by Bette Ford
With her hands balled at her sides, Trenna said, “Please, don’t let me keep you.”
Careful to keep her emotions in check, she reminded herself that he had admitted to being aggressive, even ruthless, and possibly controlling. Were those the prerequisite in order to pass the bar? Certainly they were the reasons Darrin excelled in his practice.
To her, aggression, ruthlessness, and control issues were red flags, reasons to stay clear of involvement. She knew all too well, since her late husband had been an attorney. And Trenna prided herself on being a woman who learned from her mistakes. There was no doubt in her mind that she was never going to get close enough to Darrin Morgan to allow him to hurt her.
His mouth tightened. “I’ll call when I have news. Bye.”
She said nothing as she watched him leave.
“Call with news?” she mumbled aloud, suddenly she realized this was no maneuver. He was serious! He expected his friend, the investor to get back to him. Trenna started to shake at the very real possibility. She was forced to take a deep breath to steady herself. It was alright. He said he wanted to help. That was a good thing. Only last night she had been struggling to find ways to fund her foundation. And now this?
If he was serious, then she needed to be extremely cautious. After all, she would have to deal with Darrin Morgan. Talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing!
He said he had made a mistake. That he wanted to be friends. Now that was highly unlikely. His offer to help with her foundation didn’t mean he hadn’t set out to seduce her. Not for one minute did she believe him. She was a challenge to him and nothing more.
Trenna watched until Darrin reached the bank of elevators. That was when she recognized she had been staring at him as if she couldn’t get enough of his tall, muscular length. She bristled, suddenly angry with herself.
Hadn’t she come in early to work? Why was she focused on him when she needed to get a handle on her paperwork? The man collected women like she collected designer handbags and shoes, and she shouldn’t spare him another thought.
She went from classroom to classroom turning on lights, making sure everything was clean, tidy, and ready to go. She checked the supplies in the art and music rooms and then the computer room, which included the children’s main computer, a twenty-six inch, all-in-one desktop. It was bolted, for safety reasons, to a sturdy child-size table.
Each child had access to the tablets that were stored in locked cabinets. There were small tables where the children worked in groups or individually on their assignments. All the children were exposed to the appropriate digital material, including the toddlers. Their progress was amazing. For them it was fun, play. Unlike adults, the children didn’t fear the electronic devices; there was nothing to unlearn.
Trenna loved children and, at one time, wanted a house-full. Sadly, she had married a man who had already fathered two children and didn’t want more. She had put the thoughts of having babies behind her and had focused on her graduate studies and her dreams of some day opening her school.
It was amazing how quickly she had learned to adapt, learned to ignore what she could not change. Martin didn’t want her to work outside of their home, but she refused to let him stop her from getting her Master’s degree or working toward her doctorate.
Trenna lingered in the nursery, her favorite room. She adored spending time with the babies. She loved holding them close, enjoyed their warmth and sweet scents. Being in the nursery always soothed away the stress of the day and eased her tension.
She lovingly ran her hand over the smooth wood surface of one of the cribs, and then gazed fondly at the row of changing tables. Murals of familiar animated movies and nursery rhyme characters had been painted on the walls.
There were shelves for baby toys and labeled drawers where each baby’s bedding, diapers, and changes of clothing were stored. Wooden rocking chairs with cushioned seats were spaced conveniently around the room and the floor was covered by a colorful area rug done in pinks and blues.
One entire wall was lined with shelves, the bottom portion displayed an array of picture books. Everything was bright and colorful. The closet held extras: diapers, linens cubby toys and baby clothes. Nothing had been overlooked.
Trenna stopped in the children’s restrooms before moving on to the large kitchen that was equipped with the top-of-the-line stove, two refrigerators, and dishwasher. One of the refrigerators was used exclusively for the children’s meals, plus there was a warmer to keep the children’s meals at the proper temperature.
Although the children’s lunches were catered, Trenna hired a cook for all other preparations. One cupboard was stocked with emerging food supplies, in case of a power outage. All was spotlessly clean and ready to go.
Normally business hours were from seven-thirty AM to six-thirty PM, but the staff generally arrived at seven. Because of the staff meetings that morning, the children were not scheduled until one.
In her office, Trenna hung up her coat and nearly reached for the phone, but stopped herself in time. It was too early, a little after six. Maureen was probably still in bed and wouldn’t care about the possibility of an investor. Besides, she already knew what her best friend was going to say about Darrin’s offer of friendship. Maureen would scold her. Nope. It was better to keep her mouth shut. Anyway, Trenna had much better things to do than second guess herself about what she had said to Darrin Morgan. The man had already taken up too much of her time this morning.
Pulling her laptop out of her briefcase, she got right to work. She was hungry by the time Amber arrived. After making use of the office microwave, Trenna bowed her head and said a quick prayer of thanks before she bit into her sandwich. Sipping her hot chocolate, she gazed out the window and smiled. There was much to be grateful for. Each day she made it a point to give thanks to the God who created her and blessed her with the skills to love, to learn, and to teach.
Trenna thrived on the challenge of making Little Hearts warm and inviting for all the children. Many viewed their rapid growth as success, but not Trenna. She believed in a hands-on approach to learning, with the focus on each child’s needs. That was the key to their success. And in order to continue doing that, they needed to remain small, and insure that the nothing was overlooked or left to chance.
She had hand-picked the staff. She knew their strengths and weaknesses. Her teachers were experts in early childhood. Everyone who worked for her had undergone a complete background check. Most important, they loved the children and worked hard to make the school successful. But it was Trenna who put in the longest hours, a necessity, in order to maintain the highest standards.
Less than a month after their grand opening, they had reached full capacity. The first indicator of that her plans had worked beyond her wildest dreams was the waiting list. Each year their waiting list had grown, but this year had been simply incredible. Trenna was thrilled, but she hadn’t been tempted to expand or open a new facility. Excellence was her primary goal, not money. Although, early on, she learned that being the best was costly. Because Little Hearts was a private school, it was expensive to run it well and to maintain. By necessity, their fees had to be hefty.
There was much to be grateful for and she was determined not to take her blessings for granted. She had drawn from the trust fund she had inherited from her maternal grandmother to start the school and from the funds her parents had left her to start the scholarship fund. She knew she was fortunate to have the profits from her family’s business fall back on.
Pleased by the morning’s progress, she had finished the state licensing report, the agenda for the staff meeting, and had printed the handouts. Around nine, she realized she was having trouble concentrating on the lesson plans the teachers had turned in for the following week.
Her thoughts kept going back to her run-in with Darrin. She trembled, recalling the heat of his hand near her hip as he searched her coat pocket. His closeness had rattled her. She had been overwhelmed by his size, cognizant
of his warmth, and keenly aware of the smell of his clean male skin and citrus aftershave. Again and again, she had tried and failed to push thoughts of him away. What was it about the shape of his mouth that so fascinated her? It was pointless to speculate on how his lips might feel or taste. She was never going to know. Goodness! Why did he have to be so attractive?
She found herself wondering if she would feel differently about him if he hadn’t taken the Todd Marks case. Only, she had no answer. Would it help her to talk to Grace? They hadn’t really spoken about the trial since it ended so badly. And the last thing she wanted to do was upset Grace.
Trenna didn’t need any reminders that some things were too painful to discuss, even with her best friend. She and Maureen couldn’t be closer. They had shared much over the years, but long ago they agreed there were a few choice topics that were best avoided. Maureen had pushed that boundary to the limit the other night, and at the time Trenna had not taken it well. Because they loved each other, neither of them had ever aimed to hurt the other. They had moved on.
Because she had been so busy with her school, she hadn’t realized how much time had passed since she talked to Grace. She was glad that Maureen had invited Grace to join them. Grace didn’t realize it, but the two of them had something in common. Trenna had never been raped, but she knew what it felt like to dominated and controlled by a ruthless man.
Trenna and Maureen had made an effort to be there for Grace. It had been a hardship to offer their support during the trial. She couldn’t help wondering if volunteering at the Woman’s Crisis Center was enough for Grace? Did Grace still have trouble sleeping? Did she still have to fight her fears every single day just to go out her front door?
Trenna frowned. She didn’t know the answers. Lately, she had been so self-absorbed, caught up with her own issues that she had not reached out Grace. Feeling guilty, Trenna picked up the telephone and punch in a familiar number and waited.
“Sheppard Women’s Crisis Center. Maureen speaking, how may I help you?”
“Hi. Got a minute?”
“For you, maybe five. You sound tired.”
“I didn’t sleep well last night. I gave up trying around four and got ready for work,” she blurted out. “It was barely six when I got here. I can’t believe I ran into you-know-who again.”
“Darrin?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t mean literally, do you?”
“No, but it wasn’t comfortable.”
“Normal animosity?”
“Not exactly.”
If only it were that simple. She was struggling to accept that Darrin had offered to help with her foundation. A wealthy investor would be the answer to her prayers. What a blessing! Her head was still spinning at the possibility. Excitement bubbled deep inside as she kept thinking of the things she would be able to accomplish. A solid investor would allow her to expand the foundation much faster than she’d dare hoped.
This autumn she launched her foundation by giving away two scholarships. And she was thrilled that both children were doing very well. It validated that she was moving in the right direction. Only Maureen knew that Trenna had used her own funds to jumpstart the foundation and that she purposefully kept her salary Iow. The profits had gone back into the school.
At dinner last night with Maureen and Mrs. Hale, Maureen’s grandmother, they had wracked their brains to come up with ways to raise money for Trenna’s foundation. And then their neighbor Tina Morgan, Douglas and Darrin’s mother, stopped by for dessert. Trenna liked Mrs. Morgan and was surprised when she came up with some novel ideas for funding the foundation. She suspected Mrs. Morgan spoken to Darrin.
Did it matter? Trenna had to be practical. Next year, she’d hoped to maintain the present scholarships and expand to include two additional low-income children. But at this point it was just that…a hope.
Trenna revealed, “Darrin offered to introduce me to one of his wealthy friends, a possible investor. But he ruined it because in the next breath he asked if we could start over and become friends.”
“Investor? Did he say who?”
“Jackson Murray. Do you know him?”
“I’ve never met him but he’s a well-known philanthropist.”
“Really?”
“Yes, when you have a free moment, type his name into your search engine. I don’t know about you, but I’m excited!”
Darrin hadn’t? been joking around. Trenna didn’t know what to think. Suddenly, her knees were wobbly, and she was forced to sit back down.
“Trenna, this could be a tremendous opportunity for your foundation to grow. Darrin’s a good person. It seems to me that he’s already acting like your friend. You’re the hold out.”
“But…”
“What can it hurt to be nice?”
As the question seemed to echo in her mind, Trenna barely suppressed a scream of frustration. Had Maureen forgotten that the last man who asked for her friendship hadn’t stopped pushing until they were married and she was under his control? Plus, there was Grace. Trenna couldn’t dismiss Grace’s trial.
“I appreciate his offer to help, but I’m not naïve. That offer comes attached with strings. I’m not getting involved with Darrin Morgan.”
“Friends, Trenna.” Maureen said with a laugh, “A girl can’t have too many.”
“Not funny.”
“Think, Trenna. Can you afford to ignore a potential investor? Just last night we were brainstorming ideas to expand your scholarship program.” Before Trenna could respond, Maureen advised, “Before you cut off your nose to spite your face, consider this—” Then she paused.
“What?” Trenna prompted.
“If Darrin hadn’t taken Todd Mark’s case, and if you had never seen him at work in the court room, would you accept his friendship or date him?”
“No. He asked me out the day we met and I declined.”
“How much of a difference do you think it would have made if he hadn’t defended Todd Marks?”
Trenna had asked herself that same question. ”He makes me uncomfortable. Maureen, our history with men stinks. Have you forgotten our vow not to repeat past mistakes? I haven’t changed my mind. Have you?”
“No, but Darrin…”
“Another attorney, no thanks. I will pass.”
“Trenna! Where did that come from? If you gave Darrin half a chance, you’d know by now that he is nothing like Martin.”
Trenna silently groaned. She should have known better than to voice her fears by linking the two men together. She didn’t want to think or talk about either one of them. Martin was gone and Darrin was a complication she couldn’t afford. The mere thought of being intimate again was disturbing.
Maureen barely paused long enough to catch her breath. She hurried on to say, “Clearly, you’re still upset about the other day. Once you have time to calm down and think I’m sure that….. ”
“Maureen! Stop grilling me. This isn’t one of your counseling sessions.”
“Grilling you? My, my, aren’t we defensive. Missy, you called me, not the other way around.”
“I know, but not to rehash the past or talk about men. I just realized I’ve been so busy with my school that I have neglected Grace. It has been months since we really talked. Can you tell me how she’s doing?”
“Fine.
“Maureen, you know what I’m mean. ”
“And you know I can’t talk about Grace and why. I won’t betray her confidence.”
“Maureen! I’m not trying to pry, I’m concerned. She seemed a bit too quiet the other night after the movie. I was wondering if something changed.”
“I can’t! Now if you have a general question, ask away.”
“Okay, okay. On Saturday, when I talked to Laura we talked about forgiveness. Laura mentioned it’s not unusual for a victim to forgive her rapist. Do you think it’s possible?”
“Anything’s possible. Do you remember what Pastor Graham said on the subject? That God wasn’t pla
ying around when he made that law. We are to love everyone, even those not so loveable…no exceptions.”
“I remember,” Trenna added, “But it seems to me that rape goes beyond the ordinary forgiveness. It’s such a cruel, hateful crime that I’m not sure that anyone can manage it. I’m sure I couldn’t. How about you?”
“I don’t know. It’s a tough one and would require a boatload of prayers to get there.”
“You’re right. Jesus died for all us sinners, not just people we approve of.” Trenna swallowed a heavy sigh. She didn’t add the likelihood of her forgiving her husband was right up there with Maureen forgiving her ex. It wasn’t happening.
“About Grace. Is she still having trouble sleeping? How about leaving her …”
Maureen said, “Trenna, call her. Talk to her.”
“I can’t. It would be cruel to upset her and remind her of such a very painful time.” Before she would say more there was a knock on her open door and her assistant Tasha came in carrying a crystal vase filled with flowers. Trenna gasped.
“What is it?” Maureen asked.
4
“Hold on, Maureen,” Trenna said into the phone as Tasha placed a beautiful floral arrangement in the center of her desk. “Thanks.”
“Well?” Maureen prompted.
“I’m staring at the most beautiful bouquet of pink and white tulips, surrounded by yellow and pink Gerber daises. Are you sure you didn’t …“
“Yes… ”
“Excuse me, but …” Tasha said.
“Maureen, hold for another minute.” She looked at her assistant, “Yes?”
“Everyone has started gathering in the conference room for the staff meeting. When should I tell the kitchen staff to bring in the cheese and fruit trays?”
“Now,” Trenna said but she couldn’t stop staring at the flowers.
Smiling, Tasha said, “There’s a card.”
“Hey!” Maureen called out.
“I’m back,” Trenna blushed, having forgotten she was still on the telephone.