by Bette Ford
When she relocated to Michigan she had made a promise to never look back. Never again would she have to see that kind of disappointment in a man's eyes or ever have to endure another tongue lashing because of her shortcomings.
“Trenna, do you need...”
“No, both are safely locked in my office.”
After unlocking her car door, she waited for him to put her small case on the floor behind her seat. He was full of surprises, clicking her seatbelt in place.
“Thanks for everything. I didn’t expect…”
“Glad to be of service. Be careful on the road. It’s late and the fools are probably out. Give me a second and I’ll follow you home.”
“I’m fine.”
He nodded. “I’ll be right behind you.”
5
She watched him go over to the limousine and tip the driver, before jogging to his SUV. He flicked his lights to let her know he was ready.
Trenna wasn’t sure who she was more annoyed with: him or herself. Instead of being halfway home, she was waiting for him. What happened to her resolve to keep her distance? Was it buried under all those compliments he’d been dishing out?
It had been over four years since Martin had passed. During that time, she hadn’t had any difficulty resisting other men. What was it about Darrin? So what if her awareness of him was keen? It didn’t matter.
No wonder women found him so irresistible. All evening he’d been thoughtful, considerate. He was not only as smooth as silk but also easy on the eyes. But if he thought for even a second he could hop into her bed, then he was in for a rude awakening.
Her temper simmered as she headed west on Interstate 96 toward Southfield. By the time she exited the freeway on Twelve Mile Road she had her emotions under control. She slowed at the entranced to the gated community and smiled at the guard on duty. “Evening, Mark.”
“Hello Mrs. McAdam.”
As the gate lifted Trenna giggled, giving Darrin a wave as she sped through. She followed the curved to the right and made a left at the corner. Her small home was on a corner lot. She turned into her driveway and activated the garage door opener. As she pulled inside she spotted Darrin’s late model SUV, turning in and easing a stop behind her.
If she had been a swearing woman, she would have turned the air a brilliant shade of blue. Instead, she pounded the steering wheel with a small fist. Thoroughly annoyed, she grabbed her case and slammed her car door. Instead of hurrying inside through the garage, she closed the garage door and came down the drive.
She asked evenly, “How did you do it?” She was proud of herself for not yelling.
“Do what?”
“How did you get past the guards and inside the gate without a residence sticker?“ she demanded.
Thanks to the row of sun lamps that lined her walk way and drive, she had no trouble making out his features. He didn’t smile, but she sensed his amusement.
“I have a pass.” He stood beside his SUV. “My brother lives three miles away and our mother’s next door to Mrs. Hale and Maureen.”
“Right.” Why was he still here? Good grief! He had her so rattled she was muttering to herself as she passed him.
Knowing what was expected, that she do the polite thing and invited him in, didn’t make it any easier. She battled her conscious, struggling to execute the good manners her mother and grandmother had hammered into her. After climbing the three steps up to the front porch, she slowly turned to face him.
“I really appreciate all you’ve done to help…”
Darrin interrupted, “I hope it works out with the Murrays.”
“We’ll know soon,” they said at the same time, and then stopped abruptly. They looked at each other.
She politely asked, “Would you care to come in for a nightcap?”
“You’re shaking,” he observed, and then surprised her by lightly brushing his lips against her forehead before he took a step back. “No worries, sweet Trenna. Don’t you know that nothing that you don’t want will ever happen between us?”
“But you said…”
“What? That I want you? It’s true, but I’m looking for someone special. Someone who wants me just as much as I want her. Night, Trenna. ”
Trenna was tiptoeing out of the nursery where the babies were napping when little Johnnie Bornstein came hurling into her.
“Make ’em stop! Make ’em stop!” His small face was pale, tears filled his big blue eyes and ran down his cheeks.
Trenna dropped down to take the child into her arms. He rested his blond head on her shoulder as he sobbed as if his heart was breaking. And it very may well be, considering his parents were in the middle of a very nasty divorce. Plus, he hadn’t seen his father in weeks.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she soothed, rubbing his back. Once he was calm, she took him into art room to paint a picture for Mommy.
Although Trenna was aware that something had been going on between Brenda Hampton, one of the teachers, and Yvette McKnight, her teaching assistant, she hadn’t interfered. As long as they keep the problem outside of the school, it wasn’t her concern. But if a disagreement altered the climate of the school and upset one of their students it became Trenna’s business.
When the school opened, she had laid out a set of rules and put them in writing. And she had never deviated from them. There were no excuses for exposing the children to anything less than a warm, loving, encouraging environment.
Being firm had not come naturally to her. She had learned from cold, hard experience that being soft and loving signaled weakness to her controlling husband. It had taken her years to regain the ground she had lost trying to be the perfect wife.
She arranged for Amber to take over the class while she met with the two. When they were all seated in the office with the door closed, Trenna could feel their animosity as they stared at each other.
There was no hesitation when she asked, “What’s going on?” The meeting went downhill from there.
Brenda accused, “It’s all her fault! Just because she’s beautiful with all that long pretty hair she thinks she can have any man she wants. Well, she’s wrong. I’m willing to fight for what’s mine!”
Before Trenna could respond, Yvette jumped to her feet and said, “Have you lost your mind? I’ve had enough of you yelling at me because you’re jealous of that broke, half-ass man! You’re taking care of him.”
“Who you calling broke?”
“He doesn’t have a job! You told me couple of weeks ago.”
Trenna would have laughed if the situation was not serious.
Brenda accused, “Look who’s talking! Last time I looked, you didn’t have two pennies to rub together.”
They were both standing nearly toe-to-toe, glaring at each other.
Yvette snapped, “Just because you’re a teacher, doesn’t make you better than me. I may not have finished college yet, but I’m not desperate! And I have enough common sense to know the difference between love and being used!”
“Enough!” Trenna interjected. Refusing to raise her voice, she said firmly, ”If you value your jobs you’ll sit down and listen.” She waited until they complied, and then she said, “Little Hearts is not the place for this kind of discussion. I don’t care how you two feel about each other or who you are involved with but, arguing in front of students will not be tolerated. Since you two brought this here to Little Hearts, we will deal with it. Tell me how this started?”
“It’s her fault.” Brenda pointed at her assistant. “She started this mess.”
Yvette ignored the other woman and said, “Mrs. McAdams, I’m really sorry about all this. I was upset, but really didn’t mean to scare the children.”
“Thanks, Yvette. I’m glad that you realize… “
“I knew you were going to side with her. You don’t understand because you’re pretty like her. Neither of you have any problems getting a man. Everyone knows, Mrs. McAdams that you can have anyone you want. Look at Darrin Morgan! He
not only owns the building but’s the best looking man in it. He stares at you. He wants you.”
Trenna stiffened and pressed her lips together, to hold in a sharp retort. Although annoyed at having her name linked to Darrin, she was determined to remain calm. She took a slow, deep breath.
No, this was not about her or Darrin. Nor was it about the fact that she hadn’t seen the man in more than a week. He’d said that he wanted her and then walked away. Clearly, he regretted what had been said because he was avoiding her.
“Ms. McAdams,” Yvette rushed to say, “this isn’t my doing! I’m having enough trouble trying to manage my student loans, finishing out this semester while trying to make sure I keep my grade-point-average up. I don’t know about her, but I really need this job.”
“I need mine, too!” Brenda added.
Trenna repeated her earlier question, ”How did this start?”
Yvette said, “On Friday, when I went out to my car her boyfriend was waiting for her. He came onto me, not the other way around. By the time she came out he had gotten out of her car and followed me to mine, all the while talking trash. She assumed I was in the wrong.”
Trenna stared at them in disbelief. They were risking their jobs because of some man! This was crazy. While the discussion was unpleasant, it was not something she could avoid. This matter was too important to ignore. For Trenna, the children always came first.
Brenda interrupted, “That’s because you were wrong. I saw you flirting with my man! Don’t try to deny it. He and I have no secrets. He told me everything.”
“I doubt he told you that he asked me to go to the club with him on Saturday night. But I assure you that you have nothing to fear from me. I’d rather be alone forever than be with a man who can’t be trusted. I don’t need that headache. If you ask me, that’s not love.”
Even though Trenna agreed whole-heartedly, she said firmly, “If the two of you want to continue working here, then you will find a way to resolve this problem, away from Little Hearts and the children. Another incident like this one and both of you will be out of a job. Are we clear?”
The women nodded.
“Good. The children are waiting. “
Trenna felt bad for Brenda. She clearly had fallen for the wrong man, someone who didn’t value her and she couldn’t trust. In addition, she was making the mistake of blaming someone else for his weaknesses.
Once she was alone Trenna silently fumed. “Men!”
So many of them cannot be trusted. They ruined things for the few good men out there. It would be easy to assume that all men were users. But Trenna knew better. She’d been fortunate enough to have a good father. If Trenna had not grown up around such a strong, honest man she might not know that truth.
She hadn’t asked, but she suspected Brenda’s man was very attractive, someone that women flock to. But she seriously doubted that he was as good to look at as Darrin Morgan.
Trenna frowned, annoyed that her thoughts kept returning to him. It was so aggravating! Brenda bringing his name up didn’t help. She didn’t want to think of Darrin, didn’t want to remember his warmth or husky laugh as he joked with his friends. The entire time he’d been a perfect gentlemen, even made sure she got home safely.
Enough about Darrin, she thought as she paced her office. She especially didn’t want to recall that he had gone out of his way to help with her foundation. Plus, he hadn’t expected anything in return. It was true that she had enjoyed herself that night. She genuinely liked his friends. The Murrays were warm and generous, a lovely couple.
For heaven’s sake! She needed to get over it. It was a single night. One evening in his company did not mean she’d lost touch with reality. Or, that she was at risk of letting her guard down enough to get involved with him. That was never going to happen.
Although she hadn’t seen Darrin, Trenna had had a visit from his friends. The Murrays had toured the school, and the visit had gone amazingly well. Several times she had reached for the phone to thank Darrin again but always found a reason not to make the call.
No matter how many times she told herself that it was for the best that she hadn’t seen him, she was upset. There was no doubt that he was avoiding her. She should consider it a gift. He was doing her a huge favor by leaving her alone. His absence should give her time to regroup and keep her defenses firmly in place.
She was no longer like Brenda Hamilton. She didn’t have to have a man in her life to be happy. She was no longer the girl who had married for the wrong reasons. She had grown up. She was strong and could stand squarely in her own three-inch heels. She took care of herself both financially and emotionally. For her spiritual needs she turned to the Creator, her heavenly Father who continually strengthened her.
Finally, Trenna was in a good place and had developed genuine friendships with both men and women. If given a choice between friendship and sex, she would pick friendship every time. It was true that a few of her male friends believed the physical side of her nature had been badly neglected, but she could not care less. She didn’t crave the physical pleasure that filled romantic movies and novels and love songs. Four years of marriage had proven to her that the sexual side of a relationship was grossly overrated.
Why Darrin Morgan? Surely, she couldn’t be thinking of getting involved with him? Could she? But even as she shook her head no, she accepted it didn’t seem as far-fetched as it had even a few days ago. After one dinner? Ridiculous! She had no business even thinking about intimacy with anyone, and certainly not with him.
Even if for some crazy reason, say she temporarily lost her mind and forgot her own history, it wouldn’t be long before he discovered her secret. Darrin was an experienced man. One time would be all it would take. Once with her and he would throw her out faster than yesterday’s dishwater. She had learned the hard way that she would never be enough for any other man.
She would not allow Darrin to tempt her into doing something that was completely wrong for her. Nor would she allow Darrin to raise her hopes that things between them could be different. Just because he was younger and better looking than Martin, didn’t mean it would be better with him. She must not forget that the common denominator wasn’t Martin…it was her. She had not changed.
Besides, Darrin was sophisticated, charming, a connoisseur of women. The only thing average about him was his male beliefs. For him, sex was a requirement, not an option in a relationship. When he told her he wanted her she should have been honest. Why hadn’t she come clean? Why hadn’t she admitted that to her sex was about as exciting as having a root canal? He had the correct attitude. Keeping distance between them was the perfect solution.
Trenna didn’t have a single doubt that if he knew, he would make a beeline for the closest door. Who was she kidding? Had she forgotten that she didn’t have the best judgment when it came to men? She only had to look at the huge mistake she had made when she had married. Both she and Martin had suffered because of that error.
But there was something she craved…something she hadn’t experienced in a very long time. She longed to be held. Hugs by friends were important, but not quite the same. Perhaps the longing was something leftover from her childhood? Her father made her feel safe and secure. She had come to him when she had been afraid or felt alone. She would snuggle up close to her father’s side. In fact, she hadn’t been held and felt loved since her father passed.
She sighed heavily. Being held was the one thing she couldn’t do for herself.
With Thanksgiving being less than two weeks away and the Christmas holiday in a little over a month, the excitement levels at the school was off the charts. Anticipation of Santa had both the three- and four-year-olds delirious with expectation while the two-and-under crowd were just happy, soaking up the festive atmosphere. The children’s colorful paintings of turkeys and fall leaves covered the walls.
Despite the bright morning sun pouring in, Trenna frowned as she stared out at the snow. This was crazy, much too early in the
season for snow. Nonetheless, the ground was covered in a light blanket of it and it wasn’t showing any signs of letting up. The snow only added to the little ones’ excitement. It was pure fun for them. They were not inconvenienced by it since they didn’t have shovel it or to drive in it. Trenna didn’t share their enthusiasm.
Although she had learned to tolerate the northern winter’s bitter cold, she detested snow and ice. Nibbling on the corner of her bottom lip, she glanced at the clouds overhead before returning to stare anxiously at the white covering the ground. She had turned on the small, flat screen television on the shelf in her office. She changed the station to the weather channel.
“Don’t do this,” she chided unhappily, as she struggled to deal with a combination of fear and worry while a large dose of dread formed a knot in her stomach. With her hands balled at her sides, she blinked away tears as she read the forecast on the screen.
Although anticipating the worst, she had prayed that the snow would stop and the sun could come out. Sighing heavily, she reached for the telephone in order to put her ‘back-up’ plan into motion.
Just then three-year-old Carmen Meadows raced past the open door into the office, calling, “Miss M! Miss M!” She wrapped her small arms around Trenna’s waist. Her small brown face and pretty black eyes danced with excitement. “Please come play “Tommy-Tom-Tom” for us! We want to sing!”
Trenna smiled. She leaned down to hug the little girl. Carmen was a delight. Her mother was single, with three other mouths to feed while struggling to make ends meet. Carmen was one of the children whose fees were paid by the foundation.
“P-p-pleeease!”
Trenna teased, “Tommy who? Does he come to our school?” She had started taking piano lessons when she was six and continued until she was in college. She played well. Love of music was something she shared with her parents who had also played instruments.