked her to give me a blow-by-blow (no pun intended, because Debbie wasn’t THAT kind of girl…see No. 5) description of the conversation that went on during their dinner date.
“Well, I started off by telling him about some of my goals—you know, that I want to be married by thirty and have children by thirty-two and—”
At that point, I had to stop her. How painfully pathetic. First of all, it’s a general rule in the dating world that you NEVER EVER tell a first date your life-long plans, especially when those plans could possibly tie them down to something they aren’t even thinking about yet. Men don’t want to feel like they are getting sucked into a commitment the first time they go out with you. First dates are supposed to be nothing more than casual meetings between two people who want to get to know each other. Mr. Maybe will use this date to feel you out (and again, NOT feel you up…again, see No. 5). He will try to determine if you are girlfriend material, just as you will try to consider if he is boyfriend-worthy. By laying everything on the table, you’ll frighten him away and likely strike out.
Instead, ask him questions about his life and talk less about yours. Men love talking about themselves. Believe me, if he is interested in you, he’ll want you to reveal more about your “lifelong plans” as time progresses.
3. Women Who are Overly Jealous and Controlling- This seems to be a common flaw in many women, and by God, men absolutely hate it! Unless your man gives you a reason to be jealous, there is no need for you to go green. It is not necessary for you to check his cell phone when he walks out of the room, or monitor his every move. If you don’t trust the guy— get out of the relationship. Why put yourself through such anxiety? I know some women have been cheated on and hurt deeply. This can lend itself to trust issues and paranoia, but that’s a whole other Oprah.
And women are not always just jealous of other women. Recently, one of my friends was so jealous of her man going out with his friends that she told him he had to choose between her or his pals. I’m sorry to tell you, but if you give a guy an ultimatum like that, you are playing with fire, and you will most likely get burned. I do know a few men who like to be controlled by these types of bossy, tyrannical bitches. Typically, if you try to make a man choose between you and his playtime, chances are that you’ll become his ex and he’ll keep the Xbox around. Don’t tell your man how to live his life and learn to trust him, or you might just find yourself kicked to the curb.
2. Women Who Don’t Give Men the Three “F’s” in a Relationship - In school, we all try to avoid F’s, but in relationships, there are three that are crucial to pass the test. When you are in a relationship it is imperative that you –Feed them, F*ck them and Flirt with them. I hate to be so blunt, but this is essential to keeping any man happy and preventing him from straying. You hold out on any of this and he is out the door and on to the next willing subject. Do not even think about black mailing a man by holding out on sex. He can find it anywhere, and if you won’t give it to him, that’s exactly what he’ll do.
1. Women Who are Clingy and Needy – If this isn’t the most obvious type, then I don’t know what is. The sad thing is that most women aren’t even aware when they’ve sunk to this level. I once knew a girl named Patty. She was beautiful, countless men were interested and dying to meet her— but then, they got to know her. You see, Patty had a tendency to quickly wear out her welcome in relationships because she had a habit of staying at her boyfriend’s house day and night, close to seven days a week.
I once said to her, “Patty, you better take a break for a day or two. You’ve been in his bed every day of the week. You’re going to burn out the relationship.”
But did she listen to me? No. She swore up and down that everything was fine, but two weeks later, she was out on her clingy little behind. She came crying to me when he wouldn’t return any of her phone calls, but the truth is that I couldn’t blame him one bit.
Men need their space, just like we do. More importantly, at the beginning stages of a relationship, they don’t want to feel smothered by you calling them every five minutes and setting up plans to see them every day of the week. Everything in life needs to be done in moderation. If you play the game, you need to know how to play it well. Men are attracted to women who have things going on for them. They are naturally competitive hunters who enjoy the challenge of seeking out women who are harder to get. If you are at his every disposal, there is no chase, no motivation for a man to be with you. If he can’t go out with his friends or live his own life because you think you need to be with him every minute of the day, he’ll probably decide he can no longer live with your insecurity. Soon enough, you’ll find yourself clinging to your belongings when he tosses you out the door. Sure, it’s important to hold on to your man—just not so tight that you’ll smother him.
Class dismissed.
Lesson 3
On a weekend morning, it wasn’t normal for Holly to rouse to the unpleasant cacophony of screaming and bickering outside her own bedroom, but that was exactly the kind of rude awaking she got. With her eyes heavy with sleep, Holly squinted and looked over at the alarm clock. Dear mother of God––it was only seven-thirty. What the hell were they doing up? In her entire existence, she had never experienced a Saturday in this way––ever. If her schedule permitted, Holly would roll out of bed, call Matthew, and meet him somewhere for coffee. She had the luxury of doing things at her own leisurely pace, but that was before her compassion landed her with the housemates from hell.
The screeching started up again, the second Holly was able to slowly drift back to sleep. She grabbed the pillow next to her, put it over her face, and screamed into it. With no other choice, she got out of bed and went to confront the boys, since their mother obviously did not intend to put a stop to the unnecessary ruckus.
Alex and Emilio were in the living room, fighting over a box of Captain Crunch cereal that had spilled like pebbles across the polished hardwood floor.
Holly stood in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. “In case you didn’t know,” she said, raising her voice in hopes that Madelyn might overhear the conversation and take some initiative to tend to the rug rats herself. “There are other people sleeping in this apartment. I would appreciate it if you two would show some respect and lower your voices… and pick up that cereal right now!”
Both boys glared back at her as though she was some simple-minded creature that they couldn’t possibly listen to. Without the slightest bit of acknowledgment, they went right back to watching television.
While Holly was read
y to tear their little heads off for ignoring her about cleaning up their mess, she was glad they’d at least quieted down. She slipped back into bed, hoping the truce would last. That, of course, was not to be, and just as her eyelids closed, she was jolted awake once again.
Not sure what else she could do, Holly dressed and headed to the gym to blow off some steam, if only for a couple hours. When she got back around eleven thirty that morning, the boys were running around the apartment like a couple of mad dogs. A package of Oreos, dirty dishes and a half-devoured bag of chips were spread across the living room, as if her apartment had been converted into the city dump. Unbelievably, their mother was still asleep.
In a rage, Holly pounded on Madelyn’s bedroom door. “Madelyn! You need to get up and control your boys!”
Ten minutes later, Madelyn finally decided to stroll out of the bedroom. “What’s the problem? I was just catching up on my beauty sleep.”
“Two problems. Your kids,” Holly said. “Take a look around.”
Madelyn made her way into the kitchen and hollered, “Boys! Come on! Let’s stop the horse play.” She opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. “Alex, Emilio, what do you want for breakfast?”
Yeah, that’s telling them, Holly thought, rolling her eyes. Unbelievable.
There was nothing else Holly could do. She really didn’t have the energy to beat them all to death with a broom or call pest control to have them humanely removed, so she dismissed the whole confrontation and went into her bathroom. She ran herself a hot bath, anticipating a long soak. When she lifted the toilet lid, Holly caught sight of a watery yellow substance all over the seat. Angry beyond belief, she marched back into the kitchen on a warpath. “All right. Which one of you did it? Who’s got the bad aim?”
The Experiment Page 4