by Shirley Jump
“It’s okay. Really.” And it was, I realized. The shock was starting to ease, a tail wag at a time. And to me, this wasn’t a date, just an…information scavenger hunt, with the dog along for chaperone. Although, considering how distracted Harvey was by the environment, we could have run off to Vegas and the dog would have never noticed a thing.
What if it had been a real date, though? Would I have been interested in Matt? I slid a glance his way and immediately felt a surge of attraction in my gut.
I shook it off and got back to the dog. “Did he have Harvey then?”
“Yes and no.” Matt smiled, waited while another couple strolled by us, their hands linked and their conversation the easy one of long-marrieds, then went on. “Harvey kind of showed up outside of Dave’s motel room. Scared, hungry, thin as a pencil and looking more like a rag doll than a dog.”
“He didn’t belong to anyone?”
“Not that Dave could find. He ran an ad in the paper, called the local vets. Pulled out all the stops to try to find Harvey’s owner, but no one came forward.” Harvey turned toward us, perked an ear up at the mention of his name, then went back to his vigorous sniffing campaign.
“What city were you in?”
He looked surprised at the question but answered it all the same. “Minneapolis. Why?”
“I’m trying to piece it together with what I know.” I flipped through the mental files of my life and found that one, standing out as if it had been stuck in a red folder instead of manila, marked with Turning Point in big, bold letters. “It was 2000,” I said. “I remember that conference.”
“You were there?”
“No. Dave asked me to go. Mall of America had opened a few years earlier and he thought I’d like to go, to see it and shop. But I turned him down, probably because I had quarterly returns to prepare or something else that seemed more important at the time.”
We both knew what that refusal had meant. It had been the start of Dave’s turn away from our ordinary life. I couldn’t play the what-if game, not now.
I needed to unravel more of these dangling threads. Maybe then, I could knit them back into something that made sense.
“What did he do with the dog?” I asked. “After the conference?”
Matt looked surprised that I wouldn’t know. We started to walk again, Harvey happily in the lead. “He didn’t bring him home? I guess I always assumed that’s what Dave did.”
I shook my head. “He asked me about getting a dog, around that same time. And I said…”
“No,” Matt finished when I couldn’t, when the word choked in my throat, realizing how many blocks I’d put up to my husband’s dreams. “It’s okay, Penny. Not everyone is a dog person and you have a right to say you didn’t want a pet. People do it in America every day.” He smiled, but I couldn’t bring myself to echo the gesture. “You don’t seriously think that because you said no when Dave suggested you two get a dog that you made him go out and find another wife?”
“Let’s just say I didn’t help the situation.” I bit my lip and turned to look at the street outside the hotel, watching a multihued ribbon of traffic stop for a light. Matt laid his hand over mine, holding Harvey’s leash, and me.
Matthew Shay was a man who touched people, who connected with them. No wonder he hadn’t enjoyed the world of insurance, a business where you had to remember details and calculate the probability of someone dying, as well as the financial toll wreaked by someone’s grandma getting hit by a bus.
“You didn’t cause him to do that, Penny,” Matt said softly. “Men leave their marriages all the time, some of them for very stupid reasons.”
I didn’t look at him until the light had turned green, the cars slipping through the intersection.
“Most of them don’t go out and find the replacement before they’ve dumped the first one. And worse, hold on to a marriage that clearly wasn’t working. At least on his end.”
But how well had it been working on my end?
“You’re a wonderful woman, Penny.” Matt squeezed my hand. The touch of his palm was both comforting and oddly sensual. I hadn’t been touched by another man in fifteen years, and a quick blast of guilt cooled the sensation. Dave was gone, but he was still alive in my heart, despite everything.
“I’ve known Dave for years,” Matt said, “and I’m sure the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.”
“Well, he did.” If I bit my lip any harder, I’d never need lipstick again.
“Hey, don’t cry,” Matt said, still holding my hand. “You’ll scare the fish.”
“I think Harvey already did that.” I turned to look at him and felt a smile curve across my face. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking my mind off of things. For reminding me that I’m not some evil harpy who drove my husband to cheat. For reminding me…” My voice trailed off.
“What?”
I swallowed, watching the way the breeze toyed lightly with Matt’s hair. “For reminding me I’ve got more qualities than just my ability to create a spreadsheet.”
This time, he laughed. “Anytime. I’d be glad to list your qualities. Just not on a spreadsheet.” He shook his head, feigning horror. “That brings back bad insurance nightmares.”
Despite the tears threatening at my eyes, I laughed. I caught his gaze. Something serious and heavy hovered in those deep green eyes. I slipped my hand out from under his, pretending to be suddenly interested in Harvey’s foraging for food along the grassy edge.
“Do you want to change the subject?” He cleared his throat, as if he’d sensed it, too. “Away from Harvey and all that?”
I plucked a green leaf off a low-hanging branch and shredded it, watching the pieces flutter to the ground, confetti for my path. “No, I want to know it all. Actually, that’s technically a lie. I don’t want to know it, I need to know it. There’s an estate and money and—”
“And a heart that needs closure?”
I had to blink several times before I could speak. “Practicing psychology in your spare time?”
“No. I just know how it feels to be betrayed. All you want to do is figure out why.”
“So I can avoid repeating history later.”
“Yeah.” Matt fell silent for a moment and I wanted to ask him about what had happened to him, about what was now clouding his eyes, but I didn’t.
My own problems were a big enough mountain. Besides, I wasn’t here to get to know the dog’s agent or to start something with the man—regardless of that flicker of attraction I’d felt—I was here to master a dog show and get some answers. Maybe later…
There’d be time for a man like Matt.
“So, did Harvey do tricks when Dave found him?” I said. “Or did Dave teach him that later?”
“Harvey came with a few. The tissue thing? He did that. He could jump over things, and through a Hula-Hoop. And, he’d retrieve about anything you asked him to. He has quite the understanding of words. But the counting, the singing—”
“He sings?” Harvey turned toward me, a twig in his mouth, as proud of himself as the first caveman to discover fire.
“Uh-huh. Better than me.” Matt grinned again, traces of the earlier emotion gone. “All that, Dave and Vinny taught him, over the years. Harvey took to it, like the proverbial duck.”
“How did you come into the picture?”
“Well, I didn’t stay in insurance for very long. I’m not the kind of guy who likes being stuck in an office all day, filling out paperwork. By the end of the convention, I knew insurance wasn’t the field for me. All those men in one room, getting excited about policy riders and risk management.” Matt mocked a yawn.
I laughed. “They are like that, aren’t they? Trust me, accountants are exactly the same.”
“So that’s the secret to you then. Throw out a few tax returns and next thing I know, you’re doing the limbo?”
“Not exactly. But I do like when things add up.”
“
And what happens when something doesn’t?”
“I keep gnawing away at it until it does.”
“This, you know, might never add up. Not entirely.”
“Yeah, I know.” I looked out over the water and drew in a breath. “It’s got the people factor, the one thing that doesn’t fit nicely into Excel.”
“You’ll figure it out, Penny,” he said, the confidence in his tone inspiring a little in me, too.
I didn’t want to like him, to be attracted to him, but I was. He was the first man in years who had seen something in me other than my ability to calculate numbers.
“Thanks,” I said, and meant it. “Anyway, I interrupted your story.”
He nodded, sensing my shift back to business. “When I got back home to New York, I had lunch with a friend of mine who’s a book agent. I was looking for a job like that, where you weren’t stuck in a cubicle and every day represented something new. Books didn’t excite me, but it got me to thinking about Harvey, about the possibilities with the dog. So I hooked up with Dave again.”
The sun was nearly gone, leaving little flecks of gold reflecting off the water. We pivoted to turn back, both unconsciously picking up the pace a little. The temperature had dropped and I wished suddenly that I had brought along a jacket.
Nevertheless, for my first dinner out with a man in a long time, it had been fun—if I discounted the conversation subject. Matt was an enjoyable person to be around, and someone who had made hot sandwiches and a meandering walk seem like a five-star restaurant.
And, he’d done something else I hadn’t expected or sought—made me feel wanted. Like a woman, not just a wife or an employee or a dog owner. A real, honest-to-goodness woman who attracted him.
That was heady stuff, and I put it on the backburner for now.
“Why did Dave hire you as Harvey’s agent? You had no experience.” How could Dave have hired someone who had opted for this career on what amounted to a whim? If it had been me, I would have put Matt through the job interview from hell, complete with personality tests and a fully vetted résumé.
Dave had operated on feelings, I operated on facts.
Yeah, and look where that had gotten me. Completely oblivious to the facts of my life.
Matt shrugged, a boyish grin on his face. “Dave thought I could be something, so he gave me a shot. We hunted up a trainer and before you knew it, Harvey was in business. In the beginning, he was doing bit things here and there, appearances at nursing homes, a few commercials and a couple times he doubled for dogs on other shows. Then he was in a movie and that was his first big national break.”
“Did Dave make good money at this?”
Matt nodded. “After a while. It took time to build up Harvey’s name and reputation. But once Dave made it his full-time job, the dog’s career took off.”
I stumbled. “Full-time job?”
Regret washed over Matt’s features. Clearly, he realized he’d let slip another detail, that again, I didn’t know. How many secrets was I going to uncover? How far would this go before I could finally feel I knew what I needed to know, to go back to my life? Or would it keep unfolding for years, a continued pile of Band-Aids stacked one on another, trying to mask a massive betrayal?
“But, I thought he still worked at Reliable Insurance. I saw his car there all the time.”
“He, ah, kept an office in the same building as the insurance company where he used to work,” Matt said.
“So I wouldn’t put it together.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” The sandwich I’d eaten earlier now sat like a heavy rock in my stomach. “Guess that cements my status as Clueless Wife of the Year. I had no idea, because he still got together with those guys. I went to the office Christmas party with Dave last year, for God’s sake.”
“Dave was the kind of guy who kept his friends. You know how he was. Everybody liked him.”
“Especially the women.”
A wry grin crossed Matt’s face. “I didn’t know about the other wife, Penny. I really didn’t.”
“He never mentioned he was married?”
“Oh, he did. When I first met him. He talked about you.”
Me. Maybe there had been a time when, for Dave, I had been enough. That he had been happy in our marriage, that I hadn’t imagined all of those days out of some desperate attempt to hold on to a fictional world. “What did he say?” I wanted to slap myself for grasping at that straw.
“He loved you, Penny, that I could tell.” Matt cleared his throat, the male part of him seeming uncomfortable with this whole discussion of emotions, particularly those in another man’s heart. “I don’t think he intended for it to become what it did. Remember, he kept it all from me, too. It wasn’t just you. I never met Susan or this Annie you asked about. I only heard about you.”
“But you heard something about Annie. I know you did. I saw it in your face when I asked you in the lobby. And you wrote her a check. What for?”
Matt’s attention went to the road, as if watching the cars zooming by would provide some clue to how he was supposed to proceed. “With Annie, you’re going to have to meet her yourself. I don’t know—and that’s the truth—what her relationship with Dave was, but there was something there, I’ll acknowledge that. Dave only mentioned her once, when he needed that check expedited to her address. I didn’t ask questions. I was Harvey’s agent, not Dave’s counselor.”
He was telling the truth, of that I had no doubt. I thought of my list, sitting squarely in the front pocket of my purse. I hadn’t crossed off a single thing yet. Every question I asked seemed to lead to even more of the same.
I left it in my purse. The list could wait.
I nodded. “Thank you for being honest.”
“I don’t know much else,” he said, his tone apologetic, as if he wished he could just hand me everything Dave had kept to himself and be done with it. “I don’t know where Harvey stayed in between performances, either. I never asked, because Dave seemed to have it all under control. All I did was set up the gigs, process the contracts and the money.”
The money. The practical side of me sprang to life. The last thing I needed in probate court was another surprise. “How much money?”
We paused at the last juncture of the path, Harvey panting a bit with all the excitement of his outdoor adventure. “Last year, Harvey made just under a half a million dollars.”
I nearly choked instead of inhaling. “One dog can make that much?”
“He keeps pretty busy. Does movie work, commercials and print ads. You probably saw him in that dog food one?”
I shook my head. “I had no idea Dave made that much.”
“He didn’t keep it all. He made donations to shelters all over the country. I guess he didn’t want to see any other dogs end up on the streets like Harvey had.”
A bittersweet smile crossed my face. “That’s Dave. The bleeding heart with his wallet open.”
Matt ran a hand through his hair, displacing the dark brown waves. “I don’t know if you’ve thought about the future or not, but Harvey does have a pretty full schedule ahead of him. I haven’t canceled or confirmed anything. I didn’t know what you’d want to do.”
I remembered the tour outlined in Dave’s notebook. Six cities, starting in June. An Oprah appearance just before that. I was okay with doing the dog show, as some sort of karma payback for whatever side of the marriage fault line was mine, but after that, I was done. And in a weird way, I wanted to prove I could do it. That I could be something other than a wife so boring, my husband had started up an extracurricular life.
“I can’t throw my life aside to go travel the country with a dog, Matt. I’m only here for this one event, to get Harvey through the Dog-Gone-Good Show. While I’m here, I wanted to find out what else my husband was doing behind my back.”
“I’m not asking you to take Dave’s place. I understand this is hard for you. I just want you to think about it for a couple days. Maybe, if you want
, you can designate someone else to be Harvey’s guardian, and then the show can go on, so to speak.”
Give Harvey to someone else. Let another person tour the country with the dog, taking all ringside performances off my shoulders. It was the solution I’d been seeking, yet a part of me resisted the idea.
What was I thinking? That Harvey and I would become the canine and human equivalent of Barnum & Bailey? I shook off the thought.
“That’s a great idea, Matt. Can you find someone else?”
A flicker of what looked like disappointment ran through his eyes. “Sure. I’ll get on it first thing.” Then he led the way up the path back to the hotel’s convention center.
Thinking about giving Harvey up hit me with an odd sensation, as if I was packing off a piece of myself. A piece I’d just discovered, between the trip down here and the conversations with Matt.
So much for my life spreadsheet.
fifteen
I headed down the makeshift hall that led to the performance area for the Dog-Gone-Good Show, Harvey at my heels, his little body a tightly wound spring of anticipation. I stood there, waiting while the AV people attached a mike and battery pack to my jacket, and wondered if it was too late to back out.
I’d called Georgia an hour before, panicky and ready to run. “You’ll be fine, Penny. Think of it as giving the valedictorian speech back in high school.”
“Only using a dog instead of three-by-five cards?”
Georgia laughed. “Yeah.”
My high-school delivery had been made to humans, not canines. And I hadn’t been expected to make my speech, then roll over and play dead. “I don’t know, Georgia. This is more your kind of thing than mine.”
“How do you know? You’ve never really done anything that took you out of your bubble.”
“I took a road trip with my husband’s second wife. I’m holding a dog who can play soccer.”
“And I bet you also have a list in your back pocket, with a whole schedule planned out for Harvey’s day in the sun.”