Not until after she’d closed the door with a soft click did she allow herself to cry. Tears came thick and fast. She pressed her knuckles against her lips to keep the betraying sobs quiet, reached blindly for the bed, and collapsed facedown onto it. What a fool. God, she was naïve. She’d known better than to let herself get too close to a man like Nate, but she’d fallen for him anyway. Even knowing she’d get her heart broken, she’d deemed it worth the risk. Fate must have been howling with laughter when she decided to test it.
Her whole frame shuddered with the effort to hold back the desolate sounds her soul wanted to scream. Shoving a pillow into her mouth, she curled around it and held on tight, riding out waves of grief. Fresh bouts of tears assaulted her every time she remembered a smile, a touch, or a phrase. Had it only been lust? Was there truly no depth of feeling there at all? God, listen to her. Even now, in the depths of her despair, she held out hope for the impossible from him. She was pathetic.
Strength slowly returned to shore her up and she welcomed it with open arms. Deep shuddering breaths slowly eased into their normal rhythm and she heaved out a sigh, thankful to be back in control. She pulled herself into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. Swiping a hand under her eyes, she scrubbed away the last vestiges of her weakness and straightened her spine. He wanted it to be all business. Fine. She could do that. But if he thought to scare her away with coarse words and a cloak of impenetrability, he had no idea who he dealt with. Besides, she’d given her word, and he still needed her. She’d be damned if she let him make her break it. She would continue to keep an eye on him, but she would guard her heart a little more fiercely from now on.
A glance at her clock told her it wasn’t too early to go to bed. She would face him in the morning when she’d benefitted from the magic of a night’s restorative sleep and had time to perfect her game-face. She was going to need every hour available to practice.
****
Mesmerized, the man watched the policewoman with the face of an angel as she crouched over her dying partner. Even through the television screen, her skin held a luminous quality. He wanted—needed—to touch her. Something about her drew him with magnetic insistence. Added to that, he couldn’t escape the feeling he’d seen her before.
As the camera closed in on the woman’s face, she looked up and yelled, her brows drawn down in fury. And then it clicked. They were the couple from the beach today. The ones who had accosted the woman he’d set his sights on. He’d watched from afar. The man confronted her before the tall woman pulled him away and marched after him back up the beach. That’s all he’d seen though as all his attention focused on the mother as she hastily packed up, clearly unsettled from whatever the man had said to her.
At the thought of his latest assignment, he pulled the chain she’d worn out of his pocket and gazed at it. His lip curled as he rubbed a thumb over the cheap metal. God’s symbol should be made from pure gold, not worthless junk. The lack of reverence angered him, but wasn’t that why God had chosen him after all? To punish the sinners so they could be redeemed by God and brought back to his loving embrace.
He crossed to the safe to deposit the necklace with the others. Idly he ran the chain-links of his collection through his fingers, delighting as they warmed to his touch, reminding him of how they’d felt in his hands when he’d first taken them. He’d been right to end the blasphemous life of the woman on the beach. Clearly, she’d done something to upset the police, proving she wasn’t as blameless and pious as her jewelry suggested. His mouth twisted.
None of them was.
He returned to the couch and refocused on the screen and at the policeman whose lifeblood flowed so freely from his body onto the concrete below. So the man didn’t die. God had other plans for him. He frowned, his head cocked to the side as he watched the woman cradle his head, her face the picture of anguish. What caused a person to feel such intense emotions for another? It was so foreign to him.
A reflection caught his eye. He froze as a delicate gold cross shifted from the collar of the policewoman’s uniform, swinging wildly back and forth with her frantic movements. He stared hard at the piece of jewelry, hardly daring to believe what he was seeing then felt the familiar surge of heat rush through his center.
A breath of wonder left his chest. It was no coincidence that he’d been so taken by her. Clearly, God was showing him his next target. He shivered in excitement as he stared at the screen for one last glimpse. Constable Kelly Appleton, the caption stated. It wouldn’t be easy. She looked strong and able to take care of herself. But God had set him this test for a reason, and nothing on His good earth would stop him from achieving it.
He stood before the television until her image faded from the screen. Thoughts of all the fun he could have with her consumed him. The image of her screaming into the camera fired his imagination. He wondered what it would take to bring that expression back. He couldn’t wait to find out.
Briefly, he wondered what she’d done to be brought to his attention. She looked so angelic and was a police officer. Surely, there was a mistake? Shocked, he chastised himself. Who was he to question the Almighty? He needed to purge such traitorous thoughts from his head—immediately. Trembling, he strode towards his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. From the wardrobe, he seized the short link of chains he’d fashioned onto a handle and sank to his knees. His hands shook as he bowed his head. It had been months since he’d last needed to drive the devil out of his head.
“Forgive me, oh Lord, for questioning your divine instructions.”
The chains came down hard on his exposed skin, driving the breath from his body. The pain as the second blow landed was excruciating, but it didn’t stop him from delivering another. The third tore tender skin and he cried out.
“Show me your forgiving light, Almighty Father, and I shall know I’m absolved.”
It took two more fearsome blows before God’s wondrous light danced before his eyes. Euphoria filled him and he dropped the instrument, bowing his head in thanks. Tears ran as freely as the blood down his back. He welcomed both, knowing God cleansed him from the inside out once more.
With awkward movements, he rose to his feet and entered the bathroom. Turning the shower on full force, he stripped the rest of his clothes off and turned his back to the spray, hissing at the sharp pain. Riveted, he watched the water between his feet turn from bright red to clear again as it flowed down the drain. A metaphor of the power of God. The unclean can be clean again. He smiled at the thought.
The policewoman’s face suddenly came to the fore again and he was flooded by the feeling of right it gave him. She was angelic. God was truly good to offer him such a prize. This one would be his utmost pleasure.
****
Nate awoke with the mother of all headaches and a raging erection.
Attempting to block thoughts of Kelly from his mind before bed had been difficult, but he’d done it by poring over the old files of the case until his eyeballs threatened to fall out. He felt safe in the knowledge he’d exhausted himself and thought he’d fall into a deep, uninterrupted sleep. But he was wrong. Erotic images of the two of them danced behind his closed eyes, and his body responded. Thank Christ he’d woken before he’d disgraced himself like a horny teenager.
He rolled his head over the pillow, glanced at the glowing numbers of his alarm clock and groaned. Too early for the sun to rise, Nate knew from past experience since he was awake, he may as well get up or lie there twiddling his thumbs. The thought of dealing with his early morning erection went through his head, but along with that came the images of his dreams last night. He didn’t need any help in inflaming his need for her and imagining her hands on his cock while he got himself off wasn’t the right way to go about it. It would only make him want the real thing more.
With a weary sigh, he yanked on a pair of briefs and cut-off shorts leaving his top-half bare, and padded lightly down the hall. His mind refused to work without at least two c
ups of coffee charging through his system. He needed to think clearly or he’d go back on his earlier good work of keeping Kelly at arm’s length. And that wouldn’t do either of them any good.
The memory of her wounded eyes flashed into his brain and he stared unseeingly into the fridge. God, she must think him a callous prick. But he’d done the right thing. She was too good for him. She was everything he wasn’t. Good and honest. Kind, loyal and generous. If he allowed her to love him, all those fine qualities of hers would wither and die. In good conscience, he couldn’t let that happen, no matter how much he wanted to. It was of no consequence it felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest with a blunt spoon.
The fridge beeped in agitation and a mechanical chill wafted over him. Grabbing the milk, he closed the door and the room resumed once more to the eerie gloom before dawn. Much like his soul, he thought with a grimace and flicked the kettle on.
After making his coffee, he stepped out onto the balcony and concentrated on the sights and sounds of the new day as it arrived. The cool morning air felt good against the raw wound, easing the itch that went bone deep. Caffeine hit his bloodstream with the desired effect and he drew in deep draughts of air as he gazed out at the scenario before him. The slumbering dark form of Rangitoto Island stretched its long reach over the horizon under the increasingly lighter sky. One by one, the stars winked out and the moon’s luminosity faded under the strengthening sun. Birds started their morning chorus, among them, the distinctive clear warble of the native Tui.
He smiled as he glanced down at the large expanse of greenery the city’s council had insisted upon. He was of the opinion man went mad if surrounded by nothing but a concrete jungle. That’s why even prisoners in jail were afforded a little time to commune with nature. It was good for a man’s soul.
Soft footsteps sounded behind him and his shoulders tensed.
“I’ll put some real coffee on, shall I?”
Without turning, he shrugged and continued to stare out. “Up to you.” He closed his eyes at the further pain he knew he must have been inflicting on her and willed her to move away.
“You are such a coward, O’Leary.”
That made him jerk around. The first thing that registered was the fury on her face. The next turned his insides to mush. Ice-cold fear flushed through his system as he gazed wide-eyed at the apparition beyond her shoulder. “No,” he breathed out in a strangled whisper.
“Yes, you are.”
His eyes flashed to hers. “No. The shadow.” He gasped for air, the pounding in his head making him raise his voice. “It’s standing behind you.”
Kelly’s eyes widened in horror and she spun around, fists flailing.
In a few quick strides, he wrapped his arms around her and held on. Her muffled words were unintelligible against his chest, and he held her tighter.
“Ssh,” he soothed. “It’s gone, I’ve got you. I won’t let anything hurt you.” The irony of his words when he’d been the one to cause her pain just the evening before wasn’t lost on him. And now, he vowed to be her champion?
She shoved at his chest and elbowed him hard in the gut. “I said let me go!” Air whooshed out of him as he doubled over and she stepped out of reach. With shaking hands, she tucked mussed hair behind her ears and glared at him. “Just what exactly did you see?”
Nate’s eyes darted around the room as he straightened, looking for anything out of place. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, they settled back on Kelly’s white face. “It was just like at the beach.” His voice rasped just above a whisper. He cleared his throat. “The shadow appeared behind your shoulder. It was faceless, but I could feel it taunting me. Daring me to do something to stop it. It disappeared when I drew your attention to its presence.” His hands clenched at his sides. God, he hated feeling so helpless.
To an outsider’s point of view, Kelly would look calm—composed even. She stood in a deceptively strong pose, arms crossed, but he noted the indentations her white-knuckled fingers made on her forearms. He had no doubt when she released them there would be two sets of perfect crescents tattooed into the toned flesh of each arm.
“We still don’t know for sure the shadow you’re seeing signifies that person is the next victim.” Her voice quavered on the last word and her hand rose to touch her necklace but froze inches above it. His eyes tracked the movement. Before she could protest, he wrapped his fingers around it and gave a sharp tug. The fine, gold chain broke easily under the assault. A small victory. If only he could break the curse as easily.
“I’ll get it fixed when this is all over,” he promised. When she only nodded in response, he knew beyond a doubt that she was scared and running on autopilot. Reaching out, he cupped her chin and stroked her jaw with his thumb, forcing her to meet his gaze. “I won’t let you out of my sight. I will keep you safe, Kelly.”
She gave him a tremulous smile and stepped back, breaking the contact. “Looks like we’re on a deadline. Pun intended. We’d better get to work.” She took a deep breath and walked towards the kitchen. “For that, I need coffee.”
“A woman after my own heart.”
She laughed bitterly. “We had that conversation last night, Nate. Don’t worry. You made yourself loud and clear.”
He cursed under his breath as she moved off. “About that—”
“No!” She swung around abruptly and pressed her fingers hard against his mouth, her expression fierce. “I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s forget it, shall we? Get on with our lives.”
Nate’s senses buzzed at the feel of her flesh on his mouth. Nostrils flared, taking in her scent, enticing him to taste. It would be so easy to curl an arm around her waist and pull her off balance. She’d fall against him, her body soft in all the right places. A rumble started in his chest and clawed up his throat. He bit it back before it became a fully-fledged sound of arousal and stepped away.
God, he was a heartless bastard. He’d just given her the nightmare news she was the next target of a serial killer, and he was busy thinking erotic thoughts, the day after he’d thrown her feelings for him back in her face. With a sick lurch, he realized at that moment, he was as low as some of the predators they put away on a regular basis.
“I’m sorry, Kelly.” For everything.
She lifted a hand in acknowledgment and strode to the kitchen without a backward glance. Trailing behind, he watched her put the coffee on with quick efficient movements. Soon the room filled with the comforting smell and Nate’s stomach growled. She stood there, unmoving, a blank gaze fixed on the coffee pot. Unable to think of any words of comfort, he turned to the fridge and pulled out some eggs. At least he could feed her. He cracked them into a bowl and started to whisk them, his mind busying itself with the steps to make French toast.
Kelly’s cell phone rang and they both froze. Their eyes met as she pulled it out of her back pocket. Her throat worked when she looked at the screen. When her eyes met his again, his gut clenched.
“Reece? Hi. Oh, God. Another one.” Her eyes closed at whatever she heard, and her fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. “You said she had a son. Where is he? Is he okay?”
The woman from the beach. Her boy’s wide-eyed stare haunted him. Pure innocence touched by evil. Because he failed to warn her, to make her listen. The whisk clattered into the bowl where he dropped it from suddenly nerveless fingers. Damn, damn, damn! Nate’s eyes burned and the walls of the hall shook as he thumped past. Throwing the study’s door wide open, he let rip on the freestanding punching bag in the middle of the room.
“Fuck!” he yelled as he pummeled the bag. His fists pounded the leather in hard, sharp flurries and vicious uppercuts. A primal roar tore from the depths of his belly as he swung and connected over and over. Reverberations shot through his limbs at each punch and he welcomed the pain. It was nothing to what he could have prevented others from feeling, what their loved ones would be feeling now because of his blind arrogance. Another life on his conscience. When wou
ld they end? He wondered if she would be coming to haunt him, too.
The room was silent except for the occasional grunt, blows on leather and his harsh breathing. The frame shuddered and rattled with each jolt making his ears ring. Slowly, he became aware the wound in his chest hurt like a bitch. Skin still healing had opened up and blood ran along with sweat down his bare chest to disappear into the waistband of his cut-offs. “Fuck,” he whispered raggedly with one last feeble punch. Exhausted, he slumped onto the bag, his forehead pillowed on his arms.
“Feel better?”
Lifting his head, he swiped a rivulet of sweat out of his eyes and stared as Kelly stepped into the room. Tall and regal, her posture something his grandmother would have approved of, she glided towards him. He frowned at her control until his gaze dropped to her trembling bottom lip, giving her away. She was as rocked by the news as he. Caving in to the urge to touch her, he pulled her to him, consequences be damned. If she felt even a tenth of what he did, she needed comforting. He tucked her head under his chin and held her, swaying gently in time to the beat of his heart.
Her arms squeezed him tightly about the waist as she snuggled closer, heedless of the blood and sweat staining her shirt. “You’re right about the shadow. That bright, vibrant woman of yesterday is dead and her son motherless. Reece sent through a photo. It wasn’t good.”
He stilled, hardly daring to breathe. “The boy is alive?”
“Yes.”
His heart swelled with emotion, and he dipped his chin to rub his cheek against her hair. “Thank God.”
“Yes.” Kelly pulled away slightly and gazed up into his eyes. Her own shone with unshed tears. “I’m scared, Nate.”
He reached down and cupped her face with both hands, his thumb brushing the corner of her mouth to stop the trembling. “I will keep you safe,” he promised solemnly. “You have my word.”
Beyond the Shadows Page 13