by Dawn Doyle
A: Sorry! :(
Raven felt bad about hitting Kato. He’d throughly deserved it, but the evidence was right on show for everybody to see. That wouldn’t be forgotten in a couple of days. The whispers would only die out when the bruising healed.
I want to stay in here until it does!
Raven groaned and hid under her covers again.
She remained in her room for the rest of the day and when Ava came back she’d brought muffins; Raven’s favorite.
“How are you doing?” Ava asked as she put a blueberry muffin in front of Raven. “Feeling any better?”
“Not really,” Raven replied, picking at it. “I just keep replaying last night in my head.”
Ava grinned.
“What?”
“Are you getting all hot under the covers?” Ava waggled her eyebrows.
Raven sighed. “I can’t help it, Ay. It was just so…” she looked up to the ceiling as if by some chance, the answer would magically appear.
“So…incredible?” Ava suggested.
“And then some,” she groaned. “I don’t know how I’m going to face him after what I did, Ay.”
“You’re going to suck it up, go to class, and you’re going to sit next to that man.”
“Excuse me?” Raven almost dropped her muffin… that she’d been picking to pieces it was just a pile of crumbs.
“Yes. We’re adults, Ray. We need to take responsibility for our actions, whether intentional or not. You never know; he might be worrying about facing you.”
“Since when has Beck had trouble facing me?” she snorted. “He faced me this morning just fine.” Raven took a deep breath and Ava reached around her shoulder with her arm to comfort her.
Ava was right. She was going to have to suck it up and go to class to face him. Or at least just be there physically.
*****
Raven took a deep breath when Ava released her from her hug. It was time to face Beck in class. She hadn’t gone to breakfast that morning -Ava had gotten her something and brought it to the dorm- because she had a mini melt down, but it was time to face the music.
Opening the door, she walked into class, keeping her head down. She chanced a glance to her seat and saw that Beck wasn’t there. Her stomach turned in relief, or it could’ve been dread, that he wasn’t yet there. Keeping her head down, she wouldn’t need to see him as she approached her seat, but her being there first, she would be counting the seconds that it took him to get from the door to sit down next to her.
Raven sat down and looked around the room. Kato glared at her, then looked away. Around his right eye was purple, with yellowing underneath.
Did I really do that?!
The bridge of his nose looked a little swollen too and for a split second she felt bad. That’s when she remembered the words he had spoken to her at the Green Bridge.
The door opened again and in walked a vision of perfection.
Worn denim jeans that gripped his thick thighs, a black tee that showcased his hard chest, with the sleeves caressing his strong arms. Arms that had held her two nights before.
Beck looked down to the floor as he walked towards her, his mussed hair flopping down to his eyebrows.
Raven tried, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. Instead, she sat there like a teenager lusting after her high school crush.
Get a grip Raven! You’re a grown woman, snap out of it!
As her subconscious was trying to make the adult decision to close her mouth instead of drooling, Raven’s girly side sighed in appreciation.
Beck chose that moment to lock eyes with hers. The contact had her snapping out of it when his eyebrows furrowed.
Raven was completely aware once more and looked at the table; the heat creeping up her neck to her face. She’d worn a red v-neck wide strapped tank, and there was no doubt that Beck would notice the flush over her skin.
She pulled her dark ponytail over her shoulder in a futile attempt at disguising her embarrassment.
Beck noisily pulled out his chair and sat himself down next to her without saying a word.
Raven didn’t know whether she should say something first, but the way he clenched his jaw had her thinking otherwise.
Don’t anger the beast, Raven. Beast. He’s a sexy beast…
Raven felt a surge flow to her core. She could still feel the aftereffects of Beck being there, and it only made the throbbing intensify. She crossed her ankles, tucked them under the chair, and squeezed her knees together tightly.
Beck shifted, leaning forwards with his elbows on the table. His arms folded over each other with his left hand cupping his right elbow. His middle finger lifted and tapped his elbow repeatedly.
Raven thought about where that finger had been, and she swallowed…hard. It was as though he was teasing her with subtle reminders of their night together. She watched as his finger continued to tap, when his right hand lifted, his thumb stroked downwards over his lower lip, gently pulling it downwards before he released it.
Raven couldn’t help following the movement as she sideways glanced at him. She pulled her lower lip into her mouth.
All of a sudden he froze, then raised both hands, closed his left over his right fist and pressed them against his mouth.
Raven darted her eyes elsewhere, and they landed, unfortunately, on Kato’s sneering expression. He looked to her, then to Beck.
He snorted, shook his head, and turned away.
“I’ll make your face match on both sides; prick,” she mumbled to herself.
Beck flinched at her words as though he was going to turn.
“What did you say?” Kato asked from a couple of tables away.
Beck’s hands tightened, but he never moved.
“I said, I’ll make your face match on both sides…prick,” she called out.
The others either chuckled, or hid their laughs behind their hands.
“Lucky punch,” he growled.
“Obviously not for you,” she smiled sweetly but it was anything but. "How’s the leg?”
The class laughed louder and Raven cringed. She hadn’t meant to cause a scene, again, but his nasty looks towards Beck had her hackles rising.
Beck snorted a laugh from behind his hands and sideways glanced her.
That was the only interaction she had from the lecture. From that moment on, the temperature in the room dropped with the iciness of his cold shoulder.
It was a good thing, in some ways, because Beck was causing a lot of heat to flow through her and she needed his cool exterior to extinguish the flames.
As soon as they were dismissed, Beck got up to leave. Even then he didn’t look at her, didn’t say a word, just…left.
That’s it now. He’s gotten what he wanted.
That thought made Raven want to vomit.
*****
A: How did it go?
Ava’s text came not a minute after the class had ended. Raven looked around to see Beck’s retreating form leaving the building.
R: Not good. He didn’t say anything to me. He gave me the cold shoulder all through the class.
A: Stay there, almost to you.
It was less than a minute when Ava caught up to Raven, throwing her arms around her.
Raven needed the hug after the hour and a half she’d just had.
“So what happened?” Ava asked, rubbing her back.
Raven told her all about Kato, about the embarrassing threat she made, and Beck’s cold demeanor.
“It doesn’t look good, Ay. What if he’s just gotten what he wanted and that’s it? He acted like I was any other girl he’d…” Raven couldn’t bring herself to say the word used.
That’s how it had always been with Beck. Nobody would’ve known he’d been with any girl unless she’d said something. He wouldn’t deny it, but he never acknowledged her afterwards either. Especially since it was they who instigated the ‘exchange’, to use him.
She’d been the only one he had, but he now treated he
r the same. She felt dirty. However, there was another feeling niggling at the back of her mind.
“If that’s what it is then I’ll gladly beat the living shit out of him,” Ava said. “But seeing you two together, I think he’s just taken aback at you leaving.”
Raven’s eyes widened. “Thanks Ava. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any lower, you had to go and put your foot on my head and push down.”
“Honey, I don’t mean that in a bad way,” Ava waved her hands to calm Raven down. “I mean because he likes you. Why else would he act like that?”
“I don’t know, Ay, but other than what I said to Kato, he acted like I didn’t even exist.”
Raven was pulled into Ava’s arms again, and she accepted her comfort. She had no idea what the rest of her year was going to be like, but she wasn’t looking forward it.
The girls met up with Kerry and Leila to walk to the main hall. Raven kept quiet whilst Ava told them what had happened. They were sympathetic, and had agreed with Ava that there was more to the situation than she knew. And, like Ava, they would be there to help with his ass whooping if it turned out to be anything else.
“I don’t want to look,” she whispered as they sat down. “I’ll just skip lunch and stay here.”
“No you won’t skip. Stay here though, I’ll grab you some pasta.”
Raven couldn’t help it. Her eyes were drawn to the table Beck usually sat with Donnie and a few other guys.
He was sitting there, as usual, facing her but his eyes were concentrating on the plate in front of him. He was pushing the food around with his fork, taking small bites every now and again.
Raven’s heart jumped into her throat when he looked up, and his eyes connected with hers. He stared, expressionless, and she couldn’t tell what was going through his mind.
She could feel her pulse rising the longer he stared. She swallowed the lump in her throat, but she still couldn’t look away.
Without blinking, Beck looked back down to his plate.
For those few seconds that he’d held her gaze, Raven thought that maybe he would do something…anything. He’d not even given her so much as a lip tilt.
She propped her elbows on the table and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips.
“We’re back. Here’s your food,” Ava said, placing a bowl of tomato pasta in front of her. The growling in her stomach said she was hungry, but she didn’t feel like eating.
“Thanks,” Raven mumbled, picking up her fork.
She did as Beck had done, and moved the food around her bowl trying to take small bites.
“Come on, Ray,” Leila said quietly in a soothing tone. “Try to eat more. You need your energy.”
“I’m not hungry.”
The girls were silent as Raven continued to play with her pasta.
She put her fork down and took a deep breath. “I think I’ll just go back to our room,” she muttered.
“You’ll do no such thing,” Ava said, gripping her hand. “Eat your lunch, have conversation, and then if you still want to go afterwards, then do it. I don’t want you sitting here moping over him. If he can’t grow a pair and talk to you then that’s his problem; not yours.”
Raven blinked at Ava’s words. “Ok…mom,” she said with a small smile.
“You bet your ass, young lady,” Ava said bobbing her hair with her hand, which looked ridiculous considering Ava’s hair was long and straight like hers only light brown.
Raven smiled wider and even giggled a little, her eyes turning to the point that always pulled her.
Beck.
He was looking at her again, but his eyes were softer. He dropped his gaze instantly, causing Raven’s laugh to die out.
“It’ll all be ok,” Kerry said, patting her hand.
Raven took a couple of bites of her food and stood. “I need to go. Sorry girls.” She took her plate to the cleaning station and placed it on the rack. Without looking back, she walked out of the hall and made her way across the green to their dorm.
Raven slammed the door shut behind her and collapsed onto her bed. She punched the pillow a couple of times before rolling onto her back.
She turned to the side and saw that her flowers were dying out. She picked out all of the dead ones, leaving the ones that were somewhat alive, and topped up the water.
The card was next to the vase, and she picked it up, reading her father’s message.
“Dad, you’d be hunting him down right now, ready to beat his ass,” she said out loud. “Or putting a warrant out for his arrest.” She chuckled thinking about Beck in cuffs being led away in the back of her dad’s car.
No sooner had that thought entered her mind, she imagined Beck in cuffs in a different position. A spread out position on her bed. She wasn’t into bondage, but the thought of him powerless to touch her when she had full reign over his body had her stomach swirling.
Then she flipped the card over and read the message Beck had written on the back. The one about her touching herself.
Maybe I could..?
Raven shook her head. Knowing Beck he’d have some way of finding out about that, even if she didn’t say anything. He’d probably take one look at her and it’d be written all over her face that she’d touched herself thinking about him.
She raked her hands through her hair, grabbed a clip, and twisted her hair up on top of her head.
She got undressed, and got in the shower, hoping that she’d feel better under the hot water.
The jets soothed her muscle knots, but the stiffness in her chest didn’t subside.
Raven turned off the water, put on underwear, blue gym shorts and white tank and lay on her bed.
She closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off.
*****
She was woken by the knock at the door. Whomever it was wasn’t one of the girls, because they would’ve walked in right after knocking, unless the door was locked.
Shit. I didn’t lock the door.
“Go away!” she yelled. “Nobody’s here.”
The person on the other side knocked again.
“Ava’s not here!” she called out, getting off her bed.
The handle turned, and the door opened, Raven stopped breathing when she saw who had been on the other side.
Beck.
“I need to talk to you,” he said sternly as he walked in, closing the door behind him.
He looked flushed, his hair damp, and his clothing changed. Even in sweats and a plain tee he looked drop dead gorgeous.
Beck twisted the lock, giving them privacy. Raven’s stomach twisted, making her nervous.
The way he looked over her had her rooted to the spot, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her reaction. He’d been the one to ignore her in class. He’d been the one to stare and then look away in the hall.
“Raven…”
“Why?” She cut in. “You’ve had me now, Beck. Challenge completed,” she said, her voice wavering. She was angry with him thinking that he could just show up and talk to her, after ignoring her.
“What? You think that’s all I…” He paused and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “Raven, do you know why I screwed around in the past?” he asked, catching her off guard.
The past? So not now?
Raven opened her mouth to speak, but he held his hand up to stop her. She didn’t want to know, but she had a feeling that was a rhetorical question.
Beck took a breath before he spoke again.
“I tried to get over my obsession with you. I went with those girls to prove to myself I wasn’t affected by you…but I was.”
Say what now?
Raven thought she hadn’t heard him correctly. He was obsessed…with her?
“Then,” he continued. “I’d see you look at me in disgust. I didn’t like it, Raven; at all,” he shook his head. “Not one bit. I didn’t like that you thought bad of me.”
“Then why continue
doing that if you didn’t want me to?” she asked. It didn’t make any sense.
“What was I supposed to do, Raven? Spend my college days jerking off alone? I don’t think so,” he snorted.
Visions of Beck pleasuring himself entered her mind. She blushed. Beck didn’t miss it.
“Like I said, they used me. I used them as a means to an end. You knew my rules; I told you a while back. Do you remember?” Raven nodded. “Then did you not stop to ask yourself why I bugged you so much when I never said shit to anybody else? Could you not see in my actions what I was doing?”
“By getting in my space, or bringing up sex at every given opportunity?” she asked, wide eyed. “Yes, Beck. I can really see how that would make me think about what you were doing,” she said sarcastically.
The girls’ comments came to her mind, but Beck still wasn’t making sense. It was as though he’d gotten to the dorm with wanting to say something, but was having difficulty saying whatever it was he wanted to say.
“Every time I spoke to you like that, or got up close to you, I saw how you reacted. You might have thought one thing, Raven, but your body said another.” He moved closer to her and her knees weakened. He smelled clean and freshly showered like she had, but his scent drove her crazy.
He wasn’t done talking. “Think about the times in between. You can’t stand there and tell me you couldn’t see it,” he said, his voice gentle, his gaze softer.
Raven thought back to all the times he’d approached her. It would start off sexual, turn into something serious, then he’d leave. She saw glimpses into the real Beck Traynor, but then he left her more confused than ever before when he left her standing there in a mess.
“See what, Beck? I don’t know what I was supposed to see!”