“And our image consultant, Susie Armstrong. We were appalled by what you were wearing at the mixer,” Chris mentioned.
“You looked like a hooker, no joke,” Holly said. “And you made me look so bad that a few guys actually asked me if you were the typical kind of woman that signed up in my club.”
“I’m sorry,” Sabrina said, finally realizing that her behavior was out of line. It was the first time Holly had ever heard her apologize for her actions. “That’s not how I want to come across or be remembered.”
“Acceptance is the first step to heading in the right direction.” Holly looked at Chris in gratification. “Consider this your intervention.”
***
March 24, 2013 Date # 3 – Thomas
March 29, 2013 Date # 4 - Kevin
April 8, 2013 Date # 5 – Cory
The next few dates were not all bad, but they weren’t much of anything to write about on the blog either.
Cory, a musician from Santa Monica, was her latest victim. The thirty-eight year old made a living by playing at dueling piano bars all across the United States. He’d never been married, so assumingly he had no so-called baggage to speak of. Holly considered him interesting enough to set up a time and place to meet.
They met up on a weekday night at the Saluté Wine Bar in Santa Monica. Just one look at this man and it was hard to fathom why he was on a dating website or why he was single in the first place. He looked a million times better in person than he did in his photos. The attractive musician had neatly trimmed black hair, dark eyes, a straight, fleshy nose, and a jutting chin. He looked breathtaking when he showed up wearing expensive jeans and a long-sleeved button-down shirt.
The two sat in the dimly lit lounge, conversing over red wine and Heirloom tomato and basil bruschetta.
“I have to ask.” Holly took a small sip of wine, savoring the way the sweet and delicate flavors danced on the tip of her tongue. “Why are you on a dating website? I’m sure you have no trouble meeting women.”
Cory shrugged and swirled the wine around in his glass. “I guess I just haven’t found the right one yet.”
During dinner, Cory turned out to be less talkative than he was on the phone. Holly figured he was a lot shier in person, although she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. She continued to keep the conversation casual, staying on neutral first date topics. Cory was ambiguous when he talked about his life, and Holly found it strange that she was the one who happened to do most of the talking. He seemed to be enjoying himself from his body language. However, when Holly said something witty or funny, getting him to laugh or crack a smile was like pulling teeth. After spending an hour with this man, she got the sense that this was just his personality. She was not used to dating men so subdue. Overall, he was intelligent, down-to-Earth, and she saw no red flags, although she was left with a feeling of uneasiness in the pit of her stomach.
At the end of the date, Cory walked Holly back to her car.
“So I had a great time tonight. We should hang-out again soon,” she suggested.
He gave her a hug and with a crooked smile said, “Definitely. I’ll call you.”
***
That evening, Todd dropped by unexpectedly with dessert in tow. The two relaxed on the couch, savoring the deli style New York cheesecake as they chatted about the past few weeks.
“I see you have your place back,” Todd said, looking around at its emptiness.
“It wasn’t easy, but yes. Thank God.”
“You finally stood up for yourself. Good girl. I’m proud of you,” Todd said. He raised his coffee mug up in a celebratory fashion.
“That was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.”
Todd took a sip of coffee and asked, “Oh! So how’s that experiment going? I haven’t been on your blog in like ages. Last time I checked, you had a billzillion comments on this dude who went crazy over under-seasoned meat, and another one who lied about his age.”
“I’ve been on a few normal dates since then, but nothing special.” Holly licked the remnants of cheesecake off her fork. “I actually went on a decent one tonight. He was completely normal.”
“Are you sure he’s not gay? Maybe he just doesn’t know it yet.”
“Nice try.”
Holly’s cell phone vibrated on the coffee table, signaling a text message.
“Speaking of the devil—” Holly said.
“Oh! Is it him? He’s quick.”
After her eyes scanned the text, Holly crunched up her face in displeasure.
“What?” Todd asked, confused by the look on her face. “Oh. I was right. He is gay, huh?”
Holly read aloud, “Thank you for a great evening. You’re an awesome girl and I enjoyed your company, but I just don’t think I’m into red heads. Good luck.”
“Whoa, seriously? What an ass,” Todd said.
Holly shook her head in amusement and said, “Really, nothing surprises me anymore.”
April 20, 2013
Sparks101.com- I Teach Women How Men Think
Great Ways to Annoy a Guy
Class is now in session.
I’ve met many women over the years who know how to keep a man happy in a relationship. On the other side of the spectrum, I’ve encountered a countless number of females, who unbeknownst to them have disclosed the secrets to destroying a relationship. I hate to admit it, but the majority of women seem to do all the wrong things when it comes to trying to make a relationship successful. These women often come crying to me wondering why they were dumped after they had tried to do everything right in the relationship.
It’s no secret that it’s far easier to fend off a man than to actually get into a relationship with one. The following is a short list I compiled of things you should do if you really want to stay single for the rest of your life.
The Cell Phone: When you are on a date––leave your cell phone on. Don’t put it on vibrate and make sure it’s always in reach. If by chance you hear it ring, interrupt the conversation you’re having with your date to answer the call. Proceed to talk on your cell phone for at least five to ten minutes. The icing on the cake will be when the caller asks whom you are with and you say right in front of your date, “Oh, just a friend.”
The Indecisive Dinner Companion: When you are out to dinner at a restaurant, take at least a half hour to make a decision on your meal. If he takes you to a specialty restaurant, order something that absolutely has nothing to do with the theme of the restaurant. For instance, let’s say that he takes you to a fancy steakhouse. You might as well order a cheeseburger. Better yet––you’ve been on a diet so maybe you should order a salad with at least one crouton. Maybe you’re in the mood to be adventurous. Order something exotic, something that you’ve never tried before, like wild game. After the waiter takes your order and he’s about to walk away––abruptly change your mind. When the waiter comes back out with your meals, realize that your date’s dinner looks more appetizing than your own. Ask him if you can sample his meal. Forget about what you ordered and start eating off his plate.
The “I have you on a leash” Phone Calls and Text Messages: Your man decided to hang out with his friends over the weekend and he didn’t include you. You are less than thrilled about this. He did say that he was going to call you and check in, but so far, you haven’t heard anything from him. What is a girl to do other than to call him herself? When his phone goes straight to voicemail leave him a message and say sweetly, “Hey baby. I thought you were going to call me. I haven’t heard anything from you, call me.” Then text him with the same message. After a few hours go by and you still haven’t received a call, feel free to be annoyed. Call him again and in an irritated tone say, “Um. Where are you? You still haven’t called me. Please call me back.” Again, text him with the same message. When an hour goes by and you still haven’t gotten a response, it’s your right to be angry. Call him again and this time when you get his voicemail start to sob and say, “How can y
ou do this to me? Where are you? Please call me back.” As usual procedure, text him with the same message. Wait as patiently as you can and if you still haven’t received a call by the end of the day, you should be fuming when you call him again. If he still doesn’t pick up his phone, your voice message should go something like this: “You said you were going to call and you just ignore me! I hate you! Don’t ever call me again!” Then proceed to send him the very same text message. Yes. After a while, you might regret the message you left, so call him back and apologize with, “Where you are? I love you. Please, call me.” Repeat this whole process for the next twenty-four hours.
The “Stuck like Glue” Clingy Bitch: Now that you are officially in a relationship, you should never let your boyfriend go any place without you. Being a couple means that you are joined at the hip. Wherever he goes, you go, and vice-versa. If he wants to go out with his friends, you are going too. No exceptions. You will see him every day and know what he is doing every minute. Also, it’s best that you make excuses to be at his place whenever you can. The more you smother him the more he is going to fall in love with you.
No Sex until He does What You Say: Let’s say you have a disagreement with your man, or maybe you want him to do something for you. Well, he doesn’t do what you say and you are stark raving mad about it. How on Earth are you going to make him listen? There is an easy solution for this. Just tell him you are not going to have sex with him. Anything that involves his penis is surely going to make him change his mind. It’s best to play this card when he decides not to see you one weekend because he wants to go to a sporting event with his friends. Tell him that it’s no problem––he just won’t get sex for a week.
The Accusation and Nagging Game: If your boyfriend mentions that he wants to hang out by himself over the weekend, automatically accuse him of seeing another girl. Also, you’ve been together for so long now that it’s okay to start nagging him about everything. Tell him you don’t like the way he dresses, he doesn’t spend enough time with you, he never buys you anything, you hate his friends and that he can’t hang out with them anymore because you disapprove. Don’t forget to nag him when he’s watching sports. If he’s ignoring you because he’s too engrossed with watching his favorite television show, throw a fit right in front of him. He’ll love that.
Yes ladies, follow these simple rules and I promise it will lead you down the path destined toward Singles Ville.
Class dismissed.
Lesson 8
April 21, 2013- Date # 6: Jordan
April 25, 2013- Date # 7: Gregg
April 28, 2013- Date # 8: Tony
May 3, 2013- Date # 9: Les
May 10, 2013- Date # 10: Johnny
By the tenth date, Holly was still waiting for something noteworthy to come out of all these experimental endeavors. Thankfully, not all the dates were terrible. According to her blog, 90-percent were awful and the other 10-percent were just okay or boring. The main problem was trying to score a stinking second date, which never seemed to happen. After all the failures, she knew she had to try a different approach. This time she became the hunter, instead of the hunted. In no time, Holly stumbled upon a New Jersey transplant named Johnny. The engineer was still relatively new to the area and hardly knew anyone but his co-workers. On the phone, the thirty-three-year old blond seemed shy and reserved. There was a good chance that he would be different from all her other dates simply because he wasn’t yet tainted from living in Los Angeles. They seemed to click in nearly every end of the spectrum, but then again, there was no room for optimism just yet. Usually when Holly got her hopes up it only led to disappointment.
On a Thursday evening, the two met up at Sushi-Gen in Los Angeles. It was a relief to see that Johnny looked just like his pictures. His appearance came off as rough, one that suggested he was most comfortable hanging out with the boys, drinking tons of beer and slapping chicks on the ass. Although, he made up for that with his easygoing smile. He happened to have pretty, clean and white teeth, as if he brushed them obsessively. He had blond buzz-cut hair and a firm jaw line—a definite military look, even though he’d never spent a day in the service. He was an athletic man judging from his well-toned calf muscles and broad shoulders.
After being seated, the two went to town and ordered nearly every sushi roll on the happy-hour menu. By the time the first spicy tuna roll arrived, the date appeared to be going along swimmingly.
Johnny took a bite of his eel skin sushi roll and said as though in sexual ecstasy, “Oh, this is so fucking good.”
Ah yes—that was precisely when that little warning bell sounded off in Holly’s head. There was absolutely no need for that kind of language within the first thirty minutes, especially on the first date. Everything that was once appealing about this guy had suddenly flown out the window and truthfully, it was a shame. They were getting along so well that Holly wondered if maybe she should have just let it slide. It could have been a Freudian slip. No, on second thought, she couldn’t let his inappropriate behavior go unnoticed. Holly had to stick to her guns. If she didn’t follow her own rules, it wouldn’t feel right preaching it to others. He blew it and now she was just going to have to grin and bear it.
After consuming four pieces of a crunchy shrimp roll in silence, Holly finally asked, “So do you live by yourself or with roommates?” Although the situation was more than awkward for her at that point, she had to make the most out of a dire situation.
“By myself, actually. My apartment is the ultimate bachelor pad. Wanna come by and see it tonight?” he asked with a wink.
Although Holly wasn’t a prude, any woman with a brain knew what he was implying and it was a totally inappropriate first date suggestion. This man was nothing more than a horn dog, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get his hump on. He’d done an outstanding job of hiding his true colors up until this point.
“Yeah, right. We all know what would happen if we did that,” Holly said with a roll of her eyes. She was on to his game.
Johnny took a sip of his Japanese beer and asked with a cunning smile, “Oh yeah? What would happen?”
Holly simply raised her eyebrows and shot him an in-your-dreams look. Within moments, a thick fog of uncomfortable silence sneaked its way around the sushi rolls, circled the soy sauce, and rose up in a cloud above the edamame.
Johnny broke the silence by abruptly asking, “So are you a missionary girl?”
“Are you asking if I’m religious? Do I go to church? The answer to that would be no.”
He scarfed down a couple pieces of Ahi tuna and laughed heartedly. “No. What sex position do you like? You seem like a missionary girl to me.”
Repulsed by his outlandish behavior, Holly stood up and threw her napkin down on the table. “Look, I don’t know what type of women you’re used to dating in New Jersey, but let me tell you something, pal. Here in Los Angeles, you don’t ask a woman what sex position she likes on the first date. That’s none of your damn business in the first place, you creep.” With those last words, she seized her purse and trekked out the front door, leaving Jersey boy Johnny to a table laden full of uneaten sushi rolls.
***
Holly made a pit stop to her father’s house instead of directly heading home.
“Holly—this is quite a surprise,” Tim said. He stood at the front door, clutching a cup of coffee. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I know it’s late. Do you have a minute?”
“For my number one princess? Of course I do.”
Holly followed her father into the living room to where Gale and Kacie were sitting on the couch, watching television. Kacie caught a glimpse of Holly and lit up like the 4th of July. “Holly!”
“Hey kid,” Holly said, kissing the top of Kacie’s head.
“What’cha doing here?” Kacie asked.
“Yeah. What gives us the honor of being graced by your presence?” Gale said in a teasing manner.
Holly shot her an uneasy smile. “Oh. I just w
anted to talk to my dad for a minute.”
“In private?” Tim asked.
“Yes. I would prefer it.”
“Let’s go to the study room,” he suggested.
The two situated themselves on the brown leather couch in the study, the one place Holly had found peace and solace nearly her entire life. The five-hundred square foot room was cozy. Large windows looked out over the front yard and it had a stone fireplace, which added that homey touch that she loved so much. By the window was an old-fashioned oak desk with a row of drawers with brass handles. It had once been a cherished possession to her grandfather.
From floor to ceiling were bookcases filled with every type of book imaginable. Her mother had been a vivid book collector who spent all she could on rare or antique books. Darlene had started accumulating them as a kid, ever since she had received her first set of Charles Dickens classics from her father.
“Honey, don’t give up. I know you’re frustrated right now, but it will pass,” Tim said as he gently rubbed his daughter’s shoulder.
“I’m not giving up. I just feel like I’m being tortured, Dad.” Holly looked down into her lap. “I can’t even begin to fathom what Mom would think of this experiment. She’d be appalled.”
“You know your mother supported everything you wanted to accomplish in life.”
“Yeah, but I never knew dating could be this hard.”
“Your mother sure had a gift of sniffing out the bad ones, didn’t she?”
Holly smiled at a fond memory of her mother. “Yeah, she sure could smell a rotten guy from a mile away.”
Her mother had always had a sixth sense for recognizing men that would end up breaking her daughter’s heart. Whenever Holly started getting serious with someone, Darlene always had to put in her two cents.
The Experiment Page 15