by Bette Ford
He kissed her neck and tightened his arms around her. “Finally, I have you where I longed for you to be. I’m sorry that I hurt you. You are awfully quiet. Are you sure okay?”
Although, her body was tender, it wasn’t something she was wanted to discuss. Nor did she want to remember the last earth-shaking climax. It hadn’t been mutual.
“I’m fine.” But Trenna knew she was in trouble when he started those slow, drugging kisses she adored. She was falling under his seductive spell. Instead of caressing the broad expanse of his bare chest and shoulders as she longed to do, she dropped her hands to her sides. She was terribly distracted because she could feel Darrin pulsating deep inside of her. Her breasts were still tender and the nipples hard as shivers of desire raced down her spine. She needed no reminders that with Darrin she had found the most incredible release, not once but twice. Darrin had made her entire body hum with pleasure.
But he had her so confused. It had never been like this… “With Martin…” Trenna gasped, realizing she had spoken her thoughts aloud. Wanting to scream her frustration, she quickly amended, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”
“What?” He clasped her waist and moved from beneath her. “You didn’t mean me to know that you were comparing me to Martin?”
Shaking her head firmly, “No! I wasn’t!” she insisted, then sighed in regret. “Forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter.”
She frowned. Did she see hurt in his eyes? Impossible! He just said he had gotten her exactly where he wanted her…in bed. What was a novelty for her was old hat for him. He had just proved he was a master manipulator of women.
Darrin Morgan was an expert—so good that he made her feel as if he actually cared about her. It had taken years but he finally gotten what he wanted from her. Just because he had given her more pleasure than she could have imagined didn’t change facts. She was a challenge to him until tonight. Tonight she had given him exactly what he came for: sex. She shuddered at the unvarnished truth.
Darrin drew the quilt over them. “Better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
How could a woman her age be so naive? She had slept with the womanizer-of-the-year! Darrin Morgan probably had the trophy on his mantel! It just happened. And she certainly hadn’t given a single thought to the consequences. For all she knew he could be involved with ten other women.
What happened to her brain? Had it flown out the window along with her ability to say no? The minute he kissed her she had lost all reason, had been oblivious to everything but how he made her feel.
She tried but failed to convince herself that she had only given him her body, nothing more. Her heart was still whole. She was safe. So why did she feel as if she’d made a terrible mistake? One she was always regretting?
Swinging her legs out from beneath the covers, she grabbed a robe from the back of an armchair and shoved her arms into the velvet sleeves. Her hands were trembling as she tied the belt at her waist. She went to the window, pulled back the drape to look out.
She shivered, but her thoughts weren’t on the snow blanketing the streets. The only good she could think of from tonight was that Darrin had cleared up one issue for her. She knew that she was not solely responsible for her lack of enjoyment during sex. Martin had to share a part of the blame. His preferences were a huge turn-off for her.
She had lied. She had been comparing the two men. They were both attorneys. So what if Martin had been in corporate law while Darrin was a criminal attorney? Clearly, they both were the in-charge type. Right about now she wasn’t fond of the trait in either man.
Nor could she deny that for years she had allowed Martin to make decisions for her and to control her. At the time, it was easier than arguing with him constantly. Now here she was with Darrin Morgan, world-class womanizer. Her taste in men stuck.
She kept her back to him when she said, “You should leave. Soon the roads will be impassable.”
11
Both aroused and disheartened, Darrin was scowling when he asked, “Want to tell me what’s really going on?”
It was bad enough that she’d compared him to her late husband, now she was acting as if she regretted it already. When he got up to grab his briefs, that’s when he looked down and noticed that he’d nearly taken her again wearing a used condom. Upset, he swore.
“Don’t swear at me!”
“I’m not...” Darrin stopped abruptly, and went into the bathroom. Instead of giving into his emotions and slam the door, he closed it quietly. Telling himself he had no business feeling hurt, he got rid of the condom and washed up. When he reentered the bedroom it was empty.
He stood, silently in the center of the room taking slow, calming breaths before he reached for his clothes. He found her downstairs?, sitting on the arm of the sofa. The television was on the weather channel, the sound muted.
“Trenna, I don’t…”
She interrupted, “The snow has finally stopped. Hopefully, you won’t have a problem getting home.”
When she didn’t look his way, disappointment pierced his heart. He watched her move further away from him. Upset, he struggled to control his emotions. Shoving his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching for her, he said, “Talk to me, honey. Tell me what went wrong.”
“Not tonight. It’s late.”
“Okay. How about dinner tomorrow night? It will be my turn to entertain you.”
“No. Please, just go.”
Sighing, he dropped his head, massaging his nape. He wasn’t one to cut and run from a fight, but his instincts told him an argument would make things worse. Retrieving his jacket and then overcoat, he pulled them on. He reached for his boots rather than for Trenna. He ached for her, wanted to hold her during the night.
Judging by how tightly she held her body and the way she worried her bottom lip, he knew he was fresh out of options. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want to leave or that he ached to touch her, and to hold her during the night.
It hurt knowing she wanted him to go. For him there was nothing casual about what they’d just shared. It wasn’t a game, at least not to him. Boots on, gloves in hand, he said, “I’ll call tomor…”
“Don’t bother.”
Darrin stared at her in disbelief, a muscle jumped in his jaw as he ground his teeth together. She was deliberately pushing him away, skillfully putting barrier after barrier between them. What he still didn’t get was why?
Struggling for calm and a level-head, he said, “Spending time with you is hardly a bother. Why are you acting as if we only had a one-night-stand? As if you didn’t enjoy our lovemaking as much as I did?”
“It’s late,” she repeated but wouldn’t look at him.
Emotions bubbled inside of him. It was a struggle not to let her see what she was doing to him. “Come lock up. Sleep well.” He closed the door quietly behind him.
Darrin stood in the cold until he heard the tumbler engage and knew the deadbolt was in place. Only then did he trudge on. They had shared the most intense pleasure that he had ever experienced. No doubt, she had rocked his world. But that first release had merely taken the edge off. Once hadn’t come close to being enough. Even though his body still throbbed with need and his heart ached from disappointment, he kept moving.
The bitter cold couldn’t eliminate the desire that burned deep inside of him. They had barely gotten started then it was over. He felt as if he’d been robbed, cheated. They had made love, and already he missed her.
She had acted as if… What? What had he said…done to cause her to change? She had cut him out of her life with ruthless precision. She had lost interest, become almost cold, brutal. He swore.
What was he supposed to think? How was he supposed to go on? Pretend they hadn’t made love? Was he to act the way she had, as if they had a one-night-stand and move on? He swore again. He was a lawyer, not an actor! Resentment and bitterness combined and left an acid taste in his mouth.
Despite having been married, he quickly dis
covered she had a certain naiveté that had charmed him. But as he scraped the windshield free of ice and snow, he told himself none of it mattered. He had given her a ride home, helped a friend out.
Enjoying her body didn’t mean he was falling for her. Love didn’t happen overnight. Love certainly didn’t happen in a vacuum. Love had to be nurtured.
“Love!” he scoffed. He certainly hadn’t received anything that even came close to love from Trenna. She had been clear. She didn’t have room in her heart for him. That spot was taken. The sooner he accepted that the better.
Blowing on his hands to warm them, he told himself he had been lucky as he got behind the wheel. He had been lucky, escaped relatively unscarred. His heart was still whole; his hurt came from injured pride. She didn’t love him and he didn’t love her. Hurt feelings didn’t automatically translate into love. What they shared was just plain old lust.
Saturday dawned cold and crisp. Trenna was sleeping when the phone rang. She frowned. Seven-thirty? She almost didn’t answer when she saw Darrin’s name on the caller ID. But good manners prevailed. “Good morning.”
“Hi,” he said softly. “Sounds like I woke you. How did you sleep?”
“I’m fine, and you?” she said politely. She did her best to ignore the way his deep, sexy voice sent shivers racing down her spine.
“I’m better now that I’ve heard your voice.”
Because of him it had taken her hours to get to sleep. Unwilling to pretend, she asked bluntly, “Why are you calling?”
There was a heavy sigh before he said, “The roads are clear. Would you like a ride into town to pick up your car?”
“No thanks.”
“What do you mean no thanks?”
“I’ve ordered a rental car. It should be here around eleven.”
“You have time to cancel and save the expense.”
“No.”
“Trenna…”
“You don’t seem like a man who can’t accept no for an answer.”
“And you’re still upset about last night.”
“Things got out of hand. We…”
“Out of hand?” Darrin quizzed, “Trenna, we made love.”
“It was a mistake that won’t be repeated.”
“You can’t mean that,” he persisted. “Darlin’, we found pleasure in each other’s arms.”
“I’m not disputing that you are a skilled lover. It took years, but you got what you wanted last night. Congratulations. I made a mistake when I said yes. It won’t happen again. Bye.”
After hanging up she told herself that, though he had a right to disagree, she didn’t care what he thought. It was over. She was better off without him. She had made a huge mistake. It was a waste of time to think about him or dwell on what happened. With a weary sigh, she assured herself that it was best forgotten. It was over.
The Morgan twins had been racing up and down the racquetball court for the better part of an hour when yet another ball barely missed Douglas’ head.
“What’s your problem, Dar?”
Darrin didn’t respond. Instead, he turned and walked off the court.
Douglas caught up with his twin in the locker room. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”
“There’s no point,” Darrin grumbled. After unlocking his locker, he grabbed his black sweatpants.
Frowning, Douglas opened his own locker and began dressing also. His eyes never left his twin. He managed to reach the door ahead of Darrin and blocked the exit.
“You might as well tell me, because we’re not leaving here until you do.”
“Leave it alone!” As much as Darrin loved his twin this wasn’t something he could talk about…at least not now. Like an open wound, it was raw and painful. Swearing beneath his breath, he didn’t even want to think about what happened.
“Move out of the way!”
“Let me help.”
“You can’t.”
With his coat carelessly tossed over one shoulder, his gym bag in the other hand, Darrin pushed past his brother.
“Dar, wait…”
He kept right on going. If this was what a broken heart felt like, he wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. What they shared was over before it had really gotten started, and it hurt like hell. Knowing he’d done everything he could didn’t take away the pain…or the disappointment.
It didn’t matter that his self-control had been stretched to the breaking point. Evidently, being with Trenna, someone he cared about and ached to be with, had taken its toll on him. His brother wanted him to talk. How? He couldn’t put his feeling into words.
From the moment he saw Trenna, he had fallen hard and fast for her. The waiting hadn’t been easy. But, looking back, he realized it was worth it. He would gladly do it again and again. Spending time with her, being intimate with her last night, had been pure magic. It hadn’t been planned; it just happened. He hadn’t given much thought to anything, outside of pleasuring her.
Need had taken over, overwhelming all else. Trenna was as sweet as honey, her skin like silk all over her small but curvy frame. How could any man resist such beauty? He had shamelessly indulged his senses and savoring every moment of being with her and inside of her. It wasn’t until afterwards that he recognized that one taste of her sweetness was never going to be enough.
But Trenna was so much more than her looks. She was a smart, accomplished, honest woman who was, above all, loyal. There was no doubt that she was a woman with integrity. He knew going in that he cared for her. Since being intimate, his feelings had only intensified.
And he was tired of asking himself if this was love. He had no label to slap on what he felt for her. Besides, what difference would it make? She didn’t return his feelings. That fact nagged him.
His twin wanted him to talk, but what was the point? How was talking supposed to help? He couldn’t even put his feelings into words. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt. It was too painful. Besides, he had blown it with her. She made herself clear. She never wanted to see or talk to him again. He’d ruined his one shot with her. There were no words that could help that kind of devastation.
He swallowed, his throat raw with emotion. Darrin had to blink hard to clear the tears blurring his vision. Trudging halfway across the parking lot, he suddenly stopped remembering he didn’t have his car. He had left it at Douglas’ place. They’d drove to the club together. He hung his head in abject misery.
Caught up in anger and disappointment, it wasn’t until he started to shiver that he noticed the cold. Putting on his down-filled parka, he shoved his hands deep into the pockets rather than look for his gloves.
He had been trained to be an observer, to Iook at the obvious, to analyze and to sum up a situation quickly. The truth was straightforward. And it didn’t change. Yet, he couldn’t figure out what was going on in his own head and heart. How long could he continue to ignore the truth, especially when it was smacking him upside the head? It was what he loved about the law.
Unfortunately, for him, Trenna had not bothered to hide her truth. It had been clear, uncomplicated, and there from the start. She would never accept a new man in her life because she was still in love with her late husband. He had been so caught up in his own emotions and his intense response to her that he had not seen what was in front of his face.
The problem was his, not Trenna’s. No matter how much it hurt, he did not have a choice. He had to accept her truth, swallow it whole, and pray it did not choke him.
Trenna was annoyed with herself for going back to sleep. Now she had to rush to get ready or she was going to be late. She had promised Maureen that she would fill in for her at the Women’s Center. She had planned to stop for a quick visit at the hospital first.
Once the rental car had been dropped off at her place, she had no trouble getting into the city. The freeways were clear and salted, and the sun was bright overhead. There was a mountain of dirty snow pushed into the median and the sides the road was littered with abandoned
cars. Unfortunately, the snow was not the only reminder of last night.
It was nearly ten by the time she reached her own office building. After a quick call to the rental agency, explaining she had left the key under the floor mat, she attacked the mound of snow covering her car. But it was not until she was inside the car with the heat blasting that she realized she was shaking. She had learned to dress in layers for the Michigan winters. But the bitter cold was not the reason for her tremors.
Even though several hours had passed since his phone call, she was still upset. No, upset was too mild a word to describe her emotions. Her responses to Darrin’s lovemaking had been so intense it scared her.
He made her feel things she had never even imagined or expected to feel. He did not suffer from inexperience. Finally, she understood why women were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
Despite his womanizing ways there were things about him she genuinely admired. She appreciated the way he supported her work. He had gone out of his way to help with her foundation, and even introduced her to a potential sponsor.
After he’d left she had gone back to bed, but had been too restless to sleep. She could not get him out of her head. She had spent hours staring at the muted television. When she had finally settled she had been so exhausted that she was out the moment her head touched the pillow
She had dreamed about Martin. He was fifteen-years older, a friend of the family and her father’s lawyer. Because she knew him and she was comfortable with him, she had leaned on him after she lost her parents. As the executor of her father’s estate and her guardian, she would come to depend on him. When they married she had not expected their life to be problem-free. She had been a virgin on their wedding night. Unfortunately, she had not enjoyed sex but had learned to tolerate it.
During the first years of marriage she was busy with graduate school. By the time she completed her master’s degree, she could not keep up the pretense any longer. As the intimacy between them deteriorated, the verbal abuse increased. Before the accident, Trenna’s self-esteem was at its lowest. Her husband had to watch DVD’s of other women having sex in order to become aroused. And he expected her to watch with him. Even though their marriage had not worked out the way she would have liked, she had been devastated when Martin died.