by ID Johnson
“Sure,” Cutter nodded, moving his hands around so that his fingertips were on the tops of her back pockets. “Can I come with you? I promise to behave. I just don’t want to be without you.”
A mischievous smile slowly spread across Ru’s face. “You promise to behave? Well, that’s no fun.”
Cutter’s expression morphed to mirror her own. “You said you were tired.”
“Never too tired for you.”
His mouth came down to meet hers, and thoughts of Nat and her dad and portals and everything else melted into the background.
Chapter 12
Flying to Wyoming for the second time wasn’t nearly as daunting as it had been the first time Ru came out, which seemed like a lot longer ago than just a couple of weeks. Sky and the rest of her team had decided it would be best to completely regroup and go into the forest in Japan with as strong a game plan as possible. Ru would play very little part in the planning, which was fine with her. So long as she could get to the portal and close it before anything catastrophic could happen, she’d leave it to those with more experience and a keener understanding of the other side to coordinate the actual invasion and attack.
Ru would be staying at her grandmother’s house this time, which was probably for the best for a number of reasons. First of all, it would give her a chance to see her family and get to know them a little better, and secondly, it would make it easier for her and Cutter not to do anything that might make his parents uncomfortable. Even though they were both adults, he wanted to respect his parent’s home, and Ru could understand that.
As soon as Nana’s front door opened, Ru was enveloped by two sets of arms, and her legs were entwined by the tail of one very happy kitty. Ru wasn’t sure who to greet first, she was so happy to see all three of them. It seemed unusual to have a real family, one made up of people who wanted to see her, people who loved her, but she was getting more and more used to it each day.
Once her mom and nana had released her, she waved goodbye to her friends, her eyes lingering on Cutter’s face, and scooped up Piper. She knew she’d see her team again soon, but for now, she was happy to have some time off to relax and get to know these strangers who shared the same blood as she did.
Ru spent the evening telling Maggie and Nana Sue about the battles she’d recently been through in closing the portals. She also let her mom know that she’d seen Larkin, though she waited until Nana Sue was in the other room. The three of them had looked at old photo albums, eaten chocolate chip cookies, and sat in front of the fireplace watching a light snow fall outside the picture window in the living room. Snuggled under a blanket with her head on her mother’s shoulder, Piper curled up in her lap, and the soft clicking of Nana’s knitting needles from the chair nearby, Ru felt as much at home as she ever had in her entire life.
The sky was a dark gray—not quite black but certainly not illuminated by the sun. Even the stars looked off, as if they were unable to shine due to some mitigating condition; their pallor cast a dismal shade of depression across the entire landscape, which consisted mostly of large rocks the same hue as the sky.
Ru thought this might be the same mountaintop she’d visited once before when she first met Nat, but she wasn’t sure if it was the exact one or just eerily similar. Looking down, she was surprised to see she was dressed for battle. Thick, woolen pants in pure black, a matching tunic, and chainmail would serve to protect her from most assailants while her black leather boots had spurs on them as if she might’ve ridden in on a steed. She realized she had a helmet on her head, the weight of it awkward and confining, so she slowly slipped it off as she turned around to survey the rest of the realm.
She wasn’t surprised to see Nat there, standing almost directly behind her, though at least fifty yards away. He, too, was dressed all in black warrior’s garb, but his back was to her, his shoulders hunkered down in defeat or exhaustion, and his breathing seemed labored. Ru waited a few moments to see if he might address her. When he said nothing, she took a few cautious steps forward, her boots grinding in the rocky terrain.
“What do you want, Ru?” he asked, his voice nothing but a growl.
Surprised, she paused, her slow march coming to a halt as she considered the question. “What do I want?” she finally echoed. “I don’t want anything. You brought me here.”
“No, I didn’t,” he replied, still not turning to face her. “This isn’t my dream. It’s yours.”
“Okay,” she said, confused. “But there’s been lots of times you’ve brought me to a place that’s still been my dream, even though you’ve constructed it. How is this any different?”
“Because I didn’t bring you here. And I didn’t construct it. You did. You beckoned me.”
Ru almost laughed, though she was able to hang on to the chuckle that threatened to escape her lips. He seemed so angry; it would’ve frightened her if she didn’t feel confident in her abilities to either defeat him or at the very least escape. “I’m not sure what’s going on then, Nat, because I can assure you, I didn’t call for you.” Ru glanced around, looking to see if maybe there was a third party here, someone else responsible for bringing them together, but she saw no one and assumed this was just another one of his tricks.
“Well, if that’s the case, you won’t mind if I leave. I’ve had quite enough of you recently.”
She couldn’t remember ever hearing his voice sound so menacing, and she wondered why he wouldn’t turn to face her. It occurred to her that there was a possibility he was no longer willing to joke around about the portals. “I had to do it, Nat,” she said slowly. “It’s my calling.”
He let out a maniacal chuckle. Though brief, it was enough to cause chills to run down her spine. “You had to?” He turned his head slightly so that she could see just one eye. “You had to close the portal? Ru, you didn’t have to do anything. You could’ve chosen your father’s bloodline, chosen to come with me, and none of this would’ve happened. You didn’t have to do anything!”
Ru took a step back as his anger seemed to increase with every word. “I don’t know what to say…” she stammered. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I didn’t have to, but, I do believe it’s my calling, my purpose in life, to close the portals. And… and I will close the last one.”
“I’m sure that you will try.” He was no longer looking at her at all. “And when you do, I will be there this time. I won’t take the blame again for something that I knew nothing about.”
Confused, Ru puzzled over his statement for a moment. “What do you mean? How could you take the blame for me closing the portal in Turkey when you weren’t even there?”
Nat hung his head, either in shame or pain; she wasn’t sure. He ran a black-gloved hand through his hair. With a deep breath, he tilted his head up to the sky and then slowly brought it down as he turned to face her.
Ru stared in disbelief at what she was looking at. His beautiful face, which she’d admired many times, as perfect and unmarred as any she’d ever seen before, was missing the skin on most of the right side. Around his eye and down his cheek bone, a large swath of flesh was gone. In its place, she could see the muscle structure and a bit of bone protruding beneath his eye socket. Instinctively, Ru raised a hand to cover her quivering lips.
“This is your fault,” he said through clenched teeth. “Because of you, I no longer have a face!”
Ru couldn’t think of any words to say, and tears began to threaten to spill down her cheeks. She slowly shook her head in disbelief. Eventually, as he continued to sear into her with his emerald green eyes, she managed to say, “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” he asked, straightening up and taking a small step forward. “You’re sorry that your decision to close the portal caused my father to rip half of my face off as punishment? You’re sorry that my failure to stop you has cost me everything? You’re sorry that I was blamed for something I didn’t even know about and was powerless to stop?” With each word, Ru sobbed harder, so he shouted
even louder so that he could be heard. “I need you to stop, Rune! I need you to abort this mission—or he will kill me!”
The reality that Nat was trying to please a parent who clearly felt nothing for him was not a foreign idea to Ru. She had been there many times before, though Liddy Brown had never done anything quite this extreme. “I am sorry that he took his rage out on you, Nat. I truly am. But if anything, this just solidifies for me that I chose correctly. As angry as the Keepers may become, they would never do anything like this, not to one of their own anyway.” He could argue that they would to a demon or a Reaper, but not to a Keeper. They both knew that. “I wish that had never happened to you, and if there’s anything I can do to prevent your father from taking his anger out on you again, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Then stop, Ru,” he said, taking a few steps toward her. Despite his disfigurement, Ru wasn’t scared, and this time she didn’t back up. “Please, I’m begging you. Stop. Don’t go to Japan; don’t close the last portal. If you have ever cared about me at all, even a little bit, you won’t go through with the attack.”
He was standing only a foot or two in front of her now, giving her a very clear view of his face. Much like driving past an accident on the road, it was impossible not to look. She could see the flex of his muscles as he spoke, the blood filling his veins. Each time his eye twitched in its socket, it looked as if the bottom might slip out. It was both fascinating and revolting at the same time.
“I have to close the portal…” she said, her voice just above a whisper.
“Ru, you may have been given a choice as to what you would become, but I wasn’t. I’m a Reaper, and I always will be. I’m asking you not to do this. Otherwise, I will have to do what Reapers do and destroy you.”
She realized now that this was a warning even more stern than the one he’d already given her before Kayakoy. He really would have to kill her now, if he wanted to preserve his own life. And, instinctively, who could blame him for that?
“I’m sorry, Nat,” she said quietly. “I really am. But we both have to do what we have to do.”
He held her gaze for a moment before dropping his head and staring at the ground between their boots. “You know, Ru. I thought we could be friends once, maybe more.” Slowly shaking his head, he raised his eyes. “Please understand that killing you will give me no pleasure whatsoever. It’s just something I have to do—like you have to close the portals.”
Ru’s mouth had gone dry. She struggled to lick her lips. “I won’t kill you, Nat. I won’t. If Cutter has the opportunity, there will be nothing I can do to stop him. There are thousands of other Keepers who will do the same, but your deathblow will not come at my hand.”
Nat took one more step forward and raised his hand, brushing back her hair, as he’d done the last time they spoke. This time, his fingers paused at her cheek, caressing it. Even with his thick gloves, she could feel the warmth radiating from his hand and remembered what it had been like to hold hands with him when she thought he was Kyle. Ru’s stomach twisted. “I know you will not kill me, Ru. Which is why, when the time comes, it will make it so much easier for me to end you.”
Staring into his green eyes for a long moment, Ru said nothing at all, only tried to penetrate behind the façade into his soul. There was an emptiness there unlike anything she’d ever seen before. He was hollow, broken. As she continued to look into his eyes, Nat slowly faded away until she was left standing on the mountaintop all alone.
Ru sat up abruptly, startling her mom and sending Piper scurrying for cover. Thankfully, nothing came shooting out of her hands. Her grandmother didn’t seem to miss a stitch as the knitting needles rattled on.
Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, Ru looked around the room. Her mother’s eyes were wide in concern, but she said nothing, giving Ru time to compose herself. “Sorry,” Ru muttered. “I guess… I was dreaming.”
“Were you?” Nana Sue asked, not even looking up from her project. “Didn’t sound like it.”
“What do you mean?” Ru asked, hoping she hadn’t been talking in her sleep.
“Usually, when someone comes back so forcefully, it’s because they’ve been out of their body,” Maggie explained, reaching a comforting hand out and placing it on Ru’s shoulder.
It helped, and Ru settled back against the sofa. “Maybe it wasn’t a dream. I don’t know. It just seemed… odd.” She looked at each of their faces, not sure what she could say.
“You can tell us about it if you’d like,” Nana offered, finally looking at her granddaughter. “But you don’t have to.”
Ru felt like it would help to tell someone, but she didn’t know who her best option might be. Definitely not Cutter. He was already overly-sensitive when it came to Nat, she’d realized after Kayakoy. Maybe one of the girls would be better, but it was late and she didn’t want to disturb them. The idea that her mother had dealt with a similar situation, although her feelings were much different, made it seem like she would be the best person to discuss the encounter with. Nana Sue might not understand at all, but she was here, nevertheless, and it would be rude to dismiss themselves.
Taking a deep breath, Ru said, “It was Nat. He was on a mountaintop, one he’s taken me to before, though he insisted this time that I brought him there. He wouldn’t look at me at first, just yelled at me for closing the portal. When he finally turned around….” Memories of his disfigured face made Ru’s stomach tighten. “He was missing most of the skin from one side of his face. He said his father had done it.”
Maggie’s eyes were wide, and Nana Sue made a clicking sound with her tongue, though she was back to her knitting. “Did he say why?” her mom asked.
Nodding, Ru said, “He was blamed for the portal being closed. He wasn’t even there, Mom. Why would Azrael think it was his fault?”
She shrugged. “Maybe he thought he should’ve been there. Ru, Azrael is a fallen angel, a demon. Who knows why he might do something like that.”
“If it’s even true,” Nana Sue added in. “Nat isn’t exactly the most honest creature, now is he, honey? I’ve never met him myself, but I’m not sure I’d trust a darn thing he says.”
It hadn’t crossed Ru’s mind to think the whole thing might be a ruse. He’d done it before, after all, more than once. She’d been sympathetic when he’d cried over the family that had died at the hand of Deena Jones, the unmarked soul one of his Reapers had been trying to collect to prevent the wreck that had claimed five lives, but then she found out Nat’s tears were meant to gain her compassion. And then there was the creation of Kyle, someone who didn’t exist, which he’d attempted to use to get close to her. That one had worked up until the point where he’d tried to force her into the portal. Nana was right; there was no point feeling sorry for Nat when this was likely just another trick.
“Personally, I can understand why you might be sympathetic to him, Ru. I have never met him either, but I know some Keepers who have. They say he can be quite charming and is desperately good-looking.”
“Well, he was….” Ru muttered, though doubts crept in again.
“It could be a trick, or it could be Azrael really was that angry. I’m sure, either way, whatever happens to Nat will be deserved.” Nana Sue was much less emotional than either Ru or Maggie.
“There isn’t much you can do about it, Ru,” Maggie reminded her. “You have your calling, and he has his. If he can’t stop you from closing the last portal, and he can’t, then he’ll have to deal with the consequences.”
The argument made sense, and Ru had no idea why she felt so drawn to a man who was her mortal enemy. Her mind wandered back across the words he’d said. “But it’s not his fault,” she offered. “He can’t help the fact that he’s a Reaper. Unlike me, he didn’t get a choice.”
“He could’ve chosen compliance,” Nana offered. “If he would’ve followed the rules, like Reapers are supposed to, he wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Could he have?” Ru as
ked, leaning forward a bit, emotion causing her to speak faster. “Do you think Azrael’s son really ever had a choice? Wouldn’t his father have forced him to do whatever he wanted him to do—or else?”
“I don’t know, Ru,” Maggie admitted, shaking her head. “It doesn’t seem fair when you put it like that.”
“Life’s not fair,” Nana concluded. It was clear to Ru that there was a long way to go between the two of them, and she didn’t want to be the cause of any arguments. Looking at her mother, she could see her literally biting her lip against a retort.
“I guess there’s not much I can do about it anyway,” Ru sighed. “I know what I have to do, and I will do it.” The thought of Nat being punished again, likely worse this time, because of her, was unsettling. But then, Cutter would destroy him if he had the chance, and that wasn’t a better alternative. “I wish there were another option,” she muttered.
Her mother lovingly stroked her hair, and Ru gave her a small smile. “Why don’t you go to bed?” she probed. “It’s been a long day for you.”
A yawn stifled any argument Ru might’ve come up with, and she nodded. Her grandmother had made up the guest room for her, and all of her things were already there waiting. Hopefully, she’d get some rest this time. She stood, bent down and hugged her mother, kissing her on the cheek and then did the same to nana as they all wished each other good night. So long as no Reapers or demons showed up this time, Ru was certain it would be.
A week had passed, and Ru still hadn’t mentioned the incident with Nat to Cutter, though it was difficult not to because she wanted to tell him everything. The more time they spent together, the more she realized just how lucky she was. After twenty-five years of one travesty after another, her entire life finally seemed to be coming together all at once. If it wasn’t for the legion of demons and Reapers who wanted to kill her, everything would be perfect.