Memento Mori

by Lexi Blake

  “I wanted you to kiss me.”

  She was frustrating, but he could be patient about this. He moved in, looming over her and loving how she turned her face up. He cupped her cheeks and let his mouth find hers. She needed to take it slow? He could do that. Long, slow kisses that drugged him and made his head fuzzy. Over and over, he brushed his mouth on hers. Those petal-soft lips tempted him in ways he’d never imagined and his cock hardened. He licked that plump bottom lip, requesting an invitation in.

  Her lips parted, flowering open for him, and he took the territory she’d ceded.

  Her arms drifted around his neck and her tongue slid against his, shy at first and then boldly playing. That was what he wanted, her in the moment with him. He wanted them completely together, no pain or loss between them, no misunderstandings or insecurities. Just Jax and River and connection.

  He lifted his head, breaking the kiss, but not the contact. He rested his forehead against hers. “Take your clothes off for me. Show me how gorgeous you are. There’s no place for fear here. You’ve seen me. You’ve seen my scars and you didn’t flinch, baby. Don’t think I’ll do anything but love the way you look. It’s anticipation. When we start, I’ll get too excited. I won’t stop and look and enjoy watching you. I’ll be far too busy licking and sucking and fucking. Think of it as a good meal, the best. It’s like the meal you get after you’ve starved for a couple of days.” Or weeks, in his case. “You know you should take it all in. You should see it and smell it and taste it for all it’s worth because you might not get another one.”

  Her hands moved from his shoulders down to his chest and she sighed. “You know exactly how to get to me, Seaborne.”

  “Jax.” Seaborne was something they’d made up a couple of days ago. It meant nothing. Jax had been given to him by Big Tag. No one named themselves. It was a part of the human condition. One was born and named. Jax was his name.

  Her hands moved on him restlessly, like she wasn’t sure where to put them, but she knew she wasn’t going to stop touching him. “Jax. You know how to get to me, Jax. You always know what to say.”

  “Maybe because we’re alike.” He couldn’t tell her how he didn’t know shit because he’d literally been born an overgrown toddler. She wouldn’t find that sexy. But there was truth in what he’d said. “We have a connection, you and I. I felt it the moment you walked into Trio.”

  She was quiet for a moment and then she stepped back, breaking their contact. “I did, too.”

  Her hands went to the hem of her T-shirt and then she pulled it over her head. She worked quickly, tossing it aside and taking off her bra. “Better?”

  Her breasts were exposed. Hell yeah, that was better. They were perfectly made, delicate and round, and her nipples tight. They were a lovely pink and brown and ready for his attention.

  But still, not where he wanted her to be. “Better. Take off the jeans and we’ll talk.”

  He took a step back, letting her know this was serious. He meant business, though only because he thought she needed it. She didn’t understand how gorgeous she was. She’d made him feel normal the night before and he wanted to return the favor. He knew he was a freak. He was covered in scars and yet she’d ignored them all. She’d pretended like his skin was smooth. She’d kissed him and lavished her affection on him and it was his turn to let her know the truth.

  She was perfect.

  With a frown, she kicked off her shoes. She pushed at her jeans, pulling her underwear down with the pants. She chucked them to the side and seemed to stand tall in front of him.

  Brave woman.

  Lovely woman.

  She was sheer perfection, standing there with her nipples upthrust and her pussy on display. Her dark hair gleamed in the light and her legs were together in a way that made him want to ask her to sink to her knees and show him her pussy, but he was being patient.

  For now.

  “What did you like about last night?” He had to talk to her or he would fall on top of her and not get up again. If they only had a few days together, he wanted to know her.

  What would happen if they succeeded? What would happen if the answers were in that building? It could be mere days before he found some answers about who he was, who he’d been. What if the doctor had a cure? What if he could take it and remember everything that had come before that moment he’d woken up in a cold, white room?

  He shoved aside the thought, concentrating on her.

  “I liked everything except the way it ended, and I guess that was really more about waking up without you.”

  Finally some truth. She had a whole bunch of walls he needed to either break through or climb over. “That won’t happen again. You are so lovely. Turn around for me.”

  She frowned but did it anyway. “This still feels weird.”

  It didn’t feel weird to him. That ass was damn near perfect. He stepped in, his hands twitching with the need to touch her. He let his palms find her shoulders and felt the muscles there immediately relax. She needed touch to feel connected to him. He could give her that. He could engineer their time together so he could always have a hand on her, always let her know that he was there.

  He kissed the top of her head as he brought her back against his body. “Tell me how you feel right now.”

  Her head fell back against his chest as he let his hands roam, cupping her breasts. “I feel good now. I didn’t like standing in front of you naked. It made me feel like you were judging me.”

  “Never. I was admiring you. If you like, I can let you admire me.” She didn’t seem to mind his scars.

  “I guess I don’t think there’s much to admire. I don’t think about my body like that,” she admitted with a sigh as he rolled her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. “My body always seemed like a tool. I stayed fit because my job requires a ton of hiking and physical activity. I never thought of myself as sexy.”

  “I think you’re very sexy. I think about having sex with you a lot.”

  She laughed, the sound magical to his ears. “You’re such a weirdo. No one admits that.”

  He would get self-conscious but her words didn’t match her actions. She was rubbing against him, her ass nestling against his cock like she was inviting him to play. “I am a weirdo and I do think about having sex with you. It’s all truth. I think you like weirdoes.”

  He ran his hands over her skin, keeping her close to him.

  She nodded. “I think I do, too. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

  She couldn’t know how true that statement was for him, too. One of the reasons he’d made sure this place was secure was the fact that it had been the first place he’d found real joy. He couldn’t stand the thought of anyone desecrating this space or hurting this woman.

  He let his hand trail down, finding the mound of her sex and teasing at it. His heart thudded and his cock jumped when he realized she was already wet. “Is that for me? Maybe I’m not the only one who thinks about sex.”

  Her hips flexed, pressing her pussy against his fingers. “I never did before. I’ll be honest, my sex life wasn’t that great. Masturbation was better than real sex because at least I knew I wouldn’t stop until I got myself off.”

  “He didn’t make you come?” It made him even happier the man was likely behind bars. Matt Lewis had done far more damage than merely taking her money.

  Her breathing picked up as he started to rub her clit. “No. He never took the time you seem to. I thought maybe it was me, that I was a little on the cold side. Okay, I didn’t think that. He might have told me that when we fought. God, I hate that I stayed with him, let him manipulate me.”

  He was not letting her go there. He rubbed in circles, stroking her, feeling all that creamy arousal coating his fingers. “You have to let that go. You have to forgive yourself. You had good intentions.” Spending most of his short life in therapy had taught him a few things. He had a lot to forgive himself for. Maybe if he could convince River, it would hel
p him find his way. “Forgive yourself and let yourself try again. Explore with me. Let’s see how good we can make this.”

  “Yes.” She shuddered against him. “Yes, Jax.”

  She might be saying yes only to sex, but he planned on being sneaky. He wanted her. He wanted her for far more than a few nights. His exploration would go beyond her body.

  But it was a good place to start.

  He picked up the pace, rubbing her, allowing her hips to set the rhythm. He kissed the shell of her ear and his free hand cupped her breasts. His dick was dying, but there was no way he would stop. Giving this to her, letting her know how hot she could be, that was a gift to him, too. He wanted to be the one who showed her how sexy she could be, how amazing they could be together.

  A low moan shuddered from her and she shook in his arms. He gently bit her earlobe and she came, calling out his name.

  Satisfaction washed over him. He could win her back. Now it was time to take Kay’s advice. River sighed and was relaxed as he hauled her up into his arms. He held her against his chest and strode toward her bedroom.

  * * * *

  She was making a huge mistake and she wasn’t going to do a thing about it. River felt floaty and melty and other soft–y words that women who’d just had crazy orgasms used to describe themselves.

  She was a perfectly competent woman and if anyone had asked her, she would say she was confident. At least she had been before Matt. But she’d never been comfortable in her own skin. It was nice to be naked with Jax. She’d never simply stopped and let herself feel during sex. She worried and overthought and sometime in the middle of it all got bored and started thinking about her job or what she needed to do around the house.

  There had been not a thought in her head except Jax.

  He strode through the cabin, taking her into her bedroom where it was obvious he’d done some redecorating. Nothing permanent. He had to have purchased all the battery-powered candles in the county. He’d added more candles here and changed her bedspread to a decadent comforter he placed her on. She was surrounded by softness. It wasn’t something she would ever have bought for herself. She would have convinced herself her old threadbare quilt was good enough, but she sighed at how good it felt to be pampered.

  “You were busy today.”

  “I plan to be busy tonight,” he said, tugging his shirt over his head.

  He thought she was lovely? She couldn’t even come up with a word for him. He was beyond hot. The scars that marred his body didn’t detract from how blessed Jax was with beauty. She watched as he shoved out of his jeans. She wanted to ask him how he got all those scars. They were on his torso and back, and she’d seen some on his thighs. But nothing where a person could see them. If Jax wore shorts and a shirt, he would look normal.

  “I wanted to do something nice for you.” He was still in his boxers, though they hung low on his hips.

  She was fairly certain her mouth actually watered at the sight of him. It was time to forgive him. “If you need to leave, write me a note. Okay?”

  He nodded, looking oddly solemn. “I promise, but you should know I don’t want to leave. Give me your hand.”

  She might have balked at the command in his voice before he’d given her an orgasm, but now she simply did as he asked. She offered him her left hand. He brought it to his mouth, placing a kiss on the inside of her wrist. And then he drew it back, slipping a silk knot over her wrists. He’d been very busy.

  “I did not have those on my bed earlier today.” She wasn’t afraid. Maybe she should be, but would a guy who was going to hurt her have gone to all this trouble?

  She wasn’t sure she wanted to live in a world where someone could kiss her like Jax did and want to hurt her.

  “You have them now.” He leaned over and brushed his lips over hers. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but I think it will help you stay in the moment. I want you to forget about everything that’s wrong in your world and I’ll do the same. This is our time and it’s important.” He moved to her other hand. “I’ve tied this lightly. All you have to do to get out is give it a hard tug. When you trust me, I’d like to handcuff you and blindfold you so all you can do is feel what I’m doing to you.”

  She would be completely at his mercy. Could she trust anyone so much? Of course if anyone had asked her a week ago if she would go to bed with any man, she would have laughed and said no.

  And now she’d agreed to sleep with this one, to be with him while he was here. They had days and days to get to know each other, to trust each other. Days to get addicted to the man.

  “Now spread your legs for me.”

  So she would be laid out for his pleasure. She moved her legs apart, well aware of how vulnerable she was. Tied up, and she could see the way his cock was poking at the fly of his boxers, trying to get out. It would be good to give back to him. Then he would hold her. He seemed to like to cuddle afterward.

  Except he didn’t shove his boxers off and thrust inside her. He took her ankles in his hands, spreading her legs wide. He climbed on the bed, his muscular body between her legs, the look in his eyes nearly singeing her.

  He was going to do that? She wasn’t sure she could survive having his mouth on her. “It’s okay, Jax. I don’t need any more foreplay. I’m ready.”

  “I’m not.” He leaned over and licked her, his tongue lapping.

  She suddenly couldn’t breathe and she couldn’t move because if she pulled too hard, the ties would come undone. Damn him for thinking of that. It forced her to stay still, to concentrate on her body.

  “I told you I was going to take control.” He put his nose right in her pussy, breathing her in like she was the sweetest smelling bouquet. He made it hard to be self-conscious. How was she supposed to be worried about how she smelled or how messy she was down there when he was feasting on her?

  Pleasure coursed through her, bringing her arousal right back to life. She’d thought she was done for the night, but he proved her wrong again.

  “While we’re together, I’ll do this whenever I like. I’ll ask you to spread your legs so I can get my mouth on you, so I can taste you because I love how you taste. I love the fact that all this cream is here because I got you hot.” He sucked on her clitoris, a brief caress that made her gasp. “I’m going to slide right inside you. You’ll take my cock easy tonight because I made sure you’re ready.”

  She’d thought she was ready before. Now all she was ready for was another orgasm.

  She felt him slide a finger inside her. It wasn’t enough. Only his cock would be enough, but he knew what to do with that damn finger. It curled up inside her and rubbed the exact right place. The buildup was swift, her body already primed.

  And then he pulled away, standing up and leaving her empty.

  She nearly screamed, but he was shoving his boxers down, freeing his cock.

  “I can’t wait.” He reached over and grabbed a condom.

  He’d prepped her room for sex. “You were sure of yourself.”

  “I was optimistic.” He rolled the condom on his dick and moved between her legs. He stared down at her for a moment, like he was memorizing her body.

  And then he was on her, moving to cover her. She could feel his cock pressing at her pussy. He thrust inside her and she watched the way his face contorted with pleasure. He held his weight on his hands, his hips moving as he thrust inside her. He moved with slow deliberation, every thrust and retreat pushing her higher and higher. His head was down and she realized what he was doing. He was watching his cock disappear inside her, watching as he took her.

  She watched, too. His dick was so big it looked like it wouldn’t fit, but he’d done his job well. She was slick and ready, pulsing for him. There was something deeply erotic about watching his dick disappear and reappear, glistening with her arousal.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said.

  His eyes came up, meeting hers. “It is. This is beautiful. You’re beautiful to me, River.”<
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  He flexed inside her, finding the same place his finger had before, and it was enough this time. This time he didn’t pull away.

  She gasped as the pleasure took her for the second time that night. The world floated away as Jax pumped into her, rubbing her just the right way that left her squirming and desperate for more. It was almost too much. Instinctively she fought the ties that bound her, and sure enough, they came apart and she could hold on to him like he was the only real thing in the world.

  His eyes widened and then closed, his face so gorgeous as he took his own pleasure.

  He dropped down, letting his weight fall on her. His arms went around her, holding her close. “Next time I’m tying them tighter.”

  He started to kiss her again, melding their mouths in long, slow kisses.

  Next time, she would let him.

  * * * *

  River woke up alone in bed. Again.

  It was okay. She’d told him he could leave. He’d promised he wouldn’t, but what had she expected? She had no doubt she would find a note somewhere and the next time they met up, he would be perfectly polite.

  He’d probably taken Buster, too. Damn, she should have thought about that. The puppy had cried in the middle of the night and she’d been surprised when Jax had rolled out of bed, taken the dog out, and come back to bed with the puppy.

  He’s lonely. I can’t stand to think about him out there all alone.

  He’d let the dog sleep on his chest.

  It had damn near melted her heart, but she’d still woken up alone. The house was going to be so quiet. She wondered if Tucker or one of his friends had come to pick him up. Maybe he’d walked Buster all the way back, jogging along the river in the early morning light.

  This was what she’d asked for. Nights of crazy, kinky sex, and then they would go their separate ways and pretend like it hadn’t been hot between them, like she hadn’t poured everything she had into making love with him. She should call it sex, but it hadn’t felt like sex.

  She sat up in bed. She had a lot to do and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t have to worry about having the money to do it.